Good Bella, Bad Bella
by off-the-deep-end
Summary: The much awaited story surrounding the one-shot 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'. Read and Review. M FOR A REASON. Bad Boy Edward Cullen meets the studious Bella Swan. Do opposites really attract? And what is Edward's secret?
1. Cardigans & Cats

**You've all been asking for this story, and I think I could have some real fun with it. I'm a little nervous to be completely honest but let's see what happens. You'll need to bear with me. As much as I'd love to be able to post every day, it's just not always possible.**

**To save you all from confusion I'll explain how it's going to be written:**

**I'm going back in time, to before the party, and it will be written in two points of view; alternating between Edward's and Bella's. If you have questions, ask.**

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.**_

**Bella's Point of View**

My desk was piled high with articles, none of them organized into any sort of order, my lap top trying to balance on the tiny square of space not covered in paper. I kept readjusting where it sat so it didn't come toppling off while I worked. My fingers flew across the keys, not sure exactly what I was typing, and at this precise moment, not caring.

I checked the clock beside my bed again. Three-thirty in the morning. I pushed a wisp of hair from my face and pressed my glasses back up my nose again, blinking and staring at the screen to see what I'd written. Mostly it didn't seem too bad, and I already had eight thousand words. That only left two thousand. Two thousand words I didn't have. I mentally kicked myself for leaving yet another essay to the last minute and put my face in my hands, rubbing vigorously to try and wake myself up.

I heard the door bang open, a small scuffle and then the door click shut much more quietly. A tiny, uneven clicking sound came closer to my closed door and I sighed, pushing some papers out of the way a bit more and setting the lap top in a safer position. The clicking became louder and the door opened to a tiny girl with big hair leaning dangerously on the door frame, eyes unfocused and wild. Her skirt was twisted slightly to the side and her jacket was unbuttoned to reveal a wrinkled blouse. She only had one glove. I let my eyes drop to her feet to notice that she was wearing terrifyingly high stiletto boots, which were obviously creating the clicking noise I'd heard. She was very obviously three sheets to the wind.

"Bella, you're still up!" Her voice was excited, her words slurred. "You missed the best party." She pushed herself off the door frame and teetered into my room where she collapsed on the bed. "Everyone was there." She looked at me through her wide, blue eyes expectantly.

"Hi Jess" I greeted her, spinning my chair around to face her.

"Hi Bella…didn't I already say hi?" She reached down to unzip one of her boots and pull it off. "Have you been doing homework _all night_?" She sounded shocked, as though she hadn't been living with me for the past year and a half. I just shrugged.

"I'm not done yet, and it's due at nine."

She stood up and teetered over, still in one heel, making walking even more difficult than it already was. She peered over my shoulder at my computer screen. "Another Philosophy of Feminism essay? That bitch has nothing better to do than read your million essays? The woman needs a life."

I kind of had to agree. It was a well known fact that Dr. Lindstrom was not well liked by her students. Feminism was a touchy enough subject anyway, but when taken to the extreme as Dr. Lindstrom did, it made it almost unbearable. I'd tried really hard to avoid the course but there was nothing that fit into the timeslot that I hadn't already taken, or wanted to take even less.

"Bella, you're taking a political science degree, this course is a crock of shit." Jessica was always one to have her opinions known. I shrugged. It was only one semester, I could survive. "You're less than a month into the semester and already how many essays have you had? Three? Four? Ten?" I found it strange how she always sobered up when she needed to complain about my course load.

"This is the fourth. It's only one a week." Jessica made a face.

"Ten thousand words a week, on top of an already heavy course load. Bella, drop it. You never leave this damn apartment anymore except to go to class. When was the last time you ate a real meal; one that didn't consist of pizza pockets and Pepsi? And copious amounts of coffee." I guiltily looked at my, now ice cold, cup of coffee, half drank on top of my printer. "It's getting bad Bella. You need to get out." I just shrugged again and helped her back to the bed where she took off her other boot. "Fuckin' cold out there by the way" she told me, rubbing her hands together. I laughed hollowly. She needed to go to bed so I could pull two thousand more words about feminism through the ages, out of my ass. "When was the last time you got some?" She lay back on the bed, her hair now even more wild than when she came in.

"What?" I swiveled by chair back and forth awkwardly.

"When was the last time you got laid? Had sex? Screamed someone's name in more than mere frustration?" She rolled onto her side and propped herself up on her elbow, looking directly into my eyes.

"Jess, I really need to finish this essay" I told her, hoping she would leave.

"That long huh?" She rolled her eyes dramatically. "Alice Cullen's having a party tomorrow? At their town house. You should definitely come."

I turned around and took my lap top from my desk and balanced it on my lap, fingers poised over the keys. If she wasn't leaving, I was going to have to work anyway. "I have homework" I told her, eyes on the screen.

"It's a Friday. You'll have all weekend."

"I need to do groceries this weekend. And clean."

She stood and walked over to the desk. My schedule was posted on the wall. She peered at it blurrily. "You have a break between eleven and two. Do groceries then. And then…" She ran her finger down the chart. "Clean up between three and whenever, and then we'll head over. Your two o'clock is only a tutorial; you'll be out within an hour." It was a known fact that Jessica never cleaned. Neither of us denied this fact anymore. Her room was like a war zone. "That leaves you all weekend to do your homework."

I told her I'd think about it, but only if she left and went to bed so I could finish the essay for Lindstrom. She agreed, but a few minutes later poked her head back in. "Bella, I'm frigging hammered and we don't have any pickles." Her pout was very pronounced. She needed her cheese and pickles. I shook my head.

"Sorry Jess, I'll pick some up. I think there's an old jar of olives in the back. Try that. I _really _need to work." Jess rarely did groceries either. I sighed and flipped through what I'd already written. I could probably draw my conclusion out to _at least_ fifteen hundred words if I spun some crap back on what I'd already written. I didn't care if it was repetitive. It was four in the morning.

The next thing I really remember was hearing a shrill ringing near my left ear. I jumped, feeling my glasses shift against the bridge of my nose and hearing a weird, scratchy noise. I sat up, searching for the source of the noise, and found my cell phone telling me it was eight o'clock. At least I'd set the alarm. I'd obviously fallen asleep on my piles of paper and I knew I must have crease marks on my face. I pulled myself out of my chair, peeking at my computer screen, grateful that I'd pretty much summed up my stupid essay before blacking out. I set it up to print, making sure that everything was in working order (more than once I'd set stuff up to print and left, only to realize that it hadn't worked and was then going to be late), and headed for the shower.

The water was hot and welcoming, pounding down on my aching muscles. I reminded myself for the third time this week that falling asleep on the desk wasn't favourable. I knew I had to be quick before the hot water ran out. It was one of the downsides to living in an apartment in a house; the hot water tank wasn't very big. As I dried myself off in my thread bare, beach towel I began to think over what Jessica had said the night before. How long had it been since I'd been out? Before Christmas anyway. New Years had been a bit of a joke since I'd flown to Florida to visit my mother on Boxing Day and stayed until the end of the break. It wasn't like I had friends in Florida. If I hadn't been out since Christmas, how long had it been since I'd gotten some, as Jess had put it? I racked my brain, going back to first semester and realizing that I hadn't gotten out much then either. Hallowe'en? I had a vague image of dragging Dracula's cape from his shoulders in a dark room somewhere in a house I wasn't sure where was. Yes it must have been Hallowe'en. I winced inwardly. It _had_ been a while. I'd quit thinking about it to be completely honest. I was focusing on my school work. Whoever said that PoliSci was a bird course was seriously mistaken.

I checked the time as I passed the kitchen, to notice that it was already eight thirty and hurried to my room, pulling on a pair of jeans and wooly socks and digging around for a half decent sweater. I'd have to hurry to make it to the main building in time and Lindstrom wouldn't accept it if it was even two minutes late. I yanked the essay from the printer, double checking to be sure all the pages were there and stapling it together before sliding it into my bag. I somehow found those stupid Ugg boots Jessica had convinced me to buy, thrown haphazardly under my bed, and tugged them on. At least they were 

warm. I wrapped a scarf around my neck and pulled on my jacket as I ran out the door and down the street.

Jess was right, it was cold. January was my least favourite month in Washington. It was cold and grey and wet. None of the snow was fluffy; it was just drippy and slushy and clung to everything. And the wind was bitter. I cursed myself again for wanting to live by the water just for the stupid ferry boats. Ferry boats I never went on. I walked as quickly as possible, hitching my bag up on my shoulder every few strides and tip-toeing around slushy puddles when need be. My glasses were starting to fog in the cold and I pulled them off and wiped them on my mitten, hoping to be able to see again and cursing myself for not taking time to put my contacts in.

I rounded a corner and the main campus came into view, tall and imposing against the grey sky. I hurried through the parking lot, weaving between cars and into a door on the back side of the main building. If I took the back stairs I could make the class room just a little bit sooner. I checked my watch, not slowing down even for a second as my boot squeaked on the wet, slippery floor. Eight-fifty. I'd made decent time considering I'd only gotten less than four hours sleep the night before, on a pile of papers no less. I pushed myself the rest of the way to the top of the stair case and pushed the door open into the warm, institutional hallway, puffing and red in the face, but very much on time.

Paper handed in and much less stressed about the clock, I settled into my seat for the two hour lecture we had to put up with today. I didn't care what it was about. I went back to thinking about Jessica's offer of the party. It wasn't like anyone _wanted_ to sleep with me anyway and I _knew_ I'd have to drive since you couldn't trust her to, but it didn't seem like such a bad idea. The essay was done and the only papers I had due early the next week were a couple of article summaries for Concept of Political Power. Marxism or something like that. I should be able to get it done Saturday and Sunday.

I didn't know the Cullen's very well. Alice and I had been project partners in Intro to Labour Studies first semester since she was taking some sort of sociology major and it was a joint class. She was alright, reminded me a bit of Jessica in mannerisms. Super bubbly and opinionated. I knew her family was rich. I'd been to the town house once and wondered why on earth three students would need a house of such magnitude. Three students because I knew she had two brothers. I'd met Emmett once while I'd been there and I knew he played on the varsity basketball team since I'd had to interview him once in my freshman year when I decided to join the school paper. That hadn't lasted long, and why they would have thought it a good idea for me, Bella Swan, to cover sports, was beyond me. She also had another brother. She'd said his name was Edward, but I'd never met him. The day I'd gone to her house to work on the project we'd gone upstairs, only to be greeted by loud, scary music blaring from the bedroom at the end of the hall. She'd pointed, rolled her eyes dramatically and yelled over the noise, "Meet Edward!"

I'd never met Edward Cullen but he had a reputation that preceded him. Notorious partier, rule breaker, womanizer and general slacker, he kept much of the campus wondering how on earth he'd managed to stay in school. He was one Cullen I never cared to meet.

Lindstrom droned on and on and on about God only knows what for the full two hours. Every so often she'd readjust her cardigan or hike up the waist band on her granny jeans and someone in the class would have to stifle a giggle. This woman was just too weird. I imagined her sitting in a tiny apartment, cardigan buttoned to her chin, surrounded by cats, reading essay after essay after essay about views on feminism. And never getting laid. My day dream changed. Instead of Lindstrom sitting in the apartment 

surrounded by cats, it was me and there was a scary echo in Jessica's high pitched, girly voice telling me I should have gotten out more. I shook my head and readjusted my glasses.

'Something wrong Miss Swan?" Dr. Lindstrom's voice broke through. I looked around, dazed.

"Oh, no! I'm fine. Sorry." I hung my head, embarrassed, and sure I was beet red, the image of me in a cardigan unable to leave my mind. It was decided. I was going to that damn party.


	2. White Carpet & Wall Sconces

**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight/New Moon/Eclipse/Breaking Dawn. Nor do I own Edward Cullen, Bella Swan or any other recognizable character.**

I tried to remember how I had been convinced to come to this stupid party. I knew Jessica had to have something to do with it, and at the time her argument had definitely made sense. But now, amongst the loud music, the grinding hips, the flailing arms, the flowing beer, I was completely out of my element.

"What's up Bella?" I barely heard over the roar of the music and the voices. I turned around and looked up into the face of my friend Mike. "Do you want a drink?" He pointed at the table behind him, indicating the array of punches, coolers and beer spread over it. Whatever happened to BYOB parties?

"I think I'm alright thanks. I think I get the honour of driving, if Jessica ever emerges from whatever bedroom she and her frat-boy friend have claimed as their own." He laughed easily and took another swig of his drink.

"Don't you always drive Bells?" I just shrugged. I didn't really mind. "Wild party" he went on, leaning against the wall beside me and bobbing his head in time to some new song. I had to agree. Wild was definitely an appropriate word.

"The Cullens always out do themselves" I admitted. They out did themselves; it didn't mean I enjoyed myself.

"Totally" he agreed. I sighed listlessly. I liked Mike, I really did. He was a nice guy. He'd been a good friend. Had he not dated Jessica I might have even been interested at one point, but he _had _dated Jess, and he _hadn't_ been entirely faithful, and she _had _been pretty torn up about it. "Weird how so many of us ended up in the same city huh?" He was trying to keep the conversation flowing. I smiled appreciatively. He'd obviously noticed I was dead bored before.

"It really is. Stands to reason though. Seattle is the closest big city." I looked around. I was getting bored even with the conversation I was having. When would Jess be finished? I really wanted to go home.

"I'm gonna get another drink" he announced, hanging his empty beer bottle between his fingers proudly. I just nodded and went back to people watching.

The scene was typical; the couches were starting to fill up with bodies slumped in partial unconsciousness, or couples wrapped around each other, too drunk to realize they should claim a room upstairs. Anyone left standing was starting to wobble precariously and the stairs were becoming a serious hazard. I heard the muffled sounds of a fight breaking out and debated taking a walk over to see what was happening, figuring it had to be more interesting than being the stereotypical wall flower, but just about as quickly as it broke out, it broke up, the booming, menacing voice of Emmett Cullen making those involved think twice about shedding blood on the area rugs. I decided I should maybe take a walk, I could probably find some quiet for a minute in the bathroom (how sad that sounded even in my head), and then see if I could find Jess, hopefully clothed and ready to go, so I set out for the stairs, hoping I wasn't going to see, or _hear_ anything I might regret.

The bathroom was at the end of the hallway. Being project partners with Alice Cullen had informed me of that. I'd heard there was one downstairs but didn't feel like looking for it, besides which it was the one every intoxicated person in the house was using. I padded down the carpeted hallway, passing closed white doors, ignoring the sounds from inside.

It was a pretty big house, considering only the three younger Cullen's lived there. What kind of parents bought their kids a house for school? Hadn't they heard of seedy apartments and tiny, cramped residence rooms?

It seemed to take forever until I finally reached the end of the hall and reached for the door knob, wondering why it was closed but not dwelling on it for too long. I remembered thinking this bathroom was odd in the past; it had the same thick white carpeting as the hallway. _Who carpeted a bathroom? Especially for a group of rowdy college students?_ I turned the knob slowly and opened the door to darkness. I felt around, looking for the light and finally lit up the large, ornately decorated room. And then I gasped.

"Oh my god I'm so sorry" I managed to stutter out, backing toward the hall. How was I supposed to know someone was in there? Who sits in the bathroom with the lights off? The person turned towards me, his eyebrows shooting to his hair line, a sneaky, sarcastic smirk playing on his lips.

"There's a bathroom downstairs" his lips said. I managed to realize he sounded off hand, but not angry. I just nodded.

"I wasn't sure where it was" I whispered and grimaced at the thought of what the downstairs bathroom must look like.

"You're not drinking." It was a statement, not a question. His smirk turned to a frown and a he took a long drag from a smoldering cigarette. "I'll leave" he told me.

"You don't have to" I blurted out, and then realized how that must sound. I felt my face blush as red as a tomato.

"No?" His eyebrows met his hairline again and the smirk was back.

"I mean…" I searched for the words to tell him what I meant. _Wait, why didn't I want him to leave? Oh right, because he was gorgeous. _I had managed to notice that much. His reddish brown hair hung almost in his eyes, his remarkably green eyes. His lips were all full and dark and…dare I say kissable?_ Snap out of it Bella!_ I managed to chastise myself. "I was just looking for somewhere quiet, away from everyone out there." I pointed behind me. He nodded, all sexy and mysterious. "You know, cigarettes are really bad for you" I blurted out again, blushing redder, reminding myself that his life choices were none of my business.

"I know" he said with a shrug, walking to the small, open window and tapping the ashes out over the edge before taking another drag. "Sometimes doing things that are bad is a good thing. Everyone likes a little risk." He inhaled again, tapped it once more, stubbed it out on the windowsill and tossed the butt out the window. "Don't you think?"

I shrugged too and stepped back into the room, closing the door. "I don't really relish the thought of shortening my life" I told him, hopping up and sitting on the counter, swinging my legs. I watched him pop a piece of gum in his mouth and extend the packet towards me. I took a piece and tossed it back in what I assumed was his general direction. I was way off target. He shook his head, still keeping a safe distance from me, and still smirking.

"You don't like the party?" His voice sounded amused.

"Why would you say that?"

"Maybe because you're hiding out in a bathroom?" He moved to sit on the edge of the tub, elbows on his knees, chin in his hands.

"So are you" I pointed out.

He nodded. "I never said I liked the party. I have to be here." I gave him a puzzled look. "I live here" he stated, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. Everything started to fall into place, and I started to feel slightly disconcerted. _This_ was the infamous Edward Cullen.

"You're Edward Cullen?"I asked to confirm.

"The one and only. Does that bother you?" He asked, taking in my slightly uncomfortable look.

"I've heard rumours" I said with a shrug.

"My sister makes me out to be far worse than I am" he tried to assure me, looking up and smiling a dazzling, almost crooked smile. "I swear I haven't been arrested fifteen times or anything." He tried to wave it off.

"But you have been arrested?"

It was his turn to shrug. "Haven't you?"

I gaped. "No!" My father was the police chief in my old town. Did he think I was stupid? Clearly he did.

"Oh cool it. It was nothing major. Theft under 5000. Some buddies and I stole a canoe from in front of a café."

I almost laughed. Almost.

"You can't be Little Miss Perfect can you?" His voice was mocking. His eyes were burning into mine. He was laughing. This man was infuriating.

"I suppose not." I noticed my voice was tight. My legs had stopped swinging.

"So if you're not Miss Perfect, who are you? I figure if we're going to hang out in a bathroom together we should at least know names."

"I can leave" I whispered, hopping off the counter and taking a step towards the door. Before I knew it he was standing in front of me, hands on his shoulders looking down at me.

"Not so fast" his voice was low, and very attractive. _Could a voice be attractive?_ "What is your name? Come on, have you done something bad? Are you running from the cops? If I'm hiding a fugitive in my bathroom I'd better at least know why." I couldn't help but let a tiny giggle escape. He was positively absurd.

"Bella Swan" I told him, leaning back and offering a hand to shake. He took it and raised it to his lips.

"A pleasure. We fugitives should stick together." He laughed at his joke, and I couldn't help but join in.

He sunk to the floor, back against the wall and I followed suit. What else was there to do really? Realistically Jess wouldn't be ready to go for a while.

"Why'd you steal a canoe?" I asked him, looking at the floor between my knees. I felt him shrug beside me.

"For a lark I suppose. It was pretty legendary."

"I hadn't heard about it."

"You'd heard about me though." He was still laughing deep down. I mumbled something; even I wasn't sure what was and tucked my knees to my chest.

"You're that Jessica chick's roommate right?" I looked at him, surprised that he knew. "Alice's boyfriend, Jasper, is part of the fraternity. They say Jessica's around a lot. They also say that her roommate _Bella_ never hangs out with them. Something about you and her being very different. It's not that common a name; Bella. Especially not paired with the adjectives hot and saucy." He winked. I blushed and snorted sarcastically. "It's a pity you're not drinking" he continued, his tone light, joking.

"Why? If I was would you take advantage of me?" I was going to play along. What else did I have to do?

"I may have to take advantage of you either way, but my job would have been easier if you were drunk." My face darkened, my eyes narrowed and I reached over and slapped him, square across the jaw.

"You fucking pig" I spit. "You're just what they say you are. An inconsiderate, rude, promiscuous, unfeeling bastard." I moved to stand up but he pulled me back down, holding both of my wrists.

"Tisk Bella. I never said I didn't like a challenge" he whispered. "It's nice to see someone react like that. Most of the girls around this place swoon at the mere sight of me." He laughed and shook his head. "I suppose who could really blame them though."

"Conceited" I bit out, struggling in his grip.

"Feisty" he retorted, pulling me closer until I could feel his breath on my neck.

"I've heard a lot about you" I whispered, pulling back, but not really trying very hard. He was bad; he smoked alone in a bathroom, and stole canoes from cafés and took advantage of drunken girls with lowered inhibitions, but he was _interesting._ Far more interesting than any of the frat boys I'd met, and more interesting than the jocks. Far more interesting (not to mention attractive) than the library nerds or the computer geeks. Who really cared about mega-gigs or whatever the hell they were called anyway?

"Mostly good I hope" he said with a chuckle. I snorted again.

"Hardly."

"I have to be good at something don't I? I mean no one can be bad at _everything_." I held back an exasperated sigh. "You need to loosen up, Bella Swan." I glared at him, yanked my wrists from his iron grip and turned my back to him, realizing I was now facing away from the door.

"You need to rein yourself in, Edward Cullen" I told him, my voice acidic.

He chuckled lightly, leaning close to my ear behind me. "Let's compromise." I gulped. I felt his hands, ever so light, brushing my hair to the side and his fingers, trailing down my side to settle on my hips. My breath caught. What was he doing? I needed to stop. This was _Edward Cullen._ He was a promiscuous womanizer with a criminal record he was a…

"God!" My voice sounded high and shaky to my ears. His hands were tracing just under my shirt at the waist band of my jeans. He chuckled lowly.

"What was that Miss Bella?" His voice was a little too low to sound entirely amused and light.

"N-n-nothing" I managed shakily, slowly moving my hands on top of his, with every intention of removing them from my hips. _This is wrong, this is wrong, this is wrong _I kept repeating as I tried to convince my hands to pull his off of me. _So wrong but so right._ The other half of my brain argued. The half of my brain that was jealous of Jessica and her frat-boy friends, the other half of my brain that was lonely, the half of my brain that had actually _looked_ at Edward Cullen. _Wait! This couldn't happen. I didn't even know him. He had a criminal record; it was only physical attraction it was…_ "Oh!" my mouth betrayed me again as his hands, covered by mine, swept back up, sliding under my breasts and cupping them gently. I felt his lips smirk against my neck…_wait when had his lips moved to my neck? Pay attention Bella! You need to stop this._ My good side was fighting a good fight, but as I felt his teeth graze my earlobe, I knew it wouldn't win out. Bad Bella was going to win this fight. Bad Bella wanted to give in. Bad Bella _needed_ this.

I felt my hands drop from over his. I reached back and hooked my thumbs in the pockets of his jeans, and literally pulled myself up to his warm, smirking, attractive lips. His big hands slowly massaged my breasts through my shirt, leaving them burning hot and sensitive. My head rolled back on his shoulder as his hands crept lower again, resting on my stomach, playing with the hem of my top. His face tipped to the side and his lips collided with mine eagerly, and I returned his eagerness, my tongue requesting entrance to his warm, delicious beautiful mouth. I could still taste the mint from his gum, cool and tingly on the tip of my tongue. Bad Bella was taking over, and there was _nothing_ Good Bella could do about it. I realized one of my hands had gone to his hair, the fingers woven in, and I was pulling him closer to me. He was moving his hands lower than my stomach, over my hip bones and down, down, down. My body felt like it was burning, and my underwear had to be completely soaked through by now. There was no way they weren't. Bad Bella was on the move.

I moaned into his mouth, wiggling my hips against his hand, which was now stroking me through the rough fabric of my jeans. Every so often I'd feel the hard contact of the seam and I'd jump at the sensation. "Do you need more Bella?"His smooth, husky voice asked in my ear, the warmth of his breath assaulting my face in the most pleasurable fashion. I merely nodded, not trusting myself to speak. His hands went to my shoulders and spun me around to face him, his lips never leaving my skin. I pushed myself up against him, clawing my hands into his hair, pressing my center into his thigh and sighing. It felt like his hands were everywhere, my hair, my back, my breast, my hip, my thigh, everywhere but where I wanted him to go. His lips were 

leaving red hot, fiery trails along my neck. I reached behind him and put my hands in the back pockets of his jeans and pulling his hips to mine, grinding, and hearing him moan softly into my shoulder. My fingers touched something smooth and I grabbed onto it and pulled it from his pocket. I fanned the tiny, square, foil packet in front of his face and grinned evilly. He shrugged. "Lucky for you I guess" he joked, plucking it from my fingers and placing it on the bathroom counter, before replacing his lips on my ear.

This was taking a really long time and Bad Bella, Lonely Bella, Abstinent Bella was getting impatient. I reached up and found the zipper tab on his sweater and yanked it down, not bothering to be slow or sexy about it. I needed him to be naked. Now! He helped me shrug the sweater from his shoulders, his lips still attached to mine, our tongues battling it out, twisting and caressing and exploring wildly. His hands went to the hem of my shirt and barely breaking contact it was shed as well. His t-shirt went next and then I could feel his skin against mine and it was almost system over load. He smelled so good, all sweet and spicy, with just that tiny hint of smoke, barely there, and certainly not enough to make it unattractive. I could have stood there, breathing him in all day, but there were far more pressing matters at hand.

One of his hands cupped my breast, squeezing and fondling and driving me mad with desire, while his other one unclasped the back and slid the bra from my shoulders, flinging it across the room and diving toward my chest, his tongue attacking my raised nipples with gusto. "Mmmm" he hummed, causing my entire body to vibrate as I clutched him closer.

"Oh my!"I gasped, kissing his shoulder, his neck, his face, needing to feel him, needing to him to know I wanted him, needing to know that he wanted me. I swirled my tongue around the hollow beneath his ear.

"Bell-lla" he groaned, his teeth latching to my nipple and twisting, driving my back to arch and my toes to curl into the thick carpet.

I groaned, "Edward I swear to god if you stop…" I threatened, running my fingernails down his back, earning a pleasured hiss from his perfect lips. I dug my nails a little deeper, hoping he'd get the point that I needed more, and I needed more now! I ground my center against his thigh again and he bit down on the fleshy part of my breast.

"That's it" he finally ground out, his voice heavy and forced. He picked me up and sat me on the bathroom counter, pressing himself between my legs and unbuttoning my jeans. "Off" he growled as he started on his own. I was more than happy to oblige, sliding the coarse material down the length of my legs and dropping them in a puddle on the floor. Edward had shed his pants _and _boxers, and I gasped when I realized what I was in for. "Y'okay?" he mocked, cocking that eyebrow in a smirk that was undeniably sexy.

"Just fine" was my weak reply. I felt my body go hot and my center was positively dripping with desire. He stepped forward, brushing my soaking booty shorts with his rock hard erection and gripping my thighs in his strong hands.

"These need to go" he whispered, stroking me through the fabric, the seam scratching my heat and making me squirm. I nodded, biting my lip to keep from screaming. His fingers entered the waistband and pulled it away from my overheating skin, slowly stroking back and forth, causing my legs to shake, and turn to jelly. I whimpered. I couldn't help it. My lips were on his neck, his jaw, his mouth. By far my favourite was his mouth. It was so warm, so sweet, so all encompassing. I wanted to drown in him. I wanted to go places neither of us had been before. I wanted to, no _needed_ to risk something. _I was risking something_ I reminded myself absentmindedly. _You're having sex in a bathroom._ I almost laughed at the thought. This was something I swore I'd never do, but then again when I thought bathroom I didn't think ornate wall sconces and thick, white carpeting. "Something funny?" his voice was low and gravelly, and he kept nipping my ear as he asked, his fingers working expertly around my drenched panties. I shook my head and kissed him again, raising myself up so he could pull the remaining article of clothing form my body. "Much better" he purred, playing absentmindedly with the lips, his thumb making tight, feather light circles around my clit.

My breaths were coming shorter and closer together, my chest rising and falling painfully with the effort. "Oh my god Edward" I gasped, arching my back and pressing my chest into his. My hand reached forward of its own accord and grasped his thick shaft in my fingers. I squeezed lightly once, earning myself another hiss of "Bella Jeez" and then I began to pump, up and down at a painfully slow pace, feeling him grow in my hand to a point where my fingers could barely wrap around it. His lips had left my neck and his head was thrown back, mouth parted, eyes squeezed shut as he took in the pleasure. His fingers were still teasing me to the point where it was painful. I wanted to laugh and cry and scream and moan all at the same time, but every time I opened my mouth, no sound would come forth. Just a silent scream that said more than any noise would. I pushed myself toward his finger as he strained not to buck into mine.

"Let it go Edward" I said, trying to sound sultry. He was trying too hard to hold off, and it would be so much hotter if he let go of whatever inhibitions he had.

His voice sounded strained, almost agonizing when he finally spoke. "I thought that's what you needed to do." He croaked. "I thought I needed to rein it in."

I crushed my lips to his again, and pulled back suddenly. "Shut up Cullen" I groaned, thrusting my hips forward to his hand again as his entire palm rubbed circles. My hand was stroking him slowly, painfully slowly as he kissed me back, pressing his bare chest to mine as he bit my shoulder. "Oh God! Edward. Oh God!" I couldn't form a coherent thought, I felt like my body was being sucked through a vortex. I was spinning so fast I couldn't think straight. My legs twisted around his, my toes curled, my back arched, my arms tightened, my nails dug into his back, my eyes were squeezed shut so hard my eyebrows hurt, and everything was every colour and white all at the same time. My body rocked, it exploded with such force I thought it would break apart. And he kept rubbing and tapping until my body came down, shaking and shuddering with exhaustion.

He kissed my forehead and pushed my sweaty hair from my face. "You're incredibly sexy, you know that right?" He murmured, his fingers tracing down my stomach as I leaned back on my hands, panting. My eyebrows shot to the roof and I smiled wickedly and shrugged. "What?" He asked, looking suspicious as I slid forward into a standing position in front of him. I knelt and slid my mouth down his throbbing shaft, enveloping as much of it as I could and wrapping my hands around the rest. I raised my eyes to his and winked. He grabbed the counter top urgently and I saw the muscles in his arms tighten in resistance. I slid my mouth to the end and stopped again, one hand squeezing his balls lightly as I quickly shot back toward the base once more. His fingers squeaked along the counter in the effort to stay standing. "Good Lord Bella!" He gasped, his fingers digging into the counter top, his toes curling into the carpet.

"Let go Edward" I mumbled, stroking him faster now. "Fuck reining in" I snapped as I closed my mouth around him again, just in time to feel him swell; his hips drove forward and he came hard, flooding my mouth with his salty sweet release. I heard him moan and fall to his knees, still clutching the counter top, his head at the same level as mine. I swallowed and licked my lips as I watched his shaking body collapse.

"Fuck" he whispered, looking me straight in the eyes and placing his hand on my cheek. "Am I ever glad you needed some quiet time." I giggled nervously and leaned back against the cabinet. He leaned forward and kissed me, sweetly. _Hang on; did I just use Edward Cullen and sweet in the same sentence? I did._ I must have looked surprised because he pulled back and put his finger to my lip. "I'd rather not be done with you yet" he whispered. I shook my head.

"I'd rather not too" I agreed, reaching up and kissing him back, my mouth hungrily tasting his.

"Lay down" he suggested, gently easing me to the floor so I was lying on my stomach.

"What?" I had no idea what he thought he was doing.

"I need some recovery time" he reminded me as he sat at my feet. "Relax Miss Bella. Take a few deep breaths." I did as I was told, folding my arms and settling my head in them. His hands were on my feet, expertly massaging circles into the arches, causing me to tense and release my calf muscles as he stroked different parts of my foot. He bent my knee and kissed up the inside of one calf, sucking on my ankle, and again on my knee. I felt my leg twitch. _How did he know how to do this?_ _Hang on; don't think about that answer right now. _His lips moved further up, his fingers caressing the backs of my legs and sliding up over my hips, cupping my ass and massaging circles. His lips settled on the small of my back as his hands moved expertly up, all the way to my shoulders, stopping briefly to stroke the outsides of my breasts. I could hear my breathing become shorter and faster as I tried to control myself. His hands floated back down as he blew his warm breath down my spine, causing me to shudder and dig my fingers into the fibres of the carpet. I heard myself whimper, but I didn't know how I actually made the noise. I felt like my entire body was constricted. I could barely breathe. This wasn't fair.

He changed from gentle to rough in less than a second. His gentle caress soon became rough grabs and pushes as he practically threw me over onto my back and bent my knees so my feet were flat on the floor. I was panting, fighting for breath as his body came between my legs, leaning over me and kissing me roughly, his mouth devouring mine, his teeth pulling my lips to the point where I was sure they were going to bleed. I had never been a fan of rough sex, and at that exact second I was definitely wondering _why the hell not?!_ I went to move my feet to clasp around his waist but he pushed them back to the floor and growled into my mouth. I felt another groan escape me as my body was washed over in delicious heat. "Oh! Yes!" My voice was barely more than a whisper. His hands roughly kneaded every piece of my body he could grab onto, my breasts by far being both of our favourites. I arched my back, pressing them into his hands. "Edward" I panted, not caring that I was beginning to sound weak and desperate.

"Yes Bella" he panted, dragging his teeth across my collar bone.

"Agh! I…oh!"

"Yes Bella?" He asked again, his finger slowly stroking back and forth across my folds. My hips twitched and I moaned, half out of frustration, and half out of pleasure. "Was there something you wanted?" His body was starting to sink toward my feet, his fingers playing rhythmically with my overheated, dripping center. He rested his chin just below my belly button and looked up through those glorious, long lashes at me, a smirk playing on his mouth, his eyes dark with lust. His fingers were still tracing wild circles, and I was fighting his hands as he tried to hold my hips to the floor. My head rolled back and forth on the floor, my eyes tightly shut. "No? Something you _needed_?" His fingers stopped briefly, giving me a second to catch my breath, and then he began a rhythmical tapping, like on a keyboard. I gasped. "Open your eyes Bella. Tell me what you want." His finger dipped slowly into my hot center, coating itself in my juices and causing my walls to contract violently once.

"Aagh!" I cried out. "Sweet Jesus! Edward!" He thrust his finger in again, slowly back and forth. "More!" I bit out, my lip a twist between my teeth. He added a second finger and I sighed in contentment once more, before the pressure became too much again. "I need….I want…" My voice wouldn't work. The words were barely more than a whisper. "Please!" I pleaded. I needed him to play along. He wanted this just as badly.

He reached behind him with one hand, grabbing the tiny foil packet from the counter and opening it with his teeth. "May I?" I asked, pulling myself into a kneeling position and taking the ring from his fingers. I rolled it over the head and down the shaft, watching his stomach muscles contract as my fingers pushed further down. I crashed my lips to his, moving with him as our bodies pressed together, slick with sweat. I wound my arms around his neck, pulling him toward me and raising my hips to his, grinding down on his erection and hearing his hiss. He took hold of my hips and lay me back down, pressing his face to my neck as he pushed into my dripping centre, sliding in slowly, groaning into my skin. I moaned in response, pressing my hips upward, feeling more fulfilled than I had in as long as I could remember. He sunk further, pressing into me, stretching me to the breaking point, both of us savouring the feeling of completeness, and then…he pulled back, and I whimpered, and he slammed in harder than before, and I sighed. And he pulled back again, and I whimpered louder, pushing my hips up to meet his as he pounded down once more. He pulled out, almost to the tip and I simpered urgently and reached out, gripping his ass in my sweaty hands, digging my finger nails into the flesh. He groaned and slammed in once more and I held him tight, circling my hips beneath him.

"Bella" he grunted, beginning to thrust shallowly in and out again, pulling me up, then pressing me back against the floor again, harder and faster each time as my fingers clawed frantically, anywhere I could find to grab onto. One of his hands was stroking my arm, my chest, my side, my hip, the other hand was twisted into my long hair, combing through, and pulling hard as he became more frenzied. My hands went to his hair, pulling and clawing again, arching my back, driving him deeper.

"Harder" I begged. "Please God harder." My legs tangled around his waist of their own accord and his pace picked up. My hands went to his shoulders, holding on for dear life as my body moved with his, up and down and around, slamming into the floor, only to be pulled back to his chest once more, a kiss placed on my shoulder, my name on his lips. "Yes! Edward! Oh!" I was so close. My body was so tight it hurt. My back was crawling with electricity. My feet felt cold and numb. My toes curled so hard I thought they would break, and my back arched away from him, fingers still clinging desperately to his shoulders. "Again!" I urged through gritted teeth. He obliged, thrusting harder, faster, more freely than he had been, and I felt my body contract and shudder as my climax rocked through me, pulsing around him. I felt his hands tighten on my hips as he drove in once more, with a grunt and then a groan as his arms shook and he rolled, pulling me on top of him, his hands stroking my back as his body calmed and his face relaxed.

"Um…" I started, not sure what to do next. He sat up and pulled me with him, reaching behind him for the tap in the bath tub. I heard the water start and he stood up pulling me with him, into the steamy warmth. He kissed my shoulder lightly and held me tight from behind, letting the water wash over us.

"So Bella" He murmured in my ear, his fingers combing through my tangled curls. "My sister's having another party next weekend. Are you coming?" I shrugged. He chuckled against my skin lightly. "What? Wasn't good enough for a repeat?"

"Oh no, it was…amazing?" My voice was quiet, and I felt myself blush. He chuckled again.

"I told you…everyone's good at something."

**A/N: Because I'm going to be asked and I know it…friends of mine stole a canoe from a café, and they got caught. Hence where I got the idea. The consequences weren't dire, but they did get arrested and finger printed.**

**And yes, Edward smoked. Doesn't almost every typical young college student at some point? It's OOC and I just needed another typical 'badass' trait. Yes I know it's unhealthy, but really! I know I'm going to be chastised for it, and that is not of much concern to me.**


	3. Pool Tables & Problems

1_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.**_

_**Edward's Point of View**_

The noise from the party had finally died down…thank God. Not that I could complain about _this_ particular party. If it weren't for the party I wouldn't be lying in my bed completely satisfied. I rolled over and crashed my arm into the other pillow. Satisfied, yet alone. Alone because of stupid, inconsiderate Jessica Stanley. I could have convinced that Bella chick to come back to my room with me, for yet another round if it weren't for Jessica Stanley being too drunk to drive home; if it weren't for that Bella chick being too good a friend to leave her in the lurch. I peered around the room in the half light. For a short moment I was glad I hadn't had the chance to invite her back across the hall - how cheesy did that sound? - for an encore. There was at least a week's worth of underwear and socks thrown on every surface of the room, my desk was covered in school schedules, half written essays and playboys from as far back as 1992…so I bought them online…who cares? I didn't bother hiding my 'material' as Emmett so lovingly referred to it as, anymore. My mother wasn't here to find it.

My posters of scantily clad women adorned every piece of wall space. I was twenty-one and single, a man can dream. I examined every bikini wearing girl closely. _She _could have been one of those bikini models…Ok so the company would never hire her, she wasn't tall enough, or busty enough, or plastic enough, but she could model a bikini for me any day. She was fuckin' hot. Hot enough that I wanted to get naked with her again. Soon.

I rolled over again, onto my back, with a groan. Sex was awesome. Great sex was even better. Great sex with an incredibly hot woman on my bathroom floor…well that was legendary. And it was not enough to only do it once. Now my body was rebelling. Now that _she _wasn't here. I felt my cock harden just thinking about her. _Her_ wrapped around me. _Her _sitting on my counter top, leaning back, tits taught and perky. _Her_ on her knees, mouth around me, bobbing, the look in her eyes as she'd winked. _Fuck._ I needed to stop thinking about her, or else give over to the fantasies and take care of it myself, hoping it would tie me over.

"Edward! Dude can you give me a hand?" I nearly jumped out of my skin when I heard Emmett's voice. The door swung open and my very large, older brother stood framed in the door way. His hand shot to his eyes. "Aaah! Fuck man! Put that away." I scrambled, looking for a pair of boxers.

"Fuck Emmett! Have you ever heard of fucking knocking?" I emerged from under my bed with a pair of cotton boxers that I hoped were clean and pulled them over my legs as fast as I could, wincing at the pain of the restraint. _Down boy, down._

"Deal with it if you must" Emmett urged, "then meet me downstairs."

"I somehow don't think it'll need dealing with now. Your voice _scared_ it away. It's like five AM though, what d'you want?"

"Idiots overturned the pool table, and it's too big to move by myself." I rolled my eyes. Apparently the beloved pool table couldn't wait. I yanked a pair of jeans over my boxers, to hopefully keep the evidence of any dirty Bella thoughts under control and followed my thick skulled brother down the stairs. "By the way" he said, turning to look at me. "Mom emailed Alice to say she'll be calling today and we all should be here." He rolled his eyes. "Especially you. Done something bad Eddie?"

I smacked his shoulder. "Nothing that Mommy or Daddy should be concerned with" I said with mock solemnity. Emmett snorted, and pushed the door to the basement open. If the main floor of the house was a mess, the basement looked as though a tornado had run through. Everything, literally everything, was overturned. I looked at the old television in the corner and decided that our pool table was the least of our problems. "Where's our dearest darlingest sister?"

Emmett rolled his eyes. "With that frat boy moron Jasper Whitlock. Where else?" It was a very well known fact that neither of us particularly approved of Jasper, but Alice had made it quite clear that we had no say whatsoever in her relationship. I growled under my breath and Emmett nodded in agreement. "Anyone who runs around in togas, toting around kegs is a loser in my mind" Emmett continued.

"Do they actually do that?"

"What do you think Greek Week is? I just hope they don't eat goat or something." I laughed at my brother's obvious disregard for political correctness.

"Isn't souvlaki made from goat?" I went to the other end of the pool table and got ready for the heave.

"I don't frigging know. Probably. How lame do you have to be to eat something called, _souvlaki_? Friggin' werido." He squatted down opposite me and counted to three, groaning as he lifted his end. Together we got it flipped over but the room didn't look any better. Emmett crashed on the thread bare couch in the corner. "I do not want to clean this place up."

"Not my party, man. Have fun." I fell back in the recliner opposite him and closed my eyes.

"Where the hell were you anyway? Didn't see you all night. Figured you'd come raid the beer fridge eventually but you never showed." His eyes were heavy lidded and he looked exhausted. I knew he hadn't been to bed yet.

"Have you slept?"

"Are you my mother? Answer the question, where were you?"

I shrugged. "I hid out in the bathroom" I told him honestly. He opened his eyes wide and raised his eyebrows to his hair line. "What? It was quiet there."

"That's not what I heard."

I literally felt the colour drain from my face. My palms went all sweaty and sticky and cold. "What do you mean?" I asked, trying to keep my voice innocent. I heard it waver slightly but hoped he was too tired to notice.

"Remember Lauren Mallory?" _How could I not? _"Of course you do. Anyway she said she heard what sounded like a couple of people gettin' jiggy with it in the upstairs bathroom." He made a little dance with his shoulders when he said 'jiggy' which of course made me laugh. "So what little sorority girl was my little Eduardo making into a woman?" He wiggled his eye brows suggestively. I saw an easy out.

"Seriously? Lauren Mallory? She's crazy and you know it. And I don't do sorority girls, Em. Get real."

"I thought it sounded a little crazy too to be honest. She was probably too hammered to know. Because there wasn't anyone that was even close to your type here."

"Of course" I replied. I wondered who I could ask about this Bella Swan character. I knew her name, and I knew who her roommate was, that had to be a start. I remembered vaguely, very vaguely, Alice once mentioning someone named Bella. Could I ask her? Probably not. I didn't really want anyone to know about this. Alice would probably get suspicious. It had been a long time since she'd mentioned Bella, I was sure of it. I was pretty sure she'd mentioned a Bella. Probably during my 'smoke a bong a day' phase. I didn't remember much from that phase. Maybe I could ask Alice. I could make it look nonchalant. I could ask about Jasper to butter her up, then the fraternity would come up, and Jessica's time at the fraternity, and then BINGO! Bella Swan. It was a master plan. "We should probably all get some sleep Em. I'm sure Alice and Toga-boy have passed out by now." I rose from the chair slowly and stretched my legs. He muttered something unintelligible and stretched out further.

My room was flooded with light by now, and I took the time to close all the curtains and remove my jeans before crawling back under the covers and wiggling into the mattress. I would have to wait to talk to Alice until Toga-boy left.

I needed to avoid thinking about Bella Swan. Sure she was hot, but I'd done hotter. Much hotter. Like...well I couldn't name anyone at that exact moment, but that didn't mean much. It wasn't uncommon for me to not remember the girls I slept with. I was Edward Cullen.

If I thought of the way her nails ran down my spine one more time I'd probably explode. I rolled over again with a groan of frustration as my little friend came out to play once more. "Not now" I muttered. How was I still horny? I'd had two intense orgasms. Two. There was no reason I should still be up and ready. I should be passed out with my head in my cereal. They weren't even two half assed, jerk off with my clumsy left hand, orgasms, they were full fledged, fireworks and turbulence orgasms. The ones that make you hurt afterwards. And she gave me two of them. She sent me, Edward Cullen, to my knees. That was practically unheard of. I should be exhausted. I should be, but I wasn't.

Sighing in defeat I pulled the latest issue of Maxim from my book shelf and flipped it open, dragging my eyes over the pages, trying to find something that caught my eye. Not that I needed material, but thinking of someone other than the chick I'd banged in the bathroom the night before would probably be a good idea. I _was_ Edward Cullen after all; I didn't do the multiple encounters thing.

I flipped the page again, looking at all the women in the pictures. I tried to picture myself with them, my hands overflowing with their tits...their gigantic, plastic tits. _Fuck_. _New angle._ I found a picture of a long, lean blonde and closed my eyes, imagining her in my fantasy; her long legs, slim and defined, wrapped around my hips, her fingers caressing my shoulders. _Yeah, this one was working._ I pulled my boxers from my hips and stroked my rock hard cock urgently. Legs. Long, tanned, shapely legs, wrapped around _my _torso. _Thrust_. My hand worked harder than it usually did. I squeezed gently between my calloused fingers. I imagined they were her long, slender, beautiful fingers sliding up and down._ Thrust._ Legs were working. Legs weren't plastic. They were long and supple and flexible and beautiful and not plastic. Girls have legs. Bella Swan had legs.

Fuck, fuck, fuckity fuck fuck. Bella Swan. Fucking Bella Swan. She was going to be more trouble than she was worth. She was getting in the way of my generic jerk off sessions. They weren't generic if she was in them. They weren't generic if any girl I knew personally was in them. I groaned again and rolled over, stroking myself off as quickly and quietly as possible before falling into a restless sleep.

A restless sleep that did not last nearly long enough and was broken into by one very tiny, very irrate sister. "Edwaaaarrrrd."

I pulled the pillow over my ears and groaned for what seemed like the millionth time since the evening. "Go away Alice."

"Your mother is on the phone and you'd best get out here, fully clothed, before I count to three or else." I heard her stomp her foot and clear her throat, and then in a much quieter voice say "oh no mom, nothing like that. I'm sure he's alone." I growled in my chest and yanked a pair of sweat pants over my boxers and dug an oversized hoodie from my drawer.

"Alright, alright. I'm here, I'm dressed, I'm coherent. Give me the damn phone." I held my hand out to my angry looking pixie of a sister. She glowered at me and covered the receiver with her hand.

"We need to talk" she whispered. "After this." She handed me the phone and

stalked off to the other end of the hall and into her room.

My mother wanted nothing more than to be sure that we were all alright and that I, in particular, was staying out of trouble, which I of course insisted I was. I _had_ gotten increasingly better as of late. My car had yet to be impounded this semester and I wassure to make sure she knew that. Only to my mother would that sound like an accomplishment.

Parental conversations were rarely as bad as I expected them to be. Alice conversations were by far much more terrifying, and for that very reason I became extremely nervous about my walk of doom down the hall. Alice met me at her door, tiny yet imposing, hands on her hips, glowering up at me.

"Make this quick Al, I'm tired." She rolled her eyes sarcastically and stepped inside the room, sitting on the unmade bed and crossing her legs. I stayed at the door, one arm propped on the door frame, poised for an easy get away.

"You're always tired. If you spent more time sleeping and less time watching ammi porn you'd be more alert you know." I took a deep breath. I wasn't going to say anything. One never knew when they'd need Alice.

I settled for an indifferent "Mmhm" and a nod.

"Have you done any of your school work this term?" I sighed. Was she seriously having this conversation with me?

"Why do you care?"

"We care more than you think you know. Me and Emmett. I'd love to see you spend more time with people. Why don't you mingle? The party was a lot of fun last night. You might have met someone interesting." She was giving me a beautiful opening. I wasn't sure I could take it. What if she thought it meant something it didn't? Alice was a huge fan of love and compatibility and all that crap. I was a huge fan of sex.

I settled for another "Mmhm" and a slow nod. Couldn't she get to the point so I could go back to my girl without plastic legs?

"Have you ever considered some sort of committed relationship?"

"Sure." I had considered it once or twice. "Wasn't the right thing though."

"Why don't you like Jasper?" _Ah, so that was where this was going. _

"I don't not like Jasper. I just...don't like him."

She glared at me. For a little person she was absolutely terrifying. Alice was tiny. Barely five feet tall, and why she was so tiny we had no idea. Neither of our parents were tiny people. She was tiny, but she thought she was six feet tall. Her entire persona was big, and slightly imposing. And when she glared, she was even scarier. This Jasper kid had to be seriously brave to want to be alone with her.

"You know, I don't dislike him, I just don't like him. I don't know him." I was grasping at straws. I needed to be in her good books if my master plan was going to work.

"Have you been doing drugs again?" Her wide, piercing blue eyes dug deep into me. She and Emmett got the blue eyes, I didn't. I'd always wanted them. They were that deep, ocean blue. Her's were bluer than his, his had more of a green tint to them but they were, no doubt about it, our father's blue eyes. I had inherited my mother's green ones. Bella's eyes were brown if I remembered correctly. _Fuuuuuck._ Focus on Alice.

"Of course not. I gave those up." She bit her lip and shook her head slowly. "Look, I'll meet him. We'll go for drinks or something. Honest Al. I'll be more open to him. I'm sorry."

Her face lit up. It was so easy to make Alice happy. Unfortunately it was just as easy to piss her off. It was a delicate balance. "I like that idea! Maybe you could meet someone."

She was seriously pushing this point. "By the way, did you know _Jessica Stanley_ did that Josh guy from the frat? In _my_ bed." She made a face. I was sure I made a similar one. "I stripped the sheets with rubber gloves. I've washed them in hot but I may need to burn them."

"Is Jessica _that_ bad?" I liked the gossip even if I didn't like the crowd. Call me a woman in that respect. Plus, what an opening.

"Not really. She gets around but she's not so bad. A bit annoying but pretty harmless. She's too dumb to be much else. Seriously. It's Josh I'd be worried about. I heard from Bella Swan that he had some sort of sketchy rash. Rumour has it, she left him high and dry when she found out. Not that I'd blame her. I'd leave too. How disgusting."

Bella Swan. Bella Swan. Bella Swan of the bathroom counter, Bella Swan. I almost threw up. She did frat boys. Of course she did. She was Jessica Stanley's roommate. So it was rumoured she didn't hang out at the house. That clearly didn't mean she didn't have sex with them.

"Obviously" Alice continued "that was last year, before he was in the fraternity. Bella seems to have some aversion to the fraternity. I'm sure he's clean now but still...I mean if your roommate tells you that you don't go and sleep with him. How classy." She sounded sarcastic. I breathed a quick sigh of relief, though why I wasn't sure. I wanted to know more about her. Bella Swan wasn't like the other girls, not that I could pin point exactly where she was different but she definitely was.


	4. Frustration & Ferry Boats

1_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight or anything associated with the series. **_

"Edward, you seem different tonight." Alice was standing at the stove, stirring something that smelled like beef stew. I was glad I'd agreed to live with her this year, I couldn't cook to save my soul. Something Alice was regularly telling me needed saving. "You've been weird all day."

I shrugged and pulled a glass from the cupboard, filling it with milk and sitting down at the table. "I'm fine. Don't worry about me."

"I see a change happening in our Edward soon" she said solemnly, reaching around and pulling three plates from the cabinet. She looked at me and tapped her temple knowingly. "I see it. I see you realizing it's time to grow up." Her voice was eerie and slow. I hated when she pretended to be a fortune teller. She closed her eyes, ignoring my disapproving looks. "I see you making life changes." She giggled and I laughed along with her. Alice did this on a relatively regular basis. I was sure she was trying to freak me out.

"Shut up and cook woman" I said with a chuckle, downing my milk and dropping the glass in the sink. She knew I was kidding by my tone. She knew me too well.

"WASH IT!" Her voice was shrill and demanding. She _hated_ dishes being left on the counter for even a millisecond. Reluctantly I pulled the dish detergent out from under the sink and squirted a dollop into the cup.

"It's one freakin' cup" I muttered, running it under the water and swishing it around.

"This house would be a pig stye if it weren't for me" she reminded me. She doled the stew onto plates for the two of us and put them on the table. Emmett wouldn't be back for a while, I was sure. I could approach Alice on the whole Bella Swan thing. She wouldn't say anything, I hoped.

"I know I know, sorry Al. I'll try to be more of a help." She stared at me, for a full ten seconds before replying.

"Fuck Edward, I was kidding about the premonition."

We ate in silence for a few minutes. I expertly picked out the green peppers she always insisted on putting in. Cooked green peppers tasted like rotten garbage, why couldn't she get that through her head?

"So Alice..." I took a deep breath and risked a look in her direction. Her face was relaxed, she was chewing thoughtfully.

"Mmm yeah?" she looked up to meet my eyes, she seemed curious.

"What do you know about that Jessica chick's roommate?"

"Bella?" I nodded. "She's pretty nice." She looked confused. I wasn't sure how to proceed. Luckily, once you got Alice talking it was hard to make her stop. "I don't see her much now, now that we don't have classes together. I had one class with her last semester. We worked together on an assignment. We don't really hang with the same crowd. She doesn't like the frat guys. I know she's a PoliSci major though. She's in her second year, same as me, but I think she's a year older than me. She's smart, like really smart, like way smarter than Jessica Stanley. I don't know why she's friends with her. She was here last night you know. I didn't see her for long though."

Should I tell Alice? Or should I just leave it at that? PoliSci...interesting choice of program. I'd considered it, but decided that Pre-Law was more my style. A lot of the classes were held in the same part of the school, I could probably 'accidentally' bump into her if I wanted to. _Creepy, Edward._

"What do you know about her?" I gulped. Was I caught? I imagined my response. _Oh nothing Alice. She just gave me the best blow job I've had in forever._ I almost choked on my stew.

"Um, I met her briefly last night. Just, you know, didn't know what her deal was." The response sounded lame even to me. Alice furrowed her eyebrows thoughtfully.

"I'm not sure Bella exactly has a deal per say. She seems to kind of keep to herself." Alice shrugged. "She and Jessica are like night and day." I nodded.

"That's cool" was my lame response. "Thanks for supper. I think I may go for a drive." I dumped my dishes in the sink, scrubbing them quickly and leaving them in the rack to dry, and headed for the door.

"You're sure you're okay Edward?" Alice called again.

"I'm fine" I shouted back, grabbing my vest off the hook by the back door and snatching my keys from the hook. "I'll be back soon."

I loved the way my car drove. It was practically silent, purring through the streets sleek and shiny, its silver paint glowing in the eerie light of the street lamps. Seattle in the winter was pretty grey and dull, but Seattle at night, no matter what the season, was far more beautiful. And with my silver Volvo in its streets, it was that much more beautiful.

As I neared the water I was forced to slow the Volvo down and creep through the thick fog billowing off of the harbour. The harbour was a good place to think, and clear my head, and think only of lapping water and boats. No Bella Swan, no dirty thoughts about Bella Swan and no images of Jasper Whitlock in a toga. The one thing I'd been thinking about all day to _keep_ from thinking about Bella Swan. I needed to sit by the harbour and think, and then get a good night's sleep. I'd never talk to, or think about Bella Swan again.

**Bella's Point of View**

I hadn't gotten any work done all day. Jess had left me to the apartment to myself and I'd spent the entire day staring at the articles in front of me, watching the letters dance across the page, and thinking about that damned party I'd _needed_ to go to. At least I didn't need to worry about how it had been months since I'd gotten some anymore. I definitely got some, from the one person I never wanted to even meet. I mentally kicked myself and thought about doing it for real, hoping it would leave a bruise so I could look at it and remind myself what thoughtless sex did to people.

Sitting, staring at my articles, not taking any of it in, didn't seem to be doing any good, and so I decided that a latte from Starbucks seemed like a good idea. A good walk in the cold and a hot coffee always made me feel better.

My poor truck was pretty snowed in and I wondered, for half a second, whether or not I could get over the small bank that had accumulated behind it since the last time I'd driven it. I bought the new truck, but hadn't bothered with four wheel drive, figuring I wouldn't be needing it. The new truck was a black GMC Canyon. I missed my old clunker, but apparently after more than fifty years they do eventually die. I often thought of the movie 'Cars' when I thought of my old truck. The Hudson Hornet was still going fifty years later. He was as good as new. I wanted the old Chevy to be as good as new. I didn't want this new, characterless truck with tinted windows. I climbed in and shifted into reverse, knowing that I'd feel better about my truck and the whole _situation_ once I had a hot latte in my hand and my feet on the board walk.

And so, that's exactly what I did. I ordered my venti, extra hot, extra foam café latte from the perky Barista in the crowded coffee shop and found my way to the board walk. The fog was starting to lift and I hoped it would be sunny the next day. I was sick of all the thick, drippy snow we'd been getting as of late.

I listened to the soft _schlup schlup_ of my boots along the slushy walk way and sipped my coffee thoughtfully. The night before kept replaying itself in my mind. The way he'd told me that he was going to take advantage of me, regardless of my sobriety. The way I'd slapped him. They way I'd given in to his charm. I shook my head quickly and swished the coffee around in my mouth. How stupid could a girl be? He was obviously a user. I refused to even think his name. He probably had a new girl in his bed at this precise moment, while I stood here, leaning against the railing, looking at the grey water, and the eerie white boats, sipping my coffee and hoping I could stop thinking about what had happened so I could go back to my homework and my life destined for cats and essays on feminism.

I sighed and sipped my coffee again, thinking about my mountain of homework and wondering if I should get back to it, but not making myself move. I was going to stand here and freeze a bit longer. I shivered in my peacoat, pulling my scarf closer to my face and scrunching my fingers in the glove that wasn't holding my hot drink. It was bitterly cold.

I let my eyes wander out, focusing on the bright lights of the boat moving slowly across the harbour toward Bainbridge Island. The marina was gorgeous at night, always lit up, but still grey and soft. It was peaceful and very few people came in the winter. I let my hair blow behind me in the frigid breeze, letting it blow away the bad, breathing in the salty air, calming my pounding heart. Everything was fine. I never needed to see Edward Cullen again. I certainly could refrain from thinking about him.

I heard slow, rhythmical steps softly step behind me, but I refused to turn around. I was far too interested in the wind in my face and my coffee on my tongue. No one else mattered. The steps certainly didn't matter...until they stopped. I stood very still, and then they started again, slower and they moved beside me, stopping once more. I didn't look to the side. I closed my eyes and kept my face to the wind, listening to the easy lapping of the waves on the side of the basin. In my peripheral vision I saw an arm resting easily on the railing. The sleeve on the arm was red, the hand that poked from the cuff was long, and quite pale. Apparently the arm had a voice.

"Are you alright?" The voice that obviously must belong to whatever person also owned the red sleeve was smooth, and deep. And I recognized it. I winced. What were the odds? Seriously?

"I'm fine, thank you." I tried to keep my tone light but I knew it must sound terse none the less.

"You look like you're freezing." The body moved closer to me. I wondered if it would be very rude if I moved away. I decided it might be.

"It's January" was my tight reply.

"Maybe I can warm you up." I knew it! I knew that was coming.

"Thank you, but I like being cold." The voice belonging to the person who owned the arm, whose name I was yet again avoiding chuckled.

"I don't."

I didn't say anything. I hoped maybe he'd take the hint and go away. Had he followed me here? No that would be impossible. Wouldn't it?

"Bella? It is Bella isn't it?" He was very close now. Much closer than I wanted him. "What are you doing here? It's really cold."

"I like to think. It's _usually_ peaceful. You know, I moved to Seattle because I liked ferry boats."

He glanced at me, I saw the slight motion. It was a shocked movement. "It's the best place to think" he seemed to agree. "Though, it is a strange reason to choose a city."

I just shrugged. Why wouldn't he leave? I stole a sideways glance in his direction to see him, elbows on the railing, hands folded, staring out into the white capped water, looking more thoughtful than I would have thought possible. More thoughtful and more beautiful, his pale features illuminated in the dull, orange glow of the street lights. His mouth was pressed into a thin, thoughtfully worried line and his eyes were slightly crinkled. He looked much older, much less carefree than he had the night before.

"Are you alright?" I couldn't stop myself. I couldn't _not_ ask. He sighed softly and shrugged his shoulders, now close enough that I felt them rise and fall. The easy swish of nylon the only sound other than the gentle slap of the water.

"I needed to think" he admitted, his fingers on his right hand playing absentmindedly with their twins on his left. "I've had an interesting day."

"Lucky you." I turned so my back was to the railing, one foot hooked into the bars, hoping I wouldn't fall on my face. "Did you go out of your way to find me here?"I couldn't help wondering.

He laughed out loud, turning to face the same direction as me. "Oh Bella, please don't flatter yourself. How was I to know you had a strange attraction to ferries?"

I just shrugged, glaring sideways at him. I was hardly _flattering_ myself. I wanted nothing more than to never see him again, and here he was, leaning against _my_ railing.

"Last night was pretty crazy though." He looked sideways at me, through his very long lashes. His hand darted out and his fingers brushed a wisp of hair from my face, tucking it behind my ear. "I wouldn't say no to a repeat."

"You know, Edward, I think you're right. It is cold. I need to be heading home." My voice was hard and demeaning. I pulled my foot from the bar and took a step away from him. I shrugged my shoulders in an exaggerated motion and wiggled my fingers in a fluttery wave. "Maybe I'll see you around." His only response was a slightly pained look in his eyes, and a raised hand in dismissal. And for some reason, regardless of the fact that he was Edward Cullen, I couldn't help feeling guilty.


	5. Alice & Angela

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.**_

Did he seriously just ask for a repeat? Who does he think he is? Who does he think I am? I tossed my cup in the trash bin on the way by and fished my keys out of my pocket. The look on his face said something different than the words that came out of his mouth. The look on his face was somewhere between worry and hurt. The set of his mouth when I told him I was leaving nearly made me turn around and comfort him. The way his eyes were wide and sad cut deep inside me. But why was he so sad? Guys like Edward Cullen went after easy, vulnerable girls, for easy, no-strings sex, and they sure as hell didn't look broken down when they got turned down by some girl they met in a bathroom.

I wasn't ready to go home yet, and face the piles of unsorted papers all over my floor, so instead of turning left onto my street, I turned right, following it straight to the end to the small apartment building where my friend Angela lived with her boyfriend Ben. Angela would know what to say to make me feel better and I knew Ben worked Saturday nights so she'd probably be alone.

Angela and Ben's building was a small, two story building with eight apartments inside. Just like our building, there was no buzzer so I just climbed the small staircase to their upper floor apartment and knocked. Angela's face appeared in the crack as she peered out at me. Her brown eyes were wide with surprise.

"Bella?" She opened the door wider and motioned for me to come inside.

"Hey" I said, stepping by her into the tiny space. "Is this a bad time?" I looked at the coffee table covered in text books and the TV playing Dirty Dancing on mute.

"No, no of course not. Come on in. I was just watching a movie and trying to do some homework, nothing that can't wait." She smiled genuinely and hung up my coat. "You look frozen half to death."

"It's pretty cold out there." I rubbed my hands together and went to sit in the arm chair opposite the couch. "Sorry I didn't call first."

She shook her head and went to the kitchen. I heard her flick the kettle on. "Tea?" She called, peeking her head around the wall.

"Sure. Thanks!" She was always so homey and welcoming. I could barely remember a time when I hadn't come to Angela's and had tea and cookies. Except in the summer; in the summer she always had lemonade and gold fish crackers. It reminded me of little kids at the beach. Angela _loved _gold fish crackers.

Moments later she appeared with a mug of steaming tea, made just the way I liked it, and a plate of raisin oatmeal cookies. "Store bought sorry. I haven't had much time lately."

I laughed at her. I had been living on pizza pockets for the last month, store bought cookies were practically gourmet. She sat down on the couch and curled her feet under her, watching me closely. It was a long time before either of us spoke. Finally she broke the silence with her quiet, sweet voice.

"What's up Bella? Is something wrong?" She sipped her tea and watched as I broke a cookie apart and at the pieces one by one.

"Kind of" I admitted, looking at my tea. She sat quietly, waiting me out. She was never one to push. That's what I loved about her. "I'm a little bit confused. I thought maybe you could shed some light on the situation." I looked up at her; her eyes were searching my face for some sort of clue as to what was to come. She nodded for me to continue.

"I went to this party last night with Jessica and I slept with this guy, and then I thought that was it, but then I saw him tonight and he was all weird. And he was terribly rude, said he wanted a repeat and all that shit. You know, typical ass hole things to say. But then, when I turned down his, quote unquote offer instead of you know, trying to convince me otherwise or being pissed off or whatever, he looked…" I paused, peeking at her face which was completely blank, hoping to get some sort of reaction.

"He looked…" she repeated, waving one hand absentmindedly around.

"Devastated?" I tried. The look was beyond sad. It wasn't just disappointment, it was something more.

She nodded again, thoughtfully and then leaned forward, closing all the textbooks on the table and piling them in a neat pile on the floor. Then she propped her feet up on the coffee table and leaned back into the corner of the couch. "It was just sex?" I knew Angela didn't agree with casual sex, but she'd stopped judging Jessica and I on our choices. I nodded.

"I didn't even plan on it to begin with. It just…sort of spun out of control faster than I could rein it in."

She raised her eyebrows and looked over her mug at me. "You're telling me you let a guy get you in a room alone and you didn't even plan it? Bella come on, I wasn't born yesterday."

"No. Oh my god. I wanted to get away from the crazy party downstairs so I figured I'd hide in the bathroom." She snorted back a giggle and I glared at her. "Anyway, he was in there too, doing the same thing. I was going to leave, but staying with one sober person seemed like a better deal than going back to forty drunken ones."

"God Bella, maybe you're made for each other. How many other people hide out in bathrooms? Where'd you run into him tonight?"

"At the marina. And we are not made for each other! I was not _made_ for Edward Cullen!" I clapped my hand over my mouth. I hadn't meant to tell her who it was. I hadn't meant to tell _anyone_ who it was.

Her face said it all. The shock was radiating from every pore of her being. "You slept with _Edward Cullen?_"

I looked down at my knees; my face was surely a brilliant shade of red by now. I nodded meekly.

"You slept with Edward Cullen, and now you feel bad because he asked you for another booty call and you _turned him down!"_

"Not exactly" I mumbled. She sighed, exasperated. "I'm not feeling guilty that I turned down a booty call" I clarified. "I'm guilty that I made him look so…_sad._"

"Bella, I know what you're thinking. We've gone through this before. You hook up with some guy, then you get all down about it and you wonder if he has feelings for you above and beyond anything sexual. In most cases, I'd gladly say that there was a very good chance, but in this one, I'm going to go with no. Edward Cullen doesn't care about anyone but himself. Do you feel something more for him?"

I felt the sting of tears as I took a deep breath. "You make it sound like this happens all the time" I told her. "We've had this conversation, what? Once before?" She held up two fingers. "Fine, twice. You can't exactly say it's a common occurrence."

She shrugged. "Do you have feelings for him Bella? Seriously."

"What? No! Maybe! I don't know. No. No, there is no way I have feelings for Edward Cullen. I just don't like hurting people's feelings."

She watched me closely, thinking about everything I'd said so far. "Why was he at the marina?"

"No idea. He said he liked to go there to think." Her eyebrows shot to her hair line.

"But you…"

"I know. It's weird. I mean, I guess it could be coincidence."

"Could be." She agreed. "Probably is. Maybe you should talk to him. Try to find out what his deal is. I mean he seems open enough to talking to you."

"Open enough to fucking me" I said crudely.

"True. Was he at least decent?" It was the most Angela would ever ask. It was more than she'd ever asked before.

"Definitely" I said, somewhat begrudgingly.

"Even if he didn't follow you to the harbor, which is pretty unlikely since he would have no idea that you'd go there, he did stop to talk to you when you were there."

Sure, Angela was right, he had stopped to talk to me, but I hadn't wanted him to. I hadn't wanted to see him or think about him ever again. He was _Edward Cullen_ for crying out loud. I had a lapse in judgement; we all have them, why was he torturing me about it?

"Maybe he's not that bad. You know for someone who's a known partier I've never actually seen him out."

I laughed out loud. "Ange…in order to make that statement, _you_ actually have to go out."

She feigned shock. "I do go out Bella. Just not to frat parties. And somehow, I don't think Edward Cullen is the frat crowd type." She bit into another cookie and grinned at me. "How bad can he be? Really."

_**Edward's Point of View**_

"She wants a baby! A mother fucking baby! We're twenty three freaking years old! What the hell are we going to do with a baby?" I watched Emmett's pacing form take over the kitchen as I sat quietly at the table, only half listening. "Are you listening to me Edward? You don't look nearly shocked enough! I said, ROSALIE WANTS TO HAVE A BABY!"

Emmett's girlfriend of two years had just come back from a visit home to Rochester and apparently, while there found out that her friend was pregnant. They'd been readying the baby's room and buying clothes the entire time she was there. And now she'd come back and told Emmett that she thought she'd like a baby of her own. Needless to say, Emmett wasn't taking the news well.

"I heard you Em, sorry. I'm just preoccupied."

"Well get your little mind out of whatever sick fantasy you're in at the moment and give me a moment of your time. I need to know what the hell I should do."

"Are you serious? You want to know what you should do. I have no idea. It's your girlfriend. You love her don't you?" He made a weird noise in his throat and resumed pacing. "You kind of need to talk to her. You're obviously not ready for fatherhood."

"You think!? I'm pretty fucking sure I'm not ready for fatherhood. What is she even thinking? Just because _Vera's_ having a baby doesn't mean she needs to follow suit." I secretly wondered who the hell called their kid Vera, but ignored that question. I would let Emmett rant at me, because I needed to think about what I was going to do about the girl that even my sister's toga-wearing boyfriend wasn't keeping out of my head.

What had she meant by maybe she'd see me around? Why was she ignoring me? I had thought everything had gone well, and I'd given her no reason not to talk to me. Was she just really insecure? Had my _reputation_ gotten the better of me? Was she embarrassed?

And why was she freezing her ass off at the marina? She had said she'd chosen Seattle for the ferry boats, which seemed like a really strange reason to choose a city, or a university for that matter. But even if that was the reason, and even if she _really liked_ ferry boats, it didn't make sense that she was freezing her ass off in late January just to have a coffee by the water. I thought I was the only person that did that.

Maybe she did really like ferry boats. Maybe I could take her on a ferry boat ride. That would be nice wouldn't it? Or would that seem too much like a date? That sounded like a date thing to me.

I thought back over the entire conversation. Maybe telling her I was ready for another round wasn't the best tactic. Maybe I should have been more stealth about it. Maybe I should buy her a coffee and go to her house and butter her up a bit first. Maybe I should tidy my room and invite her back here. Maybe I should find out where she lives.

"…don't exactly have room for a baby! She's just so… so…. Inconsiderate of my feelings! I have needs you know." I was brought back to the present by Emmett's constant grumbling and pacing. "Emmett's _needs_ were not really my concern, but he seemed to think I should be involved in this problem he was having. "Edward really, what are you thinking about that has you so out of it?"

I just shook my head at him. "Sorry Em, I have no idea what you should do about this. You obviously need to talk to Rose. And I clearly need to go upstairs. I need to think a bit."

Alice's arm darted out of her door as I reached the top of the stairs, and her finger beckoned me inside. She closed the door behind me and pushed me toward her bed. Her room was impeccably neat and tidy. Every shelf was organized to a tee. All of her school things were colour coded. And the walls. The walls hurt my eyes. I never knew a nineteen year old girl to want bubble gum pink and white striped walls. For a girl with fabulous fashion sense, she couldn't decorate to save her life.

"What happened between you and Bella Swan?" She stood in front of me; hands on her hips, eyes alight with curiosity.

"Wh-what?" How did she guess? What did she know?

"Just answer the question, Edward. I'm not stupid you know. You ask about her then you leave. You don't ask about any girl. So what happened Edward?"

"Nothing happened." _Nothing I was going to tell my little sister about anyway._

"Bull shit. You've been acting weird all day long. The only time I saw your face relax was when you asked me about her. You've been pinched and nervous since the first time I saw you this morning."

I sighed, wondering if I should just give in and talk to her, and hope she could help. It was pretty embarrassing. Not that I'd had sex with Bella Swan, obviously if I could I'd brag to everyone I knew that I'd had sex with Bella Swan. No, the embarrassing part was that I couldn't stop thinking about her. And not the normal things I'd think about after hooking up with a girl, like how great her tits felt in my hands, or how good she tasted, or how turned on I was, or how tight she was. I thought about other things. Like how she'd slapped me and how I was almost glad she had. And how stunned and embarrassed she'd looked when she'd realized I was in there to begin with, and how she'd blushed crimson when she'd told me I didn't need to leave. I thought about how good she smelled, and how her hair was soft between my fingers, and how she'd moaned my name, and how there was nothing I wanted more at that precise moment than to hear her say it again. I thought about how she'd smiled ever so slightly, and how she looked up through her eyelashes and how her lips curled slowly into a half smile when I touched her face. I thought about when she kissed me, how warm and sweet her mouth was and how I wished I didn't need to breathe so I didn't need to stop.

I thought all of these things, and I didn't know why. I kept wondering about her. Why did she love ferry boats so much? And why had she not wanted to talk to me? And how did she like her latte? Was she a regular or a no foam or an extra foam kind of girl?

"Edward? What happened?" Alice was still standing there, hands on her hips, but her expression was softer.

"We hooked up." I shrugged my shoulders and leaned back on my elbows to peek at her face and take in her expression.

It was blank, almost scarily so. "You had _sex_ with Bella Swan? You? My brother Edward? Seriously?"

I nodded mutely.

"So, is that it then? You had sex with her? You have sex with everyone."

"That's not fair."

She snorted. "Well, you hooked up. Why are you acting so weird?"

"I don't know Al. I seriously just need some thinking time."

"Do you loooove her?" Her voice was mocking. She was smiling now.

"Obviously not" I scoffed, making a move to stand up. She pushed me back now.

"I was honestly kidding with the life changes Edward. This is weird."

I rolled my eyes at her. "Are you about done?"

"Nope. Not at all. You loooove Bella Swan."

"Oh seriously Alice, I do not love Bella Swan. I don't even know Bella Swan."

"But you want to, and that's a start." She walked over to her computer desk and scanned the wall behind it. There had to be five hundred post it notes stuck to the surface. She reached her finger out and drew it down the wall until she found what she was looking for and plucked the bright pink paper off the wall. "This is her number. Call her." She placed the sticky sheet in my hand and pushed me out the door. "You need to leave now. Jasper will be here in a few."

I threw her a dirty look and hurried toward my room, the post it note with Bella's phone number, hot in my hand.


	6. Parking & Paperwork

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.**_

Of course Jasper was coming over. Jasper always came over. He and Alice would take over the living room for a few hours, and then they went to her bedroom where he probably danced around in his toga for her. That was how it had been for the past two months that they had been dating.

Jasper annoyed me. It wasn't that he was a bad guy, he just annoyed me. He talked about his fraternity brothers and they're fraternity parties and his soccer team. He didn't really seem to talk about anything else. Soccer and frat parties and beer. Always beer. And he _always_ knew if something was wrong. We were sure to hear about it tonight since Emmett was overly tense about the whole Rosalie thing, and I was an internal disaster thanks to stupid Bella Swan and her stupid little finger wave and her 'maybe I'll see you around.'

Fuck that was my line. 'Maybe I'll give you a call.' 'Maybe I'll see you around.' 'Maybe I'll eat my hat for dinner.' Maybes never happened.

"Edward man! Good to see you. How's it going? Holy shit man, you don't look so hot." _Oh great, it's Jasper. _When Alice said a few she wasn't kidding. I hadn't even made it past the stairs yet when he came bounding up.

I mumbled an "everything's fine" and carried on to my room.

"Hi Jasper" Alice called, I turned long enough to see her reach way up and peck him on the lips.

"How's it goin' babe? Your brother looks like shit." _I hate him, I hate him, I hate him._

"Edward's just a little stressed out today. Nothing to worry about." She pulled him into her room and I heard the door click. I shut all mental images of Alice and Jasper (in his toga, always in his toga) out of my mind and closed the door to my room behind me and lay face down on the bed. I turned the pink square of paper around and around between my fingers, staring at it, wondering what I should do. I couldn't call her. If I going to call her that would sound desperate, or needy, or…stalkerish? I couldn't just call her up and ask her to have sex with me. That would be weird, not to mention the fact that if she walked away from me in person how easy it would be to hang up the phone on me. _If_ I called her up, and _if_ she answered, what on earth would I say? 'Hi Bella, I was just thinking about fucking you on my bathroom floor and how great that was, and was wondering if you'd like to do it again? Oh by the way I think you have a cute smile.' Somehow, I wasn't seeing that going over so well.

Maybe I could call her and ask her about her coffee preferences. Or would that be weird? That would probably be weird. How was I supposed to know what to say? I didn't call girls back. I didn't call girls at all. Maybe I could just call her and say hi. Maybe that wouldn't be so weird.

I picked up the cordless phone on my desk and pressed 'talk', and was immediately greeted with Emmett's voice at the other end, loud and angry.

"No Rosalie! You listen! I DO NOT WANT A BABY!" I wondered where on earth in the house he was, considering I couldn't hear him otherwise.

"DO NOT YELL AT ME, EMMETT CULLEN! You are being so frigging selfish! We ALWAYS do what you want! We see your movies, we drive your car, and we listen to your music. ALL I WANT IS ONE LITTLE THING!"

I couldn't stop listening. This was far more interesting than pixie girl and toga boy, and as much as I wanted to try this phone call thing, I couldn't wait to hear Emmett's response to Rosalie's argument.

"ONE LITTLE THING! ONE LITTLE THING!? ONE LITTLE THING IS A SATURDAY NIGHT CHICK FLICK. ONE LITTLE THING IS SATIN SHEETS. ONE LITTLE THING IS NOT A GOD DAMNED BABY! BABIES AREN'T ALWAYS LITTLE YOU KNOW, ROSALIE!"

I hung up the phone. I was done listening to that for now. Emmett was obviously not dealing with this well, not that I would if I were in his position; but all the same, he wasn't being particularly mature about it. Sometimes I felt like Alice and Emmett were born at the wrong ends of the sibling line. Alice always seemed like the oldest, and Emmett always seemed like the youngest. I fit in just where I was supposed to. Right, smack dab, in the middle.

I dug my cell phone out of my jeans pocket and slowly dialed the number on the sticky note Alice had given me. I forced myself to press send and forced myself to listen to it ring. I heard the distinct, muffled click of someone answering and panicked. What was I going to say?

"Hello?" a sweet, soft voice asked. I swallowed. And then I hung up, panting, staring at the phone like it had shocked me. And then I realized what I'd done. I'd just hung up on her. On Bella Swan, the Bella Swan I wanted to talk to. I growled at myself for my stupidity. I was obviously not a phone man, and for that reason I was very glad I hadn't used the land line. At least she'd never know it was _me_ that hung up on her.

I stared at the phone again, as though waiting for it to jump up and bite me for being such an idiot.

I looked at the number again, and realized that it was not a cell phone number that Alice had given me, but definitely a land line. You could always tell from the three digits after the area code, and I knew the area well. It was near the school. I realized, with some pride, that I could probably plug the number into four-one-one and find out her address, and then I could go to her house, and then I couldn't hang up on her. It would look way worse to run away. That's what I would do. _Because that wasn't weird at all._

Bella and Jessica _were_ in the four-one-one directory and I did find their address. It wasn't hard to find. I knew the area _very_ well. I drove past their place every day on the way to school. I drove past their place every day and I'd never seen her before Friday night. Frankly, I thought that was probably a good thing. I couldn't imagine thinking about her this much and not knowing who she was. Thinking about her this much and knowing who she was, was bad enough.

It was decided, I obviously could not be trusted not to hang up on her and I no longer had Alice to ask for advice, since toga-boy was in her room doing toga dances and eating souvlaki or whatever it was that they did in her candy pink bedroom. I was going to find Bella at home, and hope to the higher power that she didn't find it totally weird. And so, with my coat on, my gloves in my pocket and my heart in my throat I headed for the nearest Starbucks.

**Bella's Point of View**

I rolled out of bed, after getting home from Angela's late the night before. I looked at my mountain of homework that I had yet to start and groaned inwardly, I hated doing homework on Sundays.

Jessica hadn't come home the night before- _surprise!_ So I was left in peace and quiet at least. She'd left a text on my cell phone telling me she probably wouldn't be home until Monday morning. Sometimes I felt like the only thing Jessica did was pay the other half of the rent and make messes for me to clean up. She was never really at the apartment enough to call it home.

I rubbed the sleep from my eyes and stumbled toward the bathroom. Shower first, then breakfast and homework. I was glad I'd done groceries Friday.

I let the water run over my tired body, rubbing shampoo into my hair slowly, massaging my tired scalp. The bottle said 'rejuvenating.' We were going to see if it worked. I eventually dragged myself out of the shower, the water starting to run cooler than I liked, and dug a pair of yoga pants and a hoodie out of my drawer. I was doing homework, what did it matter what I wore? I pulled my hair into a messy ponytail, hoping to keep it out of my eyes and spent too long looking for my glasses before I found them, sitting on the window sill behind a book. I turned three hundred and sixty degrees on the spot and took in the state of my room. Papers lay on every flat surface, my lap top was now on the floor, half under my bed, just begging to be stepped on. And there were clothes everywhere. Workout clothes thrown on the bed posts, jeans and sweaters hung on the back of the chair, and shoes, everywhere there seemed to be shoes. I was seriously going to have to clean this up soon before I went crazy.

I decided that homework in the bedroom was not going to happen, so I grabbed the lap top and the articles and padded out to the kitchen, fuzzy slippers on my feet, glasses firmly on my face, hoping I wasn't going to trip and fall on the slippery floor.

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I found the address but I kept driving, steaming lattes in my cup holder reminding me of why I was there. I turned around and drove past it again, looking up, double checking the street number. I wasn't sure I could have the right place. It was a house. A big, Victorian, red brick house, with a porch and a white front door and shutters on the windows. How could this be where Bella Swan lived? I kept looking, closer and closer and closer. There was a staircase up the outside to the very top floor. The house must have been converted into some sort of apartment building. There was a wide driveway, with a small 

black, GMC truck and an old boat of an Oldsmobile parked side by side. I wondered if one of them was Bella's car. Would she be here? I finally pulled up to the curb and convinced myself to turn the car off. Driving back and forth was accomplishing nothing but making me look creepier. I looked down at the piece of paper I'd scribbled Bella's address on and double checked the street number again. This _had_ to be the right place. I checked the apartment number. Maybe if I just went inside everything would fall into place. I wiped my sweaty hands on my jeans, and pulled a smoke from my glove compartment. I didn't smoke in my car, in fact I really didn't smoke that much at all, but this was a stressful moment, and desperate times called for desperate measures. I put the cigarette in my mouth, and held the lighter to the end. _What if I smelled like smoke and she wouldn't let me in?_ What a stupid thought, but it stopped me and I pocketed the lighter and tossed the cigarette into the snow bank beside the curb. _Waste of a good smoke, the things I'm apparently willing to do for this woman._ I had no idea what was going on in my head. I wanted to go back to the way things were, and I wanted Bella Swan to throw herself at me, like every other girl I'd ever been with. I didn't understand why she was being so stubborn. I also didn't understand why I was taking Alice's advice and talking to her. She obviously didn't want to talk to me; she made that pretty damn clear at the marina.

I could do this. I could take her the stupid coffee I bought her and talk to her about my stupid feelings. I became vaguely aware that the coffee was going to be cold soon if I didn't get a move on and decided that I couldn't very well stand on the street looking confused much longer before someone came up to me and said something. The door was right there. I could just go inside where it was warm, and then, I could talk to Bella Swan. I could do what I came here to do.

I forced my feet, one in front of the other to make it across the street and up the narrow walk. The door was and I let myself in, staring at the big staircase in front of me and wondering if her apartment was on the ground floor or if I needed to go up. Or worse, if it was the third story apartment with the outdoor staircase. Apartment five. Five. I took a quick look around me, and noticed that none of the three apartments on the ground level were number five, and took the chance to climb the stairs.

Slowly, one step at a time, the stairs disappeared before my eyes, and far too soon I was at the top, staring at apartment number four. I turned to my left, and my eyes met a big, brass five, practically screaming at me. The dark, wood door loomed, it seemed huge and daunting as I stared at it, coffees in hand, thankful for the gloves that saved my fingers from getting burned. I wondered what I'd find on the other side of the door. I wondered if she'd even answer the door. Was she even here? Would she even talk to me? What was I supposed to say? I was back in the same predicament as I'd been in when I'd tried to call her earlier, except now; I was face to face with her, with hot coffee.

_Come on Edward, you can do this. Just knock on the door._ I'd never known myself to talk to myself before. I'd never known myself to do a lot of the things I'd done in the last two days before. Bringing coffee to the girl I'd fucked in my bathroom, at her house that I'd found on four-one-one was definitely a first as well.

I propped one cup of coffee between my forearm and my body and wiped the sweat off my brow with my free hand, and then I set it on the door and took a deep breath. In through my nose, out through my mouth. I _could_ do this. I _would_ do this. I made a fist and drew my hand back slowly, and then, I knocked.

**Bella's Point of View**

I heard a low, hollow knocking coming from the direction of the door. _Seriously?_ I just wanted to do my homework. Why couldn't everyone leave me alone? Some moron had called and when I'd answered had hung up without saying anything, needless to say pissing me off. I had been thinking about what Angela had said, but I didn't have time to talk to Edward Cullen. I barely had time as it was to summarize my million pages on Marxism. And now some stupid person was banging on my door. Probably some religious fanatic trying to convert me.

I shuffled to the door, muttering to myself about deadlines and opened the door a crack, and when I saw what, or rather who, was standing in my hall, I clicked it shut again, leaning back against the wall, breathing heavily. _What the hell?_ I stood there, breathing in and out, heart pounding at an alarming rate until the person knocked again. This time I inched the door open and peeked around it. I blinked twice. He was still there. Him, in all his godly glory. Edward Cullen. And he was standing there, feet apart, Starbucks cups balancing carefully in both hands, looking lost and awkward. His hair was disheveled and damp from the snow outside and his eyes were downcast and wide. His mouth was turned down at the corners and all the muscles in his neck were contracted. I saw him swallow purposefully. I opened the door a bit wider and leaned against the door frame, looking at his feet, afraid to meet his eyes.

"Hello" I said stiffly, shuffling my feet in my fuzzy slippers. What was he doing here? Why was he just standing there not saying anything? His eyes darted up quickly to my face, and then back to his feet.

"I brought coffee." He extended one hand with a cup in it toward me. I just stared at him. I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. How did he know where I lived? First he's at the harbour, now he's at my house. It was a little uncomfortable to say the least. When I didn't say anything he shuffled his feet and looked up again. "It's for you." His voice sounded shaky, not nearly the smooth, velvety tone I remembered. I noticed the hand holding the coffee out to me was quavering ever so slightly.

"Thanks?" I took it gingerly from his hand. "So…is there something you needed?" I was starting to get frustrated. I needed to get back to work. I saw him roll his eyes.

"Is this a bad time?" I thought about it for a moment. On one hand I was a little freaked out that he was at my house with coffee, but on the other hand, he had brought me Starbucks, and made the effort to come to my house.

"Um…"

He started to back up, his face wearing the same down trodden expression he'd worn when I'd walked away from him at the harbour. "Sorry" he mumbled, heading for the stairs.

_Okay Bella, it's now or never._ "Wait!" I called, pushing the door open a little more. "I have a minute." I tried not to think of all the work I still had to do. Another two hour night asleep on the desk was in order.

I watched his face very carefully as I said it. His eyes snapped up and locked on mine, as though wondering if he'd heard right, and the corners of his mouth lifted in a shadow of the crooked smile I'd found so attractive. His shoulders squared, and yet, he didn't walk forward towards me. He stayed where he was, his eyes alight but wary. I stepped to the side. And slowly, but surely he stepped into the apartment.


	7. Coffee & Confessions

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.  
**_  
_**Edward's Point of View  
**_  
I actually couldn't believe I'd made it all the way up the stairs without fainting, or slipping in a puddle of my own sweat. I had no idea why I was so nervous. I honestly wanted to believe that if she turned me (and my very expensive, extra hot latte) down, that I could easily move on to the next girl quite happily; but as she stood, leaning against the door frame looking incredibly frazzled, staring at her feet, her fuzzy slipper clad feet, I knew that I wouldn't be able to cope if she did turn me down. That I'd probably turn into a bumbling, stuttering, begging idiot. There might even, though I hated to admit it even to myself, be some tears. Okay, maybe one tear. Maybe just a tiny sniffle. Edward Cullen didn't cry.

And so when she didn't answer me, I couldn't stand there another moment, waiting for the pain of her words to cut through me, to tell me that she didn't want me, or my latte, to have anything to do with her. I couldn't actually hear her say the words. So when I heard that negative little "Umm" I'd backed away. I didn't want to turn into the sniffling Edward Cullen in front of sexy, intelligent Bella Swan. I had no idea what this feeling was or why I was feeling it, and that thought alone was scary.

But she'd invited me in. Into her apartment; where she ate, and slept and did her homework. Where she lived. Stepping into that tiny, cramped space, I saw snippets of Bella Swan's life flash before me.

She had a minute. That's what she'd said. She'd stepped aside and let me in and offered to take my coat. I thought it was a strange gesture, but at the same time, what else was she supposed to do?

"Did you want a drink?" She shuffled awkwardly, not quite willing to look me in the eye. I realized what she said and smirked uncontrollably, holding up my coffee cup. I watched her cheeks flood with the colour of embarrassment. "Sorry, I forgot. Thanks." She was still looking at the floor as she mumbled her reply. Was it possible she was nearly as nervous as I was? I didn't think that was actually possible. _Breathe, Edward_ I reminded myself.

"Did you want to sit down?" she looked nervous. She was twisting her fingers around each other. I nodded slowly, not trusting my voice yet. Obviously I didn't want it to crack like I was going through puberty, and I was pretty sure that if I tried to speak that's what was going to happen.

She pointed to the couch and sat at one end, curled into the corner, looking curiously at me, fingers wrapped around her coffee. "You know where I live." It was a statement, not a question, and I realized that I really was going to have to explain to her how I found her apartment.

"Um…" I looked at her from the other end of the couch. She was biting her lip, and her glasses had slipped down just a little bit on her nose. The hood of her sweater was bunched behind her neck, and it was driving me crazy, I just wanted to smooth it out. Her eyes lifted to mine in wonder and I realized she was waiting for an answer.

"I looked you up on the directory?" I realized my voice sounded meek and small. _What was wrong with me? I hadn't had trouble talking to her at the party. I'd never had trouble talking to girls before._

"The directory?" She looked angry. "You googled me?" Her voice was sarcastic and cold. She shifted uncomfortably again.

"No" I said, dragging the sound out. "Technically I four-one-oned you." She knitted her eyebrows together and her eyes flashed angrily. "Alice gave me your phone number." I was starting to get my confidence back. What was her problem anyway? I brought her a coffee, which she had yet to even take a sip of. Hell, we'd seen each other naked. She'd had her mouth on my fucking penis and yet, she couldn't deal with the fact that I'd looked up her address.

Okay, so even I was willing to admit that the fact that I'd come to her house unannounced was a little weird, but she wouldn't talk to me when I ran into her accidentally, how was I supposed to get a word in edgewise when she was all high and mighty and unwilling to give me the time of day? For a moment, as I looked down at my knees, I wondered why I even cared. Why did it matter that she wouldn't talk to me, or drink my coffee? I could get any girl I wanted to, so why did it matter that I couldn't get this one? Did it really matter that one girl out of a million didn't want me?

"I bet when Alice gave you my phone number, she meant for you to call." Her voice was snarky. Why did she have to be such a bitch? Why did I not care that she was bitching at me? Why did I want to push her back and ravish her, right there on her couch, and risk burning myself on her hot latte? Why did I want to sit here and listen to her bitch at me instead of leaving like a normal man would?

"I'm not really one for the phone." Why did I feel the need to explain myself, even partially?

We were both silent for a minute, I looked up to her face and watched as the expressions changed. She pushed her glasses up her straight nose, and shifted her gaze side to side. Her lips pursed together, making her look thoughtfully disapproving, and then her eyes narrowed and her mouth twisted into some sort of grimace. She looked me straight in the eyes, her brown eyes deep and thoughtful.

"What do you want, Edward?"

_What?_ I was confused. She sounded sad. "What do you mean?"

She sighed, exasperated. "Why are you here?" I watched her, as she delicately wrapped her pink lips around the lid of the cup and finally took a sip of her coffee.

"I'm not sure" I blurted out. As soon as I said it I knew it was wrong. She hung her head and shook it gently side to side. "I mean…I wanted to see you?" She tentatively looked up through her lashes at me, and then snapped her eyes back down again. "I, well…I…" I was stuttering. Dear God I was stuttering. I needed to make it stop. She sat back up straighter and hunched back into the corner of the couch, legs crossed, pillow in her lap. She raised one eyebrow at me in question. Bella Swan was infuriating. Why couldn't she just say something? Didn't normal girls talk? Didn't normal girls dream of having me in their apartment? "I had fun Friday night?" I couldn't believe I sounded so unsure.

She gave a little half smile. "Yeah me too." She took another sip of her coffee and shifted again (didn't she ever sit still?) so that her knees were bent in front of her and her feet poked out from under the pillow. She had at some point that I didn't notice, kicked off her fluffy slippers and I noticed that her toenails were painted a bright, metallic blue.

"Yeah?" I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. It obviously didn't go over well when I'd suggested a repeat before, and I didn't want to dash my chances.

"Mhmm "she nodded, blushing beet red and biting her lower lip. I wanted to lean over and touch her, run my hands up her legs, under her sweater. I wanted to see her without the sweater. I closed my eyes for a second, hoping to get myself under control, but it just made it worse. I felt that undeniable tightening below the belt and bit my lip in mirror image to hers. _Fuck, not now!_

"Did you feel better after you walk at the marina?" I managed to keep my voice steady, and I took another sip of my coffee.

"It was a little cold" she whispered.

**Bella's Point of View**

_He_ was in my apartment. Edward Cullen. _The_ Edward Cullen that, regardless of my attempts not to, had occupied my thoughts for the past thirty six hours. And he was sitting on my couch, drinking coffee, and talking to me about the damn marina! I did a quick mental check. The stupid bedroom was a mess, and my bathroom was not nearly as big as his was, but the couch was pretty comfy, and we wouldn't actually need to move….

_No Bella! No! He doesn't want you. _Good Bella, Smart Bella, Logical Bella was starting her argument again.

_Then why is he here?_ Bad Bella retorted. Bad Bella, Lustful Bella, Sex-craved Bella, wanted Edward Cullen. Good Bella didn't have an answer, letting Bad Bella's mind wander to all the naughty things she could do to Edward Cullen.

"Do you go to the marina a lot?" That voice again, that sexy, velvety, fuck me voice. _What was the question? Oh yeah._

"Sometimes. I find it peaceful." _Good response Bella._

"Have you ever been across to Bainbridge?" His body was angled towards mine and he was looking at my face expectantly. I shook my head. "Really? Hmm, weird." He set his coffee cup down on the table and twisted his fingers together. "So…" His voice trailed off. "Bella…. I've…um…had a hard time…"

"I can't stop thinking about Friday night!" I blurted it out, slurring the words together. My face was burning with embarrassment. I buried my face in the pillow I had in my lap. _Oh my God Oh my God Oh my God! I seriously just that! He's going to think I'm neurotic. He's going to think I'm crazy. _

He didn't say anything for a long time, and when I finally risked looking up again, I was looking into the same, wide, sad eyes I'd seen at the harbour, and again in the hall way. The sad eyes that said so much more than sadness. That depicted worry and exhaustion and devastation and uncertainty. His mouth was relaxed, and pulled down at the corners, and one hand was extended, almost to my foot and the finger tips were touching the couch cushion. I lifted my face momentarily and gave him a weak smile.

He turned his face away and mumbled, "I was afraid of that." He stayed where he was though, looking contemplative. He sighed quietly and looked back at me.

"If you were afraid of that, why did you come here?" I wanted my voice to sound fierce and strong, but instead it sounded small and broken. Was he here to torture me? That wasn't fair. I hadn't done anything wrong.

He shook his head slowly and deliberately. "I'm not sure. I just…" I was starting to get angry again. I had all that stupid homework to do and here he was, sitting on my couch not sure of why he was here. I growled lowly in my throat. "I was afraid you could only think of Friday night." His eyes were on mine, unsure, nervous. I cocked an eyebrow and hummed quietly. "I just…I can't…I'm probably crazy." _There was a good chance._ "I've never thought like this before." _What!?_ I knit my eyebrows together, trying to focus on his jumbled words. "I mean, I've thought about Friday night a lot too." _So what's the problem? Let's do it again._ Bad Bella was fighting her restraints. I could practically see her shaking the bars of her metaphorical cage.

_Bad idea. You'll just get yourself in deeper, and you'll just get hurt._ Good Bella made an excellent point. If Bad Bella wasn't making so much noise trying to escape from her confines she might have listened.

I turned and scooted so that I was right beside him, our thighs and shoulders just touching. I inhaled. He smelled the same, minty and spicy and sweet. _Could I do it? Could I touch him?_

"No Bella, that's not all." I gulped, and turned to face him. "I _do_ think about Friday night a lot. But mostly I seem to be thinking…._about you_." He dropped his voice to a whisper. His cheeks reddened as he told me, and the grip on his cup tightened. I swallowed nervously.

_Edward Cullen was thinking about me? In more than a sexual way? Was that even possible?_ I nodded slowly and smiled shyly at him. "Wow?" I wasn't sure what else I could say.

He laughed. "Yeah, I know. Wow." He seemed to relax slightly and leaned back on the couch, watching my expression. "I don't usually do this" he told me.

I stared back. "What?"

"Stalk my one night stand." He said it so matter-of-factly that I couldn't help but laugh a little. "I'm really sorry if it freaked you out."

I smiled. "It did a little." I curled my feet back under me again. "I'm kind of glad you did though. I kind of kept thinking about you too." I blushed again, against my will and looked down, not ready to see the look on his face yet. To my surprise I felt something cool against my hot cheek.

"You know, that's really scary." His voice was low and gravelly. I peeked up to realize it was his hand, gently cupping my over heated cheek. My heart thudded in my chest. I could feel a pulse in my ears. His eyes caught mine and held them. I looked into the green depths. If I looked deep enough I was sure I could see past the bad boy persona that he'd created. Underneath the tough, sarcastic, callous exterior there was something more. There was someone who was seeking acceptance. Someone who had wants and desires and dreams. Someone who cared enough to look me up in the directory and bring me coffee on a Sunday morning. There was someone who was absolutely terrified of rejection. And as much as I'd heard about Edward Cullen, about his promiscuity and his crude remarks, and his illegal stunts, it wasn't enough to block out that somewhere; deep underneath there was a good person. A good person who, for some reason, seemed to like me. A good person that I kind of liked in return.

I felt him run his thumb over my cheek bone once, and then remove his hand slowly. "This is all new and weird." He shook his head. "I mean really…" he waved one hand around the apartment. "I don't tend to drop by unannounced at girl's houses." He grinned crookedly and I smiled back. "You do have home work though, don't you?"

I looked over at the table and nodded sadly. I really didn't want to do it, but I knew it had to be done. "I do too. And I really should do it. I can't afford to flunk." He started to rise from the couch slowly. I watched him unfold his tall form from the sitting position and stretch his legs out. Every movement was graceful, even the way he flexed his fingers was sexy. My body ached with raw need. I wanted him. I needed him. And yet, I knew that it wouldn't be a good idea right now. That _if_ he meant what he said, I could wait and see where he wanted this to go. Because I didn't think I would be able to cope if I jumped right back in, only to be rejected later. He headed for the door and I got him his coat from the closet. He twisted the door knob and pulled the door open, stepping into the hall way.

"Thanks for the coffee" I said quietly.

He nodded. "Bella?"

I raised my eyebrows at him. "Yes?"

"Have you really not taken the ferry to Bainbridge Island?"

The question startled me. "No."

He gave me a half smile. It faltered only for a second. "What are you doing Saturday?"

**A/N: Oooooh. **

**What does everyone think? Coffee and Confessions was crazy hard to write, especially everything Edward since I wanted him to make some sort of confession, but still try to keep him in the character I'd created. And Bella too. I wanted her to be snarky, because oh so many people are snarky when they're anxious (me for instance), so I don't want everyone to think I've made Bella a bitch. I love her to pieces, but I didn't want her to jump in with both feet because that would just be silly.**

**And no, no time soon will they be admitting their eternal love for each other or any of that. **


	8. Disucssions & Desires

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.  
**_

_**Edward's Point of View  
**_It was almost dark by the time I finally made it home, not that that was strange. It was always dark early in January in Seattle. What was strange was the number of lights on in my house. The living room was lit up, and the kitchen, and there were lights on in most of the upstairs rooms. Mine being the exception. Strange. And there was a car in the drive way. There were actually a couple of cars in the driveway. Emmett's Jeep was parked in front of the garage, and behind it a little, red convertible. Beside the Jeep was Alice's three series Beamer that our parent's had bought her as a graduation gift. That was the deal with our parents, graduate on honour roll and get a new car. Behind her car was Jasper's black Corolla. And parked along the curb was a very shiny, brand new, Mitsubishi Eclipse Spyder. I almost drooled. I'd looked at them, before my parents bought me the Volvo. It was beautiful, and a very reasonably priced convertible. I pulled in behind it and walked past it, dragging my fingers along it. I wondered how fast it went. How quickly it accelerated. I needed to know how it handled. I _needed_ to drive this car.

As I walked toward the house, I began to wonder who drove it. Who it could possibly belong to.  
I headed for the house, in a much better mood than I'd been in, in quite a while. Bella Swan was willing to go on a ferry with me. Maybe we could have hot, ferry sex. I saw her face in my mind, the night on the board walk, the way it had darkened when I'd suggested another go. I saw her hair flip as she walked away, and I felt my heart sink, just like it had that night. And I knew that if I didn't want the cold, hard feeling of disappointment, that I'd better let her set some sort of pace. I grimaced to myself. I'd never been known for my patience.

I reached the door and swung it open. I heard voices in the living room, the voices of Emmett and Alice and Jasper, and a girl, whose voice I didn't recognize. I knew the red car belonged to Rosalie, so the voice I didn't recognize must own the Spyder. I listened closely, and realized there was another female voice as well, another one I didn't recognize. I needed to check this out.

"Hi Edward!" Alice waved to me from the couch, pulling herself out of the conversation momentarily.

"Good day?" I made a bee line for her and stood behind her so that my mouth was close to her ear and I didn't interrupt.

"Yeah, pretty good. Made some…you know…progress" I muttered. She smiled radiantly.

"I knew you could do it."

I looked up and around the room to take in the company. Jasper sat beside Alice, arm around her shoulders looking smug but somehow managing not to talk about beer or frat parties or soccer. It seemed they were discussing cars. And Emmett was having his opinion made very clear. Rosalie was sitting beside him on the smaller couch. She must have still been really pissed off because she wasn't touching him, and she looked sulky. Usually Rose was right in there, discussing engines and horsepower. She knew more about cars than anyone gave her credit for. She was unusually quiet tonight.

Beside Alice, on the end of the big couch was a petite blonde with long, silky hair. Not quite as light as Rosalie's, but still as eye catching. She was very curvy with a voluptuous chest and a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. And across from the blonde, and Alice and Jasper, was another girl, or woman may have been the better word. She had strawberry blonde hair, cut into a short, angular bob, and she looked up at me and smiled. She had wide grey eyes and a gorgeous full mouth. She was wonderfully proportioned, with curves in all the right places and long, shapely legs.

"Oh sorry" Rose's voice broke through the conversation. "I don't think we've introduced everyone. This is Emmett and Alice's brother, Edward. Edward, these are my friends Kate and Tanya." She indicated that Kate was the curvy, blonde on Alice's right, and Tanya was the goddess sitting in my recliner. I nodded, for the second time that day, afraid that if I spoke I would sound like a pre-pubescent boy.

A part of my brain was screaming at me. _Bella Swan! She agreed to go on a ferry ride with you, you idiot!_ The other part of my brain, the part of my brain that controlled the head below my belt was screaming too. _Smokin' body, two o'clock!_ I gulped and knelt behind the chair by Alice's head, and winked at Tanya. She winked back.

I excused myself from the group. I didn't need to be more tempted than I already was, and I _did_ need to get a start on the pile of homework I had. As much as I wanted Tanya, spread eagled on my bed, I knew that if she were there visiting Rosalie, that it probably wasn't going to happen.  
I heard tiny, light foot steps behind me and knew Alice had followed me upstairs. She stood in my door way looking at me nervously. "Edward?" Her voice almost squeaked. I wondered why she sounded so scared.

"What's up Al? Are you okay?" I beckoned her into my room and she shut the door.

"Edward, please don't." Her voice was quiet, and I had no idea what she was talking about. She picked up a pair of boxers off the back of the chair, tentatively between two fingers. "You need to do laundry."

"I know" I said with a nod of agreement.

"But in all seriousness, don't."

I had no idea what she was talking about. "Don't what Al? I was going to do my homework."

Her jaw dropped. "Well please do your homework, but Edward…" She bit her lip and fidgeted with her fingers. "Don't do what you want to do with Tanya. Please." Her eyes were pleading, wide and worried.

"Alice, you always think the worst of me." I smiled at her. What a silly sister. Did she not realize the reason I came upstairs? Tanya was hot, gorgeous, smokin', but she wasn't _really_ my type. I told Alice as much and she smirked.

"Edward, girl is your type." Stupid little sister knows me way too well. I grunted and attempted to dig some text books out from under the mess.

Alice walked over to my keyboard in the corner and ran her fingers over the white keys. She stopped and peered at her finger tips. She blew the dust from them. "When was the last time you played?"

I glared at her. I hadn't played any music in a very long time…not since…well I didn't want to think about that right now. I never wanted to think about it again. I growled at her. "I'll play again when I have a reason"

**Bella's Point of View**

Saturday. I looked at the calendar. Saturday. February second. February. A whole month into second semester. February. Grey, dreary February. Saturday. Grey, dreary Saturday spent on a cold ferry to Bainbridge Island with the oh so confusing, oh so delectable Edward Cullen.

I wasn't sure how I was supposed to feel about him. Everything I'd heard did not match up with what I'd seen recently. But then again, I was pretty sure guys like him were good actors, good at getting what they wanted. The question was, what did he want? It seemed like he wanted _me,_ but how was that even possible? Bella Swan, studious, no nonsense, locks myself in my room and sleeps on my desk, Bella Swan, did not date bad boy Edward Cullen. I could fuck him on his bathroom floor for stress relief. That was fine. That was acceptable. But being seen out in public with him; that was not okay. And yet, here I was, obsessing over February second like it was the only thing that mattered. What did it mean? Was it some kind of date? Why had he brought me coffee? Sure, it wasn't extra foam, but how was he supposed to know?

I pulled myself away from my calendar and went back to the table. Homework. I needed to get a start on my homework. I picked up one of the articles and started reading. This was seriously boring. I started making notes. I wasn't even sure what the article was about. My mind kept wandering back to Edward Cullen's strange behaviour in my apartment. What did he want from me? Why did he want it? Did he even know for sure?

He was probably one of the best looking guys I'd ever seen. Unfortunately his personality didn't match his looks. At least that's what I'd heard. But he'd seemed perfectly sweet, not to mention nervous earlier in the day. Why would Edward Cullen be nervous around me?

The intensity of the way he looked at me was almost scary. His eyes were piercing, but his words were gentle and unsure. Nothing matched. How could someone be so many things all at once? Edward Cullen stole canoes. He drank hard liquor, and he had sex with anything with boobs. (Okay, so maybe there were more guidelines than just boobs, but there couldn't be too many more). Everyone knew that if you slept with Edward Cullen, not to expect a call back. Don't even expect him to look at you the next time you passed him by. He wasn't that kind of guy.

So why on earth had he come to my apartment? Why had he stopped to talk to me in the dark and the fog at the harbour, where it would have been so easy to pass me by? Why had he brought me coffee? Why had he asked me to go on the ferry with him? Why? Why? Why? Did he hate me so much that he thought he'd torture me, so there would be genuine disappointment and hurt when he didn't show up? Didn't call back. Would he show up on Saturday? Was this some sick little game he was playing? And if it was, why couldn't I find it in me to care? Why did I _want_ to spend the time with him? Why did I find him so interesting? Had I been right before? Was there someone deeper than everyone else saw? Why was he revealing that person to me? The questions swirled around my head, overlapping each other. Should I cancel? Would that be the smart thing to do? I knew I couldn't do it. I knew I needed to go with him on Saturday. Besides, he'd mentioned that Alice was having another party this weekend, and who was I to refuse hot, steamy bathroom sex with the best lay I'd had in….well really in forever. All of his _experience_ paid off in that department that was for sure.

I looked back on the time he'd spent in my apartment. It had seemed to fly by, and yet he was probably here for a couple of hours. We'd barely said anything, yet I felt like I knew him better than I knew anyone, including Jessica. Though in fairness there was probably more to know about Edward than there was to know about Jessica. I'd spent long expanses of time just staring at him, listening to him, listening to the silence. His body language seemed so clear, and the emotions playing havoc on his flawless features kept me interested much longer than words would have. Call me crazy, (I already was) but it seemed like there was some sort of otherworldly connection that drew me to him or him to me. Or us to each other. Like magnets. _Snap out of it Bella! You're short on sleep._ I shook myself and quickly scanned over what I'd written. Good enough. I wasn't concentrating enough to actually do a good job on my homework. _I swear to God, if my marks suffer because of stupid Edward Cullen, there will be hell to pay._

I would go to bed. I would hand in what I had finished, and I would worry about cryptic Edward Cullen in the morning. Because there had to be truth to some rumours? Right?

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I was going to do homework. I was going to think only of homework that I was so far behind on there was a chance of me flunking the semester already. I might think of Bella Swan at certain intervals, in between homework, but I was not going to think about Tanya, in her tight jeans and her low cut shirt and her…_Damn it Edward, homework and Bella Swan!_ I shook my head. I was not going to think about Tanya and I was not going to think about….well the other thing I wasn't thinking about.

Alice was still standing by my keyboard looking confused and hurt. She had been for a while. "What kind of progress?" Her voice was the lowest whisper I'd ever heard.

I looked up at her from my desk where I was stacking magazines to make room for my actual work load. "We talked." Why was she asking so many questions? She needed to leave. I needed to do homework. She needed to do toga-boy. I needed her to stop touching my damn keyboard.

"You 'talked'?" She made air quotes when she said 'talked' and rolled her eyes. "When will you learn Edward?"

I glanced up again, only half paying attention. "No, we did just talk Al. I swear."

"Mmm" she hummed, walking to the other side of the room and pulling the closet doors shut. "What was your progress then?"

I sighed exasperatedly. "Do we need to do this Al?"

"I can't help if I'm interested in your welfare." I groaned inwardly. "Are you seeing her again?"

"Saturday" I spat. I was getting frustrated, and my mind was out of my control and it kept wandering to the hot blonde woman in my recliner. Alice's face lit up and her mouth spread into a wide grin.

"Well done. When do we get to meet her?"

I blanched. _What?_ Meet them. My family. Is that what Bella Swan was going to expect? "You, well you…you already know her" I stammered.

Alice laughed her high, tinkling laugh and sat daintily on the edge of my bed. "You have to introduce her to us as your girlfriend."

_My girlfriend! Oh my god. No. I didn't have a girlfriend. Bella Swan was not my girlfriend. She was a girl. She wasn't even my friend. I didn't do girlfriends. Edward Cullen didn't do relationships. _

"She's not my girlfriend Alice. We're just taking a ferry to Bainbridge. That's all."

"So what are you intentions? If it's not a date."

I looked back at my desk, thinking hard. "Sex" I said simply.

Alice erupted in laughter. Her whole body shook. She threw her head back and giggled like I'd just said the funniest thing ever. When she finally calmed down she looked straight in my eyes. "Shut up. If you wanted sex, you'd have it. You want something else." I shook my head at her.

"Out Alice." I pointed to the door. She shook her head back, and poked her face out the door.

"Jasper!" she called. "Come up here a moment please!"

"No Alice, please no." I was whining and I knew it. I didn't want to talk to Jasper. I didn't want him involved.

"'Sup dudes?" Jasper bounded through the door and then stopped dead. "Holy shit sorry. I thought this was some sort of fun lovin' gathering. Apparently I gauged that one wrong, what's happening?" He sat himself down in my computer chair and looked back from Alice's face to mine. Alice's was twisted in a mixture of amusement and anger. Both emotions being directed at my being. My face felt blank. It must have looked blank too.

"Edward is a clueless moron" Alice spat. I didn't understand how her mood could change so abruptly.

"Took you long enough to figure that one out" Jasper joked. He shook his head like a dog, blonde hair ruffling in a way that I'm sure he found sexy. "So Edward, what've you done this time? I saw how you were checking out the Tanya chick…good eye." He winked and punched my arm. I groaned quietly.

"Exactly!" Alice burst out. "_Edward_ asked Bella Swan out…today." She looked back at Jasper who had a goofy grin on his face. And then he seemed to realize what Alice had said and his grin turned to a frown.

"Interesting choice." Jasper sounded confused. "I mean, she's not your typical type is she?" Jasper had been around long enough to witness my antics. He'd also been around long enough to be in tune with my emotions. And he was weirdly good at reading people. Creeped me out. I shuddered at the thought. "Do you normally do this?"

"What?" Why couldn't they just leave and get their togas on and do some dances?

"Ask girls out and then contemplate fucking another girl. All in a day's work or what?" He cupped his hands over his mouth and stage whispered "Dude, tell me your secret."

Alice smacked him. "Be serious." He chuckled at her. He had to be a very patient person to put up with my sister.

"I'm just joking. Don't worry." He leaned forward and kissed her forehead lovingly. I fake gagged and Alice shot me a nasty look.

"Edward doesn't normally ask girls out at all."

Jasper whistled, low under his breath. "Baby steps" he muttered. "So what's the problem Alice? What did you need me for?"

"I need you to convince him not to fuck Tanya."

"I'm not going to do anything of the sort." I was pissed off that she was getting so involved.

I watched as Alice rolled her eyes. "Right" she scoffed.

"Allie, babe we can't make him do anything he doesn't want to do. I wouldn't suggest frigging it up with Bella Swan, but hey, it's Edward's life. He seems a little torn at the moment." He stood up and pulled Alice with him. "See you later Ed." He nodded and I cringed. I hated nick names.

Alice did not give me enough credit. Tanya was gorgeous, and physically very appealing, but I still kept going back to Bella Swan. Why, I wasn't so sure, but I couldn't get the image of Bella Swan in her yoga pants and rumpled hoodie out of my head. I couldn't forget the feel of her skin under my fingers, or the way her full lips wrapped around the lid of her coffee cup. I couldn't forget Bella Swan.

I ran my fingers through my bronze locks, pulling slightly, trying to pull myself back to reality and back to my homework. I was going to do this paper if it was the last thing I did.

Before I got more than two pages written I heard a tiny rap at my door and I raised my head, sighing quietly. "Go watch Jasper dance around in his toga" I called, assuming it was Alice. The door creaked quietly open and a long leg, stepped through. _That's not Alice_ I thought. Instantly a blonde head followed and a very tall, very sexy woman walked across the room toward my desk. I swallowed.

"I'm not sure I'm really into togas" her smooth voice said. I watched her lips form the words.

"Sorry" I said with a crooked grin. "I thought you were Alice. I was sick of her barging in." I leaned back in my chair, hands folded behind my head. "I can obviously see that I was wrong." I winked.

"That's alright." She walked closer to me. "Edward, right?" I nodded.

"Tanya, right?" _Confident Edward was back!_ Internally I did a little dance. Why didn't I feel this confident around Bella Swan? _Bella Swan! Shit, I had a hot blonde in my bedroom._

"You're good" she said, a sultry tone to her voice. "You left, I needed to see if you were alright." She was right in front of me now, and she was running one, long index finger down my arm.

"Just fine." My voice didn't shake or anything. _This_ was the Edward Cullen I was used to being. She sat down on my bed and I spun my chair so I was facing her, we were inches apart. She smelled like bubble gum.

"Glad to hear it." She inched closer so that our noses were practically touching. Her scent was wafting over me, almost too sweet. _Bella Swan!_ My brain was screaming at me. I fought the spell this blonde bomb shell had over me. I didn't want to screw anything up, and Alice was usually right. If she said not to do this, she must be right.

I tried to move away but Tanya's fingers closed just above my knees. "Why did you leave?" She breathed and I was overpowered by her intoxicating aroma. Her entire presence was intoxicating. It was completely different from Bella Swan's. This was raw desire and I was fighting for control.

"I uh…" Why did I leave?

_Bella Swan! Bella Swan!_

I mentally shook my head.

"I could have jumped you right there." Her fingers walked their way up to the inside of my thighs and I felt my breath catch in my throat. This girl was good. I felt that familiar tightening, no matter how hard I tried to stop it. Her eyes closed, and my eyes stayed glued open, unsure what I could do. My body _really, really _wanted this. But my mind, my morals, which hadn't been out of the box for a very long time, were screaming that it was wrong. What had I said to Bella that night? _Sometimes it's good to do bad things._ _ Was this one of those times?_

Tanya leaned closer still, pushing me back slightly and tipped her head to the side. I felt her lips meet mine lightly, and then a little more firmly, and against my better judgement, my lips kissed her back.


	9. Walk Ins & Wake Ups

_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'.**_I was kissing Tanya. I was kissing Tanya and I was losing myself in it. I closed my eyes and leaned into her, moving my hands to her shoulders and forcing her back, deepening the kiss. I felt her hands drift up my legs further and I gave a little twitch. _This girl seriously knew what to do._ Her tongue probed my mouth and I let her in, eliciting a tiny, guttural moan from somewhere deep down. And then I realized what was really happening. _I was kissing Tanya! Shit! Fuck! _I needed to stop. Alice was right. This could screw up everything. _Alice. Think of Alice. Think of what Alice said. Think of Bella Swan. Bella Swan's lips. Bella Swan's curls. Bella Swan's body. Bella Swan's fuzzy slippers.  
_

"Hey."

I felt my face get pushed back by two soft hands and I opened my eyes to meet a pair of wide, grey ones laced with sadness, staring back at me. "Oh" I blushed.

"Are you alright? You stopped." Her voice was like sugar, sweet, with the ability to melt me into a puddle. Her hand caressed my face slowly and she leaned forward again. I let her capture my lips momentarily once more before pulling back.

"I'm sorry" I told her.She leaned in again. I shook my head and pushed the chair back. "No. I mean I'm sorry, I can't."

Her face fell. She leaned back and looked at me, hands clasped in her lap. I could see her chewing on the inside of her mouth. "What do you mean you can't?" She whispered. The pain was evident. No one likes the pain of rejection.

"I need to do my homework" I told her, turning back toward my desk, hoping to hide her pained face. I heard her sigh loudly, and then sniff. _Oh no, did I make her cry?_

"I'm sorry" she fought to keep her voice strong. "I shouldn't have interrupted." I heard her leave, shutting the door quietly behind her. I leaned my head on my desk and sighed loudly.

_What the hell is my problem? I just turned down a beautiful woman because I couldn't stop thinking about some gorgeous geek in fuzzy slippers._ This was all Alice's fault!

I slammed my fist down on my desk and hurried out of my room and down the hall. "Alice!" I called, pounding on the door. "Alice I need to talk to you!" I turned the knob and pushed. She was going to talk to me. She was going to tell me how to deal with this. And she was going to do it...

_Oh my god! _"Where are your togas!?" I couldn't help it. It just came out. I didn't mean it to.

"Edward! Get out!" Alice was squealing, a pillow flew at my head and Alice's shock of black hair was protruding from the sheet she'd pulled over her head. I covered my eyes with my arm.  
"We need to talk!" I bellowed as I slammed the door. "And that's my sister, Whitlock!"

I took the stairs two at a time and barged into the living room. "Emmett!" I shouted, standing in front of him, hands on my hips, shooting daggers with my eyes. "Emmett, he's in there and...And...He's definitely not wearing a toga!"

Emmett's face turned red and he clutched his massive fists. Rosalie put a soothing hand on his arm but he brushed her off. "Rat Bastard! That's my baby sister!"

Rosalie cleared her throat. "What did you think they were doing all this time?"

Emmett and I both snapped our heads around to face her. "Uh, um...toga dances?"

"Monopoly?" Emmett sounded weak.

Rosalie broke down in silent laughter. She wiped a tear from her cheek. "Oh fuck you two are funny" she managed. And then her face turned stony. "What did you do to Tanya?" Oh that. I'd hardly noticed that the two blondes were no longer there. I looked at my feet.

"Umm?" I rolled my lips in and shifted my eyes uncomfortably.

"She seemed really upset Edward." Rosalie shrugged. "But if you just gave up decent, easy sex I can't really get mad at you, can I? I mean it's hardly like you. I should almost be worried about you."

I shifted my weight from one foot to the other and waited. I knew she was going to say something more.

"So, who is it?" Right on cue. I shook my head. I couldn't believe what I'd just done. Turned down sex with an incredibly hot chick, who was probably willing to narrate all the dirty things she wanted to do to me, because my moral compass of a sister thinks that Bella Swan is my girlfriend.

"No one," I muttered darkly. Rosalie chuckled lightly but didn't say anymore.

"Edward Cullen! I swear to God and all that is holy!" A very irate, very rumpled looking Alice came flying down the stairs. Luckily she'd managed to put some semblance of clothes on, but there was no doubt what had been going on.

"Alice, sweet heart, calm down." Jasper shuffled down the stairs behind her, wearing only his boxer briefs, and a slightly pained expression.

"Put some fucking pants on" Emmett growled at him, causing Rosalie to slap him and Alice to glare menacingly.

"We need to talk" I snapped at her, ignoring Jasper and his…bulge.

"Oh I think you're right!" She was red and shaking. Her eyes were wild and she was clenching and unclenching her fists at a ridiculous speed.

"Dude, I've never…"

"Zip it, toga boy!" I pointed my finger at Jasper and narrowed my eyes, "Pants!" Alice was still screaming at me, her words unintelligible. I grabbed her by the wrist and pulled her towards the stairs. "Like I said, we need to talk!"

I yanked her into my room, still horrified at what I'd seen_. My baby sister!_ "Sit down." I told her, fighting to stay calm. She refused, standing in front of me, hands on her hips, looking up at me with rage filled eyes.

"I hope you're happy. Cock block" she spat.

"You're not much better." My sister was infuriating. Did she not realize what she'd done? Ruined my evening. I could have got some hot, crazy, dirty sex, and instead I'm standing here, talking to my angry sister and imagining her half naked boyfriend in the next room. I shuddered inwardly. Disgusting.

"Really? Do I walk in on you? EVER?" Her voice was so high pitched that soon only dogs would be able to hear it. In fact, I was sure I could hear the neighbour's dog whimper in fear already.

"Alice, you sound like a baby pterodactyl."

"Didn't think so" she huffed. I saw her turn to leave.

"Alice, wait."

"I have a very sexually frustrated boyfriend."

"You have a very sexually frustrated brother."

"EW Edward, no. I'm not into that sort of thing." I wanted to slap her. If it had been Emmett I would have, but she was little, and she was Alice. I settled for sticking my tongue out at her like we were ten.

"You're disgusting Alice. But I still need to talk to you."

She turned back grudgingly. "What?"

"I didn't do it." I sat down on the edge of the bed. "I wanted to, I needed to, but I couldn't." I looked at my hands. "I told her I had to do _homework._"

Alice's face broke out in a glowing grin. "Seriously?" She was practically hopping now, obviously her horny boyfriend forgotten for the moment. "Edward, that's really not like you." She was quiet, pondering.

"You think?" Stupid sister. Way to state the obvious. I wanted to know what was wrong with me.

"Wait, Edward. How do you really feel about Bella Swan?" _I fucking hate her, that's why I offered to spend all day Saturday with her._ Alice could be thick sometimes.

"I like her" I admitted, "but I like a lot of girls." Alice's eyebrows shot to her hair line. I felt my body crumple inwardly. Alice could always see when I was lying. "I feel….like I need to see her" I said quietly.

Alice smiled sadly. "Why is that a bad thing?"

It wasn't. It was just scary. I hadn't felt this sort of feeling…well I didn't have these emotions. I didn't want to hurt anyone. I didn't want to get hurt. I just shrugged. "I'm not sure why I feel this way. Like I just...can't leave her alone." Alice nodded. "What if she doesn't want me to be there?" She stepped forward towards me and took my large hand gingerly in her small one.

"What does it feel like?" She sat on the bed beside me, looking intently at my face. I felt a tear at the corner of my eye. _No, no, no. Edward Cullen does not cry!_ I shook my head at her.

"Edward, does it feel like Charlotte?"

**Bella's Point of View**

School was dragging. The week was dragging, but at least Jessica seemed to be spending some time in the apartment. It was nice to have the company. I'd managed to finish all of the homework I had, the result of a quiet social life, and my room was semi-tidy. At least the laundry was done and the papers were sort of filed. At least by class. The cleaning, in some ways, had been a mistake. It left me too much time to think about everything. And by everything, I mean Edward Cullen.

"Bells, I'm making casserole! You want some?" Jessica came sauntering into my room, taking in the mess an me humming quietly to myself.

"Hmm? Yeah, sure please" I told her. Jessica couldn't clean, or grocery shop, but she could cook. She gave me a strange, questioning look and shook her head, dark curls bouncing jauntily and went back to the kitchen, muttering to herself about my apparent weird behaviour.

"What's the matter with you?" Jessica asked me the next night as I sat pushing the chicken and potatoes around the plate. It was the first time she'd mentioned anything, though I knew she'd been wanting to for days. It was Thursday. "Bella! Earth to Bella." She fluffed her hair out behind her, and then placed her elbows on the table.

"Nothing Jess" I told her, but I couldn't help but hide my smile. I'd seen Edward on campus that day, and although he hadn't said anything, he had given me one, quick crooked smile. It had also disappeared as quickly as it had arrived, replaced by that same look of utter devastation he seemed to wear so often, but I tried not to think about that.

"You don't ever talk to me anymore" she pouted. I rolled my eyes.

"You're never here."

"Did you take my advice? Or are you still Abstinent Bella?" I should have known it was too good to last. I should have known that eventually she'd ask.

"How was Josh? Cured of his little rash?" It was mean. It was rude. It was a bitchy thing to say, but I just couldn't tell her. Not yet.

Her face fell. "Jeez Bell, you can be such a cow sometimes." She stacked the plates and put them on the counter. "He's fine. He's spending the weekend here" she added. I tried to suppress my groan. How awkward. Josh that I'd walked out on, in my apartment, having loud sex, with my roommate? Sounds like a blast and a half.

"Jess, really? Do you have to?"

"Yes, Bella. We do. We've been spending a lot of time together, but we need some quiet time, and frat houses aren't exactly ideal for that sort of situation."

"So you two are…?"

"Yes. Together. And I really like him so please _try_ not to screw this up. He didn't do anything to you."

_Except the fact that he was willing to give me some sort of genital rash. _"Sorry, Jess. I know. I'm sorry. I'm happy for you, really. I'll be out Saturday anyway, and I thought I might go to Alice Cullen's party Saturday night, so I shouldn't be around too much." _Alice Cullen's party, if Edward still wanted me to come._

"Pardon me?" She stopped in her tracks and nearly dropped the mugs she was carrying. "Bella Swan? Party? Not being dragged?"

I smirked. "You were right. I do need to get out more."

She looked at me very closely, peering at my face and tilting her head this way and that. "Oh my god" she whispered. I gave her a questioning look. "You had sex!"'

"What!?" How the hell did she know?

"Oh come on Bella. I'm not stupid. You always turn into a hermit, and then you get some and you start to emerge from your shell for a while, until it's been too long and you give up and go back into hermit mode again. You're pretty predictable."

I made a face.

"Who was it?"

I shook my head at her. I was not telling her. She'd be furious. Edward Cullen was far from Jessica's favourite person.

"Was he good?"

I rolled my eyes. "Oh yes. Amazing." I grinned.

"Finally. You were starting to worry me. So who was it?"

"Let it go Jess. I have homework."

"You always have homework."

"I'd like to pass my year" I said with a laugh. She made a face. Jessica could be a pain, but she really wasn't a bad roommate. Sometimes I wished she spent more times hitting the books and less time hitting the headboard, but all in all, she was pretty easy going, and she forgave easily.

"I'm going to watch TV for a bit" she told me as I left the room. "Bella! Where are you going Saturday?"

"On the ferry."

She gave me a strange look, but didn't ask any more questions.

Edward Cullen. He hadn't spoken to me since he left my apartment Sunday morning. He said he wanted to take me on the ferry on Saturday. I was looking forward to that much more than I should have been. I wondered if he was going to call me, to confirm it, or if he was just going to show up. What did it mean? I'd never known Edward Cullen to have anything to do with girls outside of a bedroom, or the bathroom of a club. The fact that he'd even looked at me after Friday night was confusing me. My mind was a race of questions and theories. Was there a reason for all of this? Was there a reason that Edward Cullen was the way he was? Did I trust him too quickly? How many other girls had he had since me? I didn't want to think about that question. For some reason, although I knew I had no claim on him what so ever, the very idea of him being with another girl made me feel sick to my stomach. Although I'd heard all the stories, every time I imagined Edward, I didn't imagine the guy with the sunglasses and the cigarettes, driving too fast down the streets of Seattle. No, I imagined the Edward, leaning against the railing at the harbour, looking tired and worn and confused and sad. I imagined the Edward in my hallway when I'd almost turned him away. I imagined the Edward in my apartment, stammering, trying to tell me how he felt, and doing a terrible job. I wondered if anyone else saw that Edward. The hurt, scared, confused Edward. The Edward behind the mask, because that's definitely what it was. He was hiding something, and for some unknown reason, I really wanted to find out what it was.

And I wanted to know why I was feeling the way I was. Why couldn't I stop thinking about him? It was becoming some sort of sick obsession. I looked for him on campus. I thought about him more than I thought about anything else. I'd never been the kind of girl that tortured myself, but here I was, doing just that. Because Edward Cullen would never change. Guys like that never did. He would grow up and become a lonely old man who watched free porn on his lap top and joined dating sites to try to seduce women half his age. He'd grow up to be the guy that hired beautiful women from escort services so that he never had to actually commit to anyone. A guy like Edward Cullen would certainly not want a girl like me.

I got home from school Friday to a message on the fridge from Jessica. All it said was 'you're still on for Saturday, 9AM, dress warm' and then Jessica had drawn a whole bunch of question marks. I grinned to myself, snatching the note off the fridge and heading for my room. I noticed Jessica's shoes weren't in the entrance way, so that must mean that she wasn't back with Josh yet. I started homework, hoping to get it done before the noise started, and then I could go for a walk if I needed to. I didn't get that far. I fell asleep, nose down in my pillow, text book beside me on the bed.

I woke in the morning to loud moans and the occasional bang (which I'm sure was the headboard, but I didn't want to think about that) in the other room. I groaned and realized that there was no way I was getting back to sleep, so I decided to shower and get ready. It was eight o'clock, so I didn't have much time. Why were they going at it at eight in the morning? Why did I need to hear it? I took back all my thoughts of Jessica being a good roommate and headed for the bathroom. I let the rush of the water drown out the sounds of my friend and her lover and scrubbed myself almost raw with my favourite strawberry body wash. I dried my hair quickly, obviously upset that I could hear the love birds again, and hurried to get dressed. I checked the clock and cursed myself for not waking up earlier. He'd said to dress warm, which probably made sense, since we'd be on the water, but I didn't have much in terms of warm pants, and snow pants weren't exactly sexy. I found a pair of hip hugging corduroys and hoped I wouldn't freeze too much. I pulled out a soft, v-necked, royal blue sweater and decided it hugged my curves enough to make me look somewhat desirable, even if I was frost bitten. Pea coat, leather gloves, warm boots, and a decorative scarf later and I was ready to go, and it was nine-oh-two. I heard a low rap on the door. _Punctual_ I thought, hurrying to let him in, before Jessica did something crazy, like run to answer the door wrapped in a sheet…she'd been known to do it before.

I swung the door open and staggered back. There, in front of me, was a very nervous Edward Cullen, swinging his keys from his finger tip, and looking far more attractive than I remembered.

"Good morning!" I sounded cheerful. I wasn't sure what else I was supposed to say. I figured I'd make the most of this. We were going on the ferry. I loved ferries. How bad could it be? Even if he were playing some sick game with me, I still go to go on the ferry to Bainbridge, a trip I'd been meaning to make since I'd moved to Seattle a year and a half ago. I felt like a little kid.

"Guess you got my message?" He shifted uneasily.

"Jess gave it to me, is everything alright?"

He nodded, and smiled, stretching his hand out to brush it along the ends of my hair very briefly. "Everything's fine now."

**A/N: What do we think? I'm not sure about the whole BPOV part, but I guess it's important. There's no reason for her to find out about Tanya yet. **

**Review! I love them!**


	10. Freezing & Ferry Rides

**_Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'._**

Time seemed to stop. It was like I could feel every dip and swirl of his finger tip on the tips of my hair. It seemed to go on forever, and yet stop far too soon. And then he cleared his throat.

"It leaves at, uh, nine forty-five, so we should get going." He ran his hand through his disheveled hair and closed his eyes briefly. I wondered what was going through his head at that precise moment. He twisted his mouth into a look of disapproval and reached around me to pull the door shut. "We should leave them to it."

I felt a blush creep over my cheeks. Somehow I'd managed to forget about Jessica and Josh for the moment. He chuckled softly and waited for me to take a step so that we were stride in stride, his fingers at the small of my back, urging me forward. "Sorry about them" I mumbled as we headed down the stairs. I nearly tripped at the landing, but he caught my arm, righting me, before returning his hand to my back.

"Don't worry about it. I live with the incredible hulk; you wouldn't imagine what I've heard." I heard myself giggle. He must have been talking about Emmett.

"I didn't really need that image" I told him, stealing a look at his angelic face. No wonder he got all the girls. No one could resist that face. I felt my stomach sink and I lowered my eyes to my feet. He was so gorgeous, he would never want me. He was that guy that girls got with because they wanted to rebel. He was hot, and smart, and yet so rebellious. He was constantly in trouble. Last semester alone, his car was impounded twice…that I'd heard of. He didn't care, because he already had it all. What more could he possibly want? All the girls, all the looks, all the money, all the brains, all the means to do whatever he wanted. Edward Cullen was living the high life, so why was he spending time with me?

"I parked the car close, so we wouldn't have to walk far. It's cold today." He opened the door and guided me out to the street. Was I so incapable that I couldn't walk by myself? "Right there" he pointed to a silver car parked by the curb. It was a really pretty silver car.

"What is it?"

"My car." He looked at me like I had three heads. I rolled my eyes. "Oh, a Volvo?" I nodded.

"I thought they were like, old lady cars."

He feigned horror. "Never! Not anymore!" He opened the door for me and then went around the other side and climbed in himself. "Which car is yours?" He pointed to the driveway behind us.

"Why?" Why he cared about my car I had no idea.

"So I know when you're home of course." He grinned, but it didn't quite meet his eyes. I wondered what his problem was.

"You could call you know" I joked, clasping my seat belt as he pulled out.

"I'm not a phone man, remember?"

"You called last night."

He shrugged. "I got the machine."

I snorted at the absurdity of the situation. "Okay, so you'll leave a message that my roommate might hear, but you won't talk to me? What if you showed up and I had another guy up there with me?"

I was sure I saw the muscles in his neck contract and release, and I know his jaw hardened.

"Which car is yours, Bella?" His voice was hard.

"The black truck?" It came out unsure than I'd meant.

He nodded, more to himself than to me. I wanted to attack him, to kiss the frown off of his face. He needed to relax.

"I probably wouldn't have another guy up there you know."

"You can have whoever you want up there with you" he said, though his neck relaxed visibly. "Slippery" he muttered to himself, the knuckles of his left hand tightening on the steering wheel, his right hand tapped the gear shift, ready to shift at a moment's notice.

"Are you sure you're okay?" His face was tense, the hand on the wheel was white and he looked impatient. I reached my hand out tentatively and laid my fingers on the back of the tapping hand. He jumped but didn't resist my touch.

"The roads are slippery" he said tensely, turning off of my street and heading toward the highway.

"I guess 'cause it snowed and then it was warmer yesterday."

He nodded slowly, eyes never leaving the road, though his hand did stop tapping. He was silent as he drove toward the harbour, and he slowed carefully, turning into the parking lot and shifting back into first and pulling the emergency brake. "Ready? We need to hurry." His voice was back to its normal relaxed, smooth tone. "Stay there; we don't want a repeat of what almost happened on the stairs." He stepped out and tested the ice. Stupid boy, I can walk on my own. I opened the door and set my foot down. Not so bad. I stepped out and slid, feeling my feet go out from under me, and landing flat on my back, saving my head from impact at least. I growled to myself and heard him sigh. "Don't you ever listen?"

**_Edward's Point of View_**

_**I**_ bit back a laugh as she sat up, looking haughtily in my direction and huffing loudly. "Are you alright?" I asked, stepping carefully closer to her.

"Haven't they heard of salt?" She bit her lip and I extended my hand.

"I told you to be careful" I reminded her, pulling her up. She brushed her backside off, looking grumpily at me. "If you're alright, we do have a ferry to catch." I helped her walk slowly off the icy parking lot and onto the gravel trail. It was much less slippery there.

"I'm fine. I fall a lot" she admitted. Her cheeks flushed, though I wasn't sure if it was from the cold or embarrassment. We were silent a while, as I paid for the tickets and lead her toward the boat. "How long is the ride?"

I smiled at her. She was starting to relax. Relaxation was good. "Only just over half an hour. But once we're there, there isn't another boat coming back until one o'clock. They don't run very often in winter. Too cold." She nodded mutely. She seemed unsure what to say. I had to admit, with three hours to kill on the other side in February; I wasn't sure what we were going to do. I hadn't planned for that when I'd invited her. This was starting to look a lot like a date, and for the first time since I'd laid eyes on Tanya, and then sent her out of my room, I felt comfortable with maybe, just maybe, this actually being a date with Bella.

Tanya. Every time I thought about it I felt cold. Everything she'd done to me was so incredible, and so fast, and so wrong. I didn't know why. Any other day I would have jumped at that opportunity. But then, I kept thinking about Bella Swan. I couldn't stop thinking about her. The way her cheeks blushed red and her eyes danced with excitement. The way she giggled, and the way she snorted. And the way her pants clung to her legs. And the way her hair twisted around in the wind.

I'd wanted to touch Tanya, but I wanted to look at Bella Swan more. Priorities are what Alice called things like that. I hated decisions and I hated priorities, and I hated how looking at Bella Swan was getting in the way of my physical pleasure. In fact it was causing me physical pain. A simple touch from her hand left me tingling.

"Come on, there's a restaurant. We can grab a drink."

She shook her head. "Can we stay out here?" Out here? In the cold? Was she crazy?

I nodded. "Sure." I was crazy too. She headed for the railing and looked out over the white capped, frigid water.

"It's scarier here. You know, on the boat instead of on the board walk. Like you're going to fall in or something." She leaned forward and clutched the railing in her small hands. How I'd love those hands to be wrapped around something else… "It'll be getting dark when we come back, won't it?"

I leaned into the railing beside her and turned my face to look at her. "It might not be today. Since it's sunny. The clouds seem to make it seem darker than it is." I looked down at her, taking her all in. How had I gotten her to agree to this? A week ago she wasn't talking to me and now I was standing, in her presence, on a boat and she seemed…peaceful. Her face was more relaxed than I'd ever seen it. "Where are your glasses?"

She looked up, startled. "I put in my contacts."

I shook my head. "Oh, I like your glasses." I reached out and touched the end of her long, mahogany hair, gently playing with one, loose curl. Her scarf was wrapped right to her chin, the turquoise of the scarf standing out against the paleness of her skin. Her cheeks were tinged pink from the cold, and the end of her nose matched. Her eyes were squinting in the brightness, but they were still bright and mischievous. Like she was thinking of something witty to say. Her long lashes framed them. Her face flowed together, brow bone to straight nose to full, curved mouth. Her cheek bones were high, but not extremely so. The darkness of her hair made her face appear even paler, but it had a glow that said she got more than enough light, she just didn't tan. The lines were soft and my fingers ached to trace the lines; to memorize every peak and valley.

"What are you looking at?" her voice was soft, and her eyes fluttered up to meet mine. I looked into them, feeling my breathing slow to a normal, very relaxed pace. I couldn't remember feeling this comfortable. I felt like I could just lose myself in the pools of brown forever. I vaguely recognized that this wasn't a normal thought process for me but didn't bother thinking about it at that moment. I was too concentrated on what was going on right in front of my eyes.

"You" I whispered. I didn't even remember consciously thinking up that answer.

"Okay" she whispered, equally as quietly, as she turned back to look at the water again.

I vaguely heard the announcement saying we'd be casting off soon, but I wasn't paying attention. I was still watching her face as she stared out at the water. What was she thinking? Why was she so quiet?

"Edward?" She didn't look at me, she didn't even move. She just spoke, eyes still somewhere in the distance.

"Yeah?" I leaned into the rail a bit further into the railing so I could see her face better. Her face had lost its relaxed look. It looked nervous, and she was chewing her lip again. "What's the matter?" I ran my fingers through the bottom couple inches of hair, looking concerned.

"Honestly?" I gave her a weird, questioning look.

"Of course." I saw her swallow heavily.

"Why'd you bring me on the ferry?" What? "Why'd you come to my house with coffee last weekend?" I felt my heart sink. Drop past the pit of my stomach. I felt it shatter with the impact of it hitting the ground beneath me. She didn't want to spend time with me. She obviously couldn't get past the Edward Cullen that fucked her in his bathroom a week ago. What could I say? Should I tell her the truth? I had to spend the next couple of hours with her. Could I lie and get in her pants one more time before she left me. I didn't want her to leave me. She was all I thought about. I wanted to stay here and watch her forever. I wanted to watch her breathe in and out, and play with her hair, and watch her mouth move as she spoke. Not that I didn't want to touch her. Of course I wanted her that way too. I would be absolutely insane not to. Truth. I should tell her the truth. That's what Alice would tell me. Alice was always right.

"Because I wanted to." Lame, Edward. I saw her face light up slightly. "I kept thinking about you." My voice was low and embarrassed. She looked over to meet my eyes.

"I'm pretty glad you did." Her words were off hand, casual, but her tone was nothing but serious. Part of me wanted to pick her up and swing her around and kiss her, and the other half of me, was terrified of what may have just happened.

**_Bella's Point of View_**

He kept thinking about me? Why? This wasn't making sense. He was Edward Cullen. He didn't think about girls. But the way he was looking at me said more than I want to throw you down and ravish you on the deck. His hand was still on my hair and his eyes were like two, piercing green beacons, leading me to shore. I wanted to swim for them. I felt like if I just got a little closer he'd take me where I wanted to go. His hair was ruffled from the wind and his mouth was curled up in the tiniest smile. Neither of us said anything for a long time. I shivered involuntarily, breaking the spell.

"Oh god, you're cold." He sounded genuinely worried.

"I'm okay" I insisted, wiggling my face down deeper into my scarf.

"Do you want to go in?"

I shook my head. "I like it out here."

He nodded slowly, thinking. He reached out and took my hands, pulling me into him, hard. With my lack of coordination I almost sent us both toppling to the deck. I giggled. "I'm okay, honest."

"I can think of a way to warm you up" he said with a wink. Oh yes! Yes! Yes! My bad half of my brain was screaming to take him up on it. Just the idea of it was warming me up.

No! Don't you dare! You could ruin everything. Good Bella made a good point. I wasn't sure what this new Edward Cullen was thinking, but I didn't want to wreck something that could be a good thing.

"Way to kill the mood Edward Cullen" I joked, grinning up at him and taking a step back. He chuckled and gave me that signature crooked smile.

"Couldn't last forever, Bella Swan."

**_A/N: Whoa! Another update. And a sweet one at that. Bainbridge Island next, and then….Alice's party. Stay tuned!_**


	11. Bainbridge & Books

1_**Disclaimer: I do not own Twilight, New Moon, Eclipse or Breaking Dawn. I do not own Edward Cullen or Bella Swan or any other characters you may recognize from the series. I do however own the one-shot this is based on entitled 'White Carpet and Wall Sconces'**_

He led me off the boat, and made sure I didn't slip on the ice. I checked my watch.

"It ran a little late. Sometimes it takes longer in the winter."

I nodded up at him. "Do you make this trip a lot?"

"Enough" was his simple reply.

We continued walking. "What should we do?" He looked over at me and gave me a serious look. I shrugged. I knew what I wanted to do, but it was hardly appropriate, and as Good Bella said, it could ruin everything. I silently cursed my hormones. I silently cursed him for letting them out of their cage.

"What do you usually do when you come here?" We walked side by side, not quite touching. Every so often I would feel a gentle brush along my gloved finger tips, but every time I reached out it was gone. I had no idea what he was doing, or what he was thinking. He seemed to change his mind a lot. Perhaps there was a Good Edward and a Bad Edward as well. I secretly wished our bad halves could get in a room together and lock the good halves out. Oh the fun our bad halves could have.

"I um...well..." He looked uncomfortable again. I had no idea why. There didn't seem to be much pattern to what upset him, except questions. Always questions upset him, but not all questions. _What did Edward Cullen have to hide?_

"Sorry" I said meekly. I reached out tentatively and squeezed just the ends of his fingers in his gloves. Much to my surprise, he squeezed back.

"It's just sort of embarrassing" he said with a laugh."I come here, because I like the library." He blushed redder than I usually did, looked the other way, down the street, and he pulled his hand away, shoving it in his pocket.

_The library? Edward Cullen? Really? _ I shook my head briefly. "I don't like the libraries around school either. The campus one's the best, how sad is that?"

He gave me a small smile but then went back to watching his feet stir up the snow beneath them.

"I hate to complain...but I am really cold." After being sprayed by the water while still on the boat, I was starting to freeze, the droplets creating tiny icicles on all of my clothing. We were walking past a café. I was hoping he'd suggest we go in. He merely nodded. We walked a bit further. It was becoming unbearable.

"Sorry. I'm sorry. Look, I don't know what I want to do here. I hadn't thought that far ahead yet. We can go somewhere and sit down. Where did you want to go?" He spoke quickly and quietly, his eyes never leaving his shoes.

I thought a moment. "How far is this library?"

_**Edward's Point of View**_

The library? What could she possibly have planned for the library. Ever since the boat, when I pulled her close and saved her from practically shoving us both over board, I just wanted her as close as possible. I wanted to feel every curve against me. I wanted to _see_ her again. Naked, on my bed, on the floor, against a wall. But I couldn't tell her that. She would be disgusted. She was being so careful. I wondered what she was waiting for. A week ago she was happy to strip down to nothing in my bathroom and let me take her, but ever since, she'd been very reserved. I spoke to her and there was nothing suggesting she wanted to do it again. She'd said it was amazing. I remembered every minute of our romp. I'd replayed it over and over and over in my head, changing things, changing scenarios. It had kept me sane for the past week. I had _turned down_ another girl because of her. I was going insane, and here she was just as reserved as ever. I was going to need to get some soon or I was going to go crazy.

But then, I didn't want to scare her away. Because there had to be a reason that she was holding back, yet still willing to see me. It wasn't as though I'd dragged her, tooth and nail, onto the ferry. She had agreed whole heartedly to accompany me today. So that means she at least, must not hate me. She must like spending time with me on some level.

"Not far. Just around the corner." I pointed. She nodded and smiled shyly up at me. I reached out tentatively and took her hand. "Hurry up, you're a Bella-sickle."

She laughed her quiet, sweet little laugh and followed me through the snowy streets and into the quaint, cozy library. I wanted to drag her to the back most corner and ravish her from head to toe, but I didn't think that would go over well. Instead we headed for the fiction section and browsed for a moment.

"What do you read?" Her voice snapped me out of my library fantasies.

"Oh, mostly biographies." She gave me a look that I couldn't quite identify. One where her eyes narrowed slightly and her mouth twisted, but not in disapproval like I'd seen before.

"You're in the wrong section then." She sidestepped me and headed for the non-fiction section, eyes scanning the titles as she watched. She plucked a small, hard cover from the shelf and flipped through it briefly before nodding. "We have a couple of hours, you may as well find something, Edward." She headed for a round table in one of the corners and I watched her go. Her head was bowed and she was walking with a slight swing to her hips. She turned back to me and crooked one finger, gesturing me to follow. She had a tiny smirk playing on her lips. Screw the book, I'd read her's.

I crossed the room in three big strides and sat down beside her on one of the hard, wooden chairs. Hardly comfortable, but perhaps it would side track my one track mind.

"Didn't you find anything?" She grinned at me impishly. I grinned back, running my fingers through my crazy hair. I shook my head.

"I'll read with you."

She snorted back a laugh but opened her book and laid it on the table, holding it open with one hand, her other hand twisting in and out of her curls lazily. I leaned closer to her, not actually reading the print, but watching her facial expressions as her features would relax, and then tense as she tried to comprehend something. Her nose would crinkle or her mouth would pout as her eyes scanned the words. She obviously knew I wasn't reading because she would turn the page without asking. Our shoulders were touching, and then I needed to be closer. I leaned in so that part of my chest was behind her back and I could smell her. It was a light strawberry scent. One that I couldn't get enough of. I inhaled deeply and sighed. I felt her body tense, but she didn't say anything, and then her head turned ever so slightly towards me.

"Read, Edward" she mock scolded and turned back to her book, small smile playing on her gorgeous lips.

"I'm bored" I whispered back, one hand playing gently with the hand that was playing with her hair. This was too close. I couldn't help myself. I needed to know she was at least in the same book as I was, if not on the same page. No pun intended.

"Read" she whispered back with a tiny giggle.

I leaned forward so my mouth was right by her ear. "Your book is boring."

"I know" she whispered back. I had noticed she was turning the pages much more quickly than I would have thought it possible to read them.

I took a deep breath. I couldn't stand it anymore. I had to do _something._ I leaned in, cautiously, so slowly that I thought I might be moving back wards, and I kissed her cheek. Her skin was so soft, so smooth under my lips. It was even better than I remembered. And the way I remembered it was pretty damn amazing. She smiled a tiny smile and turned her face toward me. And then, she kissed me, lightly, softly, chastely, on the corner of my mouth. And then she pulled away, looking at me with a look I prayed was need. I stood up slowly and closed her book. My large hand wrapped around her small one and I led her carefully through the shelves to the very back of the building, all the while, neither of us saying anything. I gently spun her around and pressed her back to the shelves, taking both of her hands in mine.

I wasn't sure. What was she thinking? Why couldn't she just jump me like every other girl? I leaned in cautiously and placed my lips on her forehead. Her body seemed to react. Her hands tightened in mine and her head fell back ever so slightly. I kissed down her cheek and over her jaw, soft, fluttering kisses. She turned her head slightly, opened her eyes and glared at me. I pulled back. _Shit._ This isn't what she wanted. _What did she want?_

And then she roughly grabbed my face in her tiny, soft hands, and kissed me, full on the mouth, her lips devouring mine with fervour. And then _she_ pulled back, both of us panting slightly. "Sorry" she whispered, looking past me. I growled quietly and took her in my arms, capturing her lips once more, moving against her's like it was the last thing I was going to ever do. And if it was, I didn't care in the least. Kissing Bella Swan was almost heavenly. I felt complete, for the first time since before...well for the first time in a very long time, I felt complete, and as much as that completion scared me, I didn't want to give it up. Kissing Bella Swan was like finding water in the desert. It was like seeing shore after being at sea. It was the number one, most incredible feeling I'd ever felt. I'd thought sex with Bella Swan was incredible _before I knew_ Bella Swan, but if kissing her now was this incredible, I found the prospect of sex almost intimidating. How could anything be more delectable than this?

I ran my tongue along her bottom lips and she moaned quietly, opening up to me and letting me taste her. She softly caressed my tongue with her's and I was in heaven. She tasted better than she smelled. Sweet and smooth. How did I not remember this from before? She pressed her body against mine and her hands tangled in my hair. She pulled me closer and then broke her lips from mine, moving instead to my ear, kissing and gently licking the hollow beneath it, and then along my jaw line while I let my head loll back, enjoying the sensation. Her fingers played with the collar of my shirt and she kissed the tiny piece of chest that was exposed through the open buttons. My breathing caught, and I felt that familiar tightness. She smirked against my skin and kissed back up, mouth on mine again, tongues fighting a little harder now, for dominance. Her hands were everywhere, and so were mine. I felt the curve of her hips, and ran them back up, settling them on the small of her back, pulling her towards me, feeling her body against my arousal. She sighed quietly and pressed herself harder to me, kissing me more fiercely. Her hands drifted downwards, over my chest and then back up to my shoulders.

"Edward" she gasped, pulling herself back so she could look me in the eyes. Her brown ones were glazed and heavy lidded. Her lips were plumped and red, and she was breathing heavily. "I...not here...not in the library." _Damn._

"Okay" I whispered back, pulling her head to my chest and stroking her hair softly, savouring the silkiness between my fingers.

The clock on the wall said it was shortly after noon. We decided to head back to the ferry so we wouldn't miss our boat. I kept a protective arm around her waist. I had her this close, I didn't want to lose her, and I couldn't stand the idea of her apart from me at that precise moment. Every so often I would kiss her head and she would sigh, leaning into me.

The boat ride back was tense and seemed to go on forever. We decided a drink inside would be better than being sprayed by frigid water again, and we sat, talking about nothing. I spent more time watching her face, watching the way the expressions on her face changed as she spoke. I could watch her all day. I could kiss her all day. I wasn't sure how I felt about the feelings coursing through my veins. I wanted her, but I didn't want to lose her either. And I knew there was a possibility those two things could go hand in hand.

"Should we go straight to my place? We could order dinner before the party." I couldn't believe I was suggesting such a thing. I'd already spent all day with her.

She looked unsure. "Do you still want me to come to the party?"

I stared at her. How could she possibly think I wouldn't. I nodded. "Alice will be so happy to see you."

**A/N: Review? Please. Action from Edward's point of view is hard...I've never experienced anything as a guy. Haha. Hope you enjoyed.**


	12. Supper & Stereos

**Disclaimer: All original Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however, own the one-shot this is based on, "White Carpet and Wall Sconces"**

**A/N: Mucho thanks to Adrena for editing and helping me along and making this chapter absolutely flawless.**

**Bella's Point of View**

The drive back through Seattle was just as quiet and awkward as it was earlier in the morning. Edward's hands were white on the steering wheel and he never took his eyes off the road, even for a second. When I asked if he was alright he snapped at me about the roads being slippery. I hadn't thought they looked too bad, but I shrugged and settled back in the leather seat for the rest of the ride. We were pulling onto his street before he spoke again.

"I'm sorry for snapping" he apologized. "Winter driving makes me nervous."

"Did you not drive in snow before you came here?

"I'm from Chicago; of course I drove in snow." He pulled in the driveway behind a little, white BMW. "I just don't like winter driving." He pulled the emergency brake and cut the engine. I stepped out before he could come to my rescue, and made it to the door without breaking my neck.

"Bella! You made it!" A tiny, black haired woman rushed out the door towards us looking frazzled.  
"You guys are earlier than I thought you'd be." She glared at Edward and I'm sure if looks could kill he'd be dead on the front step.

"Bella's roommate...was being rather vocal, so I brought her here for dinner. We can order Chinese or something." He pushed past his tiny sister into the house, pulling me behind him. I could have sworn I saw Alice smile briefly before shutting the door and heading back to the kitchen.

"Of course not. There's spaghetti."

"Alice likes to cook," he whispered in my ear, hanging up my coat and taking my hand. 'We'd better humour her and eat it.'

I grinned up at him. "I live mostly on pizza pockets. I'm perfectly happy to eat her spaghetti." Edward patted my head lightly and lead me into the kitchen where Alice, and a tall, blonde guy who I recognized only by looks, from the odd frat party Jessica dragged me to, were talking. He was sitting on a stool by the island, spinning lettuce, a dazed look in his eyes.

"Bella!" Alice bounced back over again, taking my hand and sitting me down at the table. "Do you want a drink? Wine? Yeah?" She hopped back over and poured four glasses of red wine, not bothering to wait for an answer. "You spent the day with Edward, you'll need this" she said, placing the glass in front of me. "This is Jasper" she continued, pointing at the blonde guy, now draining the lettuce.  
"Delta Tau Delta" I said, looking at him and nodded in his direction, taking a sip of my wine. I knew I knew him. Jessica had definitely talked about Jasper before.

"Yeah, how'd you know?" Alice gave me a wary look.

"Jessica's my roommate, remember?" I took another sip of wine and smiled as Edward sat down opposite me. "She seems to know everyone."

Jasper laughed a throaty laugh in response. "That's one way of putting it. He tossed the salad and took it to the table. "Emmett and Rose are coming later" he said to Edward.

"Who's Rose?" I asked, as I pulled salad onto my plate. Alice and Jasper had sat down in the two remaining chairs.

"Emmett's girlfriend" Alice replied, stabbing a red pepper and popping it into her mouth. "He has to be really nice to her right now. Things are a little…shall we say…tender" She gave Edward a wide eyed look. If I thought Edward could shoot his eyebrows to his hair line, he had nothing on Alice. They practically had a life of their own. "Oh, and Edward" she looked in his direction pointedly, "She's bringing her friends tonight. Just so you're warned."

Edward's jaw tensed, I could practically hear him gritting his teeth, but his eyes were alight with curiosity.

"What's wrong?" I put my wine glass down and watched him carefully. The emotions running over his face didn't make sense. Did he and these friends of Rose's have some sort of history?

"Nothing. Don't worry about it. He rolled his spaghetti around his fork and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully.

"You two can go upstairs," Alice said at the end of the meal, after a silence that seemed to stretch on forever. "We'll clean up." She practically snatched my plate out from under my nose, and refilled my wine glass. "Take this with you," she told me, placing the stem in my hand and pointing toward the stairs. I gave her a fleeting look, and she smiled tightly before turning back to the table. Edward led me up the stairs and down the hall.

What I saw when he opened the door and flicked on the lights startled me a bit, but as I gave it more and more thought, I realized that it really wasn't so much a surprise at all. Posters of bikini clad women adorned the walls. Magazines were piled on shelves and surfaces. They all looked to be in mint condition. He had the typical blue plaid bedspread that every male under the age of thirty seemed to have a version of, and it was twisted and left in a lump at the end of the bed where he'd probably kicked it in his hurry to rise that morning. The desk under the window looked a lot like mine, papers scattered and piled in no real order, textbooks overlapping, bindings peeling, and there was a very expensive looking electric keyboard in the corner.

"It's kind of messy," he admitted. "But I did do laundry."

I laughed out loud and moved further into the room. "Interesting décor," I joked, gesturing to the posters. He blushed deeply.

"Should have taken those down, I guess." He moved to the wall and pulled a corner of one of the busty blondes on his wall.

"Oh! No! Don't change things like that for me." I pulled his hand away from the poster and he slowly turned to face me. The way he looked at me made me forget where we were. I felt like two eyeballs staring up at him. My body didn't even feel like it was there anymore, like I was going to fall but never actually hit the ground.

"You okay Bella?" He sounded confused. Thud! _Oh right, I'm more than eyeballs_. He reached out and stroked down my cheek lightly. _Definitely more than eyeballs_. His hands crawled down and settled on my hips, massaging tiny circles into the bone. _Oh so much more than eyeballs._

"Mmhmm," I hummed, looking up at him with longing in my eyes. There was a bed behind us, a stereo against the wall (to drown out the extremely loud noises I was going to make if I got my way) and a lock on the door. All the makings of a good time. And we still had a couple of hours before anyone showed up for the party. Not that the party would stop me…hell it didn't the last time. "Edward" I said sweetly, still looking in his eyes and winding my arms around his neck.

"Yes Bella?" His voice was raspy. I leaned into him. _Why was I seducing Edward Cullen? Shouldn't it be the other way around?_ My face was less than an inch from his. I could feel his breathing speed up.

"I'm bored," I whispered, and crashed my lips to his with even more passion than I had in the library. He ran his hands behind my back and pulled me to him, raising my feet off the floor and deepening the kiss.

"We wouldn't want that," he murmured, pulling back and smiling that dazzling crooked smile that I was starting to look forward to seeing. I settled my head on his shoulder, nuzzling to get closer and placed a kiss on his throat. I felt his lips on my hair, and it rustled a little with his breath.

"What're we doing?" I kissed his throat again and threaded my fingers into his hair. He held me tighter and kissed the top of my head_. This wasn't exactly what I had in mind, but I'd take it._

"I'm not too sure," he whispered back. "But I like it." He kissed me again and I felt like he was devouring me. A simple kiss made me yearn for more. A simple kiss was beautifully arousing. He picked me up and I wrapped my legs around his waist, kissing him back with as much passion as I could muster. This was a nice kiss. It wasn't rushed. It said that we could take as much time as we wanted. He lay me down on the bed and hovered over me, brushing my hair from my eyes and kissing both of my cheek bones. "Thank you," he murmured, looking deep into my eyes. I felt like I was the only person in the whole world.

"For what?" I ran my fingers down his back, memorizing all of the muscles.

"Today." He captured my lips once more with his, delving his tongue into my mouth and fighting mine, only for a moment. "I don't think I've ever had that much fun at the library."

I pushed him away and looked at him, squinting my eyes and licking my lips. "The famous Edward Cullen's never done it in a library?"

"The famous Edward Cullen's never done it with _you_ in a library," he corrected me. I took a moment to consider what those words meant. Was he just being nice? Was he insinuating that I was somehow better than every other girl he'd ever done? I highly doubted that. Was he somehow saying that what we had was "special"? I shook my head. I didn't want to go there. Going there would mean getting hurt later on. He was being nice. I felt his teeth graze the skin on my neck. _He was being very nice_.

"Maybe if you stick around, you could get the chance," I whispered seductively in his ear. "Though here will do for now." My fingers twisted around the button on his shirt and I plucked one from the hole.

"Now?" His voice sounded nervous, scared even, but he sucked on the lobe of my ear none the less.

"Mmm, yes. Now." I moaned, sliding another button through its hole as his hands played down my sides and cupped under my bottom. He squeezed, and my body jumped at the sensation. "Right fucking now," I whispered, kissing the skin I'd exposed and moving quickly on to the next button.

Inch by beautiful inch of his exquisite body was being displayed for me. This time it wasn't rushed, it wasn't like the last time where it was frantic and heat filled and hormone driven and disconnected. This time it was slow, and heat filled and hormone driven and oh so very connected. It was like he knew exactly what to do to drive me absolutely crazy and he was going to take his sweet time doing it. There was nothing frantic about his movements. They were slow and calculated, soft and gentle.

His fingers crept under my sweater and inched it up over my stomach, kissing each piece of skin delicately, nipping here and there, causing me to arch my back and gasp. He was going to drive me over the edge of insanity.

I let my hands trace the lines on his back and shoulders. They were so sculpted and smooth, and hard and soft all at the same time. I leaned up and kissed along his collar bone, sucking hard at the more raised areas, and earning myself a throaty moan on his behalf. That was possibly the best sound in my world. It was a sound I wanted to hear over and over again.

He sat me up and pulled my shirt over my head. In turn I slid his off his shoulders and pulled him to me, wrapping myself around him, trying to get as close as possible. My lips showered him in kisses; his shoulders, his neck, his face, and he returned them back to me. My skin tingled at the contact.

"Incredible," he whispered, running his nose along my jaw and tangling his long fingers in my hair. My lips found his and molded around them, biting and sucking his lower lip, causing him to groan once again, sending shivers down my spine. His hands found the clasp of my bra and unhooked it, letting it fall from my body before latching his mouth to one hardened nipple and biting gently. My back arched violently and I threw my head back, gasping for air.

"Oh! My God!" I cried out, gripping the sheets between my fingers. He pulled away and stood up. "What are you doing?" My body was going crazy with need and he was _leaving_? I stood up and followed him.

"Stereo. Calm down. Do you want Alice to hear us?" He flashed me a mischievous grin and pressed some buttons on the ornate system. I wrapped my arms around him from behind and kissed his back, his shoulders; I reached up and kissed his neck.

"Good plan," I whispered. "Now, back to bed." I pulled him back over and lay down. He pushed me over on my side and lay behind me, cradling me against his strong, firm chest, wrapping his arms around me, fondling my breasts softly, slowly, gently, and his lips playing havoc on my neck. The music, that I didn't recognize, erupted from the speakers, but I barely heard it. I had been waiting for this all week. I wanted him all for myself whenever I wanted him. I didn't want anyone else to have him. And that was a very bad way to think when it came to Edward Cullen.

"Is this okay?" His voice was soft and he pulled me closer, rocking me gently against his arousal. I sighed contentedly and ground back against him. This was different. I loved how tender this new side of Edward Cullen was. The slow, sensual side. But I didn't really understand the sudden change.

He placed a kiss between my shoulder blades and his hands went to the button on my pants. "You're ready for this?" _Um, hello! I practically jumped you in the library. Perhaps I've been ready for this all day._

I settled for nodding and ducking my head to kiss his arm, while he went to work on my pants. As his hands grazed over the bare skin of my stomach my muscles contracted rapidly. I felt myself flood with desire. I wanted him to touch me. I wanted him to touch me and never ever stop. I groaned loudly and ground my arousal into his.

"Patience Bella Swan," he murmured into my skin as he maneuvered us so I was on my back and he was away from me again. I reached my arm out, feeling frantically for him, grasping my hand around his wrist. He chuckled and moved to slide my pants down my legs, slowly kissing and licking my thighs as he went. I let out a tiny squeal of frustration and grabbed onto his hair roughly. I was obviously having difficulty with the soft and sensual session we were having. "Patience," his soft, soothing voice said again. I loosened my grip on his hair and relaxed back again. He moved his face up again and blew on my dampened panties. I jumped instinctually. "You _are_ ready" he smiled.

"So ready," I whispered, my voice hardly audible over the music he'd put on. "Please," I pleaded, stroking his face as he moved closer to mine, kissing me sweetly on the lips.

"Please what?" He sounded rough and strained. I felt the hardness pressing into my stomach and smiled.

"Do _something_, anything." I heard the pleading tone in my voice. I clutched his shoulders and pulled myself to him, placing a searing kiss on his mouth. The way he tasted made my head swim. The way his hands felt on my body made me giddy. I wanted him. I _needed_ him.

"Like this?" He ran one finger down my still clothed slit and I shuddered and groaned.

"Yeah," I gasped out, biting my lip. He tucked a finger inside and stroked lightly again.

"Or this?" He pressed into my swollen nub and I felt my muscles contract on contact. I nodded, still twisting my lip in my teeth. My eyes were closed and I could feel my chest rising and falling with my heavy breaths, but I had no real recollection of breathing.

"Oh, Edward," I breathed, arching my back and pressing into the contact. His thumbs hooked into the waist band of my panties and he pulled them smoothly off. How he did it, I wasn't sure, and I wasn't asking.

"I love when you say my name" he whispered in my ear, sending tingles down my spine. One hand cupped my breast, squeezing and kneading, while his mouth went to the other, licking and suckling and biting softly on the fleshy parts.

"Edward," I gasped, slightly louder this time. My hips bucked and he moaned. The vibrations causing me to shake violently. I didn't realize that so little contact could feel so good. "You still have pants on," I gasped, moving my hands to his belt and slowly unbuckled it, having trouble thanks to our position.

"I don't care." He pressed his fingers into my heat and I writhed beneath him.

"Ah! Wow. Okay! Edward. Pants!" I couldn't make my hips stop moving as he stroked, up and down, slowly applying more pressure, and then taking it away, leaving me starving for more.

"Patience, Bella Swan," he said again, running his free thumb over my already painfully erect nipples, and causing me to arch my back dangerously. I whimpered. I was done with being patient. His mouth was on mine again, biting, sucking, begging me for entrance, and of course I obliged, slipping my hands into his hair once more and anchoring myself securely to him.

"Please," I cried out as he slid a finger into my heat and stroked gently. "More" I begged, more quietly, moving my hips to the tempo he'd already set. His skilled finger slid slowly in and out of my wetness and I pressed my hips to meet him every time. I could feel the delicious pain start to twist through my body. "Please…Edward," I whispered into his ear, and he groaned that delectable groan that I wanted to hear over and over. He added a second finger and pumped harder, his other hand moving from my breast to slowly caress my face, his thumb rubbing back and forth under my eyes.

"Bella, look at me," his gravelly voice whispered next to my ear. I forced my eyes open, and there, looking at me, was positively the most beautiful image I'd ever seen. His green eyes were darkened with lust but his face was relaxed, his mouth was parted ever so slightly and he was breathing heavily. His hair was flattened on one side and completely mussed on the other, the front falling slightly in his face. It was the first time I'd seen his face look entirely at ease. He smiled slightly and pressed his lips to my forehead as his hands moved faster, setting a blinding pace, circling my swollen nub with his thumb and causing me to cry out and contract on his fingers. "Good girl," he cooed, kissing the end of my nose. "Let go." He pressed his thumb against me harder and my legs started to tremble. "There." he murmured, kissing my lips. "Almost there." I'd never been talked through my orgasm before, but I loved it. I wanted to hear his voice over and over again. I didn't care if he read me the grocery list; I just needed to hear him.

"Edward!" I gasped again, feeling the tightening, tingling between my shoulder blades. He kissed my lips softly again as the tingling crawled further down my back. His free hand swept my hair from my overheated face, while he kept his eyes locked on mine.

"I think you need to cum now, Bella." His voice was soft and he never took his eyes from me as my body started to tremble uncontrollably beneath him. His fingers plunged deeper again and curved in. In and out, in and out he plunged, and I pressed my body into the bed as I felt the feeling of release come closer. I was so close I could taste it. I threw my head back, still holding his gaze beneath heavy lids, and then everything exploded.

"Oh God. Edward," I gasped out. His hand played in my hair as he lowered his body to mine slowly, covering me with himself as I rode out every wave of pleasure coursing through my entire being. I moaned loudly as it gradually subsided and I relaxed, spent against the mattress. "Wow," I murmured, pulling him close to me and kissing his shoulder softly. He smiled and kissed my forehead. I slowly moved for the buckle on his belt, pulling it free of the loops and unbuttoning his jeans. "I thought rough Edward was good, but that was…mind-blowing," I admitted as I eased his jeans and boxers over his hardness.

"Ah! Glad, you…Bella!" His roughened voice was barely above a whisper as I wrapped my hands around him and kissed the tip.

"Yes Edward?" I licked slowly down the side, and then pumped with my hand while I kissed from his hip bone to the center.

He didn't answer. He just took my shoulders in his strong hands and turned me over, situating himself at my entrance. "I want to do _this,_" he finally said, brushing my hair from my face once more before gently gripping my hips in his long fingers and pressing into me slowly. I reveled in the completeness as he sunk in to the hilt and kissed me full on the mouth, pressing his tongue to my lips and gaining entrance. I moaned and he shuddered above me. "You're gorgeous," he murmured against my lips, slowly pulling out and thrusting just as slowly back in. I reached a hand up to cup his cheek and ran my thumb over his full lips.

"Incredible." I used his word. It was truly the only thing that fit. If I could look into those eyes forever I honestly believed I could be happy. And I wasn't letting anything change my mind about that at this precise moment. At this precise moment his past didn't matter and neither did mine. We were two people completely in tune with only each other. It didn't matter that he was Edward Cullen and I was Bella Swan, it only mattered that we were both here and we were both the only people in this little world. He thrust in again, slightly harder, and I matched his pace, pushing my hips to his, wrapping my legs around his waist and pulling him closer, wrapping my arms around him, feeling every inch of him against me. He was so warm and inviting, and he smelled so wonderful and I wanted to stay like this forever. He began to thrust faster and I knew he must be sensing release. His eyes closed and his mouth opened slightly. He changed the angle slightly, arching his back and pulling me with him and he thrust hard again. "Ah!" I cried, pressing myself harder to him. _That was the spot_. "There! Oh Edward, oh!" He hit it again and I tensed, squirming under the pressure that was building. He moaned loudly and I bit my lip, making a tiny squealing deep in my throat.

"Bella," he groaned, pressing deeper into me and wrapping me in his strong arms. His thrusts became shallower and faster and my body was jostling with the action. "I'm close," he grunted, pushing into me again, his face contorted in concentration and pleasure. I felt the tingling start again and I pushed my hips harder to his, grinding us together, hurrying it along.

"Me too," I gasped out, running my fingers into his bronze locks and gripping tightly. He thrust again and I felt my body tighten, the shivering moving quickly to where I wanted it to go. "Oooh!" I moaned, and caught his lips in a deep kiss. I heard him moan and felt the vibration shock through my body, signaling the end. My body contracted and my back arched. He pumped into me once more and I felt his body stiffen, his shoulders trembled and he let out a low, guttural groan, bucking his hips to mine once more before relaxing his body on mine and letting me feel his whole weight. We were both panting, and I gently stroked his hair, kissing his face and admiring the beautiful face in front of me, completely relaxed, eyes closed, mouth parted slightly, corners turned up ever so slightly.

He murmured something I didn't quite hear and rolled off of me, pulling me to his chest and kissing my forehead.

"Pardon?" I asked, hoping to hear what he said.

"I said I could stay here…" his voice drifted off but he refused to finish his sentence and he just furrowed his brow, looking unsure. "I don't want to go to that party."

I snuggled closer to him and wrapped my arms around his waist. "Me neither."


	13. Misunderstandings & Miscommunications

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own 'White Carpets and Wall Sconces.'**

**A/N: Thanks so much to my fabulous editor Adrena, and of course to Blynn because she begged, pleaded and kept me (somewhat) on track.**

**My aplogies for this one taking so long.**  
**Edward's Point of View  
**

I opened my eyes and blinked. She was still there. I blinked again. Still there. It wasn't a dream. I had a gorgeous angel in my bed, naked, still draped over me, fast asleep, her breathing a rhythmic in and out. Her dark curls were a mess, and her face was pressed into my chest. I pulled the covers up, over her and placed one hand on her back, rubbing gentle circles. I felt her move slightly and sigh, before slipping back into her deep slumber.

I could hear the beat of the party, even over the music I'd turned on. It had to have been going on for a while, and I was surprised Alice hadn't come pounding on the door. Or maybe she had and I hadn't heard her. I wondered if I really needed to go down there. I had promised to be present for this party; however that was _before _there was a beautiful woman asleep on my chest.

I couldn't help but think back to how she'd gotten there. How had I gotten so lucky? I knew now, though I was terrified to admit it, even to myself, that there was more to Bella Swan than met the eye and that I had more than just sexual feelings for her. I knew that I could spend a lot of time with her, just getting to know her better, or like I was at that precise moment, watching her sleep, listening to her breathe.

In fact, I could almost imagine turning down the heat to get to know her better. I wondered how long it would take to learn all there was to know about Bella Swan.

She gripped her fingers into my side and sighed, readjusting her body in relation to mine, before relaxing once more. Her face had a complex look of relaxation and bliss and worry painted across it. I wondered how one person could show so many emotions while still fast asleep.

Learning all there was to know about Bella Swan could be a very long process. I quickly took back my vow to slow things down. I would go crazy.

I was going crazy just having her in my bed. It was taking all my concentration to keep my breathing even. I paced myself to hers and continued to rub her back, playing with the end of her hair at intervals. I could barely remember a time when I felt this at ease.

I tried to remember the last time I let a girl fall asleep after sex and didn't practically shove her clothes into her arms and send her out the door.

I thought back to that conversation I'd had with Alice, the one after the run in with Rose's friend Tanya. Was she right? Was this just like it was with her? I _forced _myself to think her name. _Charlotte_. I took a deep, steadying breath and pinched the bridge of my nose to calm myself. I didn't like thinking about it. I didn't want to go back there again. The pain of the entire thing shot through my body like lightning and I took another deep breath, causing Bella to stir.

She looked groggily up at me, a small smile creeping across her face, and then she blinked, and her smile disappeared. "What's wrong?" She rolled off of me and sat up, keeping the sheet around her.

My throat was thick and my ears were ringing. "Edward?" She looked torn, like she wasn't sure whether to stay or leave.

"Nothing," I choked, pinching the bridge of my nose again and blinking against the burning in my eyes. I reached a hand out and placed it on her knee, trying to show her that everything was alright. I took another deep breath and tried again. "I was just…thinking?"

Her face was still concerned, but her body relaxed visibly. "What about?" Her voice sounded hurt. Did she think I was upset with her? She seemed to pull herself further away from me, hiding more of her in the sheet.

I wasn't sure what I was supposed to say. I wasn't ready to tell her the real reason; I wasn't even sure what the real reason was.

"I'm not mad at you," I told her, sitting up to face her, reaching my hand out to brush it along her cheek.

"I couldn't be mad at you."

"Should I go?" She leaned over, searching for something. I watched as the sheet slipped from her shoulder, revealing more of her milky skin. I itched to touch it.

"What? No. No, of course not." I forced myself to smile as I reached for her hand. "Bella, I'm sorry. What's wrong?" What could I possibly have done? I dropped her hand and went to turn off the stereo before returning to the bed, sitting as close to her as I dared. "Bella, what's wrong?"

"Maybe we should go down to the party." Her voice was hollow. I thought everything was going so well. I watched intently as her face was crinkled with hurt.

"Let's have our own party." I tipped her chin up to face me. She was silent for a long time, her eyes wide and sad, her mouth pursed. I couldn't read her face. I didn't know why she was so upset. Was she having second thoughts? She really didn't like me as well as I thought. Was I just easy sex that had turned awkward? I didn't want to believe it.

"What are you doing, Edward?" She readjusted the sheets and leaned back against the pillows.

"I'm trying to figure out why you are so upset." This was what I hated about girls. They got upset about everything. I reminded myself why I didn't go the relationship route. This is why I sent girls out or left while they were sleeping. I was not good at dealing with the after effects. Why had I thought Bella Swan would be different? Was I that stupid? But she was. She was so different.

"I'm upset because you're upset." My heart pounded in my chest. Did that mean she cared? She lowered her eyes to stare at her knees. "Why are you upset Edward? I mean…I thought everything was okay. I thought maybe…we…you and me…I thought we were doing pretty well." She blushed red and closed her eyes.

We, Bella and me, we. I liked the sound of it more than I should have. I barely knew her, and she knew too much about my past. How could this even happen?

"I told you," I said with a sigh. "I was thinking…" She gave me an angry look and crossed her arms over her chest. At least she wasn't leaving. "About something that happened a long time ago." I felt the hot sting of tears in the corners of my eyes and blinked furiously. I was Edward Cullen. _Edward Cullen did not cry._ _Especially not in front of anyone._ _Especially not in front of Bella Swan._

"You know Edward, it isn't very good for the ego when you wake up to some guy looking like he's in pain."

I sighed. "It's nothing. I'm sorry."

"You can talk about it if you want." Her voice was quiet, shy. Back to the Bella that first barged into the bathroom just over a week ago. "I won't say anything." She looked down at her hands. Her fingers were twisted together; the way she did when she was nervous, or uncomfortable.

I shook my head slowly and reached out to take her hands. "Not now," I told her quietly, squeezing her hands lightly.

"When you're ready then, perhaps." She let me keep her hands in mine but she wouldn't meet my eyes.

"You're sure you don't want to go down to the party?" No, I didn't want to go to the party, Tanya would be there, smokin' body and big smile Tanya, who had been texting me all week long. I was going to kill Rosalie for giving her my number.

"Not really," I responded, pulling her closer to me. "I'd much rather stay here with you." I pecked her on the forehead and searched her face with my eyes. She still looked sad, and she wouldn't look me in the eyes.

"Can we go for a drive?" _Gulp_. "To the harbour?"

"Won't you be cold?" I wasn't ready to leave the warmth of my bed yet. I also wasn't ready for her to put her clothes back on. I reached out and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her tight to my chest and laying back. "It's nice and warm here."

She shook her head. "I need to think." _Think._ What did she need to think about?

"Are you okay?" I was getting seriously worried. She'd been fine all day. She only nodded and kissed me chastely on the lips. "Do you want me to come with you while you think?"

"Oh, I think you'd better," she said sweetly. My Bella was back. Wait, _my Bella_? I had no claim over her.

_Did I want to lay some claim to her?_ I mentally gave my head a shake. Maybe I did, but she probably didn't. I was Edward Cullen.

She ran her finger down my chest and then rolled off of me, searching for the light switch.

"Any idea where my other sock is?"

She held up a little pink ankle sock and grinned. I shook my head and reached my hand out to pull the sheet from her body. She squealed.

"What's the point, Bella? I've already seen it all." I stood and pushed her back on the bed so she was sitting, looking up at me, smiling a coy little smile.

Her fingers slowly crawled down my stomach, and I felt all the muscles clench. She flared her fingers over my hip bones and pressed them into me. I was getting hard. Correction, I was hard_. Very hard._

And then…she laughed and slid off the bed, kissing me hard on the mouth and then resumed looking for her clothes. _Fuck._

"I want to go to the harbour, Edward." She looked over at me, her eyes wide and pleading. "Please." _Fuck._ _Why did she have such an…effect on me?_ _Could I deny her nothing?_

"I'm going to dress you, and then we can go." She looked up at me, surprised, before finding her bra and sliding it over her shoulders.

"Dress yourself." She threw a pair of boxers in my direction. She missed by a mile.

"Good aim," I joked, pulling them over my legs and yanking a sweater from my drawer.

"Alice is going to kill us," I told her as I shoved my head through the neck of the sweater and dug around for a pair of jeans.

She only shrugged and started looking for that stupid sock again. She was still way too naked for me to ignore.

"Where are my pants?" She seemed to have found her socks. _Pink ankle socks and a satin bra…I wanted to devour her._

"I think you're missing something." She shook her head, pulling her sweater over her head and sticking her tongue out.

"We're five?" She only nodded.

"Pants?" She looked at me expectantly and I pulled them from the chair where they'd landed.

"Thanks." She pulled them on. Did I need to mention that she'd forgotten her underwear? I decided against it.

"Ready?" I asked, offering my hand. She took it and stood on her toes to kiss me on the cheek.

"You don't mind missing the party to freeze your ass off at the harbour?'

"Nah, it's actually preferable." I wanted to avoid Tanya. Tanya and her texts that I'd never responded to. She was…eager…if nothing else. _Eager and hot. I was so stupid. _

I looked down at the cute brunette holding my hand. Her eyes were shining; her hair was trailing down her back. Her hips swayed as she walked and her tiny hand was warm in mine. _Maybe I wasn't so stupid. _

"How did we not notice the floor was shaking?" She squeezed my hand tighter as we descended the stairs into the mob of people.

I raised my eyebrows and then winked. "Never mind." she said with a giggle.

We pushed through the crowd. "There you are!" _Shit, not Emmett._ "We've been looking all over for you! Look at this, Jasper got a fuckin' keg!"

He held up beer cups in both hands. Bella laughed at him. "Bella Swan…I'm so glad you're here. You know Edward needs someone who's got more than air between their ears."

He winked and gave her a big grin. "However little bro', there is someone looking for you. Friend of Rosalie's, keeping my woman away from me. You know she's still on about the damn baby?"

He winked again. "Tall, blonde. Sure you know what I'm talkin' about." I cleared my throat and Emmett lumbered off, careful not to spill his beer. Bella looked at me curiously.

"Ready to go? Let's leave before someone else stops us." I took her hand and pulled her toward the front door.

"Edward!" The sweet voice I'd been hoping not to run into assaulted my ears and I tensed. "Gosh I've been looking everywhere for you." She brought her face close to mine and hugged me tightly, ignoring Bella. I felt her drop my hand and step away.

I patted Tanya awkwardly on the back and she stepped away, tracing my jaw line with one, perfectly manicured finger. "Did you not get my texts? My messages?" She was pouting. I hated to see girls pout.

"Sorry," I said, shuffling my feet awkwardly. "I've been busy."

"We should catch up. Gosh, I mean, last weekend was just the beginning of something great. I mean, I'm so sorry I interrupted you, and I mean, obviously you've been busy. I mean, I totally understand."

I wondered how many times it was possible to say "I mean" in a sentence.

"But, I mean, like you're here now, and I'm here now and I mean, we could like totally finish what we started." She winked, and ran her fingers down my arm, causing my body to tingle.

That wouldn't be a bad idea. She _was_ gorgeous, willing, and eager even. This is what I was used to. She threw herself at me. I'd be a fool not to accept that offer. I felt her nails softly grazing the muscles on my neck.

_Fuck, Bella._ I looked to my right and she was no longer there.

"I need to go Tanya; maybe I'll see you later."

"Oh, Edward, there's no need to go yet. Will you call me?" She was still clinging to my wrist and I was still scanning the room for Bella.

"Yeah, yeah maybe, sure" I told her, gently unclasping her fingers from my wrist. "Why don't you grab another drink Tan, we'll catch up later."

I forcefully pulled myself away and turned my attention to the rest of the room. Alice was standing talking to a couple of girls in the corner, sipping on her signature red wine.

"Alice, have you seen Bella?" I was still scanning the room, trying to see her dark curls amongst the crowd.

Alice shook her head. "I thought she was with you." I rolled my eyes at her and jabbed my thumb in Tanya's direction.

"Oh, shit Edward. See if her coat's still there. Maybe she headed outside." It's a good thing one person in the family had a brain; I'd never have thought to check for a coat.

Bella's jacket was definitely no longer in the hall closet and her boots were gone, so I decided I'd better find her. We were supposed to go to the harbour after all.

I grabbed my keys off the ring by the door and squeezed through the crowd of people smoking on the front step. I needed a smoke, I realized as I passed through the haze. I pulled one out of my jacket pocket and lit it, meanwhile looking left and right to see where Bella went.

"Has a girl gone past? Brown hair, black coat?" _Great description, Edward. That could be any girl here. _

One of the smokers nodded. "She went left, said she needed some air. She moved pretty quick though."

I thanked him and hurried down the street. She couldn't have gotten that far, she seemed to be pretty clumsy and I hadn't talked to Tanya or Alice for that long.

"Bella" I called, rounding the corner to see her dark form hunched from the cold. Her hair was whipping around her face in the wind.

"Bella" I said again, jogging to catch up with her. She never looked back. "For Christ's sake, what the hell is your problem?" This was ridiculous. How did one person's mood change so frigging often? I wanted to shake her. I grabbed her shoulder and spun her to face me.

"Polite" was her snippy remark. Her voice dripped with sarcasm.

"What the fuck? We were supposed to go to the harbour. You made me get out of the mother fucking bed so I could take you to the god damned harbour, then you run off in the dead of winter and make me run after you. You're right, I am polite. _I'm fucking polite." _

I crossed my arms over my chest and she mirrored me. "Why the hell am I bothering? You wake up and you're pissed off about god only knows what, and then we get past that and now you're pissed off again."

"I was going for a walk," she said, stomping her foot. I nearly laughed. I took one last drag of my cigarette and crushed it under the toe of my boot. "I didn't want to intrude on your life anymore than I already have."

Her eyes were fierce, but I could have sworn I saw tears forming in the corners of her eyes. _Shit, crying girl is way worse than pouting girl._

"Are you crying?" I didn't manage to keep the scorn from my voice. I heard a distinct, yet very quiet sniff.

"No," she argued shakily. She looked angry. She wasn't ready to be defeated yet.

"Can we go to the harbour now? I'm dressed, out of bed and already freezing my ass off. I'd rather do it and look at boats."

"I suppose," she said stiffly, starting to walk back toward my house.

"Are you going to talk to me?" I jogged to catch up.

"In the car. It's cold out."


	14. Someday & Sunday

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own 'White Carpets and Wall Sconces.'  
**

**A/N: Thanks to my beta/editor Adrena for doing an awesome job. And to Blynn, my FF wife for all her help and inspiration. I need to keep her from kidnapping my Edward though, I need him for the story.**

**  
Bella's Point of View**

Edward turned the heater on high and rubbed his hands together before putting the car in gear. Neither of us had said anything since our tense exchange on the street and I knew I had to be the one to break the silence.

I couldn't believe how angry he'd gotten. I'd gone for a walk to give him some privacy with the gorgeous blonde that was practically clinging to his arm. I wondered who she was. She was beautiful, that was for sure, but she seemed a little on the dim side. I wondered if it was a dumb blonde act or if she really was as stupid as she appeared. I had some strange feeling that it was all an act to appear helpless. Guys seemed to be attracted to helpless.

I felt a surge of hot jealousy take over my body. I didn't want her to look at him the way she had. I didn't want her to touch him or to smile at him, or to make him smile. I needed to sweep those feelings under the rug though. He would never be more than he already was. I couldn't expect him to give up other women for me. That wasn't his nature. Edward Cullen hopped from woman to woman without any concern for the consequences. I had no right to feel the way I did. That was the risk of being with Edward Cullen; you had to know that you weren't the only one and you had to be accepting of that.

He slammed his foot on the break, causing the car to lurch to a stop. My body flew forward, caught on the seat belt and slammed back into the seat. His eyes were blazing as he looked at me, fingers tapping impatiently on the steering wheel.

"What?" I snapped. He growled menacingly.

"Where are we?" His voice was cold and hard.

I rolled my eyes. "The car," I said dramatically.

"Right," was his cold response as the light turned green and he stepped on the gas, managing to avoid sliding but taking a sharp breath none the less.

"What do you want me to say?" I warmed my fingers in front of the heat vent. I saw him roll his eyes even in the part darkness. "I'm sorry. I left so you and your friend could have some privacy?"

He snorted. "What did you mean by not wanting to intrude on my life?" His voice was slightly gentler now, though his eyes were still angry.

I shrugged. I could feel the hot sting of tears again and willed them away. I didn't want to appear weak in front of him. "You're Edward Cullen."

He barked out a laugh. "What does that have to do with anything?" The car swung into a parking spot near the board walk and he threw the shift into neutral.

"I didn't want to intrude. I mean you and that blonde girl obviously have something going on. I figured privacy was the one thing I could give you. I didn't actually expect you to come find me and take me to the harbour."

I finally stole a look in his direction to see that his face was completely blank, still looking straight out the windshield. "There is nothing going on," he whispered. "She's a friend of Rosalie's."

"Oh." It was all I could think of to say. "I didn't know."

"You really thought I'd do that? Hook up with you and then hook up with her? In the same night?"

I shrugged. "Rumour has it you've done it before."

He took a deep breath, and pinched the bridge of his nose between two fingers. "I wouldn't do that to you," he said quietly. "I could hardly avoid her."

"She practically threw herself at you," I agreed. I was trying to decode whatever it was he was trying to say. He chuckled that irresistible chuckle and reached for my hand.

"Are we staying in here where it's warm?" He squeezed my fingers gently. I nodded. "What did you mean by not intruding on my life, Bella?" Couldn't he drop it? I shook my head. "Bella" he warned.

I took a deep breath and placed my hand on the door handle, ready to run if it became too much. He needed to know. _He deserved to know._ Maybe if he understood, he could make things easier, or if not easier, perhaps quicker. He could rip the band-aid off instead of me slowly curling the edges, hoping that it wouldn't hurt, and really making it hurt more. "You're Edward Cullen," I said again, taking my time, building up. "You're Edward Cullen and everyone knows about Edward Cullen. If you sleep with someone you don't call back. And so I slept with Edward Cullen, and then Edward Cullen brought coffee to my house, and then Edward Cullen asked me to take the ferry with him, and then I slept with Edward Cullen again. I figured my time was up. I got more than I expected. Last Friday was great. Probably the best stress relief I've ever had, and that was fine, but then everything else happened and I'll admit it, I'm confused. Why were you spending time with me? And then today was great, but then that girl was there, and your brother mentioned her, and I just figured…I was one of many?" I felt myself blush and I reached for the door handle, not even bothering to look at him. I'd embarrassed myself beyond my wildest dreams.

"Where are you going?" He pulled my hand and I let go of the door handle. His voice sounded…_sad_? _Was that even possible? _

"Well, I was…um…" Why wouldn't he let go of my hand_? _

"I don't want you to leave," he whispered. "God Damn it, Bella! Are you seriously that blind?" Why was he angry again? And I wasn't blind. I rolled my eyes at him. "So that's it then? I was just some easy fuck? Because you were stressed out?" He rubbed his forehead with the hand that wasn't still clutching mine.

"That was hardly the initial intention." I wanted to scream. _He was infuriating_.

"You're confusing."

I shrugged. "So are you. Spit it out Cullen. What do you need to say?" I was getting impatient.

His face was drawn and tight. He turned to face me and reached for my other hand so that we were face to face. "I suppose it never occurred to you that I might actually like you?" I giggled. I couldn't help it. It seemed like such a fifteen year old crush thing to say. He groaned and rolled his head back on his shoulders. "You think this is funny? I practically bared my soul to you." I laughed harder. I couldn't stop. This wasn't the time or the place to be laughing hysterically, but I couldn't help it.

"Don't be such a drama queen, you hardly bared your soul," I managed between fits of laughter. I looked at him and he was smiling that crooked smile.

"Okay, I didn't bare my soul, but you're laughing at me. That's not very nice."

"Fine," I said, managing to pull myself together. "Do you mean it? That you like me?" I felt the fire light behind my cheeks and I was sure he could hear my heartbeat speed up. I felt like I was twelve again and he'd given me a dandelion he'd picked on the school yard or something equally as stupid.

"Usually, when you're not freaking out for no reason." He let my hands go and cupped my cheeks. "But you're even kind of cute when you're pissed." I was watching his lips, his perfect lips forming his not so perfect words.

"And the blonde?" I couldn't help it.

"Bella Swan has a jealous side" he teased, laying his forehead against mine. "Like I said, Rosalie's friend. I hardly wanted to cause a scene."

"She's gorgeous" I whispered, knowing that physically I'd never be able to match up to the goddess.

He shook his head. "She's a ditz. It hurts to talk to her. And you're not so hard to look at yourself." I felt one of my hands go to the back of his neck. My fingers tangled in his coppery hair.

"Sorry I left. I didn't mean to piss you off." I pressed closer to him, feeling one of his hands slide to my shoulder, the other one drawing thumb circles on my temple.

"Honest mistake," he whispered against my lips. "After all, I am Edward Cullen." His lips met mine and I melted. I could taste him, sweet, spicy and smoky again. It was a soft kiss, his lips were gentle against mine, his tongue lazily explored my mouth, and mine his. I buried my hands in his hair and leaned in closer, savouring his taste, his smell, the feel of his body against mine. For the first time I let myself go. I let myself just feel. I didn't think about what was going to happen afterward.

He pulled me closer, wrapping his arms around me and leaning back, pulling me on top of him. I made sure he didn't hit his head on the cold window. I felt like I didn't need to breathe. He was my oxygen and I never wanted to let go. If I let go I was going to suffocate. "Bella," he mumbled against my lips. He pulled me closer still and it felt like he was going to break my ribs, and I didn't care. I wanted to be part of him, I didn't want him to let go.

And then we both felt it. The car was rolling. He jumped and twisted his hand under me to pull the emergency brake. "Oops," he said, and I laughed. "Are we going to freeze our asses off and look at boats?"

"Sure" I agreed, untangling myself from him completely and reaching again for the door handle.

"Remember what happened this morning? It's still icy." His eyes were alive again, dancing and sparkling and laughing at me. I waited for him to come over and open the door. He offered me his hand and I stepped out, nearly falling when I hit the ice. He caught me, chuckling again. "How do you do it?"

"What?" He wrapped an arm around my waist and pulled me toward the board walk.

"How are you so clumsy doing everyday things and then so graceful in bed?" He kissed my head.

"Nice, Edward," I pretended to be offended.

"What do you like so much about the harbour?"

I shrugged. "It's peaceful, and I can think here. I like to watch the water lap against the side of the basin. I like the sounds it makes." I looked up at him and he was staring off into the distance. His arm was tight around my waist and I felt safe and comfortable. I felt like the only person in the whole world. I wondered if it was some sort of Edward Cullen special talent, making you feel like you're the only person in the whole world.

"How come you come here?" I played with the gloved hand around my waist, waiting for an answer. He looked down at me, eyes serious.

"Same reasons," he said quietly. "It's the most peaceful place in the city. Sometimes I feel like I'm stuck, but when I come here everything just sort of falls away. It's just me and the grey water." We made it to the railing and looked out. He stood behind me, arms around me, trying to keep me warm. I was doing my best not to shiver.

"Do you think about _what you were thinking about before_, when you come here?" I felt his body stiffen against me but he didn't pull away.

"I try not to," was his forced reply. "Sometimes I can't help it though."

"You can tell me, if you need to get it off your chest."

He kissed the top of my head sweetly. "Maybe someday," he replied passively.

_Someday_. Someday was in the future. I knew there was slim chance that he'd ever tell me, but someday had some meaning. Someday meant that someday we _might _still be here. Someday Edward and I may be _we_. The idea scared me. He was Edward Cullen, after all. I was still nervous to get attached to Edward Cullen, I was still worried about getting hurt, but in his defense he _had _turned down some gorgeous blonde to come and chase me through the freezing streets. He was like a puzzle, and I couldn't quite make the pieces fit together. Nothing quite matched. On one hand he was a callous man-whore with no regard for other people's feelings. That's what everyone said. _He was bad_. He was always in trouble, be it with the dean or with the police. I bet that in high school he was the guy that lived in the principal's office. But on the other hand, he was caring, and sweet, and willing to freeze his ass off at the harbour with me.

"What are you thinking?" He leaned his head on mine and sighed.

"I'm thinking about you," I said honestly, leaning against him, inhaling everything that was Edward.

"Mmhmm, what about?"

"Rumours."

He chuckled. "Some of them are true."

"But not all of them?"

"Well, no. I really was a slutty asshole who had his car impounded last semester." He laughed. "And I swear, I did _help_ steal that canoe, but I didn't almost get expelled for dealing drugs or anything. I did spend a lot of time in the dean's office last year though. Academic probation is what they called it."

"Was?"

"Was what?"

"You said you _were,_ not _you are_, a slutty asshole I mean."

He chuckled again. "Well I'm _still_ an asshole, but I'm hoping I won't have to be slutty anymore. I mean if you're interested in helping me achieve that goal." I could practically hear him smirk.

I turned to lean against the railing, looking up at him. His arms were back around my waist before I could plant my second foot. "What?"

"Well Miss. Bella, I'm quite sure, if I can sleep with you, I'd be content not to sleep with anyone else." He was smirking. _Cocky bastard_. _Very cute cocky bastard._

"Mr. Cullen, are you asking me to be exclusive?" Were we seriously having this conversation? It felt like high school.

"Do I not fulfill your needs?" I was going to slap that smirk off his face. I couldn't help smiling, but whether it was at his words or my own thoughts, I wasn't sure. "What?" He looked slightly worried.

"Oh no, my needs are…_fulfilled_." I blushed furiously. I was glad it was dark.

He chuckled again and brushed one hand down my face. "You're blushing," he teased. "I can feel it." I brought my hands up to cover my cheeks. "Can I flaunt you in front of the blonde chick?"

I laughed lightly. "She might claw my eyes out with those nails," I joked.

"I promise to protect you, unless she gets my eyes first." He pulled me closer and kissed my lips sweetly. "So Mademoiselle Bella, what are your plans for tomorrow, today, whenever? Sunday." He checked his watch. "Today apparently."

I sighed and leaned my head against his chest. "Sleep, then I need to do homework."

"Yuck," he laughed. "I suppose I should do homework too. Want to grab your books and come to my place? I doubt you'll be able to focus with Tweedle- Dee and Tweedle-Dum making noise in the other room."

"And I'll be able to focus with you beside me?" I kissed his chest. I was sure I was dreaming and if I was, I wanted to make the most of it.

"We'll work at the kitchen table. No funny business. Scout's honour." He made the Boy Scout symbol with his right hand and I laughed.

"Fine, let's go get my stuff, if luck is with me, they'll be sleeping." I grimaced at the thought of Jessica and Josh in the throes of passion. "And we are sleeping, and then doing homework. _That's it._" He pouted and I smacked him playfully on the shoulder.


	15. Togas & Troy

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own 'White Carpets and Wall Sconces.'**

**A/N: Many thanks again to Adrena and Blynn!**

**Hopefully this makes you laugh as much as it made me laugh.**

_**Edward's Point of View**_

The fact that she hadn't actually verbally agreed to "be exclusive" did not go unnoticed, but I decided to drop it for the time being. She was willing to hang around and that was enough for the moment. I could tell she was still scared, still afraid that I was going to go back to what I'd been before. I cursed myself for not ignoring Tanya; however, I knew that I would never have lived it down and Rosalie was not someone you wanted angry with you.

We were parked in front of Bella's apartment and she was trying to muster the courage to go upstairs. I had to admit, it really was something that was going to take some guts. I had no real desire to see Josh the frat boy naked on top of Bella's tiny roommate either, but we really did need to get her things.

"Let's just do it. Maybe they'll be asleep." I pulled the key out of the ignition and unbuckled her.

"Maybe _I_ should just go. You don't need to see this."

"I have Alice _and_ Emmett, trust me when I say you can't scare me. Did you know that Jasper doesn't wear a toga?" She gave me the strangest look. One that told me I was completely insane. "Come on, we'll be really quiet and maybe we won't even see them."

She sighed, defeated and opened the door, fishing her keys out of her purse as she moved up the walk.

"Are you not tired yet?" I noticed for the first time that her face was drawn and she was starting to drag her feet.

"Exhausted," she admitted, opening the door and heading for the stairs, the only light was the sliver that came through the hall window from the street lamp outside. "Come on," she took my hand and headed for the stairs. "There's no point in turning on lights, I know the way."

How she managed to get up the stairs without falling I'll never know, but she did, and pulled the key for her apartment out and fiddled with the lock. I kissed her neck. "Stop," she scolded in a whisper. "We don't want to wake them up."

The door creaked loudly and I saw the faint blue light of the television flashing in the dark room. She took a sharp breath. "Quiet, come on." She pulled me through and into a bedroom. "It's a disaster, sorry" she whispered, flicking on the desk lamp and pulling a couple of textbooks off of shelves and shoving them haphazardly in a back pack. "Can you hand me my power cord?" she whispered, pointing to the floor by the bed and folding the lap top and shoving it in the case. "Thanks."

We were doing pretty well. She was digging out another pair of jeans before we heard anything. And then I heard a gruff laugh from the other room. "Fuck baby, you're amazing at that." I watched Bella stiffen, her face reddening. "It's like the best; you and Troy at the same time." I had to stuff my fist in my mouth to stop from laughing. Bella had hidden her head in her hands and was shaking. "It's like sensory overload."

"Oh No," she mouthed at me, her eyes wide. I was practically doubled over. This was a hundred times better than anything I'd heard in my house.

"Oh god Baby, watching you, and watching Troy, it's like totally different pleasures that make both of them better."

"They know we're here," Bella mouthed again, pulling me to the bed and clapping her hand over my mouth. "You have to be quiet," she whispered against my ear, her hot breath sending tingles down my spine.

"Fuck Jessica!" We heard Josh gasp again, and then for the first time, Jessica's voice.

"Know what would be _really _sexy?"

Bella buried her face in my shoulder. "Oh no," she groaned as quietly as possible.

"What?" We heard Josh gasp. I squeezed my eyes shut. This was bound to be good.

"If you dressed like those guys on Troy for me."

My eyes popped open and it was all I could do to hold back the laugh that was threatening to explode from within me. I felt Bella clutch me tighter. She was shaking with silent laughter. "I'm _so_ sorry," she breathed.

"Like in those toga things?"

I was ready to collapse on the floor; it was all I could do to hold myself up.

"A toga _and_ a sword," Jessica purred.

I couldn't help it. I snorted. I was practically pounding my fist on the bed to try to keep quiet, and Bella was still clinging to my shoulder unable to do anything, but shake. "I don't think they wear togas in Troy, do they?" I whispered to her. She couldn't answer.

"I think we can arrange for that. " _Oh fuck, this was a hundred times better than I'd ever thought._

We heard some rustling and then saw the shadows of feet passing by the light under the door.

"We need to get out of here," Bella whispered, mashing the last of whatever she needed into the backpack.

"No way, _this is too good to miss_."

"Edward, you sick fuck, we need to go. If they catch us…well, I have to live with her." She grimaced.

"Okay fine," I whispered, tip toeing to the door. She laughed at me, a little louder than she should have. "Shh Bella," I hushed her, reaching for the knob while she turned off the lamp. I twisted the knob and pulled, opening the door and thanking the heavens that at least the bedroom door didn't squeak. "Come on." I picked up her back pack and she followed with the lap top, careful to stay as quiet as possible. There was giggling and moaning coming from the other bedroom now, and a battle scene from Troy was playing on the television. _Definitely no togas there_.

We were almost to the door. I was reaching for the handle when I heard it; a loud _thump_ and then a tiny gasp from Bella. She'd tripped over something, or perhaps nothing, but either way it was the loudest noise we'd made yet.

"What was that?" _Oh shit, they'd heard us._ Bella clambered up and reached for my hand, a look of terror on her face.

"Don't worry; I'll go check it out." Josh sounded cocky. I fought to keep my cool. I reached for the door, hoping that we could get out.

"She can't know you're here," Bella hissed, pushing me toward the door. I swung the door open with a creak, and then…

"Who's there?" Josh jumped out of the shadows, sheet wrapped around him and tied at the shoulder, holding none other than a broom handle like a sword. Both of us stared, speechless. Bella's mouth was slightly open, and I'm sure mine was too. No one said anything for what seemed like an eternity, and then Jessica's voice came from around the corner, low and scared sounding.

"Who is it?"

Josh's eyes were wide, and he was still holding the broom handle in front of him, his feet were still in some strange sort of lunge. "Uhm…" He was still staring at us and we were still staring back.

"Baby, who is it?" Her head of black curls peeked around the corner. "Oh," she said quietly. "Bella."

I heard Bella gulp. "We were, uh, just leaving," she managed to stammer out. Her hand pushed me out the door. "Later, Jess." She gave a wave.

"Is that Edward Cullen?" Bella didn't answer; she just closed the door and pulled me toward the stairs. We made it all the way to the car before we started to laugh.

"Oh my god," I gasped, collapsing against the steering wheel. "The broom handle!" I couldn't keep my eyes open, I was laughing so hard.

Bella was practically screaming she was laughing so hard. It was probably my favourite sound in the whole world.

_**Bella's Point of View**_

Edward's face was contorted in laughter. It was the most relaxed; the most free I'd had the chance to see him. His eyes were crinkled and his mouth was wide as he shook with ringing laughter. I felt like I should feel more embarrassed than I did, but didn't bother dwelling. He obviously wasn't.

"I am _so, so_ sorry," I told him when I finally calmed down enough to speak. "No one should have had to see that."

He waved me off. "That was the best frigging entertainment I've had in a long time. Definitely beat the lame ass party my sister threw." He turned on the car (and me in the process, _how did he have that kind of effect on me?)_ and backed out of the driveway.

It really was a tribute to how much I seemed to enjoy spending time with Edward that I wasn't worrying about Jessica's reaction to our little run in. Time spent with Edward was easy. The tense moments were easily forgotten as soon as we moved on to something else. It seemed like years ago that he'd shouted at me on the street. His face showed no trace of the tension from that moment, or the tense moment at the stop light. He seemed to change his mind and his mood as often as I did, and for that I was thankful.

I found it far too easy to forget who he was and the rumours swirling around him as we sat in easy silence, or effortless laughter. I kept reminding myself that he was obviously wearing a mask. I tried hard to keep a barrier up, because without it Edward Cullen had the capability to bring my world crashing down. But that wall I was trying so hard to keep upright, was crumbling under his force.

"What are you thinking, Bella?" His voice was soft and he flashed me a dazzling smile.

"About building walls," I told him, leaning my head back in the seat.

"Literally or figuratively?"

"I suppose figuratively. I'm not very good at it. They crumble before I even get them up." I blushed crimson, sure I'd said too much. He just hummed in response and turned onto his street and pulled into the driveway. There weren't too many cars left. A few convertibles and the odd beater lined the streets but the party seemed to have mostly died down. He took my hand and guided me in, carrying my back pack and letting me bring the lap top.

"Tired?" He sounded it. I nodded silently beside him, fighting a yawn. I peeked at his watch to see that it was four thirty. "You should be," he continued, pushing the door open and clicking it shut behind us. "Though I'm not sure I can let you sleep," he winked.

"I should have stayed and listened to toga-boy do my roommate," I grumbled.

"Does that put you to sleep? Because if it does, we can listen to Jasper and Alice. I'm quite sure they wear togas."

"Edward!" I smacked him playfully on the shoulder. "That's your sister! That's disgusting."

He shuddered. "Excellent point, Miss Swan."

Voices from the kitchen met our ears. "I'd hoped they were already asleep," Edward muttered, hitching my backpack higher on his shoulder and guiding me toward the noise. "Better get this over with, and then we can go to bed." He poked his head into the kitchen. "Hey everyone." The group of people at the table looked up. It seemed to consist of Alice and Jasper, Edward's brother Emmett, and a gorgeous blonde beside him, the blonde Edward had said was a friend of Rosalie's, and another blonde. "This is Bella," he told them, tilting his head in my direction. "You've met Alice and Emmett and Jasper of course," he continued, completely ignoring the faces staring incredulously at him. "Beside Emmett is Rosalie," he indicated "and Tanya in the green, and her friend Kate." He looked down at me and smiled. I felt like I was on exhibit at the zoo. Everyone at the table was staring at me like I had three heads.

"Nice to meet you?" Rosalie sounded unsure. I saw the one called Tanya give her a look that told her to shut up. I nodded at Rosalie and tried to smile.

"We're going to go upstairs," Edward continued, completely oblivious to the confused glances he was earning. He pulled me in the direction of the staircase and away from the muttering group in the kitchen. "That wasn't so bad," he told me.

I wondered what he'd been expecting.


	16. Trust & Taboo

Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S

**Disclaimer: All recogniz****able Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

**A/N: So sorry this has taken so long. Work has been insane, but I promise I'll try harder. Hopefully I still have some readers.**

**Thanks so much to Adrena and Blynn…without them I'd be completely lost.**

_**Edward's Point of View**_

The reaction of my family and friends was far better than I expected. Silence is golden. Silence doesn't give anything away.

Bella had asked if she could have a shower, and although I wanted nothing more than to join her, I left her alone. Realistically I needed time to think and it was very late (or very early depending on how you chose to look at it,) so I decided it was best to leave her to her own devices. I needed a shower too, so I padded down to the bathroom on the ground floor, knowing full well that there was no way Alice would let me use hers. I stopped at the bottom of the stairs and through the wall I could hear the hushed voices of the six people in the kitchen.

"I think this is something we should support," Alice's voice said quietly, seriously.

"Support so he can screw her over just like everyone else?" Rosalie's voice was an angry hiss. "Do you think she's equipped for all that is Edward?"

"Give him a chance" Jasper's voice interjected. "Maybe he's seriously considering this." I felt a surge of relief toward Jasper. Maybe Jasper wasn't so bad.

"He's not going to be able to handle it," Emmett said softly.

"He's doing a lot better," Alice argued. _God I loved my sister_.

"Why couldn't he handle it?" It was the voice I didn't recognize. It must have been Kate.

There was a pause and I distinctly heard Alice and Emmett take a breath. "Edward…" Alice started, obviously weighing her words. I wondered how much she would say. "Has some baggage," she finished.

"What kind of baggage?" Tanya's voice rang out. She sounded like her interest was piqued.

"That's not our story to tell," Emmett replied firmly. I was unimaginably grateful to my older brother. No one needed to know about that. I wasn't ready for people to know about that; about _her._

"We really should head out," Tanya said pointedly to Kate. From my hiding spot on the stairs I watched them both head for the door, leaving four in the kitchen. It was a quick departure; they obviously felt that they wouldn't be learning more.

"What happened?" Jasper's voice was quiet, subdued, much less Jasper like than I was used to.

"It's not really my place," Alice told him. I slumped down to sit on the stairs and continue listening. "He just…" she paused "has some commitment issues," she finished. I held back the snort that was threatening to rip from my chest. I hardly had commitment issues.

"Because that wasn't obvious," Rosalie drawled. I wanted to punch her. She didn't know anything. She had no right to comment.

"Rose," Emmett's voice warned.

"He's going to have to tell _her_" Rose continued. "I don't get it. I mean Tanya practically threw herself at him, and it would have been simple, one night, Edward's favourite. Instead he got the clingy chick who doesn't know when to let go."

I clenched my teeth to keep myself quiet.

"He doesn't seem terribly opposed," Emmett contradicted. Rosalie huffed indignantly. She really was being completely unfair. Did her friend need to get laid that badly?

"Look," Alice interrupted. "Maybe this is a really good thing. I agree that eventually Edward will have to tell Bella about his past, if this is going somewhere, but us sitting here arguing about his intentions is not going to help the matter one bit. _Edward_ will have to tell Bella about Charlotte and that's all there is to it." Everyone at the table must have gawked at her. I know I gawked from where I was sitting. How _dare_ she? That was not her name to speak. This was not her place. I clenched and unclenched my fists angrily.

"Alice," Emmett hissed. They both knew that _that name_ was taboo. That was twice in the last week that Alice had dared say _her_ name and that was not acceptable.

"Who's Charlotte?" Jasper asked quietly. I heard a chair scrape on the floor and before I knew it Alice was rounding the corner.

"Oh, Edward." Her voice was tiny and her entire stature was on the defensive. I wanted to get mad at her. I didn't want them talking about me behind my back, but I didn't have the energy to fight with her. Hearing _her_ name did that to me. It drained me of all of my energy and left me a listless shell.

"Whatever Alice" I said, pulling myself up and heading toward the bathroom without a backward glance. I didn't want to look at her, I didn't want to replay Alice saying _her_ name, and I didn't want to fall apart in front of my sister. Because she was right, and I would have to tell Bella about _her_ if I wanted anything to happen. But it was a catch twenty-two because once I did; Bella wouldn't want to be with me anymore.

_**Bella's Point of View**_

The shower felt great after the cold air, and once I was dry I pulled on a pair of pajama pants and a tank top, wishing I had more attractive sleep wear, but pushing the thought from my mind, since I doubted I'd be wearing it much longer anyway. Edward seemed eager, regardless of the fact that I'd told him we were sleeping. I had very little intention of sleeping anyway. I knew he'd cave. I knew I'd cave. Edward was that kind of irresistible. I knocked on the door, but when there was no answer, tentatively turned the knob and stepped in. He wasn't there, but I didn't know where he'd be, so I decided to sit down and wait.

I pulled a text book from my bag and flipped it open on the bed. I needed to get some work done; what better time to start? I plucked a highlighter from the front pocket of the backpack and chewed the cap between my teeth thoughtfully. I was pretty engrossed in the chapter when I heard a familiar voice.

"Wow, you really meant it" he said, stepping in and closing the door. I looked up and pressed my glasses up my nose again. He stared back at me, eyes blank, mouth down-turned. I could see the muscles in his neck clenching. His shoulders were slumped and he had his face angled toward the floor.

"Well, yeah" I said lamely, snapping the cap back on the marker and closing the book. "You okay? You look stressed." I reached over and placed my book on the desk and set my glasses beside it. I couldn't believe how comfortable I felt, like I'd been doing it forever. I sat up and patted the bed beside me. "Hmm?" He was still staring at me, a glazed look in his eyes, his shoulders tense. He crossed the room stiffly and sat down on the edge of the bed beside me. "What's wrong?"

His hair was still wet so I assumed he'd taken a shower. It dripped onto his bare shoulders, and then trailed down his beautifully sculpted chest. I reached over and caught a drop from his earlobe. "Edward" I whispered, leaning close. "What's wrong?"

He turned to look at me, sad smile playing on his lips. His eyes glistened with what looked suspiciously like tears. He leaned in and kissed my forehead softly. "Nothing," he whispered. I could have sworn his voice broke.

I crawled behind him and squeezed his shoulders. "Relax" I cooed, rubbing my hands down his back and over his arms. I kissed his neck sensually and rested my chin on his shoulder, my hands still gently kneading down his sides. "You're so tense," I whispered. "Just relax. Let me do this for you."

"Bella" he whispered, his voice was full of sorrow and longing and something else that I didn't quite recognize. Guilt?

"Yes?" I continued to knead his shoulders between my finger tips, leaning in close and inhaling his scent, kissing his neck.

"Um," he looked at his hands, pausing a long time before continuing. "There's something about me that you don't know," he said quietly. I stopped rubbing his shoulders and moved to sit beside him. I waited, looking to his face for some sort of clue as to what was going to come. I had no idea what he was going to say. I didn't even want to venture a guess. He reached out and took my hand, rubbing circles on the back of it. "But I can't tell you right now." He finally managed. I saw that his face was twisted and he was blinking very quickly. "But I guess you should know that…" his voice trailed off. He peeked sideways at me and I met his glistening green eyes with my own. "My family is jumping to conclusions," he said clearly, reaching over and brushing my hair from my eyes.

I nodded slowly, not sure what any of that had meant, but knowing I wanted to know. I wanted to know everything that there was to know about Edward. And not Edward the womanizer, but the Edward behind the mask; Edward the person. The Edward who had brought me coffee and laughed at my roommate and taken me on the ferry. The Edward that worried if I slipped on the ice, and who chased me through the streets in February instead of shacking up with the blonde goddess. "Okay" I whispered, reaching out and tracing his jaw with the end of my fingers. He leaned over slowly and kissed my mouth softly with his own.

"Thank you," he murmured. He kissed me again, more urgently, with more depth than he'd kissed me previously, more passion. He leaned me back to the bed, our lips still connected, his bare chest pressed against my clothed one. "Thank you so much."

I stared into those wide green orbs, unsure of what I saw there. There was lust, that I was sure of, and the remnants of whatever sadness had overcome him earlier, but there was something else, something I couldn't put my finger on, or perhaps wasn't ready to put my finger on just yet. I saw this relationship that was blooming between Edward and me becoming far more complicated than I'd thought.

_**Edward's Point of View**_

The way she looked up at me made my heart pound. She lay underneath me looking up, eyes wide, pulling me in. I was sure she saw everything. She made me feel vulnerable, and for the first time I didn't mind that particular feeling. I wanted her to open me up, I wanted her to want to mend the tears and put me back together, because the fact is, I was pretty fucking torn up inside and I had a sneaking suspicion that she was the _only one_ that had the ability to do so.

She reached out with her hand and cupped my cheek, running her thumb under my eye and over my cheek bone. It was the single most intimate gesture I'd ever experienced. "Anytime" she whispered, her full lips forming the simple word.

I leaned down to kiss her softly once more and rolled over, gently tugging her on top of me. She laid her head on my chest and I watched her rise and fall with my breath. She was magnificent. "You're beautiful," I told her; quietly, reverently. It was true. She was so much more than gorgeous, she was beautiful; because beauty is more than skin deep and Bella was more than physically attractive. Everything about her was true and honest and good. Her mind, her soul, her body. I never thought I would feel like this about another person, not since Charlotte. I never thought I'd see true beauty again, and I'd always thought that if I did, I would feel guilty, but guilt was the last emotion playing over me. I felt peaceful, more peaceful than I had in a long time.

She smiled, but didn't respond. She only leaned up and kissed me softly once more. I rolled onto my side and pulled her towards me, wrapping my arms around her tiny body, inhaling her scent. I kissed her head and she snuggled into my chest. I could feel her hot breath on my bare skin. It was soothing to know she was there, and that she wasn't going anywhere.

I heard her breathing slow and her body relaxed slightly. I knew she must have finally fallen asleep. I buried my face in her hair and closed my eyes. She smelled like summer; strawberries with a hint of sunshine and flowers.

As I lay there, unable to sleep, an angel peaceful in my arms, I went over the last week. As much as Bella had occupied my every thought for the past eight days, I realized that we had spent very little time together for me to be feeling the way I was. I felt like I'd known Bella forever, and yet I was aware that I knew very little about her. I'd barely scraped away the first layer, and yet I was comfortable for the first time in a long time. I was also scared. I was scared of what getting too close could do to me, and to her for that matter. I was afraid that I would do something to push her away and that she'd never come back. I couldn't imagine being without her now and that was after spending less than twenty-four hours with her. I wondered if that was healthy. I felt like she was my life line, like I needed her to breathe, like she was my heart and without her I would surely die. I would be the tin-man. I had been the tin-man until she came along. My heart had been stolen away. I'd lost sight of it that fateful night, and now she'd brought it back to me. I couldn't bear to lose it again.

Her breathing slowed even more and I could feel her eyelashes flutter against my chest. She was dreaming. Her voice was barely a whisper as she spoke. "Edward," she said softly. "Why? So sad." I felt as though something was squeezing my heart, threatening to burst it. "So beautiful," she murmured. "Something is missing." I wondered how much she really knew. I wondered how she really felt. Did she feel the connection that I felt? "Edward" she said again, her voice breathless. She moaned, but it was one of frustration. And then, her breathing was back to normal, her breath hot on my chest, her hair tickling my neck. I kissed the top of her head lightly and matched my breathing to hers. It wasn't long before her presence lulled me to sleep.


	17. Mewling & Marxism

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

**A/N: Many thanks to Adrena, her editing and suggestions make this what it is. And to Blynn because she came up with the fabulous chapter title when I was completely stuck.**

**I hope everyone is ready because this chapter contains a ton of information, and I really count on you all being furious that I didn't give you more come the end. Happy Reading!**

_**Bella's Point of View  
**_A small sliver of sunlight hit my eyes and slowly dragged me back in the general direction of consciousness. I peered out through squinted lids, trying to remember where I was, and what the warm object I was propped against was. I opened one eye wide and looked up. Bronze coloured hair, pale skin. I looked around and wiggled my feet slightly. Not my sheets, plaid sheets, _Edward's sheets_. I opened both eyes and looked around. Definitely Edward's room and it was definitely Edward beside me.

I pulled myself up in bed as slowly and carefully as possible, so as not to wake him. He looked peaceful and definitely in need of the sleep. I took the opportunity to really appreciate how incredibly attractive he really was. His bronze hair shone in an almost unearthly way in the morning sun and his skin was pale, but not in an unhealthy way, more in a milky, it's winter in Seattle way. Edward would look ridiculous with a tan I decided. There was a small splash of pale freckles across the bridge of his straight nose. You would never notice the freckles if you weren't up close. His eyebrows were set in a natural curve that flowed down over his sloping nose and below that the most delicious mouth known to mankind. The bottom lip was plump and just the tiniest bit pouty, the top lip was curved and they settled together flawlessly. His jaw line was strong; angular, but not square and his cheek bones were high, so that when he smiled his entire face lit up. It was a face made for smiling and I planned on seeing it a whole lot more often. Even his ears were gorgeous. I'd never met someone with gorgeous ears before.

The lines flowed soft, but still masculine down his neck and over his slight, muscular shoulders. He really was perfection, toned but not bulky, both soft _and_ angular, if that was even possible. One thing flowed into another and into another, like a river to the sea. _Edward was beautiful._ And Edward's mind was a complex place; beautiful and sad. Something was wrong, he was torn over something and I couldn't quite put my finger on it. Whatever it was, it was dancing just outside my line of sight and it didn't seem to matter how far I careened my head to see what it was; it was just out of reach. Peeking around that corner and into the depths of his mind was my greatest challenge thus forth. I had a strange, nagging feeling that it was something I _had_ to do, almost as if I was destined to.

I laughed almost silently to myself. Destiny, fate, neither one was something I really believed in, and yet, as I'd watched the last week unfold, really the last twenty-four hours unfold, I realized that they were both things I may have to be willing to accept.

He looked so peaceful that I couldn't bear to wake him. I gathered up my bag of clothes and snuck across the hall to the bathroom to change. I needed to do homework today; there was no way around it. When I was crossing the hall back to his room I heard a hiss.

"Bella," the voice stage whispered. I looked up startled. Alice was standing half out of her doorway. "I just turned the coffee on. Want a cup?" She stepped out and hurried toward the stairs. I nodded and left my bag outside of Edward's door, not wanting to wake him.

Alice was sitting at the table, tiny hands wrapped around a steaming mug, when I got to the kitchen. "I wasn't sure what you took in it" she said, motioning to the cup beside the coffee maker.

"That's alright," I said with a smile, pouring the delicious, dark liquid into my mug and adding a splash of cream.

"Have a seat," Alice returned my smile and took a sip of her coffee. "Was Edward alright last night?"

I took a big gulp of coffee and spluttered. "Hot!" I gasped, swallowing rapidly. "Um…he was okay," I told her uncertainly. "He seemed weird when he came back into the room. All tense."

She sighed dramatically. "Did he say anything?" She swirled her coffee carefully and watched the surface lap against the sides of the cup. She looked extremely uncomfortable.

I blew on my coffee gently and took a tentative sip. I wondered if maybe Alice could shed some light on the odd conversation we'd had the night before. "He said something about me not knowing things about him, and that you and Emmett were jumping to conclusions. But he said he couldn't tell me what it was that I couldn't know."

Alice laughed humourlessly. "Cryptic. Sounds like Edward." Her jaw was clenched much in the same way that Edward clenched his. "Ooh," she groaned, running one hand through her choppy hair and resting her forehead on her finger tips. "I don't know Bella. He's seemed different lately, but I _don't want_ to jump to any conclusions. All I know is that for the first time in almost four years Edward appears to be thinking of someone other than himself."

"_Four years_? You've kept track?" I couldn't help it. It seemed like a strange thing to say.

"It's not hard. There was a definite turning point," she said quietly. "I don't think any of us will ever forget it."

I raised my eyebrows at her over my coffee cup. I hoped she'd say more. She seemed like a bit of a chatter box, so she'd probably spill. Girls like her weren't good at keeping secrets.

"Not my story to tell," she said, answering my silent thoughts. "I can't betray his trust anymore than I already have," she continued.

"What do you mean?" I folded my hands and settled my chin on top.

"I said something last night and he overheard me. I'm sorry. I mean I'm sorry I upset him, because it probably ruined your night. I broke an agreement we had. I'm sure he's furious." She buried her head in her hands and I saw her shoulders shaking slightly. A small hiccup escaped. She was trying hard to hide it, but it was obvious she was crying.

"I'm sure he'll be fine this morning. It was late, everyone was tired." I reached out and patted her shoulder awkwardly. She shook her head furiously.

"You don't understand," she sobbed. "God, I'm a mess," she stated, sitting up straight and rubbing her watery eyes. "You shouldn't have had to see that. Sorry."

"No, Alice it's okay." I couldn't bear to see her cry. She was so little and sweet. "Do you want to talk about it?"

She shook her head again, but looked me straight in the eye. "What _exactly_ is happening between you and Edward?" Her tone was accusatory; she seemed genuinely concerned for her brother.

I took a deep breath. I wasn't sure what exactly I was supposed to say. "I'm not entirely sure," I ventured. She narrowed her eyes, looking impatient. "He said some things last night that made me wonder…" I trailed off, looking past her, thinking about our moment at the harbour. "He sort of mentioned….exclusiveness." I blushed crimson and lowered my eyes to the table. Alice let out a low whistle.

"I knew it," she said quietly, a small smile gracing her delicate features.

"Well, he didn't say it like that exactly," I replied. "He sort of said if I'd sleep with him he wouldn't sleep with anyone else."

Alice cocked one eyebrow skyward and smirked. "He is such a man," she said shaking her head. "Honestly, Bella, that's probably the best you'll get from him for a while." She rubbed her hands together gleefully. "Now I don't want to pry into your business but…" She gave me a sly smile. "Okay I _do_ want to pry into your business," she corrected herself. I laughed. "What did you say?"

I'd never met someone with an intense a gaze as Alice, except for possibly her brother. Her blue eyes bore into me and I was sure she could see my soul. I thought back to the night before. "I'm not sure I answered him," I said truthfully. "I'm sure actions speak louder than words though." I blushed.

"You're not telling me something" she accused.

"I told him my needs were _fulfilled_?"

She laughed out loud, it was bell like, but still hearty. "Oh frig, are you serious?" She slapped the table top. "That is hilarious. I'm sure he would have liked that response though." I laughed along with her. "You should tell him though," she told me. "He hasn't done the relationship thing in a while. He may be a little rusty. Want a refill?" She put her hand out for my cup and I handed it to her.

"Thanks."

She brought the cups back; one fixed exactly how I liked it and one black. "Stupid hangover," she muttered, taking a big gulp of hers. "Anyway, now it's time for Bella to bear her soul." She clapped her hands together like a small child on Christmas.

"Oh, Alice, I'm not sure."

"Ah, ah, no. You have to tell all. How do you _really_ feel about my brother?" She crossed her arms over her small chest. "Spill."

I sighed. Apparently it was impossible to deny Alice. "I feel like I like him more than I should," I answered truthfully. "Like I know he's Edward Cullen and my self-preservation should be taking over right now but it's not. It feels right, but it shouldn't."

She nodded. "Continue," she said with a sweep of her hand and a sip of her coffee. "Why do you think it shouldn't feel right?"

"I've heard the rumours. He's even told me some of them are true. He's slept with half the female population of the school."

"Not quite," Alice said with a laugh.

"I don't date guys like that. I mean I do my work and I go to class and I stay out of trouble…"

"Sounds dull," Alice commented. "You _need_ Edward. But anyway, if Edward didn't have the reputation he has, would you think twice about dating him?"

I'd never thought about it that way before. If Edward didn't have the reputation that he had, and if I only had the last eight days as indication of the type of person he was, I wouldn't question anything. If I didn't know about his womanizing ways, his conversation with Tanya, for example, would be completely harmless. "No" I told her, sounding surprised even to myself.

She grinned, obviously pleased with herself. "Then why question what feels right? There are a lot of bigger things out there than Edward's promiscuity. There are bigger reasons for why Edward is the way he is and it's something that he had no control over it. I honestly think it was the lack of control, or maybe the need for control that made Edward the way he is, or perhaps, hopefully, was. He was one hundred and ten per cent in control of everything when it was a simple one night stand. He's incredibly good at suppressing his emotions, hiding them. Better than any human should be. Especially a person who's been through what he has. He learned how to do that instead of healing. Kind of like taking an aspirin to relieve the pain so that you can continue on, instead of actually letting yourself rest and heal."

"Alice, what happened to him?" I felt like we were getting closer to everything that was Edward.

"I'm not at liberty to say anything. We had a very strict agreement that no one would mention it. That's Edward's story to tell, but I have a feeling you will find out."

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I rolled over to find her side of the bed empty _again._ Panic coursed through my veins. _Where had she gone? Why hadn't she waked me? Was she completely freaked out about my show of emotion the night before?_ Her bag was gone, but her books were still on my desk. That in itself was pretty confusing. Perhaps she'd just gone to change.

I swung my legs out of bed and headed for the door. I stumbled into the darkened hall way and turned left toward the stairs. It was very quiet, but we had stayed up very late. I wondered if the people, who were unmistakably sleeping in our basement the night before had left. There had been too many cars left for people not to have been asleep somewhere. I peeked out the hall window and noticed that all but Jasper and Rose's cars were gone and sighed in relief. I hated when people were still there when I woke up.

I shuffled down the stairs, rubbing my eyes and trying to wake up. _Coffee._ I could smell it. I needed some; it was like the promised land. And voices. I rounded the corner into the kitchen to find Alice and Bella engaged in some sort of conversation. It sounded to be about school. I saw Bella flailing her hands and saying something about cats in an apartment, and essays. _Fuck, we were supposed to do homework today._ Alice laughed and launched into her own story.

"Morning," I croaked, pouring myself a coffee and dropping into a chair beside Bella.

"Hi," she said with a beaming smile. I leaned over and kissed her lightly. "Sleep well?"

I grunted in response, still too tired to form a real sentence, and took a sip of coffee. "Good coffee Al," I said without looking at her. I saw her nod out of the corner of her eye.

"I should go see how Jasper is. I'll talk to you later," she told Bella, avoiding my gaze as much as I was avoiding hers.

"Nice hair," Bella noted, running her fingers through the mess on my head. "Good thing your thinking cap will cover it up today." She grinned.

I snorted. "You did not just say that," I mocked.

"Sounded better in my head," she agreed. "How embarrassing."

"Yeah, I have a ton of work to do actually," I told her, taking another mouthful of coffee and swishing it around my mouth. I felt her fingers walk a path from my hair to my shoulder and down my arm.

"Me too." I thought she sounded sad, and doubting.

"Come here" I said, stretching my arms out and pulling her onto my lap. "I'm sorry. I'm being an asshole." I brushed her hair to the side and kissed her neck. "Must seem to you like I don't want you." I ran my hands over her arms and pressed her closer to me. She nuzzled into the crook between my shoulder and my neck. "I do, you know. I want you _so _bad" I murmured, tightening my arms around her. She placed a kiss on my throat.

"I want you too," she whispered. Her arms tightened around my shoulders and her fingers tangled in my hair. She kissed my lips fiercely. I moaned into her mouth, I couldn't help it. This was more than a kiss of lust; this was a kiss of need, of understanding. It was desperate and heart wrenching. Dare I say it was a kiss filled with _love_? We weren't going there yet. I wasn't addressing feelings like that so soon. I knew I liked Bella, I felt like I needed her, I craved her company, and I craved her. She was like heroin, completely and utterly addictive. I was willing to give up who I was to be with her, but was that really something so hard to give up? Had I really been happy being _that_ Edward Cullen?

She shifted her weight and kissed me again, harder. The movement from her body causing a particular part of my anatomy to harden on contact. I moaned again. "I want you _now_" I whispered, standing and cradling her in my arms.

"Mmm, okay," she agreed, placing hot, wet kisses down my neck and onto my bare shoulder. I shuddered with pleasure. She giggled quietly.

Somehow we made it to the bedroom, her still in my arms, and I kicked the door shut behind us. "God Bella, you are so beautiful," I breathed, practically throwing her on the bed and watching as her chest rose and fell rapidly with her shallow breaths. She pulled her sweater off and threw her bra to the ground. I practically dove at her, squeezing her tits, nipping and kissing around the fleshy mounds.

"Edward," she gasped running her warm fingers down my chest and over the plains of my stomach.

"Hmm," I hummed against her, causing her to thrash below me. I loved the effect I had on her.

"Edward," she mewled, her voice music to my ears. I loved when she said my name. "More," she whimpered. I moved my tongue lazily around her nipple, feeling it pucker in my mouth, my other hand still playing incessantly with her other one.

She was placing frantic kisses anywhere she could reach, my shoulders, my arm, my neck. She bit down on the top of my shoulder and I growled, the sensation of pleasure and pain driving me mad with desire.

"Oh God!" she gasped out. She thrust her hips up, connecting her heat with my thigh, searching for friction. I switched my mouth to the other breast and replaced my mouth with my hand, tweaking and pinching. She growled in frustration and wrapped her long legs around my hips, pulling me to her. I felt my arousal brush her heat and I bucked hard. "Edward," she whimpered, running her nails along my back to get my attention. Her body was trembling beneath me.

"Yes?" I raised my head from her chest and she found my lips with hers.

"I _need_ you," she pleaded, grinding up and tightening the grip her legs had on me. Those three words unglued me. Screw foreplay, I needed her too.

"I need you too," I panted, slipping the button from her jeans open and dragging them down her legs. I could feel how hot she was, I could smell her arousal. Everything about this woman was positively beautiful. I nuzzled the front of her panties and hooked my fingers in them, dragging them down as well and throwing them to the side. She was panting, her hands reaching for me. I kissed her mound once and her hips jerked instinctually. I grinned to myself and touched the top of her slit with the end of my tongue.

"Later," she growled, sitting up and dragging me back to the bed. "I need you _in_ me," she insisted, pushing me onto my back and kneeling over me. Her hand brushed my still covered cock and I stiffened, letting a hiss escape between my teeth. Her thumbs hooked in the waist band of my flannel pants and she made short work of them, tossing them somewhere in a corner. She had a hungry look on her face, her eyes were wide and darkened with desire, her lips slightly parted and she was breathing hard. She leaned forward and kissed the tip softly and I bucked again.

"Later," I managed to growl, mimicking her earlier comment. Her perfect lips curled into a smile and she bit her bottom lip and nodded. She was so fucking sexy I could let go just looking at her. I grasped her hips between my finger tips and pulled her forward, never breaking eye contact and I felt her little fingers grip my shoulders instinctually. She raised herself up and before I knew it she'd engulfed me, a low moan escaping her lips. I gasped, holding onto the edge of the cliff by my fingertips. I wasn't ready yet, she wasn't ready yet. I needed to hold off. I was not some adolescent boy.

"Okay?" she asked, her voice husky, her fingers running down my chest. I managed to nod, not trusting my voice. She raised herself up, and let herself fall, over and over again, my thrusts matched hers and she threw her head back in ecstasy. She was magnificent, the stretch of pale skin rising and falling, her long, dark curls falling down her back and over her face. My hands were on her hips, guiding her up and down. Moans and whimpers were falling from her lips; her eyes were closed to the sensations.

"Lean forward," I whispered, wrapping my arms around her waist and pulling her to me, and sliding so I was slightly propped against the headboard.

"Oh God! Edward!" Her voice was frantic, not loud, but still desperate. "Oh God, yes" she sighed as she continued to bounce against me, enjoying the change of angle and mewling softly as I kissed her face.

I was so close, but I was still clinging to the ledge, waiting for her. "Relax," I whispered in her ear as I thrust slowly and shallowly, trying to bring her to the top without falling off myself. I felt her body slacken in my arms as she began to relax and let me continue. I suckled her nipple and then moved to her neck, kissing her softly as I thrust into her. Her hands caressed my back and neck as she hung her head, trying to absorb it all.

"Oh," she cried out quietly. I felt her walls start to flutter around me as I thrust. "Edward, Edward," she said breathlessly. "I'm _so_ close," she whispered, almost too quiet for me to hear. I thrust harder and earned a moan from both of us. Once more I thrust, feeling everything in me tighten, ready for release. She was whimpering frantically, pressing her forehead to mine, unable to form a coherent thought. I reached down and circled her clit softly, and she whimpered louder, and I felt her clamp down hard. She let out a throaty moan as she grasped me tighter, shaking and shuddering in release. I thrust once more and my body shook as I released, white lights exploding behind my eyelids. My groan of "Bella," echoed in my ears.

My head fell limply to her shoulder as I held her close, reveling in her soft curves against my body. "So much for 'scout's honour,'" she teased lightly, kissing my chest and rolling to the side. I missed her already, even though she was still holding onto my arm. She wrapped her legs around one of mine and snuggled up to my shoulder.

"Homework?" I asked, even though I didn't want to. She groaned (oh how I _loved_ that sound) and nodded.

"I think we'd better," she agreed, stretching and pulling away to collect her clothes.

"Edward?" She looked up from her computer screen to gaze at me across the table. We'd finally made it to the kitchen and had been working diligently for over an hour in almost complete silence. Actually, realistically, Bella had been working and I'd been watching her. I was still in awe of how incredibly beautiful she was. She would watch the screen and chew her lip thoughtfully, her eyes narrowed in concentration. Every so often she would tap her fingers lightly on the keyboard, making a point, or editing whatever it was she was working on. Then she would sit back again, twisting her hair around her fingers, or pushing her glasses back up her nose. Once in a while she would sigh and shake her head and go back and fix something else. "Edward," she said again, louder this time.

I snapped out of my reverie to meet her eyes. "Yeah."

"You haven't turned your page in ten minutes," she said, pointing at the text book in front of me.

"Right," I muttered, looking down at the book. She went back to her essay editing, hair twisting and lip biting. And I went back to fantasizing about how it was my own lip she was biting and my hair she was tugging on.

It was silent in the house except for the odd sigh from Bella, and the soft tap of the keyboard as she re-wrote something. "What's your essay on?" I asked, reaching my foot out and running up her leg.

"Uh-um, how Marxism would affect today's society," she finally managed.

"What's your opinion?" My foot was reaching higher and I was starting to have to sink in my chair.

"Um…I think that it's a bit like communism, not bad in theory, but easily taken out of context. If only the...Uh…Edward," she hissed, moving away and sitting cross legged on top of the chair. "As I was saying," she huffed, crossing her arms over her chest. "If only the theory was used and it wasn't taken completely verbatim then it would be ok. The basic ideas are sound, but when someone takes it too far, that's when we have problems."

"Isn't Marxism what they claim Hitler based his ideas on?"

"Some do, but we all know that Hitler was an extremist," she retorted confidently. _God confidence was hot._ "Study, Edward." She pointed to my text book and went back to her essay, making a few changes and saving the document.

"Done?" I asked hopefully.

"Ha," she laughed sarcastically. "I have a test in my psyche class on Tuesday. I need to study for that." She pulled out a thick text and plopped it open to the correct page. She settled the lid of her high lighter between her teeth and bounced the end of the marker off the table top as she read, stopping every so often to run the marker over an important piece of text. I had no idea that studying was so arousing. She engrossed herself in the text book for a while, settling her chin in her hand as she read over the highlights. Before I knew it, it was starting to get dark outside. She closed the book and put the cap back on the marker. "I hate to break this party up, but do you think you could run me home soon?"

"You're leaving?" It seemed like she'd just gotten here.

She laughed her beautiful laugh. "You're going to get sick of me soon."

"I don't think so," I retorted. I watched as she zipped the bag back up with her books inside and closed her computer and put it away.

"Okay, but I do need to go home. I have stuff to do there, too." She smiled at me and stood, coming to kiss my cheek lightly. "Want to do lunch tomorrow?"

"Sure," I whispered. "I have a break between eleven-thirty and two."

"I'll call you when I get out of my lecture then. It's supposed to end at noon, but it might be a little earlier."

I nodded in agreement. Lunch would be good. "You need to go huh?" I rose from my seat and took her hand. "Can I miss you while you're gone?"

"I'm counting on it," she laughed, picking up her bags.

I dropped her off, but didn't go in. She said she needed to deal with Jessica. She said she'd see me tomorrow. I couldn't believe how far off noon on Monday seemed.

"Edward!" I was barely in the door when I was accosted by my large older brother. "She's quite the catch man." I tried to re-focus my eyes as Emmett was right in my face.

I couldn't help the sappy smile that stretched over my face. "Yeah, she's pretty great," I agreed.

"Whoa, dude, you okay? Sick? Runnin' a fever? What's wrong with your face?" Emmett was looking at me with a worried look in his eyes. "Is that a fuckin' smile?"

I laughed and punched his arm roughly. "Shut up," I muttered.

"Did she get you to do homework?" He sounded dumbfounded.

"Uh-huh," I nodded. "Well, kind of."

"It's like a new Eduardo. I love it. You're gonna tell me all about it, right? I won't take no for an answer. And I've been hangin' with that Jasper dude of Alice's; he's not half bad you know."

I nodded wordlessly as he pulled me toward the basement.

"Sit your ass down and talk," he said as Jasper ambled into the room. "The girls are reading Cosmo and eating strawberries or something like that, and we're not allowed near them, so you're the next best thing."

Jasper flopped down on the floor and propped his chin in his hands, looking up at me. I was in my normal place on the recliner and Emmett was stretched out the full length of the old, scratchy couch, waiting impatiently.

"You are in so deep, man," Jasper noted with a hint of a grin. I wasn't disagreeing. It was true. I just nodded.

"Shit," Emmett hissed. "How deep is deep? You haven't said the L word yet have you?" Jasper and I both laughed.

"The L word Em? Are we fourteen?"

Emmett shrugged his shoulders.

"No, we haven't," I confirmed. "But I like her, _a lot_. She makes me feel….comfortable."

Jasper nodded knowingly. "It's a good feeling; like you're connected emotionally or something."

"What are you? A girl? They're reading Cosmo upstairs. Go paint your toe nails." Emmett pointed toward the door. "We do not use the E word here. We are men."

I snorted back a laugh and Jasper shook his head. "He's kind of right. Oh come on Emmett, don't you feel like that with Rosalie?"

Emmett shook with laughter. I rolled my eyes at him.

"It's like I'm in the right place again. Like I was searching for something, only I didn't know what it was until I found her."

"Fantastic," Emmett said sarcastically, but I knew he meant well.

"What happened to you Edward, if you don't mind my asking?" Jasper met my eyes with his briefly.

I took a deep breath. "You know the saying 'it's better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all'?"

Jasper nodded. I felt my eyes fill and I blinked furiously to get my _emotions_ under control. "Its okay man let it out."


	18. Spinning Dreams & Spanish Inquisition

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

  
**Edward's Point of View  
**_It was pitch black. I could barely see the hand in front of my face, but I was acutely aware that I was spinning. Spinning and spinning and spinning. The only noise was a strange static in my ears. I wanted to close my eyes, but they felt like they were glued open. They felt dry; I tried to blink, but it felt like there was sandpaper coating my eyelids. My hands hurt from the clenching, but what I was clenching on I wasn't sure; all I could concentrate on was the spinning. My head was whipping around behind my body, unable to keep up. And then, as quickly as it had started, the spinning stopped, and the sound echoing in my ears was no longer the static, but the remains of a blood curdling scream._  
I sat up, panting, my body covered in a cold sweat, my muscles tight and painful. What the fuck was that all about? I rubbed my face and sat up, feeling uneasy and wishing I had someone to hold onto. I brought myself into full consciousness. Bella! I reached over to find her spot empty and cold. But if she wasn't there, where was she? And who had screamed? I felt my breathing speed up. Had Bella screamed? Why was she screaming?  
I reached around in the dark for my cell phone and checked the time. Four-thirty-one. Fuck. Bella was at home. I was alone. And very sweaty.  
I rose shakily from my bed and grabbed a clean pair of boxers before heading for the shower. The shower in the bathroom where I'd first met Bella, where I'd fucked her senseless on the carpet. Carpet in the bathroom; my mother's one major oddity. She always said that she hated having cold feet after a warm bath, and insisted we carpet the bathrooms in this house as well. Only the one downstairs was left tiled. Alice's bathroom had pink shag carpet which was positively painful to look at. I was almost glad she didn't let anyone use it. _Poor Jasper._  
Jasper really was alright. He seemed pretty cool and pretty in tune with everything that went on around us, and pretty into Alice, which was awesome. As much as I despised the frat boy image I could almost see myself as friends with Jasper.  
I wasn't completely comfortable with how much I'd told him, but I didn't think I'd told him enough for him to draw too many conclusions. He only knew enough to understand that Edward Cullen hadn't always been a cold hearted bastard. No, there was a time when I was considered compassionate and charismatic and loving. I'd been responsible and kind and above all else, _I'd had her._ No one had ever replaced Charlotte, no one ever would. She gave me things that no one else could give me, but she'd also taken things away, things that could never be replaced. She'd shattered my heart, and I blamed myself, because I couldn't blame her, wouldn't blame her. I couldn't think that way about someone I had felt so strongly for. Love is a strong feeling, one I never thought I would feel in any form again.  
I turned the shower on as hot as I could stand and stripped my pajama pants off, leaving them in a pile in the corner. I tested the water once more and climbed in, letting the steam waft over my sticky body. I couldn't stop shivering as I hunched my shoulders and wrapped my arms around myself, trying to hold myself together. I felt one rogue tear squeeze from my eye and I clamped my eyes tightly shut. I would not cry again. I wished it were that easy though. I felt a sob rip from my chest and realized there was no way to keep it in. I shook violently as sob after sob ripped from my body and my face was raw with tears and the hot water was making my face burn, but I didn't move, because I deserved the burning_. Everything was my fault._ How Bella even stood to look at me I didn't know. But she didn't know, and perhaps that was why. Or perhaps she's a loving, wonderful person who can see past flaws and…well, the past, a little voice in the back of my mind argued. I pushed it away. There was no way that she could like the real Edward Cullen. The real Edward Cullen was just a shell of the Edward Cullen who had loved; the real Edward Cullen had lost.  
I let the water wash over me a little longer before I dried off and pulled my boxers on. I brushed my teeth vigorously and crawled back into bed, drifting into a fitful slumber.

**Bella's Point of View  
**"You're sorry! That's all you have to say? That you're sorry? Bella, I thought you were my friend. You spied on me. You lied to me, and you didn't even have the decency to face up to it. For fuck sake, what has gotten into you? You are not the girl I became best friends with, you're a monster. How could you do that to me and Josh? And Edward Cullen! Ooh, I don't even know where to begin on that front. What were you thinking? You know all about him, and yet you're canoodling around in the middle of the night with him like it's the most normal thing in the world. Do you not think?"  
I'd never seen Jess this mad before. Her dark hair was sticking out at all angles, making her look a little like Medusa, and her face was red and puffy from her tears. Her tiny hands were clenched to the point where I was sure her nails were going to break the skin.  
"Jess, I'm…"  
"No," she choked, putting her hand up to silence me. "No." She shook her head looking broken. "Fuck Bella, why did you do it?" She leaned against the couch and stared at me, unblinking.  
"I…" I looked at my shoes. Of course she was right. We shouldn't have stayed; we should have let them know we were here. But damn it, it was my apartment too. "I just wanted to get my stuff. I thought you were asleep."  
Her eyes shot daggers in my direction. "Why was he with you? God, you know how much I hate him." She flexed her fingers and then balled them back into fists.  
"Um…well…" I looked up at her through my eyelashes nervously. "We're um…well…kind of…um…" I rang my hands. How was I supposed to tell her that Edward and I were together? She despised him. She despised him on principle though, only because of whom he associated with and the rumours swirling around him. "You don't really know him Jess," I tried.  
"What's that supposed to mean?" she snapped. I gulped.  
"Well…it means that…I'm seeing Edward Cullen?" I cowered in fear of her reaction.  
"You're what?" Her voice had reached decibels almost unable to be heard by human ears. _"Seeing him as in seeing him? _Are you crazy? He's…he's….Uuuughhhh" she screamed, throwing her hands in the air. "I don't want to hear about it! I don't want to look at you. I'm going to bed!" She stomped off to her room. "Don't you ever bring him here," she shrieked once more, before slamming the door in my face.  
I twisted my fingers into my hair and pulled, trying to smother the scream that was threatening to escape my lips. Unreasonable was an understatement. I wanted to scream, and cry, and at the same time, laugh hysterically at her reaction. I sighed loudly, put a bag of microwave popcorn in, and stood in front of the microwave, watching the bag rotate and blow up, mindlessly watching as the air puffed it up, and trying to ignore Jessica's muffled sobs. The microwave beeped and I pulled the bag out by my finger tips and gasped at the temperature. I dumped the snack in a big bowl and headed for my bedroom, closing the door and sinking into the bed, mouth overflowing with the salty corn.  
I closed my eyes and chewed, thinking about Jess's reaction. What would she say if she knew how I truly felt about Edward? She'd probably have me admitted to the nearest insane asylum. I understood where she was coming from regarding our walking in on them. In fairness, I wouldn't have wanted that to happen to me, but she was being completely unreasonable about Edward himself.  
It was true that only a few days ago I would have thought the same thing, but I had been willing to look past the exterior. I had always prided myself on being a relatively open person. I was open, and yet Edward was a closed book. There was something he wasn't sharing and I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Perhaps it was too early for him to tell, but I didn't like the fact that he was obviously hiding something, and from the sounds of it, something big. It seemed to be a big secret; Alice had made that much clear.

************************************************************************  
School the next morning seemed to drag. I wanted to see Edward; I'd never been quite so excited for lunch before, but the prospect of dining with Edward to look at sounded like a pretty good option. I called him as soon as my last class of the morning ended and he promised to meet me in front of the administration building in ten minutes. Twelve and a half minutes later, (I swear I wasn't counting) he caught up to me tapping my foot impatiently and reading a bulletin board.  
"Good afternoon Bella Swan," he whispered close to my ear. I nearly jumped out of my skin.  
"Hi," I squeaked, turning to face him and clearing my throat. "Hi," I tried again, smiling up at him. I was completely oblivious to the people around us, but he wasn't.  
"I think people think you're crazy," he said quietly, lopsided grin plastered to his face. I looked around. It was true; people were looking at us rather oddly. It was a tribute to how much of a reputation Edward Cullen really had.  
"I might be," I told him with a wink. "Do you want to get going?" I took his hand. Frankly, I'd decided that I didn't care what people thought. If they were going to judge me, then that was their problem. It was a big school. "Where are we going?"  
He shrugged nonchalantly. "There's a little café by the water, it has soups, chowders and whatever. You in?"  
"Sounds good," I agreed as we walked toward the parking lot. "Can I drive?"  
He paused mid-step and clenched the muscles in his jaw. I saw him blink his eyes slowly. "Sure," he said a little too calmly. He relaxed into an easy gait again, obviously not showing how he _really_ felt, but didn't say anything more about it as he climbed into the passenger's seat of the truck.  
"I missed you last night," he told me as I backed out of the spot. I smiled to myself. "What did Jessica say?"  
I winced. "She didn't take it very well," I told him with a frown. "Actually, she took it very badly."  
"Ah." He pinched his nose between his thumb and forefinger and closed his eyes. "Is this going to be too hard?"  
"What? No! No, she'll come around." I reached over and rubbed my hand on his knee soothingly. "Don't worry about Jess; she's always been a little hot headed. She did say not to bring you over though."  
"That's alright," he said with a smirk. "My place is bigger."  
We got to the restaurant relatively quickly considering noon time traffic in Seattle and found a seat by the window. We discussed school for a while, and of course, why Jessica disliked him.  
When the soup came he took a bite and then looked at me seriously.  
"What?" I broke a piece of baguette apart and popped a piece in my mouth.  
"Do you have plans for Valentine's day?"  
I swallowed hard and looked him straight in the eye. Was he joking? We barely knew each other. Okay, well that wasn't completely true, I _felt _like I'd known Edward forever, but still, Valentine's Day was a big deal, and I wasn't really the Valentine's Day type to begin with.

"No," I shook my head.

"Do you want to do something with me?" He looked like a small child, hopeful but nervous.

"Okay," I replied quietly, looking down at my bowl.

"Is it too soon?" He studied his spoon in great detail. I just shook my head. "It's a while away, I know." I nodded again in agreement. We had over a week. "I just wanted to, you know, have time to plan something special." I nodded once more. I wasn't sure what to say. "Are you coming over tonight? Alice wanted to make dinner."

"Sure," I agreed, taking another bite of soup. "That sounds perfect."

The rest of lunch passed without incident, as did the rest of the day, and I couldn't help but be a little excited about the prospect of Valentine's Day with Edward. He insisted on driving to his place and, like before, was just as nervous as possible. It was frustrating.

Man, could Alice cook? She served some sort of chicken pie with dumplings and it was by far the best thing I'd eaten in years. Edward's family was a lot of fun. Emmett was boisterous and mouthy, telling stories and gossiping like an old woman. Alice was sweet, but it was obvious she ran them all. I'd never seen anyone so little establish such control. Jasper seemed like a part of the family already, even though he and Alice had only been dating a couple of months. Rosalie, I wasn't sure of. She seemed nice enough, but sort of in a cold, distant way. She seemed to be perpetually bored.

"Bella?" Alice's voice broke through my thoughts.

"Yes?" I settled my fork and knife on my plate.

"Do you want to come upstairs with Rose and I? The boys will clean up." She shot her brothers and Jasper a warning look and they all nodded glumly. I looked at Edward and he nodded with a tiny smile.

"Sure," I replied, somewhat warily.

She clapped her hands gleefully, a wicked smile playing on her face and rose from the table. I wondered what she had in store. "Come on Rose!"

Rosalie rose gracefully from her chair and headed for the stairs, followed by a bouncing Alice dragging me by the hand. I sent Edward a fleeting look and climbed the stairs.

"So," Alice said, closing the door behind me and pointing toward the bed. "Sit." I obliged. What choice did I have? Rosalie sat on the rolling chair by Alice's desk looking bored and examining her nails.

"Don't scare the poor girl Al," Rose said monotonously.

"I won't." Alice promised, kneeling on the bed beside me and bouncing. I wasn't sure what to make of this side of Alice. "You're not scared, are you Bella?"

"I don't think so," I said uncertainly.

"See Rose, you need to give me some credit."

Rose looked up from her nails and locked her eyes with mine. "We just wanted to talk to you," she said, still in monotone. She forced a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes.

"Alright," I agreed, still wondering what was happening.

"What's going on between you and my brother?" Alice crossed her arms and glowered at me. What was her problem?

"Alice, I told you already."

She waved my comment aside. "Tell Rosalie, please."

I met Rosalie's cold, blue eyes again and gulped. "Edward would like for us to be exclusive." I made big air quotes around exclusive, still wondering why this girl cared.

Her eyes never changed, but her mouth fell open only for a split second before she snapped it shut, dragging the corners down in a thoughtful frown. "Really…" she said, musing. She cupped her chin with her finger tips and cocked her head to the side slightly. "And what did you say?"

"I think we've agreed on it."

"Ah ah, what did you say?" Alice interjected.

I sighed and Rose looked at me expectantly. She looked a bit more relaxed. "I told him that he satisfied me," I said meekly.

She almost cracked a smile. "Oh," was her only response.

"He asked me about Valentine's Day today," I continued.

Alice squeaked. Rosalie gasped. I stared at them both in confusion.

"He's never-" Rosalie started.

"Not since…" Alice trailed off.

"What?" I asked, not sure what they were getting at.

"Well, he's not really the romantic holiday type," Rose covered. Alice was still in shock, obviously she knew something we didn't.

"What is it Alice?"

She shook her head. "I can't."

"We're all getting ready together," Rose informed me. "You'll come here and get ready." She was very take charge, no nonsense. "No arguments. You will get ready with us." I'd barely opened my mouth, but I snapped it shut again and nodded.

Alice let out one of her little girly squeals and clapped her hands together excitedly. "I'm so glad Edward met you. We're going to be such good friends!"


	19. Routines & Reactions

**A/N: OK, sorry for the wait, I know I know, too long, but here it is. The next part should be out in the next few days provided everything goes according to plan. Again thanks to my fabulous betas.**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

**Bella's Point of View  
**The rest of the week seemed to pass in a bit of a blur. School started taking priority again, but I spent a lot more time at Edward's studying, writing, and reading. And he spent a lot of time pretending to do the same thing, but was really just watching me. I spent most of my nights there since Jess still wasn't speaking to me and I decided to give her some space. I would drop home in the afternoons to make sure there was food and to pick up anything I might need. I felt like the relationship between Edward and I was fast forwarding at an almost scary rate, but I loved it all the same.

I started spending free time with Alice too. She was a lot of fun and really enthusiastic about mine and Edward's relationship. She did use the words 'love' and 'soul mates' a few times too often for my liking, but the more she did it, the more I liked it and I began to wonder, _did I love Edward?_

I felt like a declaration of love would be too much at this point, it would put strain where there shouldn't be. It would take the easy, carefree feeling out of our time together. _It was too soon._ If I were to tell him that I felt that way about him, he might run. And if he didn't run this time, maybe when the time came and this relationship had met its demise it would hurt so much more if those words were said. No, I wasn't ready to use the word _love _just yet. The emotions were too new, too fresh to share. I wanted to just sink into them on my own for a bit. What if Edward didn't feel the same way? He was very attentive, very intense, the way he looked at me made my heart race at an alarming rate, but what if that was just me? What if he didn't mean to do those things? I wasn't ready to face up to that just yet.

And so, Valentine's Day dawned, clear and cold, and I awoke to my back pressed to Edward's chest and his fingers playing softly on the exposed skin of my stomach. The alarm beside me buzzed and I reached my hand out to smack the snooze button. We'd been up late the night before.

"No," he groaned into my hair, pulling me closer. "Why is Thursday the day we have early classes?"

I relaxed in his arms and closed my eyes again. "Ten more minutes, who cares?"

"Let's not go today. We'll get the lectures online." He nuzzled the top of my head with his nose and settled more comfortably into the pillows.

I was tempted, I really was, but if I let myself give into the temptation I'd never leave the bed again. "No we have to," I mumbled into my pillow. I felt his hands drift lower and his lips on my ear. "No, we have to," I said again, a little more forcefully, not at all how I was feeling. I twisted my head away from his lips and turned onto my back, kissing him swiftly once before sitting up and stretching my arms above my head.

"No fair," he muttered, reaching his fingertips towards me. "You should never wear clothes again."

"That might get some strange looks," I replied, leaning back on my hands and looking at him. _God he's beautiful._ I thought I might never tire of just looking at him.

"No, no "he said, shaking his head. He kissed my elbow. "You'll never leave this room again, either."

His arms wrapped around my waist and he pulled me back to him, kissing my neck all over. "Stay," he breathed into my ear. I shook my head half-heartedly. "Please Bella?"

"We have to go to class," I insisted, untangling myself from his arms again. "Tonight we can have all the time in the world."

How I managed to get him out of the house I'll never know, but manage it I did, and forty minutes later we were on our way to school. He was quiet and I wasn't sure what he was thinking, but at least he was out of the house.

"You excited about tonight?" he finally asked as he turned onto campus.

"Definitely," I told him, pulling my gloves on and buttoning the last button on my coat.  
"You're driving home with Alice today?" He turned off the ignition and hopped out to open my door for me.

"Yeah, she wants to leave a bit early" I said with a grimace. I wasn't looking forward to being tortured within an inch of my life by the pixie on the end of a curling iron.

"I'm not sure I want to know what she's going to do to you," he joked as I climbed out of the car and took his hand. "What do you have first?"

"American lit."

I watched him nod. "Will I see you at lunch?"

"Probably not today, actually. I'll see you tonight?" I sighed inwardly, hours upon hours without Edward.

"Yes, ma'am." he leaned down and kissed me swiftly on the mouth. People still stared when we showed any sort of affection at all. I could practically hear them keep their tallies; wondering when he was going to find a new girl. He chuckled. "They're still not used to this. You'd think in a school this big it wouldn't be a big deal." I laughed. I had to agree.

I really liked my American literature class, and thank god, because if not there was no way I would have focused at all. Alice kept texting me about remembering to meet her at two o'clock and I was getting fed up. Finally, I turned the phone off and stuffed it in my bag.

"So...." Alice asked as I met her at her car later that afternoon. I raised my eyebrows at her and she grinned impishly at me. "I wish we had more time to go shopping...but for some reason Edward wants this date to start early. I don't know who makes six o'clock Valentine's Day reservations; only my brother would be so stupid. Anyway..."

She pulled out of the parking lot dangerously fast and pressed her foot to the floor. "Luckily, you and Rose are about the same size, she's a little taller, but believe me when I say that will work in your favour."

She flicked on her signal light and spun onto her street. "I think you're actually going to have so much fun. He's done really well keeping it a secret. I mean obviously _I_ know where you're going, but you are going to be so surprised." She continued in that fashion all the way back to the house and up the stairs, chatting and gesturing with her hands and looking back and laughing her high pitched Alice laugh. And I couldn't help but be drawn in.

"Oh, Rose I'm so glad you're here already!" She hurried into the room, pulling me roughly behind her and sat me on the rolling chair. "We have to get Bella ready first, Edward made early reservations." She rolled her eyes and Rose merely nodded mutely and pulled my loose curls through her fingers absent mindedly.

"Go shower Bella," she told me and I obeyed. I didn't think Rosalie was someone you argued with.

Alice's bathroom was heinous. Everything was pink, the carpet was pink shag, the walls were a paler pink, and the shower curtain was pink. Everything was pink and I felt like I was inside a bottle of peppermint antacid. I jumped in the shower and scrubbed my hair and body, as quickly as possible before wrapping myself in the pink bathrobe Alice had left for me and hurrying back to them.

"Done?" Alice jumped up and started fussing, pulling out boxes upon boxes of make-up and hair styling products. She was trembling with excitement. "I'm not sure which colour palate to use, what do you think Rose? I'm thinking neutral, but then I'm thinking plums would be nice too. Maybe gold?"

Rose just watched in silence as Alice started pulling things from her cupboard. She poked Rosalie with a large barreled curling iron. "Plug this in please" she said, dumping one of the boxes on the bed and sorting out eye shadows. "I have a better selection than your typical department store," she told me, and it was true.

Rose tested the iron with her finger and pulled it away swiftly. "I think maybe the gold," she said quietly as she set the hot cylinder down on the desk.

"I think you're right," Alice agreed, sorting out gold shadows and finding the 'perfect' bronzer. "Give me your hand, Bella" she urged, pulling out a brush and four or five different compacts. "I think the matte, don't you?" Rosalie seemed to agree and Alice continued her selection process like the fate of the nation depended on it.

"Sit down and I'll do something with your hair," Rosalie told me, pulling the chair out and waiting for me to sit down. "The dresses are in Emmett's room," she told Alice. "I want to wear the burgundy one, but she can wear any of the others. Maybe the brown?" Her voice was starting to become more animated, and I felt her pull my hair up into a loose pony tail. "Tell me if it hurts, I have a tough scalp, so I might pull too hard." She pulled one strand out of the pony tail and combed through it to smooth it before wrapping it around the hot iron and rolling it up. "I think loose and flowing is the key right now. It's sexy without being too harsh or trying too hard. You have really nice hair." She continued in this fashion for a while, asking me the odd question or commenting to Alice about something or other. A while later Alice came back with an arm full of dresses.

"The burgundy will look so nice on you Rose. And I think you're right, the brown is the best choice for Bella." She laid the pile out on the bed. "The yellow is way too much, and the red is out. She looks terrible in pink, no offence of course," she said with a smile and a nod at the hideous bath robe. "The blue is just not appropriate for where they're going. The brown is lovely though." She picked it up and looked at it from all angles in the light. "I think it's definitely the best choice."

"What are you wearing, Alice?" I asked.

She laughed a tinkly laugh. "Just a little black number; nothing fancy, actually." She hung the brown dress up on the door and came over to inspect my hair. "Edward Cullen, eat your heart out," she said with a smirk. "Are you going to back comb the top?"

"I think so. Gather it a bit in the back. Let it hang a little nicer." Rose sounded confident and I could barely wait to see what she'd done.

"Are you nervous?" Rose asked as she let the last curl bounce off of my back. I felt her cool fingers run through my hair and lift the top away.

"I'm not sure what to expect," I answered honestly.

"Edward has boycotted Valentine's Day for years. Not that he's actually had anyone to share it with in a long time. I suppose you don't have much reason to love Valentine's Day if you don't have someone you love to share it with." I felt her slide some pins into my hair and pat it a bit before spraying it within an inch of its life. "Who was the last person he spent it with Alice?"

"Um…" Alice looked thoughtful and then her face clouded. "I don't remember," she snapped quickly.

"Yes, you do" Rose continued, oblivious to the change in Alice's mood. I wasn't sure what was going on. "Wasn't it someone called Charlotte? I think that's what Emmett told me."

Alice let out a pained whimper and looked around wildly. "We can do your make up soon, Bella" she said, changing the subject.

"Alice, I think she deserves to know," Rose urged, but Alice shook her head violently.

"It's not our place," Alice said, subdued. "She will know in time."

"Um, hello! I'm right here" I reminded them, wondering what on earth they were talking about. "Who is Charlotte?"

I literally watched a cloud roll over Alice's normally elated features and her jaw clamped instinctually. "Just a girl," she mumbled before turning back to the bed to pick up the palates of colour she'd chosen. "Close your eyes," she ordered, her voice hard. I obeyed and felt her smooth what I assumed to be foundation across my cheek bones. "You have great bone structure," she said, forcing the perky tone back into her voice. I heard the low scrape of her twisting the cap back on and heard the soft _swish_ of the brush across the bronzer. It was completely silent in the room.

"What happened to her, Al?" Rose wasn't dropping this subject. Alice sighed dramatically.

"I can't say", she said again. "Open your eyes and look to the sky," she told me, brandishing the mascara wand in front of my face. I obeyed without a second thought.

I heard Rose mutter something else under her breath and Alice made a hoarse, disapproving noise in her throat. "Enough Rosalie. It is not my story to tell. That is Edward's part. Drop it." she hissed, her voice venomous. I couldn't help but feel like they'd completely forgotten about me.

"Did you buy new lingerie?" Rosalie asked me as Alice twisted the lid back on the mascara and pronounced her work done. I blushed crimson, but nodded and knelt by the bed to pull my most recent purchases from my bag. Rose reached her hand out and took the piece from my hand, holding it up to the light and turning it from side to side. "Very nice," she approved. "I didn't take you as the bustier type." She held it up by the straps and turned to face Alice.

"So cute!" Alice squeaked, reaching her fingers out eagerly. "Put it on."

I managed to wrestle on the barely there piece of clothing and peeked at myself in the mirror hopefully. The black lace clung to every curve, the boning giving me more shape than I normally did. I felt Rose's cool fingers clasp every clip in the back quickly. "He'd better be happy with this," she muttered. "It's been a while since Edward's been happy. I've never seen him like he is now." She handed me the garters and stockings that I'd be wearing also. "I wish the dress wasn't brown, it limits the colour choices," she said with a disappointed look.

Alice handed me the dress and I slid it on over my head. The silky fabric slithered down over my skin and the hem settled just above my knees. "It's much shorter on Rose," Alice joked as she buttoned the back expertly. "He's going to love it."

"Why does that matter? Does Bella like it?" Rose looked at me pointedly. "Do you like it Bella? If you don't like it, it doesn't matter what he thinks."

I was glad Rose seemed to be warming up to me. Considerate Rose was much easier to deal with than blank, detached Rose. I looked at it from every angle. "I love it," I confirmed. I snapped a pair of simple gold hoops in my ears and slid my feet into gold pumps. "I'm going to kill myself in these heels though," I told them.

Alice laughed. "Don't worry, Edward will save you. Speaking of which, I just heard his car, I'm sure of it. He said when he got here he'd be ready. I don't know where he was showering." She shrugged and handed me a clutch that matched the shoes.

"I want to see his face," Rose said, almost eagerly, bounding out the door and down the stairs. I could hear her speaking to Edward, there was nothing quiet about this house, I'd come to learn.

"Ready?" Alice asked, pulling my hand toward the door. "It's okay Bell, I promise." She pushed me around the corner and down the stairs and I could practically hear her praying that I wouldn't fall and embarrass myself. I was saying the same silent prayer. Somehow this seemed like a milestone for Edward and I, the last thing I needed to do was fall down the stairs.

**Edward's Point of View**

I saw her teeter slightly about half way down the stairs, but she righted herself as though it were second nature and continued her descent. She was beautiful, the brown of the dress matching her mahogany locks, and her shining eyes. Rosalie and Alice had transformed her, not that she hadn't been beautiful before, but now, now she was a vision. Her hair cascaded loosely over her shoulders and down her back. Her face glowed, though I wasn't sure if that was thanks to the girls' work or her own excitement. I hoped the latter. The dress hugged every curve, the neck line plunging just low enough to hint that I wasn't seeing everything and the hem line skirted just above her knees, leading to her long shapely calves.

She gave me a soft, uncertain smile and met my eyes with her own. The look, the emotion, nearly knocked me off my feet. She said so much in that one short glance that I was sure I was going to come apart at the seams. The way I truly felt had never been as obvious to me as it was at that precise moment. I was sure it was love. Nothing else hits you quite so much like a brick wall as it did.

"You look perfect," I told her, taking her hands in mine and holding her at arms' length. Her cheeks blushed a lovely shade of pink that I looked forward to seeing and she smiled shyly. _This was new._ This was not the Bella that had been spending time with me; the take charge, tease and smirk Bella.

"Thanks," she barely got out. I put my arm around her waist and accepted her coat from Alice.

"Thanks guys," I shot over my shoulder as I held her coat out for her to put her arms in. Alice looked concerned, but forced a smile. I didn't want to take the time to worry about what was wrong. Rosalie beamed widely and nodded. I wondered why the role reversal in the two. "Ready?" I asked my beautiful date, and I watched her nod as I guided her out the door and towards the waiting car.


	20. Dancing & Disruptions

**A/N: OK, sorry for the wait, I know I know, too long, but here it is. I swear I'll try to be faster next time! Again thanks to my fabulous betas.**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

"You look beautiful," I told her, as I held open the passenger door and watched her slide in. She beamed up at me and buckled the seatbelt around her hips. I rounded the front of the car and slid into the driver's seat beside her, turning the key and leaning over to kiss her lightly. "I hope it wasn't too torturous."

She laughed her tinkly, happy, Bella laugh and shook her head. "They were fine, don't worry." Her warm hand covered mine on the gearshift and I nearly jumped at the sensation. I wasn't sure how this girl made me come undone at the seams, but she managed it. "Where are we going?" She sounded genuinely interested.

"It's a surprise," I said with a smirk in her direction. "Good day at school?"

"Not bad. I left early. Alice is very persistent." I chuckled. She had pegged my sister well in the short time she'd known her.

"Alice? Persistent? Never." As usual, conversation flowed freely as I made my way through the snowy

streets of Seattle.

"Why such early reservations?" The curiosity and confusion in her voice were evident.

"I just wanted as much time with you as possible," I told her, turning on my signal and turning the corner.

"I'm not really dressed for ferry watching," she whispered as she realized where we were.

"We're not ferry watching, so that's ok," I whispered back, cutting the engine and hurrying around to help her out of the car. In those heels, walking alone could be treacherous. I took her tiny hand in my large one and walked toward the docks.

"What are we doing?" She hurried her steps to keep up with my longer ones as I pulled her closer to the water, excited to see what her reaction would be.

"Look," I said, pointing to the large, white ferry lit up just off the dock. She gave me a quizzical look.

"Do you mean…?" her voice trailed off, her eyes were wide with excitement. "How did you…? Edward,you shouldn't have… I can't even believe…"

"Shush," I told her, placing my fingers over her lips tenderly. "Come with me." I lead her toward the ferry and we were met by a middle aged woman in a black suit.

"Mr. Cullen," she said with a nod and a bright smile in Bella's direction. "And you must be Miss. Swan?"

Bella looked from her to me and back to her, and extended her hand. "Nice to meet you?" She made it sound like a question.

"The pleasure is mine, I've heard a lot about you from Edward."

Bella shot me a startled look, but I pushed her along by the small of her back below deck. A tiny gasp escaped her lips as she took in our surroundings. It was true, they had out done themselves. I hadn't

even known if the plan would work, but it had come together beautifully.

"It's lovely, Lillian, thank you." I nodded in the woman's direction; I'd been working behind Bella's back with her since before she even accepted my invitation.

"What is this?" Bella asked in a voice barely louder than a whisper. I pulled her tight to my side and kissed the top of her head.

"Happy Valentine's Day," I murmured. "Do you like it?" What if she didn't like it? What if it was too much too soon? What if I loved her, but she didn't love me in return? The very thought of it made my blood run cold. What would I do without Bella? Even thinking about it made me sick. She had become _my everything_. She was the only thing that was putting the pieces back together.

"It's….." She trailed off, looking around in awe. "It's _amazing,_" she breathed.

The entire interior of one dining room had been transformed. There were candles lighting the wood

paneled walls, setting a soft glow to our surroundings. The table had been set with white linens and plates with gold trim. A bottle of red wine sat next to two long stemmed glasses and I offered her a chair before pouring her a glass. I barely heard the music playing softly in the background.

"It's too much, Edward," she told me, accepting the glass and taking a tiny sip. "You didn't rent the whole ferry did you?"

I threw my head back and laughed. "I suppose I did," I told her honestly. "Only because no one else

decided to though." I set my glass down and folded my hands on the table in front of me. "Is this okay?" I really wasn't sure. I was afraid it was too much far too fast.

"It's perfect," she answered, reaching her hand over to squeeze mine lightly. "Too much, but perfect." She smiled her beautiful smile and I felt a wave of emotion rush through me. I was sure of it. At this precise moment I was sure that I was _completely _in love with Bella Swan.

Dinner was quiet, but not uncomfortable. The staff out did themselves with the roast beef dinner. Once

Bella had told me that roast beef was her favourite, then I decided that it was the perfect meal for the

hopefully perfect evening I had planned. We finished the bottle of wine and I stood up, taking her hand

and helping her from her seat. Her face was slightly flushed from the wine and the pink in her cheeks

made her look even more beautiful than she normally did. I loved when Bella blushed, be it out of

embarrassment or cold or in this case, wine.

"Where are we going?" She asked as I gently guided her out of the private room we'd had and into a

much brighter area, hung with gold and red decorations. I could just barely hear the wind outside.

"Where are all the people?" We'd gotten used to someone being nearby, a waiter, a busboy or, more often than not, the lovely woman who I owed this entire evening to, Lillian.

"They're giving us some privacy," I whispered in her ear before lifting her fingers to my lips.

"Privacy?" She cocked her eyebrow at me and smirked. I couldn't help but laugh.

"Not now," I told her sternly. I twirled her around in front of me slowly. "I just want to hold you right now."

I pulled her close to me, wrapping one arm around her waist, my other hand holding hers tightly,

pressing her body to mine. I swayed lightly to the left.

"Edward…" she whispered, looking up at me, uncertainty in her eyes.

"Yes Love?" I mentally kicked myself. I hadn't meant to say that out loud. Her face registered shock only for a moment.

"I don't dance."

I chuckled quietly and shook my head. "No," I replied, kissing the top of her head. "But I do." I swayed

again before stepping carefully with my right foot. She followed suit a little too slowly, stepping back and

nearly falling. I bit back a laugh and held her tighter, watching her face glow even more crimson than it

already was. I took another step, and she was a bit quicker this time, my graceful step followed very

closely by her clumsy one. She sighed an exasperated sigh and tried to pull away.

"I'm hopeless," she muttered, watching her feet as yet again, she followed half a second too late.

"Of course you're not. You just need practice."

"Hmph," she grumbled. I couldn't help laughing.

"I have an idea," I told her. She gave me a quizzical look and I grinned. She was adorable when she was

frustrated. I lifted her slightly and settled her feet on top of mine.

"Are you serious?" She laughed and shook her head before kissing me quickly on the mouth. "You're too funny."

I nodded and laughed along with her, kissing the top of her head before spinning us around and listening

to her squeal in embarrassment and delight.

_**Bella's Point of View**_

Edward had outdone himself. Whoever would have guessed that Edward Cullen had it in him? Not me,

and I felt like I knew him at least a little bit better than most people.

And now I was all worked up. Whoever the genius was that said dancing was foreplay was just that, a

genius. Even being as terrible a dancer as I was, the close proximity, my chest pressed into him, his arm

tight around my back, his breath on my neck, his whispers in my ear, were all making it very difficult for

Good Bella to focus. More than once she nearly faltered and Bad Bella almost escaped her shackles.

Edward's self control was obviously better than mine, or perhaps I looked a hell of a lot less sexy dancing than he did. The latter was probably closer to the truth.

"What are you thinking?" his smooth voice cut through my thoughts.

"Just about tonight," I told him, watching as he smoothly shifted gears as the lights changed. "I had a

really wonderful time." I smiled at him, hoping to show how much I appreciated what he'd done. He smiled his slightly lopsided grin back and flexed his fingers over the steering wheel.

"I'm glad."

I sighed and settled back in the seat, glad we were heading back to the house where I could get out of the uncomfortable shoes and dress. And into a comfortable bed. Where Bad Bella would take over. I laughed darkly to myself.

"Thank you," I told him quietly, reaching my hand out to run my fingers over the back of his neck lightly.

"It was my pleasure…" his voice trailed off, like he was going to say something else, and I watched his jaw clench ever so slightly.

"Something wrong?" I watched his face carefully, but his expression wasn't giving anything away.

"No, of course not." He smiled at me once more and it melted all traces of the fleeting strain gone. "I just want to get home."

"I couldn't agree more."

The rest of the ride passed in comfortable silence; that was part of what I loved about being with Edward. We didn't need to talk all the time; sometimes it was ok to just be quiet.

The tires crunched quietly as he turned into the driveway and he cut the engine. "Looks like we're the only ones here for now." He winked playfully before appearing on the other side of the car to hold the door.

"Go upstairs and take your clothes off." His eyes were dancing; I wondered what he had planned. "I'll be right behind you."

I laughed at his straight forwardness and hurried into the house, flicking on the odd light as I went. I pulled

my heels off at the bottom of the stairs and continued up, far more comfortably. I turned the corner and

headed down the hall toward Edward's bedroom, once again thanking the heavens that his room was a

bit more secluded than either Alice or Emmett's. I opened the door and closed it quietly behind me,

turning on a light and carefully taking off the dress that Rosalie had leant me, afraid to wrinkle it in case

she needed it. I wondered if I should leave the stockings and garters on but decided against it, having

cursed how uncomfortable they were all night.

Methodically I pulled all the pins out of my hair and ran my fingers through the curls, still slightly stiff from the hair spray. Edward still wasn't upstairs. I wondered what could possibly be taking him so long, but

shrugged it off and decided to look around the room a bit. I'd spent a lot of time with Edward and in his

bedroom, but I'd never really taken a good look around. There had to be more to Edward than he was

showing me. I couldn't shake the conversation between Alice and Rosalie from my head. The cryptic little comments from Alice, the straightforward questions from Rose. Alice obviously knew something, and I wasn't sure if Rosalie knew or not. Whatever it was, it was something I wasn't supposed to know. Something about someone named Charlotte.

Edward's past had never concerned me before now. I knew he had a reputation, but he had yet to give

me a reason not to trust him, and so I was willing to ignore the past in favour of the future. I was very

curious about this girl I was not supposed to know anything about though. She was obviously an ex

girlfriend of some sort, but I wasn't sure why that was such a big deal. We all had exes. There was

obviously something else that I wasn't being told, and I wondered if maybe there was something that

would shed some light on the situation somewhere in his bedroom.

His desk was cluttered with half written papers, and on a small pile some sort of half written music, some

of it scratched out and some of it torn in half, but none of it thrown out. His computer was closed. There

were pictures in frames on the empty portion of the desk and the dresser. Pictures of him and some other guys, a few too many drinks in their systems. Pictures of him with a whole crew of different girls. Pictures of him with Emmett and Alice, and a very attractive older couple who I assumed must be his parents.

And behind all of them, a small frame with a younger Edward, smiling brightly, far more brightly than in

any of the other photos, his arm around a petite girl with a dark tan and long, straight, black hair. She

made me feel like I knew her just by looking at her, her smile drew me in, her eyes were piercing into

mine. The picture was too small to really see what colour they were, but they obviously shone with an

intensity matched by nothing I'd ever seen before. There was nothing particularly extraordinary about her appearance, and yet I thought she was possibly the most beautiful person I'd ever seen.

I finally drew myself away from the picture and continued my inspection. I wondered, again, where

Edward could possibly be, but shook it off. I made my way to the back of the room where his electric

keyboard sat. I'd never once seen it turned on, or even touched in all the time I spent there, but I did

remember that the first time I'd looked, it had a thin layer of dust on it. That dust was gone now, and there was music on the stand. Something without a title and a lot of eraser marks. I gently flipped through it, looking for some clue as to what it was.

Underneath, a few pages down I found another piece of music, obviously a finished one. _"Charlotte's _

_Song"_ the title read in Edward's slightly tilted script. I pulled the upper pages away and turned the power on, squinting my eyes at the music and quickly finding middle C. I thanked my mother for my brief stint with piano lessons and slowly began to plunk out the melody. I kept the volume low, knowing for sure that my playing was an embarrassment, but even through my stilted fingers, the simple one line I could plunk out, even at the low volume, I could tell the piece was beautiful.

Alice had told me that Edward had a talent for composing, but he'd never mentioned it. I could see now

that his sister was right.

I was concentrating pretty hard, trying to make sense of the double stops and remembering where each

of my fingers were supposed to go. My eyes were almost closed trying to watch as one note after another appeared in front of me.

It was the sound of breaking glass that broke me out of my reverie. I jumped and turned around toward

the door, the last note still singing in my ears. And I was met by a very angry, very hurt looking Edward,

bottle of champagne in hand, shattered flutes at his feet.

"What are you doing?" His voice was barely a hiss, he hadn't moved a muscle. I couldn't figure out why he was so upset.

"I was just looking."

His eyes flashed angrily. "No you weren't, you were _playing_." I stepped toward him and his hand shot up to stop me. "There's glass," he scowled.

"What's wrong?" My voice came out smaller than I'd initially intended. I was acutely aware of the fact that I was scantily clad. My limbs felt heavy. I didn't know why he was so angry.

"You must _never_ touch that." The expression on his face had yet to change. His eyes were flat and his

mouth was practically nonexistent. I thought that now was probably not the time to ask if the Charlotte for whom the song was written was the same Charlotte that Rosalie had mentioned earlier. I figured it must be though.

"I'm…I'm sorry," I said quietly. "It's a beautiful piece."

"Ha," he laughed coldly. "You wouldn't know. You can't play it." He bent down and began to pick up the broken glass with his bare hands.

"Edward…" I started. "You'll…" He shot me an angry look and put his hand up, a bead of blood forming on the end of one finger. "Cut yourself…" I felt my body flood with cold, hard dread.

He rolled his eyes. "Get out Bella." His tone was snappy. He pointed toward the door. He handed me a

pair of jeans and a sweater from an open drawer. "Just get the fuck out."


	21. Remorse & Recklessness

**A/N: Whoa! Quick update this time. Thanks to my awesome betas!**

**Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

_"Get the fuck out." _His words kept echoing in my ears. The hard, flat, lifeless tone of his voice did nothing to soften the blow. _"Get the fuck out."_

"You okay honey? We're here." The cab driver turned to look at me with a somber expression on his face.

"I'm fine," I told him as steadily as possible, wiping my cheek with the back of my hand and handing him the money I owed him.

"Pretty girls like you shouldn't be crying on Valentine's Day," he told me. I smiled sadly.

"I guess most pretty girls don't screw up like I did." I reached for the door handle. "Thanks very much" I told him, climbing out into the street.

"Bye Miss." He waved as he pulled away from the curb, leaving me alone, staring up at the front of my building, hoping and praying that Jessica wasn't there.

I trudged up the stairs and pulled out my keys, fumbling with the lock and trying to stop the steady flow of tears running down my cheeks. I was such an idiot. I should never have touched anything. I should never have looked. I should never have even so much as considered attempting to play his music. Composition was a very personal thing. There was no possible way I could ever know how he was feeling when he wrote it or what it represented.

I stepped into the dark apartment and took in the familiar scene. Closet door slightly ajar, the blue light from the TV flickering softly, meaning Jessica was definitely home, and shoes strewn haphazardly around the entrance way.

"Hello?" I recognized Jessica's voice instantly, even if we hadn't spoken in weeks. I'd hoped to avoid confrontation with her at this point.

I sighed heavily. "Hi Jess" I said, hanging up my coat in the closet and clicking the door shut. I looked around, realizing that it seemed like we were alone. She stepped into the hallway so I could see her. She was wearing sweat pants and an over sized t-shirt, her hair was pulled back in a messy bun and she had a spoon and a tub of vanilla ice cream in hand. "Where's Josh?"

Jessica smiled a smile that didn't quite meet her eyes. "Josh doesn't believe in Valentine's Day" she told me, sliding the spoon into her mouth and licking the ice cream off of it.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply.

"What are you doing home? I haven't seen you in forever. Why aren't you with Edward?" I heard the barely concealed disgust in her voice, but ignored it.

I gulped. _Home_. I hadn't referred to the apartment as home for a while. Home had been where Edward was. I felt a fresh batch of tears pool behind my eyes and I closed my eyelids, hoping to will them away.

"Bella?" She took a step closer. I felt her hand touch my shoulder. "What's the matter?" She sounded genuinely concerned. She took my arm and led me toward the couch and sat me down, her worried eyes never leaving my face. "Bella, I'm sorry about everything. I overreacted. You can date whoever you want."

I flicked my eyes to hers and the new tears poured down my face. I felt them drip off my chin and onto my chest. My body was shaking, but I wasn't making any noise; just sad, desolate, silent tears of remorse. I felt like my body was breaking in two and no matter how hard I tried to keep myself together a stronger force was prying me apart, splitting down the middle.

"Oh God, Bella you didn't break up did you?"

What was the answer to that? _Get the fuck out._ That sounded pretty final to me. Edward never spoke to me like that. And what I'd done was unforgivable. Had it been any other night it may have been, but it was Valentine's Day, the day I knew was already a trial for him, the day he had tried so hard to make perfect. I ruined it. _I _fucked everything up.

Jessica's tiny arm was around my shoulders and I buried my face in her shoulder, unable to stop the sobs. I tried to count the number of times I'd been in Jess's position and her in mine. I couldn't believe the change in roles. I never imagined she would be comforting me, and certainly not after the fight we'd had.

"What happened, Bell?" She stroked my hair softly, waiting me out. I shook my head. I couldn't tell her, I couldn't say anything. "Bella…"

"Just say it," I choked out quietly. "You told me so, right?" It was all I could think of to say. Because she had told me so, and I hadn't listened.

"No," she soothed, rubbing circles on my back. "No, of course not; there isn't any point in that," she told me. "Tell me what happened."

I shook my head. _I couldn't._ "I can't," I stuttered through my tears. "I just want to sleep."

"Okay," Jess whispered as I pulled away from her. "If you need me, I'm here" she told me, and my heart almost broke. _This_ was why Jessica was my best friend. I couldn't believe I'd left her behind for so long.

_**Edward's Point of View**_

"What do you mean she left?" Alice was standing, hands resting on the counter, eyes furious staring across the kitchen at me. I'd come out of my room early to start the day and forget about the night before, and I was sitting, sipping my coffee, minding my own business and brooding over Bella and everything that had happened the night before. "People do not just leave on Valentine's Day. What did you do?" She slapped the counter top loudly, as if to prove a point and then stalked, cat like around the corner to stand in front of me. "Tell me everything, Edward Cullen or so help me God, I _will_ torture it out of you."

I stared past her, not ready to talk, and sipped my coffee once more. I had a hangover. I'd drank the entire bottle of champagne after Bella had left. _After I'd sent her away._ Couldn't Alice just go away?

"Where's Jasper?" I asked listlessly.

"Not your concern." She sat down across from me and settled her elbows on the table.

"Alice, I'm not in the mood. Screw off."

Shock and hurt flashed across her face momentarily. It wasn't often that I spoke to my little sister that way. Those emotions were quickly replaced with anger. I felt the slap before I even saw it coming. Her tiny hand flashed out and collided with my left cheek, a sharp _snap_ sounded in the room. "Snap out of it," she gritted between clenched teeth.

"Go away, Alice" I told her, rising and striding, purposefully, despite my headache, from the room and down to the basement. I needed to be alone with my thoughts; my irritating sister trying to pry information was not going to help this time. I was furious with Bella, but more so, I was furious with myself. I was an idiot. How could I do what I did to her? She had caught me off guard, which I knew wasn't much of an excuse. The things I'd said, the tone I'd used were inexcusable. _I thought you loved her,_ I chided myself. _You don't talk to people you love like that. You don't say those things. You don't overreact. You should have explained things to her a long time ago._

I rubbed my face in my hands. I knew I should have explained things to Bella, explained my past, but it had never come up, so I saw no need. I didn't expect it to hit me so hard. I felt like I'd been broadsided by an eighteen wheeler.

_How do you think she feels?_

I didn't want to think about how she felt right then. I wanted to sink into my dark hole of denial and self loathing and self pity.

I sat down in the old, crusty recliner and crossed my arms over my chest sulkily. I was not going to think about anything but me, and my damned headache.

I wasn't sure how long I sat there, alone in the quiet, thinking more about Bella than I had any intention of. I thought about her laugh, and her smile, and her poor attempts at dancing, and the way she set her hand over mine on the gear shift when we were driving. I thought about her soft hair and her mesmerizing eyes and her long legs and her mouth. I thought about how serious she was about studying, and how she helped Alice cook, and how she managed to get Emmett's crazy sense of humour. I thought about how she seemed to fit into my family perfectly. And I thought about how I'd screwed everything up.

The door creaked, but I didn't look up from my hands. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I didn't want to see anyone.

"Edward? Bro? You ok?" Stupid Emmett, it was pretty fucking obvious I was _not_ okay.

"Fucking fabulous," I said monotonously.

I listened to his heavy footsteps descend the stairs and heard him lumber over. The old couch creaked under his weight. "You want to talk about it?"

I resisted rolling my eyes. "Yeah, I'm sitting here alone because I want to talk about it," I drawled sarcastically. _Idiot._

"Shut up. What happened?" I could feel his eyes on me and I stole a glance over towards him. He was sitting, feet apart, elbows on his knees, leaning forward, watching me intently. His face was relaxed, his head cocked slightly to one side.

"She knows," I whispered. He cocked his head further, like a curious puppy. "She must know…" I let my voice trail off.

"About Charlotte?" The name pierced my ears like a knife. I nodded slowly. He shook his head in response. "Why would you think that? Have you told her?"

I pulled my knees to my chest and pressed my eyes to them. "No," I mumbled. I hadn't told her. I should have, but I didn't. There never seemed to be the right time. "Maybe Alice did."

"Not likely," Emmett told me. "What happened?"

I linked eyes with him, mine flat and angry, his curious. "She played…_her _song."

There was a long silence. "And….?"

"I told her to leave."

"Because she played a song?" Typical Emmett, he was totally insensitive.

"It was not just _any song_ Emmett." He didn't understand how personal composition was. He didn't understand how it was a part of me, a part of me I didn't want to share with anyone.

"Where did she find it?"

I growled at him, frustrated. "Keyboard" I grunted, hugging my knees closer to my chest. "Under other music," I added.

He sighed loudly and rubbed his forehead with the palm of his hand. "Shit Edward… I get that you're upset…but you should probably talk to her."

I shook my head frantically.

"You're acting like a child."

"She needs to mind her own business."

Emmett leaned closer to me. "She's practically living here. She might possibly look around your room once in a while."

"Whatever," I shrugged. "I'm pissed off."

_**Bella's Point of View**_

"I don't know Ange; she's not talking, or eating. She's just sleeping." Jessica's voice floated through my closed door. There was a pause. "Days…Three I think…..Yeah….I think you need to come over….No, he hasn't…..She won't, I asked."

I knew they were talking about me. Jess had been threatening to call Angela for the last while, but I hadn't really been ignoring the world for three days, had I? I pulled out my cell phone and checked the date. February 18th. It really had been days. I had missed two days of school now, and I didn't care. I was too furious with myself to care about anything so trivial as school. I had been ignoring my missed calls list as well, and for a moment I debated looking, just to see. I took a deep breath and scrolled down.

_Alice._ Alice had called me eight times since Friday afternoon. There was a call from Mike, which I ignored, and one from my mother, which I put to the side for later. Alice had called _eight_ times. I wondered what she wanted. There was a missed call from a number I didn't recognize too. I sighed. My voicemail was full, but I wasn't ready to deal with it yet so I put the phone to the side and rolled back under the blankets.

I didn't want to think. I didn't want to think about him, and what he had said, and the dead look in his eyes when he told me to leave. The way he handed me my jeans and was trying to pick up the glass with his hands was heart breaking. I couldn't shake the cold feeling.

But beyond being sad, I was furious. I hated how he'd spoken to me, and I despised how he wouldn't tell me what was going on. I couldn't believe how irrational he was, and how _arrogant._ I hated that he wouldn't talk to me or let me into his life. I wanted to be part of him. I wanted to _know_ him. And he kept shutting me out, and this was the last straw. No one would tell me anything about this Charlotte character, and I had a feeling that she was the key that opened the box.

So when Jessica told me to call him, I told her I wouldn't. I couldn't call him; I couldn't go crawling back so he could tell me to leave again. It wouldn't happen.

"Bella!" I rolled over and groaned. I didn't want to talk to anyone. I had just gotten back to sleep. "Bella I'm coming in so you'd better be decent."

I'd never heard Angela sound so forceful before. "Fine" I grumbled, sitting up and pulling the blankets around my shoulders. The door swung open to reveal a frazzled looking Angela and a worried looking Jessica.

"What are you doing, Bella? _This isn't you._ What is wrong with you? Pining in bed for three days?" She crawled up beside me and took my face in her hands, making me look at her. "Wake up! You're being ridiculous. If you're this upset, call him, apologize or make him apologize or…something. Anything, but you can't stay cooped up in here for days on end. It's silly. You'll make yourself sick. You haven't eaten, Jess told me, and you're just sleeping. You haven't said ten words. Yeah, she's told me that too. Now snap the heck out of it."

I just stared at her, dumbfounded. I was sure my eyes were as big as dinner plates. Angela was never so assertive. She never said that many words in a row.

"You look like a fish," she told me, and I couldn't help but smile a bit in spite of my bad mood. "There we go. Now, what is the matter?" She reached behind her and pulled out a tub of Ben and Jerry's and three spoons. "Spill." She handed me a spoon and one to Jessica and she came to lie on the bed beside me, making herself comfortable.

"I'm pretty sure he hates me," I started out, taking a tiny bite of the ice cream and closing my eyes, willing the tears to go away. "I'm pretty sure he hates me…and…I'm pretty sure I love him."

_**Edward's Point of View**_

"You're not going out driving in this state." Alice held the keys away from me while Jasper stood between us, watching carefully.

"Give me the damn keys Alice. I _need_ to drive."

"Driving is the last thing you need to be doing right now," she told me, her voice shrill. "I _will _call your mother if you don't start seeing reason."

Alice had been driving me crazy all weekend, and I hadn't been allowed out of the house in days. I'd gone for a walk with Jasper the night before to get out, but it hadn't helped. I needed to _drive._ I needed to feel the power of the engine, to feel the control over something big. I didn't even have control over myself, but I _needed_ to be able to control that machine. I needed to be able to feel the revs and know that _I_ was making it do that. Consciously making that reaction happen.

None of us had gone to school. Everyone had stayed around the house. Even Rosalie had stayed. Alice had been threatening to call our mother for the last twenty four hours in an attempt to make me talk, but so far Emmett was the only one I'd said anything to.

"I want to drive," I growled again, reaching for the keys in vain. Jasper put his arm up and shook his head.

"It's a bad idea and you know it," Alice told me. I didn't care. I was feeling reckless.

"There will be no one with me," I snapped, crossing my arms and glaring at her.

"I don't want you to get hurt."

"I won't. I'm a good driver."

"I don't care. I can't believe you'd be so irresponsible as to drive in this condition. After everything that happened, you should never want to get behind the wheel of a car tired and angry again."


	22. Melodies & Messages

**A/N: Thanks to my awesome betas! Again, I'm so sorry for the wait…I hope everyone had a good holiday.  
Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

"Edward Cullen." A voice I would recognize anywhere snapped me into consciousness and I heard the bedroom door swing open, flooding my normally dark room with light from the hall. "There had best be a damn good reason for the call I received from your sister; she was hysterical."

I sat up in bed and squinted into the light. "Mom?"

"Yes, it's Mom." I heard her heels click on the hard wood floor as she looked around the room and shook her head in disgust. "I think we need to talk." She sat down on my bed near my feet and looked at me expectantly.

"Why?" I knew I was being sullen, but I really didn't want to talk to my mother.

"Because I just flew from Chicago to see what was wrong with my beloved son." She patted my foot softly and gave it a squeeze. "Come now Edward. Tell me what's wrong."

I sighed. "It's nothing... just stupid stuff." My mother always made me feel like I was ten years old again. I was going to kill Alice for calling her.

"Alice tells me you have a girlfriend."

I gulped and closed my eyes. I did not want to get into this with my mother. "I think, _did,_ in the past tense, is more accurate." I told her, hoping she would drop it.

"Oh Edward," she cooed, rubbing my foot soothingly. "What happened?"

She looked at me with those big, green eyes, her mouth settled in a bee sting pout. My mother didn't look a day over thirty, and yet she was in her mid forties. I stared back at her, seeing myself mirrored in her face. The others looked like my father, but I looked like my mother; tall, thin and a bit angular like her as well.

I could deny my mother nothing. She could read me even if I tried hard not to let her. I felt the need to tell her everything. It was like a power she had over me.

I sighed deeply and sat up against the headboard. "Everything was great. We got along so well. I took her out for Valentine's day." I ignored the shocked look on my mother's face and continued. "Everything was going great. We came back here and…" I paused, looking at the floor. "I completely freaked out."

"About what?" My mother had the most soothing voice in the whole world. She could get anyone to tell her anything.

"She was looking through my things and she was playing the melody line of Charlotte's song."

My mother let out a long breath. "I can understand why that hurt, sweetheart." She rubbed my foot, but didn't come closer. She knew me so well.

I shook my head. "I hadn't told her about Charlotte" I admitted, my eyes downcast.

"Was she the type of girl you should have told about Charlotte?"

I studied my mother's face, looking for some sort of clue as to where she was going. _How much does she know?_ "What has Alice told you?" I tried to sound fierce and angry, but everything about me was tired. I was tired of pretending, and I was tired of the pain I was feeling. I was tired of people butting into my life. I was tired of laying awake thinking, and I was _so tired _of being alone.

"She is worried," my mother told me. "She told me you had a girlfriend and that it was going well, and now you're locked in your room and threatening to do reckless things. Edward, she has left me in the dark, except to insist I fly here to see you."

I looked up again and took a deep breath. "I should have told _Bella about Charlotte_ a while ago. I kept meaning to, but the time was never right. I didn't know how to bring it up. How do you bring something like that up?" I felt the hot, sting of tears teasing my eyes and I blinked furiously. "I love her Mom, _I love her so much_." I gulped, trying to break apart the lump in my throat. "_But loving her feels like I'm abandoning Charlotte_. I swore I'd never stop loving her. I swore she'd be the only one I loved."

My mother clucked her tongue thoughtfully. "Edward," she started softly. I felt her cool fingertips lift my chin so that my eyes met hers. "You won't ever stop loving Charlotte." Her voice was soft and reminiscent, but not sad. "But that does not mean you are destined to loneliness." She clasped my chin almost roughly between her thin fingers. "Do you think Charlotte is lonely?"

I raised my eyebrows at her incredulously. "What?"

"Think about it."

"She's…."I couldn't bring myself to say what I wanted to say so I shook my head free of my mother's grasp."I shouldn't love Bella, I shouldn't, but I do. And even though I do, she can never become a part of the world that Charlotte was a part of. _That is private_." My voice was barely a hiss. "She is not welcome there."

My mother rose and ran her fingers along the keys on my keyboard. "Play for me," her voice was commanding. I shook my head. I watched as she deliberately pressed the power key. "I want to hear you play." Her fingers flew over a quick major scale.

"I'm not playing."

"Stop sulking." Her fingers found their spots on the keys and a beautiful melody sang from my makeshift piano.

"What is that?" I knew my music and it was one I had never heard before. She smiled sadly in my direction.

"I wrote it for your father when we were first married. I haven't played it in years."

I couldn't help but stare at her. I had no idea my mother had composed anything. "I had no idea," I told her.

She laughed hollowly. "You had to get it from somewhere my sweet. And lord knows your father is a fabulous man, but gifted in the arts he is not. A bit like Emmett, really."

"Alice is hardly musically inclined herself," I added.

My mother laughed a bit harder this time as her fingers became heavier on the keys. "No, but she does have a flare for the dramatic. As do you, my darling."

As quickly as the music began, it stopped and my mother lifted the sheet music off the keyboard. Her fingers rifled through it at an alarming rate and she peeled two sheets off the back. "What is this?" She held up the papers, half erased, notes scratched in every spare piece of space. Her eyes focused in on the music. Her fingers reached out to the keyboard, but she stopped short. She extended her hand with the pages out to me. "Play for me," she demanded.

I stared her down for a moment, my dark green eyes boring into her paler ones. I felt my eyebrows crease in the middle and watched hers mirror them. A smile twitched the left side of her mouth and I sighed deeply, taking the pages in my finger tips and rising from the bed. I laid the pages on the keyboard and positioned my fingers slowly over the keys. I looked at my mother again and she smiled an encouraging smile. I nodded back abruptly and forced myself to play the first note. At first my fingers pressed the keys purposefully, meaningfully, forcing the notes. I couldn't help but cringe at the forced sound. Slowly I relaxed into the rhythm, letting my fingers glide effortlessly across the keys, eyes half shut. I let the music flow from my fingertips, soft and lilting, slowly becoming more complex, until I was no longer playing off the page but from my mind. Every thought I had transferred to my fingers. Every emotion was played out in the music.

I have no idea how long I played before coming up for air, but when I did, my mother was no longer in the room, the door was only slightly ajar, and I felt immeasurably better. My head was clearer, like the fog had been lifted. I knew what I had to do.

************************************************************

"Edward! Where are you going?" Alice was flapping like a mother hen, hurrying behind me, yelping as her bare feet hit the snow covered front step. My mother was close behind.

"Edward, you can't just leave!" They both sounded frantic.

"I'll be back in a couple of days," I told them, leaning out of my car to see them more clearly. "I have things I need to clear up. Things I need to make right." My mother came up to the car and smiled.

"Where are you going?"

_**Bella's Point of View**_

I decided that I should listen to my messages. It really was time. It had been four, agonizingly long days. I sat on the couch staring at my cell phone, truly alone for the first time since that fateful night. Angela had gone home to Ben, once convinced I really was going to be alright, and Jessica had gone to lunch with Josh.

The one from my mother was normal. Just checking in, wondering if I was going to come home for spring break, or if she should make plans. I made a note to call her back and tell her I'd probably be home. I would save that call for later. The message from Mike was short and sweet. Wondering if I wanted to meet with some friends for drinks Saturday night. Obviously that one could be deleted. The first one from Alice froze me.

"Bella, its Alice. Can you call me back? We don't know what happened. Edward won't speak to us. Emmett is trying to talk to him. I'm scared. This is not normal Edward behaviour."

The next one was just as bad.

"Bella? Are you okay? There are things you should know. Things Edward needs to tell you. You need to come back. Please don't leave. I hope you're okay. Call me back."

There were a few others from Alice, mostly the same, asking me to call her, becoming more and more frantic each time. _Could the girl not take a hint?_

The last message was from the number I hadn't recognized. I wasn't sure who it was or why they were calling, but I listened all the same.

"Bella, its Rosalie. I got your number from Alice. I hate to butt into personal business, but I think you should call Edward. I'm not sure who was in the wrong. Maybe both of you, maybe neither of you. I'm not sure it matters. We're not stupid. We can all see how much you care about each other. He has too much pride, but I really think he's working on it. I feel a bit stupid talking to a message like this, but you're obviously not answering your phone. Just…don't give up a good thing, ok?"

I stared dumb founded at the phone before snapping it shut. _A good thing? _Was she right? Were Edward and I being too stubborn to acknowledge what we had? Was it a good thing? I leaned my head back on the sofa and closed my eyes. Of course I knew it was a good thing. If it hadn't been I wouldn't be hurting so much. I missed him terribly. The way he smiled at me when he met me after class. The way he smirked when he was trying to conceal his excitement. The way he kissed me and how it was warm and encompassing and how felt like home. How there was always that perfect balance of familiarity and excitement. I missed his laugh. I missed how he smelled. Of course I missed the sex; I'd be outright lying to say I wasn't. But I missed more than that. I missed Edward, I missed his dynamic. I missed the way he made me feel.

But who was I kidding? He obviously did not feel the same way. He obviously did not miss me one bit. He hadn't called, he probably hadn't even thought of me. He was probably out with another girl while I sat pathetically on my couch missing him.

I threw the phone across the room and it clattered to the floor, the noise deafening in the quiet apartment. I slapped my face, trying to snap myself out of my stupor. I had to get out of the apartment. I needed to move on with my life. I needed to get back into the swing of school. And I needed to speak with Rosalie.

Not with Alice. Alice was not who I needed right now. I needed Rosalie and her blunt, straightforward outlook.

After retrieving my phone, I searched my missed calls for her number and took a deep breath.

"Hello?"

"Rosalie? It's Bella."

*************************************************************

I met Rosalie in a Starbucks downtown; she'd already ordered and was sitting at a table in the corner when I got there. She raised one hand in greeting and went back to reading the news paper she'd picked up while I ordered and made my way over.

"Hi Bella," she said somberly, folding the paper neatly and placing it to the side. She sipped her coffee thoughtfully and tilted her head.

"Hi," I replied, examining the wood grain pattern on the table.

"What did you need to talk about?" She held her mug close to her face, looking over it, her grey eyes wide with expectation.

"I got your message," I told her, wrapping my hands around my cup and reveling in the heat burning my palms. I felt like it was the first thing I'd truly felt in days. "I guess I wanted to talk to you about it." She nodded thoughtfully and motioned for me to continue. "You think I should call him?"

She placed her cup in front of her. "That's what I said, isn't it?" her voice was hard, like the old Rosalie, the first Rosalie I'd met, but her eyes were softer. I looked at her, a bit taken aback by her tone. "He's hurting Bella," she told me in a softer voice. "But it's not my business."

"Has he…said anything?" I tapped my finger nails on the china of my mug, waiting for her response.

"If you just wanted gossip, you should have called Alice" she snapped, turning to look out the window at the grey streets of Seattle.

"That's not what I meant," I managed to stutter. Rosalie made me nervous at the best of times, her snippy attitude only made it worse, not that I blamed her. "You said not to waste a good thing," I continued. She snapped her head back around to face me.

"Yes," she said slowly. "I suppose I did."

"You think it was a good thing?" I gulped, pulling my eyes away from hers and waiting.

"It doesn't matter what I think. What do you think?"

I stared at my hands, trying to find the right words. "I miss him," I finally whispered, my voice sounding strange, even to myself. "_I'm so stupid_."

"No," Rosalie said, sounding just the tiniest bit sympathetic. "Edward is a complicated man." She shook her head and smiled. "But you didn't answer my question."

I gave her a quizzical look.

"Do you think it was a good thing?" She sipped her coffee once more and smirked at me.

I thought for a moment, and then I looked up to meet her eyes. "I'd never felt so comfortable, so happy in all of my life. It was like when I was with him, I was home. I was warm and I felt like I was…well, loved. Like I was worth something. Like someone honestly believed that I was wonderful. He made me want to laugh and cry at the same time." She smiled a tight smile and nodded slightly. "I think it was a _great_ thing," I told her, realizing that a tear was running down my cheek. I wiped it quickly away and shook my head. My face was hot and clammy, and my hands would not stay still.

"I think you need to talk to him." She rose from her seat and picked up her purse. "_Now._" She motioned for me to follow her and I climbed into my truck. I turned right out of the parking lot and headed toward Edward's. His Volvo wasn't in the driveway, but I took the chance anyway. I parked and hurried up the walk. My footsteps clacked against the cement. I stopped at the door and knocked.

"Bella!" Alice nearly knocked me over as she jumped on me to give me a hug.

"Hi Alice," I said tentatively. "Is Edward here?" She closed her eyes and took a deep breath, her face falling. "What's wrong?" Cold fear flooded through me. He _had _found someone else.

"Bella, Edward is gone." I stared blatantly back at her.

"Gone? Gone where? For how long?"

Alice shook her head. "A few days he says, but I'm not really sure." I sighed heavily. I wanted to talk to him now. I _needed_ to talk to him now.

"Where did he go?"

Alice looked at me sadly. "Chicago."


	23. Accusations & Assumptions

**A/N: Thanks to my awesome betas! Again, I'm so sorry for the wait.  
Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

"What's in Chicago?" I was still standing on the front step, staring blankly at her.

"That's where we're from," Alice said, motioning for me to come inside. "Bella, this is my mother." She gestured toward a woman with caramel coloured hair, tied in a French-twist at the nape of her neck. She was thin and elegant, and seemed much taller than she actually was. She turned around and smiled, extending a long, pale hand.

"It's a pleasure, dear," she said in a musical voice. Her smile was one of the most genuine I'd ever seen. Her full lips framing her nearly perfect teeth. The smile extended to her wide, green eyes. Green like Edward's, but not quite as dark, I realized.

"It's very nice to meet you too, Mrs. Cullen," I replied, as warmly as possible. I studied her a moment more before blurting out "I guess we know who Edward looks like," before slapping my hand over my mouth. She laughed quietly.

"It's Esme," she told me, turning back to the stove to stir whatever it was she was making. It smelled amazing whatever it was. "And he really is the odd one out, isn't he?" She smiled adoringly over at Alice. "I'm so glad to see you, darling. I've called your father to let him know Edward will be in town."

Alice smiled tightly, and I stood awkwardly to the side, wondering why I was still there, and thinking back to just a few days ago when the house felt more like home than anywhere I'd lived before.

"Will you stay for dinner, Bella?" Esme stirred the pot again and gave me a searching look. I gulped. I felt like she was looking deep inside me. Her eyes searched beyond the surface. I felt like an open book, and she was happily flipping through my pages.

"Uh, I'm…I'm not sure," I managed to stammer out. "Maybe I should just go." I started for the door, realizing what I was doing was rude but wanting to get away from the awkward situation as quickly as possible.

"Nonsense, dear. You're Alice's friend and you should stay for dinner." She smiled adoringly once more at her daughter. "Isn't that right Alice? Is Jasper coming too?"

I looked around frantically, wanting to get out of the house, away from everything that reminded me of Edward. He'd left. He obviously didn't want to reconcile. He was flying across the country. I was stupid. I was stupid to imagine he'd want to see me; that he'd wait for me. I was stupid to listen to Rosalie. I wanted away from this overly kind woman who reminded me of Edward, I wanted out of the kitchen, out of the house, I just wanted out.

"No, Jasper needs to work tonight" Alice told her mother as she stepped around her to pull a cup from the cupboard. "I'd love it if Bella stayed." I thought her voice sounded forced. "Why don't you come on up to my room Bell?" She scrubbed the cup she'd just used, just like she always did and put it back in the cupboard. She skipped lithely across the tiled floor towards the stairs. "Come on!"

I followed her, unsure what else to do, and at the top of the stairs, had to physically resist taking the right, and instead made my feet angle left toward Alice's bedroom. "Take a seat," she told me, flopping her tiny frame backwards on her very pink bedspread. I sat down awkwardly on the edge, hands clasped, eyes down. For some reason I felt like Alice was scrutinizing me.

"How have you been?" I asked politely, if not stilted. Alice snorted.

"Let's cut to the chase, Bella. Why are you here?" I couldn't believe the anger emanating from Alice; her voice was hard and pitchy. Her body language was still very relaxed though. The contrast confused me.

"I wanted to talk to Edward," I said after a long pause. I stared at my hands, clasped tightly in my lap. "I miss him."

Alice propped herself up on her elbows and stared at me, her blue eyes wide and searching, and a little bit angry. "Took you long enough," she nearly growled. "Thanks for returning my calls by the way."

I was taken aback by the condescending tone she was using. "Sorry. I was upset."

Alice rolled her eyes dramatically. "Like you were the only one. Do you not think you're being a bit selfish? My brother was flattened. It's like a part of him _died._"

"Because I was obviously affected so positively, right Alice?" I was starting to get a bit frustrated. Did she just invite me up here to lecture me?

"Well now he's gone. I don't know what he's thinking. Maybe you're too late." She sniffed disapprovingly. "He's heartbroken. No one should have ever made him feel like that."

I was starting to get indignant. _How dare she?_ I opened my mouth to explain and closed it again.

"Something to say?" She stood up and went to lean against the wall. "Don't say it wasn't your fault. You were snooping." She closed her eyes and then opened them, her expression softer. "I'm sorry Bella, but you didn't see him. You didn't hear him. You didn't look after him for days while he was going crazy. I had to call my _mother." _She covered her cheeks with her hands and shook her head. "You have no idea what it's been like. I mean I honestly get that it's not completely your fault, it was just a huge misunderstanding, but I don't know what's going to happen. I've never seen him so upset."

The truth in Alice's words floored me. It had to have been bad if Alice called in reinforcements. If there was one thing I'd learned about Alice Cullen in the time I'd spent with her, it was that she was completely independent. Alice did not ask for help, and when offered, rarely accepted. She was a proud person. She held her head high and went about her business. It would have taken a lot for her to admit defeat and call her mother.

I dropped my head to my hands and sighed lowly. I had done that to him. I had hurt him. It was my fault. I needed to talk to him.

"I think it will be okay," Alice said quietly, coming to sit beside me. "I think he just needs time. Maybe this trip will help him work stuff out."

I glanced sideways at her and gave her a sad, half smile. "Maybe," I whispered unconvincingly.

Dinner was a tense affair. Emmett was there, with Rosalie, who refused to meet my eyes, save for the one quick glance where I saw some sort of apologetic sadness flash over her face. Alice poked at her dinner listlessly with her fork, refusing to look up from the plate, obviously still embarrassed that she'd had to call her mother at all, and obviously upset about her brother's departure. Emmett tried his best to keep the conversation rolling in true Emmett style, but only Esme was really involved. Eventually, after he'd exhausted the weather forecast and this week in politics he shut up and shoveled his food rapidly into his mouth. I answered Esme's questions as honestly as possible. No one mentioned Edward.

It wasn't until everyone had cleared out and I'd offered to help with the dishes that he came up in conversation. It was only Esme and me in the kitchen. Alice had flown the coop at the first opportunity and Rosalie and Emmett certainly never helped with dishes. We had said very little beyond polite conversation until I was drying the last pot lid. "What happened between you and Edward, Bella?" Her soft voice was curious, but sympathetic.

I took a deep breath. I supposed there was no avoiding the question. I contemplated whether it would be considered terribly rude to let the lid clatter to the floor and make a run for it. I supposed it probably would be. "I ruined a perfectly nice evening and he told me to get out," I told her in a rush.

"Edward is difficult," she mused. The sound of his name shot daggers through my heart. It happened every time I heard it, every time I said it. I felt the sting of tears smart my eyes and blinked rapidly. I could not cry in front of his mother. Esme rang out the dish cloth and began wiping the counters while I put away the last pot. "It seems like you can be equally as difficult though." She smiled over at me. I was sure I must have had a stunned expression on my face. That was a rather forward thing to say. "I don't mean it in a bad way, Bella. The only woman Edward would actually devote any time to would have to be equally as difficult and strong willed as he is. If not, he wouldn't be bothered." She rinsed the cloth and draped it on the divider between the double sink. "He told me a bit about what happened," she said softly. "There are things about Edward that you don't know. That you don't understand, and that you may never understand. Something terrible happened to Edward before he moved here. It has haunted him ever since. If you feel strongly for him, please Bella, give him some time to sort out his demons." She nodded at me to signal the end of the conversation and headed out of the room. She paused at the door and looked back at me, still standing in the middle of the kitchen looking shocked. "It was very nice to get to know you, Bella."

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I really disliked planes. I really disliked park-n-fly shuttles, and I _really_disliked planes. I hated stewardesses and I hated the business men that sat around yakking on their blackberries like the world depended on them. The food sucked. I scowled at the fat, middle aged man beside me having some pretentious conversation on his stupid blackberry. I thought you weren't really supposed to use phones on planes? He seemed to say things like "Now see here," and "I understand we are in the middle of a recession, however that is not an excuse," an awful lot. I crossed my arms, and turned my iPod up, hoping to drown him out as I closed my eyes and tried to catch some sleep. I must have finally dozed off, because the flight didn't seem to take nearly as long as I imagined it would. Too soon almost, it was time to fasten my seatbelt for landing.

I was honestly glad I had only packed one small bag for the trip. I hated waiting around for luggage. I slung my bag over my shoulder and headed out the large glass doors and found a cab. He knew the area where my family lived well and sped towards the suburbs south of the airport. He was a friendly cabbie, but I was not in the mood to talk. I was about to do something I should have done years before and I was nervous and edgy. He soon figured out that I was seeking quiet and the only sounds were his wheels skimming through the slush and the odd beep of a horn thanks to city traffic. I found the sounds soothing. He turned into the subdivision and I looked around me at the towering luxury homes all around me. Home…as strange as it seemed, was in one of these big, cold looking houses.

The cab driver navigated through the narrow, twisting streets and stopped at the corner lot with a big, grey brick house sitting close to the road. My father's Mercedes was sitting in the drive, sparkling as always. I paid the driver and climbed out of the cab, thanking the driver again and heading for the wide front doors nervously. I wondered briefly why I was nervous about entering my own house and shook it off. I knocked. It felt weird not to. I only came home for holidays, more specifically, for Christmas now. I avoided Chicago like the plague. There were too many bad memories for my liking. I waited. I heard the heavy footsteps of my father slowly coming toward the door. One door opened and my father looked me in the eye and frowned thoughtfully. "Edward," he said. "Your mother said you'd be in town." He stepped to the side and let me pass.

My father looked much more like Alice and Emmett than he did like me. Sometimes I joked to Esme my father was really the milk man. Carlisle was tall, and more bulky than I was, though much less bulky than Emmett. He had broad shoulders and narrow hips. He was dressed in his typical winter attire, brown corduroy pants, a white oxford shirt and a sweater, today it was a dark green. My father had always dressed like he was sixty, for as long as I could remember. He used to be more youthful; though between the stress of his job, and probably myself, he was starting to look older and more worn out. His dark hair was starting to show the grey, which I supposed was normal considering he was in his mid fifties, and his face looked tired, his eyes sad. Though I remembered well when his eyes first took on the look of sadness. I remembered that night far better than I wanted to. The night he told me. The first time my father had not been able to fix my mistakes.

At first I blamed him. He was Carlisle Cullen; he could fix anyone and anything. But soon I realized that it was not his fault. I had just screwed up in a much bigger way. It was _my fault._ I had failed. I had loved her, and I had lost her, and it was no one's fault but my own. That was the part I had trouble with. The fact that it was my fault. I did this to myself. I had no one to blame.

And if I had the power to do it once, I could do it again, and I didn't want Bella to suffer. And frankly, if I was being honest, I couldn't bear to suffer again either. I could not go through that again. I could not ever lose Bella the way I had lost _her. _The way I had lost _Charlotte._ Bella deserved more than me. She deserved more than I would ever be able to give her. She deserved someone who could love her with everything that they were, and that she could love back. She could never _really_ love me. Not if she knew the truth. But damn it, I wanted her. Every piece of me screamed for Bella. She was who I thought about before I fell asleep at night, and my first thought when I woke in the morning. I missed her smile and her hand over mine on the gear shift when we drove. I missed the way one tendril of hair would fall out of her pony tail and fall into her eye, and I missed brushing it away. I missed looking into her eyes and seeing straight into her soul. I missed kissing her and holding her and waking up beside her in the morning. I missed making love to her, for that's what it was. Sex with Bella was not just sex; it was not sex like it was with every other girl, it was something deeper; a connection I never really thought could exist.

But she didn't want me. I'd been horrible to her, so really who could blame her? But she didn't want me. She'd never called, never come over. She had walked away and she had not come back. I had no idea what to do, but I knew why I was in Chicago. I was there for a reason and I was going to do my best to _at least_ deal with the demons in the city that had once been my home. I would deal with what was waiting, or not waiting for me in Seattle when I got back.


	24. Secrets & Sorrows

**Thanks to my wonderful betas….and thanks to everyone who has not given up on me…I know it's been a while so I'll spoil you and give you yet another update (Blynn is blackmailing me….I have to . haha) Enjoy….if that's what you can do in this chapter.**

"It's good to see you son," Carlisle said to me, across the dining room table later that evening. "I assume, however, that you are not here just to visit." My father knew me well.

"I suppose you could say I'm here on business of sorts," I replied, placing my fork down on the edge of my plate and reaching for the water glass on the corner of my place mat.

"Can I ask?" That was Carlisle, never wanting to cause much of a disruption.

"I just need to deal with some things," I told him, staring at my plate. "I need closure." He nodded knowingly and said no more. He was good for that, unlike my mother, Alice or even Emmett, who all liked to pry; my father knew when he'd said enough. "Can I borrow Mom's car tomorrow?"

My father nodded and stood to clear the dishes from the table. He was a man of few words. Brilliant, but silent. "I have to go into the hospital early. I probably won't see you before I go."

"I'll be up early as well," I replied. I had every intention of getting up before the sun was up and doing what I needed to do.

"Keys are on the hook by the door," Carlisle told me as he left the kitchen, probably to retreat to his den for the evening. That was customary for Carlisle. He seemed to spend a lot of time alone. He didn't seem to mind. I guess I got that from him. As long as I could remember, after dinner my father settled himself in the den for the evening, CNN quietly playing on the TV in the background. He would sit at the big oak desk, glasses perched on his nose as he poured over documents, texts or the latest medical journal.

I checked the time and decided I could retire to my room for the evening. I was tired from traveling and I had an early morning ahead of me.

_**Bella's Point of View**_

"Hey kid." I turned to see who had come into the kitchen. I was just pulling myself together so I could leave. Emmett was standing next to me and he reached a large hand out and rubbed light circles on my back as I tried to stop the shaking and the tears. "Can I talk to you?" His boyish features were melancholy and there was no playful sparkle to his blue eyes. I nodded, unsure what else to do. "Come on down stairs."

His gigantic form left the room and I hurried to keep up as he headed for the basement. He sat down on the old couch along the back wall and I sat in the recliner facing him. He sighed dramatically and leaned his face into his hands. I'd never seen him look so small before.

"I should not be saying this, so I need to you to be quiet and not ask questions. Can you do that?" He peeked at me over his fingers, blue eyes pleading, mouth twisted almost in pain.

"Yes," I whispered quietly. I leaned forward slightly in the chair, waiting for him to continue.

He took a deep breath and nodded his approval. "I'm going to tell you what I can about Edward. I can't give you the whole story, I don't even know it, and some of it is for Edward to tell himself, but I think you deserve to know. Other people in this family won't agree with me, but I think it would be far worse to not tell you and for him to lose you entirely, than it would be to give you a glimpse into Edward's past to help you understand." I nodded, waiting for him to continue and he took a deep breath once more. "We all have pasts, Bella. Some more colourful than others'. It could be said that Edward has a very colourful past. You know the rumours. You know about the constant streams of women, the partying, the run-ins with the law. Everyone knows _that_Edward. But that Edward is not my brother. That Edward is only the shell of the brother I once knew and loved. The brother I still love. This last little while, he has been more the brother I knew before. Before that night. The night that changed everything.

"Edward was seventeen. At that age no one is capable of coping with the things that he was forced to cope with. The loss, the guilt, the anger, the blame." Emmett counted them out on his thick fingers looking thoughtful. "They – my parents- tried to get him help afterwards, but he refused. He didn't want to see anyone, or do anything. I'm honestly not sure how he finished school, he was like a ghost. He spent a lot of time alone, in the dark. He said he was sleeping, but there was no way he was sleeping." Emmett stared off into space as though remembering. "The circles under his eyes were so dark and so pronounced he looked terminally ill. He went to school and he came home. He spent a lot of time out of school too, but he did the work and I think my parents had something to do with his diploma. Don't quote me on that though, no one ever told." I nodded for him to continue and he settled back against the back of the couch to continue his story. "Charlotte," he said and I perked up. "Everything always revolved around Charlotte. When she was no longer there his world fell apart. After that, he swore he'd never get so involved again. He never wanted another person to be his life, his world. He needed to be his own person, only the person that he became wasn't really a person at all. That Edward didn't feel or care. He wanted to be numb, and the only person he cared about was himself. That's how he was until you came along. Suddenly he started to care about someone else. I was sure he was going to screw it up before it even started, but he managed to control the shell Edward, the one that only did and didn't feel. He let himself feel something for someone else. That's a big step for him.

"He told me about the music." I cringed and Emmett nodded a slight grimace on his chiseled features. "Yeah…about that. Edward's music is like his diary. I know that sounds all chick like and lame, but it's true. It's how he gets out what he's feeling and what he's thinking. You looking at it was like reading his diary, you playing it; that was like you reading it out loud to him. If you left your diary or something private out on your desk and left Edward alone in your room, would you expect him to leave it alone? He feels like you just read into his deepest darkest secrets and he feels betrayed. He's a very private person and he feels that there has to be a degree of trust. He wouldn't read your diary, you don't play his compositions." He looked matter of fact and I nodded.

"What happened to Charlotte?" I finally asked. Emmett shot me a warning look.

"You promised not to ask questions." I dropped my eyes. That had definitely been a question. "That is for Edward to tell you. Just know that Edward has some major issues with guilt. He's pretty broken and it's going to take a long time for him to heal. He has to _want_ to heal. Letting himself feel is the first step down a very long, winding road."

Emmett stood up and smiled sadly at me. "I hope that helps. Oh, and Bella," he said as an afterthought "Rosalie was only doing what she thought was best. She says to tell you she is sorry."

I nodded and got up to follow him upstairs. "I guess I'll see you around," I said to Emmett.

"Just give him time. He'll come around. I'm sure of it."

I took my coat from the closet, and pulled my boots on before heading out into the February night, feeling more confused than before, but somehow enlightened at the same time. Now I just needed to wait for Edward to come back to Seattle.

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I was in my mother's SUV driving out of town, away from the hustle and bustle of the city. I hadn't driven this particular route in years. I had never wanted to. I still didn't want to, but I knew I needed to.

The snow capped trees loomed on either side of the highway as I sped along, negotiating the turns like I had been there every day of my life. I felt like I could drive the route with my eyes closed. I turned the radio off and listened. The silence was deafening. The last time I'd driven this route she had been chattering away happily beside me. To this day I still remembered what it was about. She was telling me about the new dishes her mother had bought, and how her brother had broken one of the soup bowls into a thousand pieces. I recalled her giggly laugh, the way her hand rested on the console in between the seats as she angled her body towards mine, her beautiful smile. - "Oh Edward, it was too funny. Mom was so angry. Her beautiful new dishes."- My chest tightened and I felt the car swerve. I slammed on the brakes and pulled over to the side of the road, breathing hard, trying to catch my breath. I felt like something was crushing me, squeezing me in a vice grip. I closed my eyes and rested my forehead on the steering wheel. I hadn't thought of her, of that moment in years. I kept my eyes closed and I saw her dark eyes, squinting in the sun, laughing. Her eyes were always happy. I saw her wide smile. You couldn't help but smile when she smiled. Her happiness was contagious. I saw her lips, full and pink, begging me to kiss them, her body, beautiful and soft, crying for me to touch it. I remembered how her skin felt soft and warm under my finger tips. How well my pale skin contrasted on her darker tones. I remembered the way she used to whisper in my ear, sweet nothings. I remembered our first time, the most beautiful moment of my life. She had looked so nervous, her voice shook, her hands trembled, but her kisses were hot, feverish, demanding. Her body called to me. I remembered the first moment I saw her, all of her. I had been in awe. I thought about the way she had said my name, breathless, softly. What I wouldn't give to hear her say my name just one more time.

I thought about how awkward it had been, how I'd fumbled and how she'd giggled. I loved to hear her giggle, even at my expense. And I remembered sleeping with her, snug in my arms, her steady breathing lulling me to sleep, that night, and so many nights afterwards.

I remembered our first fight, when I'd told her to get out and the hurt look on her face. I remembered how my heart had broken as I watched her leave. I remembered the phone call later, the apology. We were both so volatile; we were both prone to saying things we didn't mean. But that didn't mean I didn't love her. Oh no, I loved her more than anything in the world. I loved her more than life itself. Ironic really.

I wiped the dampness from my eyes and blinked a few times to readjust to the light. I pulled the car back out onto the road and continued on my journey. I wanted to spend some time in the place where I remembered her best, the park outside the city. It was more of a camp ground I supposed, but we had spent a lot of time there. She was a bit of a nature geek, she knew all the trees and the animal tracks and the different kinds of moss. I used to tease her mercilessly about it.

The snow covered everything, but unlike the city it was white and undisturbed, just the way I liked it. I wasn't in the mood for brown slush and wet feet. I tramped through the deep snow toward the hiking trails at the north end of the park and headed into the trees, the same way we always went; for the first time in my life, making the trip alone. I longed for the feel of her smaller hand wrapped in mine. I longed for her giddy chatter and the constant tug on my arm as she would stop and point at something she was excited about.

I started to slow. I wanted to sit on the log we'd always sat on. I wanted to remember her, to think about her, to deal with everything on our log, where we had spent countless hours. It was slightly off the beaten path, but I knew it had to be soon. It had been there as long as I could remember and longer I was sure. It was already covered in a thick coating of moss when we had found it all those years ago. I recognized the trees, slightly larger than they had been the last time I was there, bowing towards each other, showing me the way and I silently thanked them. Not that I would have forgotten. I had walked the path so many times it was engrained in my memory. I could probably come back here when I was eighty and still find it in the dark. I forced my way through the growth and the deep snow, and then I stopped dead. I looked down, and then left and right. I felt the bile rise in my throat. It was gone. The place we had spent so many blissful hours, where I had laughed harder than I'd ever laughed before, the place I had comforted her when she'd been upset, the place we'd shared our first kiss, the place we'd declared our everlasting love for each other was gone. In its place was smooth, undisturbed snow. I closed my eyes, hoping I was hallucinating, and opened them again. Nothing. Gone. It was all gone. It was all I had left and it was gone. "Charlotte," I whispered softly, my voice cracking, and I sunk to my knees, not bothering to hold off the grief now consuming me.


	25. Confusion & Clarity

**/N: Thanks to my awesome betas! Again, I'm so sorry for the wait. I'm in big trouble. Promises of an update a week, and it's been weeks.  
Disclaimer: All recognizable Twilight characters belong to S. Meyer. I however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces."**

_**Bella's Point of View**_

I wondered how long Edward would be in Chicago. I felt both better and worse after my talk with Emmett. On one hand I understood more why Edward had been so upset with me, but on the other hand I wondered how I was supposed to have known all of that if he never told me.

I pulled my truck up to the curb and cut the engine; grabbing my purse as I climbed out and headed back to the apartment.

"Hey!" Jessica's voice came from somewhere near her bedroom. "Where've you been?" She came out of her room clad in a black halter dress and pink, fluffy slippers, trying to fiddle an earring into the hole in her left ear.

I thought fast. I wasn't sure quite how much I wanted Jess to know just yet so I settled for vague. "I had to meet someone," I said quickly.

"Oh," she said with a small smile. "Glad to see you up and about. Want to come out? We're going to that new club down town." She looked at me so hopefully. "We can wait a bit. Everyone should be here any minute, but we'll just crack open a bottle of wine while you get ready."

I thought about it. On one hand, I had no real desire to go out and see people and dance badly, but on the other hand, I missed my friends and I needed to do something to pass the time other than sitting at home wondering when Edward was coming back. "Sure," I finally said. "But I'm not dancing," I added as a side note. Jess smiled brightly. It wasn't hard to make her happy.

"Get ready," she told me, pushing me towards the bathroom and closing the door behind me.

I heard the voices of people filling our tiny apartment as I got out of the shower and toweled my hair. People laughing and talking and having a good time. I was going to have to try to smile and act normal tonight. I wondered if I could do it. I dried my hair and straightened it, having no time to do anything more elaborate, and wrapped myself in my fluffy robe and headed for my room.

"Hey Bella, I'm not sure that's dress code," Mike joked, a big smile on his face. Mike, like Jessica was easy to please. I forced myself to laugh and the noise sounded foreign.

"No? I thought it accented my curves nicely," I replied sweetly, stepping into my room and closing the door. I leaned back against it, wondering what I was doing and if I could pull it off. I hadn't really seen my friends in weeks. Ever since I'd started seeing Edward. I realized that probably wasn't healthy.

I pushed myself away from the door and rifled through my closet, looking for something appropriate. I settled for dark wash jeans and an off the shoulder sweater from near the back of my closet, and fastened a set of large, gold hooped earrings in either ear. I rifled through the pile of shoes in my closet until I found a pair of black boots with a low heel and shoved my feet carelessly inside. I looked…presentable. It was the best I could do under the circumstances, so I fluffed my hair one last time, made a face at the mirror and headed out to the group chatting outside my bedroom door.

The club was crowded and I felt awkward and out of place. I sipped my drink thoughtfully as I stared at the crowded, sweaty dance floor from my place at one of the corner tables. I saw Angela attempting to dance with Ben, who had finally gotten a night off. Awkward was not a strong enough word to describe Ben; his dancing resembled a tall, thin duck.

I thought back to dancing awkwardly on the ferry with Edward. _How had everything gone so wrong so quickly?_

"Bella?" Angela sat down beside me once she'd had her feet stepped on one too many times. She put her mouth close to my ear so I could hear her without shouting. "If you need to talk about something, I'm here. And I'm danced out." She leaned back and grinned sheepishly at me. I laughed, for real this time. I couldn't help it.

Ben came over and handed her a drink before retreating to talk to the guys, obviously getting the hint that Angela and I were talking.

"He's gone to Chicago," I told her over the noise of the club. "I feel a bit stupid just sitting and waiting for him though." I took a sip of my drink, letting my eyes wander around the crowded building. "I feel a bit pathetic," I admitted, looking at the table and tracing patterns on the shiny surface with the pad of my finger. "I'm not that girl, you know? The one that sits, pining." I bit my lip and looked at my friend's sympathetic face.

"Why are you, then?" We were still sitting close so we didn't have to shout, locked in our own little Angela-Bella bubble.

I shrugged my shoulders and avoided her eyes. I could practically feel her eyebrows shoot up. She didn't believe me and I knew it. "He's different," I finally said, quickly, hoping we could skirt over the issue. She sat patiently, waiting. "I told you already," I said with a sigh. "I'm in love with him."

"No you didn't," Angela argued. I rolled my eyes at her. Obviously I had told her that before. I thought Angela was a good listener. "You said you loved him." I gave her a quizzical look. "If you're _in love_ with him, that's different. It's a different feeling all together." She patted my hand soothingly and I tipped the rest of my fruity cocktail down my throat.

Angela looked up and caught Ben's eye. She motioned toward my empty glass and I saw the awkward ducky walk of Ben twist his way through the crowd towards the bar again. "He really hates crowds," Angela said with a wry smile. "He always looks so awkward and out of place. He's much more comfortable in the library." She shook her head and _tutted_ lovingly. "So am I, to be honest. But sometimes social situations are unavoidable." She looked back at me and tapped her finger nails on the table top. "So, what are you going to do?"

"What are my options? I mean, what if he never even wants to see me again? I don't have any idea what he is thinking."

Angela laughed darkly and shook her head. "That's the beauty of relationships, Bells. You haven't got a clue. But if you know him well you have some idea of cause and effect. You should know that if you do something, he _should_ counter act with something else. You should be able to gauge the counter action."

"That's the thing. I have no idea. He reacts totally different than I expect him to."

Ben came over with drinks for Angela and I, and I smiled my thanks and took mine, taking a long drink before setting it down and spinning it between my fingers.

"Have you talked to anyone else? About how he reacted, I mean?" She dipped her finger in her drink and swirled it slowly before popping the end of her finger in her mouth and sucking off whatever concoction was in her glass. I smirked at her seemingly innocent gesture and she gave me a funny look. Angela was so naïve.

I relayed the conversation I'd had with Emmett regarding Edward's privacy and the diary analogy and she pursed her lips in thought, nodding. I also told her about the tense exchange I'd had with Alice to which her reaction was much more animated. Her eyes flashed with anger and she slammed her hand down on the table with more force than I knew she possessed.

"She blamed you?" Her hiss was barely audible over the pounding bass, but the message was clear. Angela and Alice were not on the same page. I shrugged and swirled my drink carefully so as not to spill the liquid gold. Angela rolled her eyes and pulled my face so I was looking her in the eye. "Don't you _dare_ take this lying down. This was not your fault." She looked thoughtful for a moment. "Not _all_ your fault, anyway. The blame needs to be shared and the precious _Cullen's_ cannot go protecting the poor baby forever. He needs to grow the heck up. This is crap."

It was as close as Angela would ever come to profanity and I knew she had to be pretty pissed off. I supposed on some level she was right. I shouldn't have to shoulder all of the blame. Some of it, definitely. All of it, definitely not. But it didn't change the way I felt. I was in love with Edward, and I was terrified he didn't love me back, wouldn't want me back.

"I think I need to go," I told Angela, draining my glass and rising from the table. "I'll catch a cab. There is something I need to do." She nodded mutely and watched me weave my way across the crowded floor, praying to the good lord that none of my other friends saw me leave.

I got my coat and hurried out the main entrance into the cold, February night, shoving my hands in my pockets and hunching my back to the biting wind. I scuffed my boots against the sidewalk, slowly, and somewhat drunkenly making my way toward my apartment, all thoughts of taxis forgotten. I peeked up through my hair as I stepped out of the way of a pair of feet coming towards me on the icy sidewalk.

I continued on my way, head down against the wind, but turned quickly at the sound of a familiar voice.

"Bella?"

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I wasn't sure how long I knelt in the snow where our log should have been. Time seemed to pass both too quickly and too slowly in that spot. My face felt hot and sticky in my gloved hands, and as soon as the cold, Illinois wind hit it, I felt it freeze. My face was caked in tears. I could barely see through my swollen eyelids as I raised myself from the wet ground. I rubbed my fingers across my forehead agitatedly and pinched the bridge of my nose. I felt empty. I was completely cried out and I was fucking glad that I was in a secluded woodlot somewhere on the outskirts of Chicago because there was no way in hell I would ever let anyone know I broke down like that over a god damned tree. No one understood the nature of the tree, the importance of the stupid, dead piece of wood. No one understood, not even her. _Charlotte._ She could never understand the symbolism behind the stupid log because she never had to hold onto the stupid log. She didn't have to hold onto anything. She got to take the easy road and I resented her for it. For not having to live with the loss. For not having to deal with the emotional agony. I sounded like a god forsaken girl the way I was talking about _emotional agony_. I was using the _E _word. I sounded a bit like Whitlock. But it was true. Emotionally it was agonizing, and then it was empty. That's why I started fucking other girls. Because I was empty, and I didn't want to ever be _that_ empty again. So I let myself feel fulfilled for the short time I spent with an easy slut because when they left I didn't really feel like I'd had _anything,_ so I couldn't feel the loss, but I still got to feel that completeness for a short time.

And then Bella came into my life. And she filled the empty places that none of the bed warmers ever could. She was the first one I showed any stupid emotion to, and she didn't run, screaming from me. She held me and comforted me and as much as it made me feel like a fucking pansy, I liked it. I craved her touch, the ways she felt, soft against my harder plains. Even her smell soothed me. She was, for all intents and purposes, _perfect._ She calmed me down, and she turned me on, and I fucked us up.

I knew, deep down, that she had meant no harm in her conquest. I wasn't willing to admit to anyone that I wasn't fucking furious, but I was willing to admit to myself that I had been wrong. I still couldn't shake that of all the music she attempted to play (attempt being the operative word) she chose the one piece closer to my cold heart than anything else. The piece said so much, or at least it did to me. I had poured my soul out into those notes during those long days and nights. I could tell, depending on the line, to this day, my mood, how much sleep I had had, even specific thoughts during that time period. I felt as though Bella had taken me back there again. And I didn't want to feel the cold, hard fear that ripped through me, even during that first, plinking line. I never wanted to feel that way again.

And yet, I kept the piece. I never played it. The piece had only been played in its entirety once. It was never played, and it was never spoken of. A diary that was kept tightly locked. Until Valentines night. Sometimes I looked at it. I knew the notes by heart, how it should sound, every crescendo and every tempo change. That piece of music had been my life for those long, seemingly unending weeks.

Somehow, I made it back to my mother's car. I found myself sitting in the drivers' seat, staring at the steering wheel. I shook my head to clear it and shoved the key into the ignition, bringing the engine to life. I looked to the path, leading to the place where the tree had once laid, and said a silent goodbye, before shoving the car into reverse and speeding out of the parking lot, and staring straight ahead, not looking to either side as I came upon the curve and the deep drop into the ravine that changed my life forever. I pressed my foot harder to the accelerator and impatiently waited to see the city lights come into view.

************************************************************************

My father was home, reheating lasagna that my mother had probably frozen in the event that she ever needed to go away. She knew Carlisle couldn't cook to save his life. I joined him in the kitchen and set the table, asking him about his day. He nodded, telling me that it was good, a typical Carlisle reply, as he watched the timer count down towards dinner. "Your mother would tell us to make a salad," he told me monotonously. I raised one eyebrow at his back.

"Do you want a salad?" Carlisle hated salad. So did I. Alice made me eat it anyway. He shook his head and I heard a light chuckle. "Me neither," I told him. I flopped down on one of the kitchen chairs and put my head in my hands. It had been a long day and I was tired. I was also ready to make arrangements to fly back to Seattle.

"You got everything done that you needed to accomplish?" He was still watching the damn timer, as though it would go faster under his watchful eye.

"Yeah," I said with a sigh. "You know they fucking cleared out all the old stumps and logs at the campground?" I tried to sound pissy, or even just surprised, but I knew I sounded sadder than I intended.

"Did they?" He sounded indifferent. Just like any normal person would. I just hummed in response. "Mr. and Mrs. Marquez were asking about you," he continued. I felt a lump rise in my throat. I fought it down.

"Were they?" I tried to mimic his tone.

"Maybe you could head over after dinner and see them. I know you'll be wanting to get back to Seattle soon." He looked away from his well watched timer to shoot me a pointed look.

I lowered my eyes to my knees. "Dad, I can't," I whispered, sounding defeated, even to myself. He only nodded and went back to watching the timer.

Dinner was a quiet affair, and shortly afterwards, Carlisle retreated to his study. I washed the dishes methodically and headed for my bedroom at the top of the stairs. I had never been more ready to get on an airplane again in my life.


	26. Starbucks & Stories

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful betas. We are on a roll and soon Edward's entire past will be revealed. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces".**

_**Bella's Point of View**_

I turned around at the sound of the voice and raked my hair off of my face with one hand. "Jasper?" I took in the tall, blond form of Alice's boyfriend standing on the street in front of me, hands shoved deep in the pockets of his ski jacket, shoulders shrugged to try and keep the wind off of his ears.

"What on earth are you doing wandering the streets by yourself in the middle of the night?" He scuffed the toes of his shoes on the sidewalk but narrowed his eyes at me as though trying to figure out what I was thinking.

"I could ask you the same question," I stated firmly, wrapping my arms tighter around my torso, trying to keep warm. He rolled his eyes.

"You look like you're freezing. Are you going home?" I nodded mutely, still trying to snap myself out of my buzz. You'd think the cold would have helped. "Come on," he jabbed his head in the direction I'd just come from. "I'll give you a ride. My car's just around the corner."

I hesitated only for a moment. When I'd left the club I'd wanted to speak to Alice, however I realized, as I began to sober up, that it was half past midnight and she may not appreciate a late night guest; especially if that late night guest was me. I nodded and matched him step for step. We walked down the block and across the street in silence. He unlocked the car and motioned for me to get in before going around and sliding himself in the drivers' side. The car purred to life but he just sat there, head laid against the back of the seat, hands clasping the steering wheel with white knuckles.

"I'm glad I ran into you," he told me, his eyes still shut. "Alice called me earlier. She said you were over for dinner looking for Edward." He loosened his grip on the steering wheel. I hummed, letting him know I was still following. "He misses you, you know." He opened one eye and looked sideways at me. I almost laughed at his expression. Instead, my face broke into an awkward grimace. "What?" I shook my head.

"He left," I said quietly.

Jasper snorted indignantly. "Well, duh." He rolled his head so he was facing me. "Edward's trying to deal with all the shit that happened to him before he even came to Seattle. There are reasons for his commitment issues, Bella." He shifted the car into drive. "Where to?"

I gave him directions to my apartment and then turned to face him expectantly. "What do you know?" I tried to keep my voice even. Why did everyone seem to know what was going on with Edward, except for me? Why was I the one being left out of the loop? I didn't even think he liked Jasper, and now Jasper was having a warm and fuzzy conversation with me about Edward's feelings and issues.

"He's scared. But he doesn't hate you. He's angry with himself, and he's scared of the feelings he has. I can't even begin to imagine the things he's been through."

I narrowed my eyes, frustrated that Jasper wouldn't say more on the subject. "What do you know?" I asked again, doing my best not to inject my voice with venom. "I'm sick of all the damn secrets."

"I don't know much. And you should learn the details from Edward. If I hear anything from him I'll have Alice give you a call." He pulled the truck up in front of my building. "Hear him out. Don't give up on him yet, he's doing his best to salvage whatever is left." He squeezed my knee tightly, friendly. "Don't let him walk all over you either though. He owes you an apology and an explanation, so don't settle for anything less. He can be a prick sometimes, but you bring out the better side." He gave me his easy, friendly grin and I smiled back as best I could.

"Thanks for the ride," I told him, stepping out into the cold air again.

"No problem. I wasn't about to let you walk the Seattle streets alone. Edward would have my balls for that move."

I watched him drive away, wondering what that conversation really told me, and searching for my keys inside my clutch.

_**Edward's Point of View**_

"Basement, now bro." Emmett slung his arm over my shoulder before I was even in the door. He smirked at me and dragged me along, grabbing my bag from me and tossing it in the living room. "Unpack later, we need to talk."

I didn't say anything; just let him drag me down the stairs to the place where all important, manly conversations were held. Jasper was already lying on his stomach on the rug, chin in his hands, looking all fuckin' surfer frat boy. I shook my head and clacked my teeth together. I couldn't believe we were really trying to be friends with this fucker.

"Dude, how was Chicago?" he asked as I flopped down in my customary place on the recliner.

I shrugged. "Alright." I turned to Emmett. "Dad sends his best." My brother nodded in return. They both looked at me with somber expressions. "What is this? A fuckin' intervention?"

"You need to talk to Bella." It was just like Emmett to cut straight to the chase. I looked up at him and his face was dead serious, stony. I ran my fingers through my hair and gripped it tightly in my fists. I knew I needed to talk to Bella, I just didn't know how. "She's been given the run around for too long now. You love her, no?" He leaned forward and rested his elbows on his knees. "Edward, you have to. She came to find you the day you left."

I choked. I didn't know what to say to that. Bella had been here, in my house, and I'd left. I'd run away. "She must think I hate her," I whispered, tugging harder on the locks of hair. I felt a couple of them rip out by the roots and I winced. "I fucked up big time, huh?"

I felt two sets of eyes on me and I met both faces with my own. "No shit man," Jasper drawled. "You told her to get the fuck out."

I groaned, knowing he was right. But she _wanted_ to see me. "Why does she want to see me? I was such a prick."

Jasper shrugged again. "Maybe she loves you?"

I snorted. I couldn't help it. "Bella wouldn't love me. Bella doesn't know me." I rubbed my hands over my face and blinked my hot eyes furiously.

"So let her know you," Jasper said indifferently. I gulped. I knew it was what I had to do. Because I loved Bella too , and she needed to know. She deserved to know everything.

"Do it soon," Emmett told me. I nodded in agreement. "Tonight," he insisted with conviction. I nodded once.

"Tonight."

Esme had tidied my room and done my laundry. I hastily unpacked the bag I'd taken to Chicago and threw the contents in the laundry hamper in the closet. I needed to talk to Bella, but I had no idea how to go about it, or what to say, or how to say it. There was so much to cover. I wanted her to understand everything. I really did love her. If I was being honest with myself, I was in love with her. _I, Edward Cullen, was in love with Bella Swan._ I shook my head. "Fuck," I muttered. I sounded like a fucking girl, declaring myself like it was my god damned wedding day.

I went over to the desk and moved the picture frames out of the way until I found the small frame I was looking for. I held it close to my face, looking at it like it was the first time. I looked immeasurably happy, and so did she. I remembered the way my arm felt, slung around her shoulders. I was laughing at something one of my friends had said, and I was looking over her head, while she stood close to me, her smile just as genuine as mine. We had been so happy. In love and crazy, and she'd been able to make me laugh, and I was myself when I was with her.

I remembered her laugh; it would always be embedded somewhere in a corner of my brain. It was throaty, and loud, and she slapped her leg a bit like my grandfather did. It didn't match her at all, and that was part of why I loved it. Otherwise, Charlotte was the perfect lady, but when she laughed, all hell broke loose. I remembered her laugh, but I also remembered the sound of her scream. And although memories faded with time, that scream still haunted me. However, worse than the scream was the silence. And the beeping. Always the beeping. The beeping starred in my nightmares.

I reached my fingers out and touched the glass of the photo frame, remembering every line on her face, the slope of her nose, the curve of her chin. I closed my eyes, and I saw her, the same slope, the same curve, coloured with bruises and I felt my chest constrict. I opened my eyes, touched the frame once more, and set it down behind Alice's high school graduation picture. I went to my keyboard, and rifled through the sheet music until I found the piece I was looking for. I pulled out the file where I kept old music, and I filed it under 'C'. I wouldn't purge her from my life, she was such a huge part of who I was, but I would set the memories on a higher shelf. It was time to let go, and it was time to let myself live. I had lived a half life for too long, willing myself to be able to stay with her. But I realized that it wasn't possible. Sometimes stories come to an end, and then a new binding is cracked, the pen is set to a fresh page, and then that pen makes a mark, that begins a new story. And although the old story is forever a part of you, the new one begins to take shape, and begins to change you.

I was ready to begin the change. I was ready to begin the new story, and I would start tonight, with lattes and Bella, because everyone knows that Starbucks and stories go together. And I knew _now_, how Bella liked her latte.

_**Bella's Point of View**_

I'd been pouring over articles for hours, trying in vain to get some work done, and to avoid thinking about Edward. Jessica and Josh were in the other room, watching television, and remarkably, being very respectful of my need for quiet. I looked around my room, realizing that for the first time in months, it was truly clean. I'd been stressed and bored enough to tidy up.

I set to work, finishing up the paper I was trying to write, promising myself a walk by the harbour if I finished it, and let my fingers fly, working towards their goal.

"Jess," I said, shoving my feet into the ugly Ugg boots and zipping up my ski jacket. "I'm going out for a bit." I watched her wave her hand around, indicating she'd heard me, and I slipped out the door, pulling my hat over my ears, and wiggling my hands into my striped mittens, ready to face to cold, late February evening.

I had met Edward less than a month previously, and it amazed me how much had happened in that short time. How involved I had gotten, and how little I regretted any of it. How could I ever regret loving someone the way I loved Edward? I wondered, yet again, when I could talk to him, and if he would even want to talk to me; I prayed that if he did, he would fill me in on the happenings in his past. And I hoped beyond my wildest dreams, that he felt even a fraction of the love for me that I felt for him.

I couldn't imagine how I'd ever been content with my life before him. I had never loved, never had the desire to love. I'd dated, I'd lived, I had friends and family that I loved, but I had never found anyone, or even imagined finding anyone who made me feel as complete as Edward did. When I was with him, it was like the stars aligned, as corny as that sounded. I felt like no one and nothing could bother me.

The only thing about that feeling, about that love, was that it was a bit like a bubble. It grew and grew and it shone and floated and everything was perfect, until something from the outside world touched it, and then it popped, and everything inside that perfect little bubble, crashed back to earth with nothing to cushion the fall. We needed to find a way to make our bubble stronger, or else to incorporate more of the world into our bubble, to make it bigger, so that it would stretch and bend to accommodate life's obstacles. Small bubbles pop so quickly and easily. We needed to be in one of those big bubbles. The ones that little kids make when they dip their coat hangers in the paint trays and run, so the bubble stretches out for ages behind them, before letting go of the coat hanger and floating up and up and up, bending and swaying in the breeze, avoiding obstacles and slowly gliding through the meadow.

I shook my head free of my bubble analogy and picked up my pace across town towards the harbour. I wanted to think and look at boats and hear the hollow thud of my boots on the boardwalk. I found my favourite spot and leaned over the railing, tugging my hat further down on my head to break the cold. I wasn't sure how long I stood there, looking out at the dark, churning water, listening to the eerie silence before I heard footsteps. My heart skipped a beat as I thought back to the only person I ever imagined would ever frequent the harbour at night, but I shook my head and those thoughts away. _It couldn't be._ The odds of it were one in a million. And then I heard it, the voice I'd dreamed of hearing for what seemed like eternity. The soft, smooth voice that penetrated my every thought, even when I willed it not to.

"Extra hot, extra foam with a dash of nutmeg."


	27. Charlotte

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful betas. **

**Scared yet? You're so close. What will you do once you know?**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces".**

_**Edward's Point of View**_

She was there, standing in her normal place by the railing, feet clad in ugly boots, standing on the bottom rail looking out over the black water. When Jessica had said she was out, I'd taken my chances, hoping, praying that she'd be there. Knowing that it's where I would have been given my druthers. I thanked whoever was up there, that I was right. I stood behind her, just staring, a bit like a crazy person, taking in the curve of her legs, the hunch of her shoulders, the way the wind blew the ends of her wavy, dark hair.

I wanted to run to her, and scoop her up, and swing her around and kiss her until we couldn't breathe. But I didn't. Because I didn't deserve that. I owed her an apology and an explanation and I owed it to her now. So I announced my presence to her back.

"Extra hot, extra foam, with a dash of nutmeg." I sounded like a damn Starbucks barista, but I didn't care. She turned around and stepped off the railing, taking a step towards me.

"Edward." Her voice was tiny, shocked, but her mouth twitched in the beginnings of a smile. I extended the coffee to her.

"Bella." My voice came out breathier than I intended it to, but I didn't care.

"How did you find me here?" She was still staring, dumbfounded at me, both hands wrapped around her cup.

I shrugged. "Jessica said you were out. I figured this is where I'd want to be." Her face lit up with a genuine smile and my heart melted. "I missed you." I told her honestly, reaching my free hand out to brush a stray hair from her face and tucking it inside her hat. "And I'm so sorry." My hand lingered on her neck and she leaned into my touch. "You have no idea how sorry I am."

She pursed her lips the way she did when she was thinking. "I'm sorry too," she told me. I shook my head.

"No need. I overreacted."

She just stared at me. The look on her face said that she was curious and confused, and a little bit hurt. I didn't understand why she looked hurt if I'd just apologized. "I'm sorry," I said again and she looked at me expectantly.

"What's going on, Edward?" She backed up until she was leaning against the railing again, and finally took a sip of her coffee.

"Can we talk? Are you okay with that?" I wasn't sure how to gauge her reaction to me. She seemed relieved in a way, but terribly uncertain. I wasn't sure what I was expecting. If I was honest with myself, I was hoping she would throw herself at me and kiss me and forgive me. I could see that there was no way that was going to happen though.

"We can talk," she confirmed, stepping one foot onto the railing behind her and leaning her head over the water.

"I'm sorry I yelled at you," I began, knowing that I needed to start with the apology. "I can't believe I spoke to you that way. The piece you tried to play, it is more important that just a piece of sheet music. That's not really an excuse though. It just....when I realized what was happening; it was like my brain shut down. I didn't even really hear what you were playing, I only felt what I was feeling when I wrote it. And I never, ever wanted to feel that way again." I paused for a moment, and I watched her nod slowly, raising her head so she was looking me in the eye once more.

"I'm sorry. I had no idea."

"I know, and I was completely unfair to you. So, Bella, please know that I feel terrible about how I treated you." I took a deep breath. She was still looking at me, eyes wide and searching. Her back was pressed against the railing and I felt myself step closer to her. We looked at each other for a long time. I searched her face for some clue as to what she was thinking at that precise moment, and reached my hand out to tug the braid on her hat playfully. Finally, she spoke. Her voice was quiet, meek, but I could hear an edge to it that I didn't quite recognize.

"There's more isn't there? I know there's more. Everyone seems to know what is going on, except for me. I'm sick of it." She looked down at my feet and I saw her lip was pinched between her teeth, the way she did if she'd done something wrong, or was embarrassed.

"There's more," I replied quietly, lifting her chin with two of my fingers. I was scared. Once Bella knew what I had done, what I had been hiding, I was afraid she wouldn't want anything to do with me. I feared the disgusted expression that would come over her face once she knew about my lack of control, about the monster that lived inside me, that caused me to lose my cool and do terrible things. The episode on Valentines Day was only the beginning, one small piece. But Alice was right, I should never be allowed behind the wheel of a car when I was angry, or maybe even ever.

"Tell me," she commanded. Her voice was hard, but her face was soft, open, willing to listen. She took my hand and squeezed lightly. "Please Edward. Tell me."

I took a deep breath, and concentrated on my hand in hers and her dark eyes. She nodded encouragingly, as though she knew that this was difficult for me, and I opened my mouth. No sound came out. I swallowed hard and tried again.

"I was seventeen," I started. I blinked slowly once and met her loving eyes again. Maybe Jasper was right, maybe she did love me. Inwardly, I smiled at the thought. "I was seventeen, and it was early January. I was dating a girl named Charlotte at the time." I saw her eyes widen at the name and I knew she was making the connection. I gave her a sad smile, to tell her that it was okay, and then I continued my story. "Charlotte and I had been dating since sophomore year in high school. She was wonderful, kind, caring, and beautiful. I experienced most of my firsts with Charlotte, and like every naive teenager, I believed I would experience my lasts with her as well. That's how we were. Inseparable. I loved her. I'll always love her. She was my first true love, and part of me will love her forever.

"Charlotte was a nature freak. She loved to be outdoors, and she hated the city. Her favourite place was a camp ground outside of Chicago. We spent hours there, rain or shine, whether it was freezing cold or blazing hot. Sometimes we walked the trails, exploring like little kids. She would point out different tracks, and we'd both get really into it. We lived in our own, weird little bubble. She was my life; she was all I thought about. All of my decisions were made with her in mind. In the fall of senior year we started looking at colleges. We would go together, that was obvious. These things were taken for granted. Charlotte and I were forever. We'd get married, and start a family, and grow old together. That's how it was supposed to work. Unlike now, the idea of life long commitment didn't scare me then. I knew where I wanted to be, and who I wanted to be with. It was just a matter of time. When you're young, and in love, you think you've got it all figured out." I paused for a moment, realizing that I'd have to get to the important part soon. Bella was still looking at me with the same loving expression in her eyes, her mouth turned down in a tiny frown.

"There was an accident." My chest constricted at the sounds of the words coming out of my mouth. I forced the tears down and tried to dissolve the lump in my throat. Bella squeezed my hand tighter.

"Shh, Edward, it's alright." Her soft voice floated to my ears and I took a shaky breath. She set her barely touched coffee on the ground and set mine beside it. "You can tell me anything," she whispered, taking my other hand in hers and holding it tightly. I felt one, lone tear run down my cheek and under my chin. Nodding slowly I continued.

"We were driving back from the camp ground. We were having an off night, arguing about little things. Her parents were pushing for her to go to Brown, and although we'd both applied, I was pretty sure I wasn't going to get in. I mean, it's Brown after all." I shook my head. "We were fighting about other things too. It was dark and we were hungry and we couldn't agree on a place to eat. It was so stupid. I mean, Charlotte and I literally, never fought. We'd had one fight previously but it was cleared up pretty quickly.

We were the quintessential, perfect couple. She completed me, I completed her; we finished each other's sentences. But this night in particular my temper was getting the better of me. We were sitting in the car, and I said that we could figure out where to eat while we drove.

"I was pissed off. Pissed off about Brown; convinced that her parents were trying to separate us. I mean, it's Brown, they only take a limited number of applicants, and Charlotte was a straight A student. I don't think she ever scored less than a ninety on anything. There was a good chance, that her marks, along with her extra curricular resume, would grant her relatively easy access. Me on the other hand, I didn't stand nearly as good a chance. I was convinced that this was a way for them to split us up. Not that they ever showed any interest in that, her parents liked me. I was a good, devoted boyfriend, polite and committed to their daughter. But they wanted the best and they weren't going to let a high school romance stand in the way. And my girlfriend wasn't doing anything about it. She was going along with the plan, happily chatting away about what a nice campus it was, and how she'd always liked Rhode Island."

I shook my head to clear the memory, and looked down at my hands, closed around Bella's. I sighed and continued my story. "I was livid, Bella. We were speeding down the highway, and I was motioning with my hands, not even looking where I was going. For a while, she was begging me to calm down, or pull over. The roads were icy; I was going too fast, the tires on my car were only mediocre. And I continued on my rant. She was quiet, hoping I guess to diffuse my rage. I was overreacting. I know that now, but at the time all I could see was the love of my life leaving me and I couldn't bare it.

"There's a long curve on the highway between the camp ground and the city. It's banked well, but there's a deep ravine on the outside. I had my hands off the wheel when one of the tires hit the patch of ice. I felt the car swerve dangerously and I heard her gasp. I gripped the wheel in my hands and tried to force the car back on the road, but the car kept sliding. I slammed on the brakes and wrenched the car to the left. We started to spin and my brakes locked up. I had no control. I was clinging to the steering wheel, fighting to gain control, but the more I fought, the more we spun, and then I felt the car tip. And I heard her scream. She was screaming, Bella. She'd tried to stay quiet, or else I was too focused to notice, but I remember the scream_. Long and pitchy and terrified._ I remember hitting the tree at the bottom of the ravine, the crunch of metal against the trunk. And then the screaming stopped. Suddenly it was so quiet I could hear my own heart beat."

It was the first time in years I'd relived that night, the blood curdling scream, the silence. The silence was worse than the screaming. The screaming meant that she was alive, that she was breathing.

"Oh God," Bella whispered, barely intelligible even in the silence between us.

I took a deep breath to continue with the story. "I passed out. I don't know to this day how they found us, but they did, and quickly. We were airlifted to the hospital. I woke up sometime early the next day. I remember it well. My mother was hovering, trying to tidy something in the barren room. That's what Esme does when she's upset, she cleans. 'Edward!' I remember her voice was so relieved, but so tired. I was surprised that I didn't hurt. My injuries were minimal, some bruises and cuts. I didn't even break a god damned bone. I passed out from fucking shock. I was fucking lucky. 'Charlotte.' It was the first word out of my mouth. And I remember the look on my mother's face well. The hope that had been so obvious before was replaced with remorse, every line pointed down. 'Where is she?' I'd asked. If I was okay, she had to be too, right? There was no reason for Esme to look so sad. She told me she was in surgery. I remember shrugging, thinking that surgery wasn't such a big deal. My dad's a surgeon, he performs them everyday, and most of his patients are fine. So she was a bit worse off than me, she'd be okay. She had to be. We had plans, and a future."

_**Bella's Point of View**_

I saw where this story was going, and I didn't like it. I pulled him closer to me and brushed one, lone tear from his eye.

He began to speak again, and I did my best to stay calm, gently squeezing his hands in mine in encouragement. "I was allowed out that night, but I didn't leave. I went to see her in critical care. I'd never seen anything like it. Her face was bruised, her body was bandaged. There were tubes and wires sticking out of every bare piece of skin. The monitors around her were quiet and I watched her pulse on the screen for what seemed like hours. It was steady, but slow, very weak. Her parents had gone for dinner, and I sat beside her, trying to find a piece of her to touch that wasn't completely bandaged, or riddled with wires. I had to settle for her fingers. I sat there, stroking her fingers and watching her pulse. I didn't realize when her parents came into the room. I did however look up when my father entered. He looked at me and gave me a tight smile. I knew that smile. That was the 'nothing good is going to come of this' smile. He checked the monitors, and then he checked her, and he shook his head.

'Come on, Edward. Let's go home. You can come back in the morning.' That's what he told me, and because I didn't know what to do, or how to fight back, I followed him."

Edward was crying completely now. And I could feel the tears start to run, slowly down my cheeks. I couldn't imagine how he had felt, but the way he told his story, the way his voice hitched, broke my heart. His words were shaky, his eyes closed against the sting of his tears. "I went back every day. Sometimes her parents were there, and sometimes I spelled them off. She never improved. She had three more surgeries in the first ten days. Do you know what that does to someone? She was so young, thank God she was strong. I only went home at night. My parents wouldn't allow me to stay over. I went back every single morning. I took my keyboard with me, back and forth at first. Somehow no one said anything. I kept it quiet. I'd heard somewhere that people in comas sometimes responded if you spoke to them, but I felt stupid talking to someone who couldn't speak back, but she'd always loved piano, and she'd always loved to hear me play, so I played for her. But I realized that there was nothing appropriate for me to play. Every piece I found, didn't say enough, or said the wrong thing. So I began to write my own."

I realized, in that moment, that the piece of music I had found, the one that Emmett said was like Edward's diary, was in fact the piece of music that he had written while Charlotte was in the hospital. It was probably the most personal, private article that I could have found, and amongst all the pages and the papers, it was the one I found and chose. I did my best to blink back the tears that were running more freely now, as I clung to his every word.

I felt my heart in my throat. Although I'd had no idea what it was or what it meant, that made no difference I realized. It hurt Edward the same either way.

"That piece you found on Valentines day," he said, opening his eyes and looking blurrily at me. "Those were my thoughts, my emotions, everything that ran through my body and mind for the six weeks following the accident." He gulped and hung his head before continuing. "My father was her surgeon. I begged him. I was practically on my knees. He said it was a conflict of interest, but I begged him. My father is the best. One of the most successful surgeons in Illinois, and Charlotte deserved the best. Her parents wanted it too. And, truth be told, at seventeen I still viewed my father as the hero. He could fix anything. He was Carlisle Cullen. And above everything else, he was my dad. When I screwed up, he fixed it. The way I viewed the accident was very childish. Like a broken bike chain, my father could fix my girlfriend." He shook his head slowly and looked up, meeting my eyes. "It didn't work like that. He couldn't fix her, try as he did.

"Six weeks, seven surgeries, and fifteen pages of music later, Charlotte..." he paused, taking a deep breath and swallowing profusely, "died," he choked out, hands gripping mine tighter than he ever had before, and then he pulled away, stepping beside me and resting his elbows on the guardrail, looking out into the dark, tumultuous water. "I killed her, Bella." He looked sideways at me, and I turned to face the same direction as he was, mirroring his stance. "I killed her. I loved her and I killed her. I was worried about her parents sending her to fucking Brown and taking her away from me, but I took her away from myself." He was choking, and stumbling over his words, and everything was coming out jumbled as his shoulders shook and his hands gripped the railing dangerously tight.

"The night she died, I played the piece. It was the only time it was ever played in its entirety."

The silence that stretched between us seemed unending. I listened to the waves lap against the side of the basin, and I listened to Edward's quiet sobs break through the quiet, Seattle night. I didn't even notice the cold, though I began to think about the tears freezing to Edward's lashes, and how cold he must have been. I stepped closer to him, unsure if I could touch him, or comfort him in any way, and feeling utterly helpless.

"It's not your fault, Edward." I reached out to touch his hand, but he ripped it away, and turned his head to stare at me with cold eyes.

"Not my fault?" he hissed. "Did you not hear me? I fucking let the car roll. Me! I'm a perfect driver. My temper got the best of me. I was fucking driving and I didn't have my hands on the fucking wheel, and the roads were icy. I killed her, Bella!"

"It was an accident," I insisted quietly. "A terrible accident, but whether your hands were on the wheel or not, you were going to hit the ice. You can't blame yourself forever."

"You sound like Esme." His voice was hollow. "She gave me the exact same speech shortly after it happened." He rubbed his hands over his face and groaned quietly. "You must hate me," he muttered. I stopped short and took his face in my hand, turning him to look at me.

"Why the hell would you think that?"

"I didn't tell you. I yelled at you. I left you in the dark. I shouldn't have done that Bella. You shouldn't treat someone you love, the way I treated you. It wasn't right. It wasn't fair. And I'm so sorry."

I stared at him, probably gaping a bit. Love wasn't a word that Edward threw around lightly, but I didn't say anything. He reached out and traced his thumb over my jaw, gently. "I don't hate you," I told him. "I just wish you'd explained things to me; but I understand that you couldn't. I understand that now. I can't imagine how hard this must have been for you to do." I reached my arm around his waist and pulled him to me gently. I felt him relax slightly and then he turned, pulling me tight to his chest and holding me, rocking me back and forth. He pulled my hat off and I felt his face nuzzle gently into my hair, inhaling deeply.

"I love you, Bella. I know I have a lot of shit to deal with, and I know I'm not the easiest to get along with, and I know I have a fucked up past, and I'm scared I'm going to fuck this up as well, so I'll need you to be patient, but I love you and I want to work on this. And I'm so sorry."

I pulled him tighter to me, resting my head over his heart. "Love is patient," I said simply. I felt him kiss the top of my head lightly, his breathing starting to calm as his tears subsided. "And Edward, I love you too."


	28. Time & Touching

**A/N: Thanks to my wonderful betas. For those of you that asked and I didn't message back, I'm sorry. No, that's not the end, there is so much more to come!**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight. I do however own "White Carpets and Wall Sconces".**

_**Edward's Point of View**_

_She loved me._ I shivered as I replayed the words in my head, over and over and over. _Edward, I love you too._ I shifted the car into park, and cut the lights in my driveway. I had dropped her off at her apartment, promising that I would call her, and headed home. We both needed time, and we'd need to be patient; not jump into things head first again right away. I knew I wanted Bella, and only Bella, but I needed to prove to her that she was far from second best. Number one was the absolute least Bella should settle for and I was going to prove to her that she _was the most important person in the world._

She had taken the news of Charlotte, far better than I had expected. Trust Bella not to pity me, or tread lightly around it, but to face reality head on. I still had a lot to deal with, more baggage than was ideal going into a relationship; but I felt like there was a huge weight lifted from my shoulders once I had told her. She knew, she would try to understand, and I would do my best to deal with my demons.

I had killed someone; I had to deal with that, her blood was on my hands. That was something that would never change. No matter how many people told me that it was an accident and that it would have happened anyway, _I knew_ in my heart of hearts that if I had been paying attention, Charlotte would have still been here.

I shook my head to clear my thoughts, and headed for the house. I missed Bella already; the way she smelled, the way she was soft in my arms, the way her thumbs caressed the back of my hands soothingly. _Fuck, I was pathetic about that girl. _

I found Jasper rifling through the fridge in a pair of plaid pajama bottoms and nothing else and I sighed. "Heard of clothes, Whitlock?"

He jumped back from the door, startled and rubbed his head where he'd hit it on the top of the fridge. "Fuck, Cullen. I am wearing clothes." He yanked the orange juice out of the fridge and took a swig, right from the carton. I liked Jasper, but he was getting far too comfortable in my house.

"Not enough to be in the same house as my little sister." I couldn't help it. That was Alice, my baby sister, the one who looked up to me. I taught her to climb a tree, and catch tadpoles, and not to eat the mushrooms that grew in the yard. She was not supposed to be shacking up with frat boys who didn't even wear togas.

"Talk to Bella yet?" He closed the fridge door and leaned one arm against it casually. His face was scrunched in thoughtful worry, lines forming a number eleven between his fair brows.

"Just got back. I told her everything."

He nodded thoughtfully. "She missed you."

"I missed her too. I do miss her. We're taking it slow. I want to learn all there is to know about her, and I want her to know me. She's so much more than just 'some girl' to me. She's putting me back together. She's the most patient person I've ever met; the most loving, the most caring. The situation is so different this time, this time I'm broken, but the most amazing part is that she wants to be there to put the pieces back together. And I want to be there for her no matter what. If she's hurting, I want to ease the pain. I want to be with her when she celebrates her victories, and wipe away her tears when something bad happens. I want to be _that_ guy. She's my everything, and I want to be hers…I am hers."

"Jeez man, who would have thought, a month ago, that someone so deep and caring existed inside dark and dangerous Edward Cullen?" He half chuckled to himself and clapped me on the shoulder. "Glad to see you're figuring your shit out."

Jasper headed for the stairs and I called out to him. "Where are you going, Whitlock?"

He raised his eyebrows at me and smirked. "Monopoly."

_**Bella's Point of View**_

The next few days seemed to drag. Edward and I were back together, but the physical contact was nearly gone. He would hold my hand, or brush my hair from my face, but mostly he kept his distance, talking, asking questions, listening to my responses. I learned a lot about Edward Cullen in the days after his confession about Charlotte. I learned about his life growing up in Chicago, how Emmett had tried to teach him to play football, and the numerous broken bones Edward had earned because of it. He told me about how he used to let Alice paint his nails so she could practice getting a smooth surface with no lines. "Apparently that's very important," he told me with a crooked grin. I laughed at that story, because I could see Alice bullying him into it. That girl was pushy!

He told me about when he started dating Charlotte- the name and the stories weren't quite so taboo anymore, but I learned quickly to let Edward start _that _topic of conversation. He would talk about it when he was ready. If I brought it up, he shut down and a veil seemed to cover his face.

He told me about when Emmett first started dating Rosalie. She had actually, originally been interested in Edward, but Edward hadn't been interested in anything more than sex, and Rose wanted more than that. Emmett had run into her, stomping around angrily, muttering about the nerve of some people, and they'd hit it off brilliantly.

"They'll get married, mark my words. She's already pressing him for babies."

Esme left, three days after Edward returned. She seemed like a nice woman, but I was more than happy to say goodbye to her. The house was much more comfortable without her constant, hovering presence. She was worried about Edward and it showed in every action. She still didn't want to say much to me. Edward had explained to everyone the basics of what had happened on Valentine's Day. I now understood that I was not to touch the keyboard, Emmett's diary analogy had definitely shed some light on that mystery. Alice seemed to have accepted that things were going back to normal and was being perfectly civil to me again. Rosalie and I were getting along well, not that we really ever weren't. She apologized for the bad crossing of paths the day Edward left, and of course, she could have never known, so there were no hard feelings.

In the days following, I began to get more and more frustrated with Edward and his distance. It wasn't that he wasn't being affectionate, he held my hand, or put his arm around my waist when we were in public. If we watched a movie, he held me tight against his chest. He played with my hair. He kissed my head; when I left for the evening, he would chastely press his lips to mine, and then he would pull away slowly and smile crookedly. "I love you so much, Bella. Thank you." It was his response every time. And I would smile gently and tell him that I loved him too. I knew my smile was becoming sadder with each passing day. Something had to give, and it had to be soon.

It was nearly two weeks after Edward's return from Chicago that I finally broke. We were sitting together watching a movie, my back was pressed against his chest and one of his hands was absentmindedly tracing slowly from my shoulder to my hip. Bad Bella had been very well behaved but I could feel her start to pull at her restraints, and even the simplest touch was starting to make her very agitated. Good Bella had been keeping her in line, convincing her that this was obviously what Edward needed, and up until then Bad Bella had been grudgingly accepting, but when the tips of his fingers swept over my ribcage, it almost sent my body into spasms, I knew something needed to happen.

"Stop!" I nearly screeched at him, as I rolled off the couch onto the floor with an undignified _thud._ He stared down at me, confusion evident in his green eyes, his mouth pressed in a thin line that made it obvious he was trying very hard to hold back his laughter. I scowled up at him from the floor and sat up. "I can't _do_ this!" _Uh-oh, Bad Bella had broken free and she was frustrated._

"Can't do what?" He ran his long fingers through his hair, making it even messier, even sexier than it was before and even harder for Good Bella to keep any semblance of a hold on her very horny, very frustrated other half.

I groaned loudly and tucked my knees to my chest, holding myself together so I didn't explode. "_This!_ I can't do this!" I motioned my hands around manically, keeping my eyes pressed into my knees.

"What is _this_, Bella? You need to be more specific!" I could hear his voice growing more agitated and I started to shiver.

"Why won't you _touch_ me?" My voice was border line hysterical as I met his green eyes with my wild, brown ones. "It's like you're afraid of me! Or you're not attracted to me!" I was rocking back and forth, trying to control myself, but this breakdown had been a long time coming. "Am I not as good as _her?_ Is that the problem?"

The silence in the room was deafening. Edward's eyes darkened and he pinched his lower lip between his teeth. He sat up and leaned towards me. My breathing picked up; he looked dangerous, and predatory, and downright irresistible. Bad Bella was turned on, Good Bella was scared.

"You want me to _touch_ you?" His voice was dark, laced with venom I'd never realized existed. His eyes bore into my very soul, and I felt naked, exposed, and open. My eyes were wide with shock, but I nodded slowly, not sure what to expect. He fell to his knees in front of me and reached one hand out to trace down my chest. His fingers settled just under the waistband of my jeans and my body felt weak under his touch. _Maybe you shouldn't do this, maybe he isn't ready._ Good Bella was trying really hard to not fall into the trap.

_Fuck off, Glinda-the-Good,_ Bad Bella snapped as my head fell back on my shoulders. His hand was running back and forth over my lower abdomen, his thumb, plucking the button open and gliding the zipper down. The fingers of his other hand were groping my right breast roughly while he placed, hot, wet kisses along my neck.

"Like this?" His voice was an angry growl that only spurred me on. "Is this what you wanted? Tell me, Bella. Is this what you wanted?"

I whimpered; it was the only thing I could think of to do. I forced my head to nod as his fingers began to dip into the waistband of my panties.

"You're ready for me, aren't you?" His voice was smooth and dangerous. "Ready for all the things I'm going to do to you." He laughed, almost darkly. I felt his fingers run smoothly between my folds. My eyes drifted closed and my mouth opened in a quiet moan. "Take your shirt off," he ordered, moving his hand from my breast and instead started running it up the inside of my leg.

_We're in the living room! Anyone could walk in._ Good Bella made a good point.

_Shut up, you want this. Now strip._ Bad Bella made a better point. I pulled the hem of my top over my head and popped the clasp on my bra. He raised his eyes to my bare chest and smirked.

"Perfect," he purred, reaching up and running his thumb underneath both of them slowly, teasing. His other hand picked up speed. I felt my hips press into his palm, needing more, basking in the feeling of Edward's hands on me once again. His face moved to my chest, his lips and tongue moving relentlessly as his hands began to pull my jeans and panties from my hips. I moved my hands to his gorgeous hair, lacing my fingers in and pressing him firmly to my chest, arching my back. Release was close, and he'd barely touched me.

His fingers circled my clit and I let out a tiny scream, squeezing my eyes shut as I tightened my grip on his head. He shook his head and pulled back to look at me. "Not yet," he ordered, the dark tones still underlying in his voice. I nodded in understanding, trying to relax.

He broke his face away from my breasts and began to place slow, hot kisses across my stomach, causing me to squirm in anticipation. He bent my knees and set my feet on the floor holding my hips to the rug firmly before coasting his lips from hip bone to hip bone before slowly, softly settling the tip of his tongue at the very top of my slit. I fought for control. He'd barely started and I was already teetering on the edge.

"Anxious, Miss Bella?" The vibrations from his words caused me to gasp. I felt his lips close around the bundle of nerves and I moaned quietly, my hips jerking upwards to meet the resistance of his hands. He ran his fingers slowly back and forth in time with the ministrations of his mouth, and I felt the electrical currents start to slowly pulse through my body. I tensed. He stopped. "Not yet," he whispered, still the dangerous edge to his voice, turning me on even more than I already was. This was definitely a Bad Bella evening.

I wrapped my fingers around his wrists and squeezed, trying to calm my raging body. "Fuck," fell softly from my lips as I took a deep, shaky breath. I opened my eyes and looked down. I met his wide, green eyes, staring back at me, deep and penetrating and soulful. He stopped his movements for a short moment, and then, keeping his eyes locked on my darker ones, he pressed his tongue hard into me, and closed his bottom lip to his top one. I felt my body shudder and my lips parted slightly.

"No, no," I whispered, trying to hold off the release for another moment, my fingers digging into his wrists.

He nodded briefly once. "Yes, now," he mumbled, barely understandably and his tongue drew quick circles over my heated center. My back arched, and my hips bucked through his hands. I felt his tongue at my entrance, probing gently as I let the orgasm wash over me.

I lay there, heaving in deep breaths, spread eagle on the living room floor as Edward placed soft kisses over my sweaty body. His fingers were raveling themselves in my damp hair as his mouth finally found mine.

"I love you. I love touching you." His voice was reverent, apologetic.

And then the one thing happened that I never wanted to happen. We were lying there, I was basking in post-orgasmic bliss, when Emmett came bounding into the room. "Edward! You'll never…._holy hell Bella. _Lookin' good."


	29. Embarrassed & Exposed

**A/N: I'm doing my best to keep this rolling…I kind of want to get this story wrapped up so you're all where I am. Thanks to my awesome betas! I couldn't do it without you... Blynn practically flags me until I write and Adrena finds ALL my many mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

_**Bella's Point of View**_

Neither Edward nor I said anything for a moment, as Emmett stood there, shamelessly, looking from me, to Edward, to the television and back again. "Clearly the movie lost your interest," he continued, and I could hear the laughter fighting to erupt. This was not how it was supposed to happen. Emmett was the _last_ person I'd want to walk in on me. We were never going to hear the end of this.

Edward clenched his jaw, his green eyes flashing angrily. "Out, Emmett," he growled, pulling the blanket off the couch and tossing it in my direction. I gathered it to my chest, knowing that my face was as red as a tomato.

"Oh relax, it's nothing I haven't seen before." He was still standing in the doorway, massive arms crossed across his muscular chest, smirk playing on his full lips.

"Get the fuck out," Edward growled again, climbing quickly to his feet and shoving his much larger brother out the doorway to the kitchen.

"You shouldn't play in public, bro, that's all I'm sayin'."

"You shouldn't fucking _gawk_ at my naked girlfriend." I reached for my shirt and pulled it quickly over my head, smoothing it down and grabbing my jeans and panties from under the couch. I laid the blanket back over the back of the couch, and wandered into the kitchen nervously.

"You didn't need to get dressed, Bells. I've seen it all already." Emmett winked and pulled a couple of beers from the fridge. "You want one? Or something stronger? You need to chill out, seriously."

"Fuck Emmett! How would you feel if I walked in on Rosalie, naked?" Edward sounded irritated, but less angry than I'd expected.

Emmett laughed his deep, belly laugh. "If Rose was naked in the living room, I'd parade her around for the world to see." He popped the top on his beer and took a long swig. "Look on the bright side. It could have been Alice that caught you. There would have been screaming, and eyes being covered, and running around, and more screaming." He placed his bottle down on the counter and ran around, heels kicking his bum, hands covering his eyes shaking his head and squealing about clawing his eyes out.

I started to giggle uncontrollably. The sight of a six foot two, mountain of a man, running around a kitchen, squealing like a girl, seemed to ease my embarrassment slightly, and even Edward cracked a half smile before uttering his favourite words.

"Fuck off."

Emmett flashed him a mischievous grin and hopped up on the counter. "You know Eduardo; I'm not sure how I'd feel if Rosalie said no." He chuckled quietly and took another swig of his beer. "No, no not yet," he mimicked. I flushed an even deeper shade of red, and high tailed it out of the kitchen and up the stairs.

I was never going to live this down. I was beyond embarrassed. Good Bella had been right for once. I silently cursed Bad Bella. She was a bully. Was it even _possible_ to be bullied by yourself? I was going crazy; there was no doubt in my mind. Pulling the covers back on Edward's bed, I crawled in and hid my face in the pillow. I heard Edward's raised voice, and Emmett's booming laughter. Of course he'd find this endlessly amusing. This was going to be mentioned at my funeral.

"Shit," I groaned into the pillow, cramming my face further into the squishy fabric, hoping to make the burning in my cheeks subside.

"Bella?" Edward's smooth voice was right behind me and I felt the mattress dip under his weight. I sighed. "Bella, are you _crying_?" He said the last word with a taste of disgust in his voice. "I mean, it was only Emmett. He's right. It could have been Alice. Not that I won't take any chance I have to beat the crap out of him. I don't really stand a chance if I'm being honest, but…" His voice trailed off. I pulled my head out of the pillow and looked at him blurrily. My eyes were unfocused from being pressed into the darkness.

"I'm not _crying_," I said, mimicking his tone. "And you could take him out at the knees with a pool cue."

"That's a chick move," he scoffed with a roll of his eyes. "Tit for tat my dear Bella. That's how Emmett and I work. So now I have to see Rosalie naked on the floor."

I growled in my throat. I liked Rosalie, but I did not like the idea of _my_ Edward taking her in, in all of her perfection. "I like the pool cue idea better," I muttered.

"Ho, ho," he laughed, reaching out to ruffle my hair. "Miss Bella has a jealous side," he chuckled, placing a tiny kiss on the end of my nose.

"How are you not upset about this?" I was confused. Edward tended to be jealous and possessive, and now, all of a sudden, he seemed to not care about the fact that his brother had seen me naked.

"What can we do about it, Bell? He's seen it, he's seen it all before, and we _were_ in the living room."

"We are going to hear about this for the next six months," I groaned, squeezing my eyes shut.

"Probably," he agreed.

"I can't believe you're not making a bigger deal out of this!"

"I can't believe you're making _such a big_ deal out of it," he countered. His face was twisted in irritation. I rolled my eyes dramatically.

"I want to go home," I told him, crossing my arms over my chest and looking very childish indeed. I didn't care.

"Bella, for fuck sake, get over yourself," he snapped, raising his hand. I flinched. He ran his fingers though his thick hair. He gave me a strange look, and then his face fell, his eyes went from hard and angry to soft and sad in a blink. He was silent for a long moment, and then said, "Did you think I was going to _hit_ you?"

I couldn't help but remember Valentine's night when he broke the champagne flutes. The flash in his eyes was similar, though this time the emotion was less pained, but more raw. I wasn't sure why I flinched when he raised his hand. I would be lying if I said I wasn't scared of Edward on some level. He'd always been a bit unpredictable, but lately there was something that I couldn't put my finger on that was making him appear more intimidating, even though he was acting as sensitive and loving as ever.

"No," I whispered. I was positive Edward would never hit me, and certainly not for something as small as acting childish.

"You flinched," he whispered, pain evident in his voice. I cursed myself for causing the anguish.

"I'm sorry," I apologized, hugging my knees to my chest.

"Bella," he whispered, reaching out to touch the end of my dark curls. "Bella, I'm so sorry," he rasped, scrunching my hair in his long fingers. "I'm sorry for everything." He crawled up beside me and wrapped his arms around my body, still curled in the fetal position. "I'm sorry for ruining Valentine's Day, and I'm sorry about not telling you everything sooner, and I'm sorry about ignoring you the last couple of weeks. I just wanted to do it right. I wanted to be the guy you deserve. And I'm sorry about my neurotic sister. I'll need to talk to her again. And I'm sorry about my tactless brother. _You_ can hit him around the knees with a pool cue if you want." I allowed myself a small, watery chuckle. I could feel the tears flowing from my eyes now and I wiped them hastily on my sleeve. "I'm sorry for leaving. I'm sorry for not chasing after you. I'm sorry about my mother." He paused, hugging me even tighter and settling his chin on top of my head. "Mostly I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm sorry for making you cry."

I took a shaky breath and leaned my head against his chest, breathing in all that was Edward. He kissed the top of my head lovingly. His arms were almost too tight around me, but I wished they were tighter. I felt safe with him. I turned in his arms and wrapped my arms around his broad, strong shoulders, holding on as tightly as I could. His arms tightened even more around my waist as I settled my face into the crook of his neck.

_**Edward's Point of View**_

Feeling her cling to me, watching her shoulders shake, listening to her sobs, was one of the most painful experiences of my life. I thought I'd known pain before, I _had_ known pain before. I'd watched my girlfriend, the _first_ girl I loved, die. Little by little I'd watched the fire burn out.

But this. This was different. Seeing Bella in this much anguish was tearing my heart out. And I knew it wasn't all over my stupid, oaf of a brother. It fucking killed me that she was afraid of me. That flinch made my stomach sink to my toes as I watched the shred of terror flash across her face. _I_ did that to her. _I_ scared her that much. It made me sick to think that she reacted like that. It made me wonder if it was me, or if something had happened to Bella in her past to cause her to react like that.

I held her tightly and let her cry. I wasn't sure what else to do. I let her cry, and I chastised myself for not being better for her. She was embarrassed that Emmett had caught us, and I'd done nothing more than throw a blanket at her and have a few tense words with my older brother. I was a fucking moron. I should be the one protecting her from the evils of the world, not exposing her to them, not laughing about them. I should have been paying her the utmost attention, not ignoring her advances.

"Bella," I said after a while, holding her tighter and nuzzling my face into her silky hair. "Are you going to be okay? Do you still want to go home?" I gently stroked her back, up and down, trying to soothe her. Her sobs had stopped but she was still shaky. She pulled back to look me in the eye, and then her eyes dropped to the floor and her cheeks flushed pink. I smiled softly and ran my thumb over the patches of colour. "Why are you blushing?" I asked, leaning forward and kissing both cheeks. Mentally I shook myself. Everything I did for, or with Bella, seemed so different, so foreign, and yet so natural. The Edward Cullen from before Bella Swan would never comment on blushing, or hold a girl when she cried. I couldn't even remember holding Charlotte when she cried.

I remembered Charlotte crying once, and being the awkward teenager that I was at the time, I let her sit on the edge of my bed, tears streaming down her face, while I awkwardly patted her hand and told her that everything would be alright. Apparently that had been the wrong thing to say, because I remember her crying harder.

"Why are you blushing?" I asked again. I watched as she twisted her lip between her teeth. She was embarrassed.

"Can I stay here tonight?" Her voice was tiny, and she spoke more to my comforter than to me. She was obviously afraid of crossing boundaries.

"I think I'd like that," I told her, folding my hands behind her back.

"You do?" She sounded uncertain. I lay back and pulled her on top of me, nose to nose.

"I do," I agreed, leaning up to kiss her sweetly. "Now," I said, pushing her shoulders up so I could look her square in the eye. "Get naked."

She giggled her happy, carefree little Bella giggle and rolled to the side.

******************************************

I wasn't sure how long I watched her, lying there, finally looking peaceful. Her face was free of lines for the first time, I realized, since I'd returned from Chicago. Her long lashes lay softly on her cheek bones and fluttered sweetly as she dreamed. I propped myself up on my elbow to get a better look, and grinned to myself as I watched the fingers of her right hand open and close, even in her slumber. I reached up and gently pulled her hand so it was next to her stomach, hoping to get the blood flow back so she wouldn't wake up with pins and needles. I heard her sigh very quietly and wiggle her head deeper into the pillow, her shoulder pressing harder into my chest.

I reveled in the soft, smoothness of her skin, the way it flushed in pleasure, the way it glowed in the moonlight. She was beautiful. Completely and utterly beautiful. To the point where it almost hurt for me to look directly at her, but I couldn't draw my eyes away. I was drawn to her like a moth to a flame, ever since day one. Lately I'd been thinking about the early days of our relationship. I thought about the pull I felt towards her that first night. I remembered the exact look on her face when she turned on the light and realized I was in the bathroom. I remembered the slight tremor in her voice when she told me that smoking was bad for me, and the way she blushed afterwards. I remembered the surprise that clouded her features when I mentioned Jessica. I laughed to myself as I remembered the flash of anger when I told her I was going to take advantage of her. I couldn't remember a time, other than Bella, when I'd been called a fucking pig _before_ I slept with the girl.

I remembered the way she trembled when I first kissed her neck. I remembered the strange magnetic force that I felt when I touched her, a pull, almost an electrical current that made me never want to let go. I could still replay the kiss in the library like it had happened five minutes ago, and I would never get used to how well her tiny hand fit in my larger one. I would never tire of watching her, listening to her, feeling her. It was a scary realization that I wanted her that much, loved her that much. It was scarier still that I didn't yet feel worthy of that love. Neither of loving, nor of being loved and I knew it was true; Bella did love me too. But was I deserving of her love? Did it matter?

Bella's quiet mumbling broke me from my reverie and I let my eyes travel to her lips, moving ever so slightly as she spoke quietly in her sleep. I wasn't sure what she was saying. It didn't matter. My eyes drifted downwards, over her shoulder and then further still as I let my fingers trace the lines of her back. She shivered under my touch and I pulled the covers higher over both of us, before laying my head down next to hers and allowing her steady breathing to lull me to sleep.

*********************************************

"I would appreciate it if undergarments were _not_ left in the public living areas!"

Light from the hallway spilled into the darkened room and I felt Bella's body shift beside me to sit up, yanking the covers to her chin. I cringed at the pitchy voice that was waking me from my dreams. _Alice_.

"Huh?" Bella's response was groggy. "What time is it?" she mumbled as she rubbed her eyes with the hand not holding the blankets.

"Half past six and I believe this is _yours."_ I opened my eyes slowly, trying to rid them of sleep and took in my sisters petite form, standing in the doorway, one hip cocked out to one side, her hand perched on top in her usual stance. The other hand was out in front of her, a pink, lacey bra dangling from one tiny, perfectly manicured finger. Her eyebrows were arched nearly off her face in a look of disdain, but _I_could see the laughter hiding out behind her eyes. The corner of her mouth twitched. She was amused, but Bella wouldn't see it like that.

"Fuck," Bella groaned; her lip white between her teeth. She was going to bite it off soon if she wasn't careful. "I'm sorry Alice." I could see her eyes searching, trying to figure out how to retrieve the article of clothing from my sister, without having to leave the bed in all her naked glory. I figured the least I could do was get the bra for her, and lock my sister out of the bedroom.

I threw the covers off, exposing myself completely to the cool air of the bedroom and crossed the floor in only a couple of steps. I watched my sister's eyes widen and her mouth part to screech some sort of obscenity at me. I plucked the bra from her fingers, laid my other finger across her mouth and leaned very close to her.

"Save it for the presses," I warned, before closing the door and clicking the lock. I turned to face Bella, whose mouth was hanging open in astonishment, and tossed the bra in her direction. "I thought you'd forgotten it," I said with a grin and a shrug of my bare shoulders. "I think Alice might have a little crush on me. Did you see her staring?" I winked.

"Ew! Edward that's disgusting! You're my brother!" Alice's squeals were loud and I could almost see the look on her face as she heard that. Bella started to laugh.

"Well seriously, who wouldn't?"


	30. Breakdowns & Batmobiles

**A/N: I'm doing my best to keep this rolling…I kind of want to get this story wrapped up so you're all where I am. I'm estimating another 4 chapters after this, but that's obviously flexible…it might be fewer if the rest of the chapters are as long as this one.**

**For all of you that wanted more ****Alice**** time, here we go! **

** Thanks to my awesome betas! I couldn't do it without you... Blynn practically flags me until I write and Adrena finds ****ALL**** my many mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

**_Bella's_ _Point of View_**

"Bella," a softer version of Alice's high pitched normal greeting met my ears as I exited the bathroom, hair piled high on the top of my head but still dripping down my back, yoga pants hanging low on my hips.

"Hi Alice," I replied, once I'd realized where the voice had come from. "What's up?" I was curious, and to be honest, a little nervous as to why the tiny girl was speaking to me at all. Lately the only words we'd had were polite and distant hellos and goodbyes.

"Do you do yoga?"

"Uh…" I just stared at her, pajamas and shampoo piled in my arms. "No?" I wasn't sure where the conversation was going.

"Oh," her face fell slightly and she ran her fingers through her choppy hair in a very Edward-like gesture. "Do you maybe want to learn?" She sucked her top lip into her mouth in a nervous gesture and looked through her dark lashes at me, almost pleading. "I have videos. It's not hard."

"Um…okay," I agreed, figuring maybe she was making an effort and I should too. "Let me just put my stuff away okay?" I nodded at the pile in my arms and she agreed quickly.

Alice skipped lithely down to the basement, me following close behind, keeping pace with a far noisier gait. "You've probably never been in here," she began to prattle, turning right at the bottom of the stairs and opening a white door. "The guys have their room, and well, I have mine." She opened the door to me and practically shoved me through, strong for such a tiny little thing. Inside was a wide screen television and one wall was completely mirrored. Along the mirrored wall was a bar, about the height of my waist. Along another wall was a series of weights, exercise balls and other things I didn't recognize. "My parents had everything installed before I moved in." She danced across the floor and picked up a complicated looking remote from a shelf next to the television. "Grab those yoga mats," she ordered, pointing to two rolled up, rubbery mats stashed behind the exercise ball. "Exercise increases endorphins. Not to mention I get to keep this killer bod." She gave a tinkly little giggle and I began to wonder if her strange, hostile behaviour of the past couple of weeks was completely fabricated on my part.

"Mine's the pink one," she continued as she inserted a DVD into the drive and set it up to play. She came to settle beside me and the video began. "It's easy. Just follow along." I came to realize that Yoga was maybe close to my speed. Everything was slow and calculated, though my muscles did groan in protest to the new positions. Alice's body could contort into some crazy positions that I didn't even dream of having the coordination to accomplish. "Feels good, huh?" She was hanging half upside down, and somehow her face wasn't even pink. In a similar position my face was scarlet and scorching.

"Lookit' Bella," she started, holding herself up on her hands, legs extended in a V shape in front of her. She was no longer following the video but seemed to be making it up as she went along. I forced myself into the downward facing dog and turned to look at her. "I'm sorry I've been such a bitch lately," she continued, gracefully pulling herself into a pose that the lady on the video called the camel. "I guess I let my emotions run wild, and since he's my brother I didn't want to see him hurt again." She moved into the downward facing dog and looked at me. "The video changed ages ago," she informed me, pointing to the screen where the woman was now explaining the sphinx pose. I scrambled into position, which made it a bit easier to focus on Alice in, and nodded.

"I understand," I told her passively.

"Yeah, maybe. But that's not much of an excuse," she continued, changing her position once more into the dolphin pose and groaned as her shoulders stretched. "I haven't done this in a while," she commented, as I followed along with the video and moved into some sort of lunge. "Anyway, my point is it seems like you're going to be around a lot, and I thought maybe we could start over. Try to be friends. We got along quite well before, and well…I feel terrible about how I treated you, plus it would probably make Edward happy." She gave me a pleading look through her wide, Maya blue eyes and I returned her look with a weak smile.

"Do you promise not to parade my underwear around the house on your fingers?"

"Do you promise not to leave your underwear in the main living areas?"

I nodded. She smiled brightly. "Friends?" She asked.

"We can try," I conceded, still nervous about her mood swings, which were nearly as violent as Edward's.

"Okay," she agreed. She stood and stretched her back once more before rolling up her yoga mat. I followed suit. "You won't regret it," she assured me as we headed back upstairs. "Green tea?" she asked. "I always drink green tea after yoga," she hurried for the kitchen and put the kettle on. One thing about Alice, she could carry on a conversation with herself, all you had to do was be present and semi-alert.

"Sure," I finally replied as she took out the teapot and proceeded to drop the teabags in.

"I cheat. Rosalie says its better with loose tea, but the bags are just so much more convenient," she prattled as she waited for the water to boil. "And really, I think it tastes pretty much the same." She hurried around, hopping up to kneel on the counter top to reach the cups and hopping gracefully down, scurrying to find the sugar bowl, ("Emmett never puts it back where it belongs,") and pulling spoons from the drawer as she flicked the kettle off and poured the boiling water over the tea bags. Her multi-tasking skills impressed me beyond belief, and although I wanted to offer to help I thought it better to stay out of the way rather than disrupt the flow.

"There," she said finally. "Should be done in about five minutes." She turned the television on in the living room as the front door opened. In strode Rosalie, looking irritable.

"Morning Rose," I greeted her as I took a seat in the armchair to watch Regis and Kelly. Alice loved morning talk shows and I was in no mood to argue.

"Yeah, morning," she replied passively with a tiny wave in my direction. "Is there tea?" she asked Alice pointedly.

"Three minutes," Alice replied, stretching her legs on the couch in front of her. "Emmett?" Alice asked knowingly.

"Of course," the blonde beauty replied, plopping herself angrily onto the end of the couch next to Alice's feet. "I don't want your feet near my new pants," she snapped, shoving the tinier girls' feet off the edge of the sofa. Alice rolled her eyes and curled them underneath her. I wondered why she let Rose boss her around like that.

"Baby?"

_Were they still on about that?_

"He's being so unreasonable."

Alice rose, saying nothing, which was odd for her, and went to pour the tea. She came out with two cups in her hand, handed one to Rosalie and one to me, and hurried back for her own.

"He doesn't want one yet," Alice stated bluntly.

"Nope," Rose said, popping her 'p' hard.

"It's a big commitment," Alice continued softly.

Rosalie huffed indignantly "How much more committed could we possibly be?" she snapped.

"Rose," Alice continued in her soft, convincing tone. "You don't even live together. Wouldn't it be best to see if you can stand each other before adding another human being to the equation? Maybe you'd like to be married? You said you've always wanted that. The big white wedding…it would kind of kill it if you already had a baby. Maybe you should talk to Emmett about taking the next step if that's what you want. I mean, you love Em right? You don't just want our fabulous genetics?"

"I have my own fabulous genetics. No child of mine will be anything short of perfect," she snapped nastily.

"Rose," I decided to butt in.

"What?" her face was full of anger and distrust and pain. I wondered what on earth could be bothering her. There had to be more than her twenty three year old boyfriend's refusal to have a baby.

"There's more, isn't there?" I leaned forward and set my cup on the coffee table. "What else is bothering you?"

"What?" her voice softened slightly but her eyes were still cold and flat.

"What else is wrong?" I said again, looking her directly in the eye.

Rose shook her beautiful blonde head, but her eyes softened and I thought I saw the trace of a tear pooling in the inside corner. Alice obviously noticed it too because she scooted closer and bravely wrapped her thin arm around Rosalie's shoulders. "Tell us," Alice urged.

Rose buried her face in Alice's bony shoulder and took a shaky breath. "I went to the doctor back in January…"

**_Edward's Point of View_**

Jasper and Emmett had kidnapped me for breakfast. We went to one of those off-the-beaten-path diners where their bacon is too greasy and their toast is too heavy and the curtains are checkered, but fuck if I cared, I was getting free food and time with my brother and new found friend, and frankly, as much as I loved Bella, a guy needs his space once in a while. That's not saying though, that by the fourth cup of coffee I wasn't starting to get anxious to get back.

"You're leaving her at the mercy of Alice and Rosalie," I reminded them as Emmett ordered yet another short stack. I mentally chastised myself for not bringing the Volvo, leaving myself at the mercy of Jasper's driving and Emmett's eating.

"She's fine," Jasper assured me. "Worst case scenario: her hair is pink thanks to an Alice make over gone wrong."

"Or right," Emmett mumbled through a mouthful of sticky pancake. "We know how much she loves pink."

"I like Bella's hair," I grumbled, draining the dregs of bad diner coffee from my cup.

"For God's sake Edward. You're getting a little pathetic. I mean before you used to be with those guys…you were with them all the time and we never saw you, and although they weren't the greatest influence on you at least you were out. Now…now you're only with her and we still don't see you."

"What are you suggesting?"

"That you both need a fucking life," Emmett snapped. "This is an intervention breakfast," he said, waving his fork around. "We all like Bella. We all see that Bella is good for you. But you two need to intermingle. Alice and I are going home for Easter next weekend. Rosalie has agreed to come, and Jasper's going to come as well as long as he can get it off work. Maybe you should come home this time."

I shook my head. I wasn't doing the whole family and friends meet and greet Cullen style.

"You've been home since. It didn't kill you. You can bring Bella. I talked to Dad last night and he gave the okay."

"I'm sure Bella would love to see her own family for the holiday."

"I'm sure Bella will go wherever you go, dude," Jasper argued.

"Please, Edward." Emmett's voice was serious and almost sad. "I miss my brother. I've almost kind of got him back."

I heard the pleading under current in his voice and I knew he was tossing his pride aside and really asking me, and how could I deny him? He'd been there for me. Sure he'd been an ass at times, and he'd pissed me off more times than I could count, but he was my older brother, and I knew he was having a tough time with Rosalie lately. He was trying to finish his last year of school, apply to graduate school, plus he was stressed and tired, but he was still managing to hold everyone together in typical Emmett fashion. So how could I say no? I couldn't. Against my better judgment I nodded. "I'll ask Bella. I'll book the tickets," I told him, trying to illustrate through my eyes that I was sorry and that I would try harder. He nodded his face somber for just a moment longer than normal and then his face broke out into the signature Emmett grin. He clapped me on the shoulder with a giant hand and shoved the last bite of pancake into his mouth, washing it down with orange juice and slapping some cash on the table.

"Let's get the fuck outta this joint," he boomed.

****************************************

I asked Bella if she'd come home for Easter with me. We had a full blown argument about payment, which I eventually won, though not without a whole lot of sulking on her part. She told me it was just one more way for me to rub it in her face that I had more money than she did. I told her that there was no point in her breaking the bank to pay for a plane ticket when it wasn't a problem anyway. I told her that I would ask my parents for their frequent flyer miles so the ticket would cost less. Of course I wouldn't do that, but it made her feel better.

She cleared the trip with her father, explaining that she would come home two weekends later to spend time with him in exchange for a trip to Chicago for the long weekend. He seemed to agree relatively willingly and she informed me that I was lucky we were negotiating with her father, and not her mother. "Renee would never agree to me missing a holiday meal," she said, with almost a scolding tone to her voice. I grinned, victorious.

********************************************

"When was the last time you saw your mother?" I asked her as she settled herself at my desk to start writing yet another essay. She'd been writing papers all week.

"Hmm?" she hooked her glasses over her ears and peered at me through the lenses. "New Years," she proclaimed, pulling her feet under her and leaning over the desk.

"Do you miss her?" I leaned against the desk, watching as she skimmed a page of a heavy book, finger tip running smoothly down the page. There was a strand of hair hanging just beside her left eye and I wanted to brush it away. She huffed out a breath, batted the curl herself, and pressed her fist to her forehead in concentration.

"You're going to miss _me_ if you don't shut up and let me work," she snapped. "I'm way behind here, Edward."

On a deeper level I knew she was right, that she was being rational and responsible and that she needed to do her school work, and that I wasn't the only thing in her life. I supposed that perhaps I should take the same stand and write a paper or two instead of sitting here, watching her work, wishing to push her hair out of her eyes and fantasizing about her lips and all the incredible things they could do to me. But it _really_ wasn't my fault that I found my already irresistible girlfriend even more irresistible in her glasses, and I knew that any attempt at school work would be futile and I was sure none of my professors wanted a play by play of what I would ask Bella to do later that evening. (Or maybe they would love that, but I sure as hell wasn't giving it to them), so I settled for sitting on top of the desk and distracting her by clicking a clicky pen and shooting staples across the room in a very immature manner.

"For the love of fuck, Edward!" she screamed, shoving herself out from the desk and piling her books on top of her lap top angrily. "Will you grow the hell up? We have midterms! Maybe you should try studying so this big expensive education doesn't fucking go to waste!" She gathered her things in her arms and threw me a nasty look. "And stop wasting staples. Someone has to vacuum those up you know. They'll get caught in your socks."

I sat back, watching her display as she strode quickly out of the room, anger punctuated with her every step, and then I felt my stomach sink. She really was angry. I had taken it too far. It was obvious she was stressed about school and we were supposed to fly out the next afternoon and she was scrambling to get work done so she could have a relaxing weekend. And here I was irritating the fuck out of her while she tried to write a paper for a class she already hated.

"Fu-u-uck," I croaked, pinching the bridge of my nose between my thumb and forefinger and squeezing my eyes shut. I would have to go and apologize. I _hated _apologizing, but something about Bella made me do it.

I sat there, thinking, flipping through one of my own text books and giving her time to cool down. I would apologize, but not to the flame that was roaring now…no I would wait until the anger had eased to a smoldering ember and then I would apologize. She was much more willing to listen then. So I took her advice and I read my textbooks, because she was right and I did have midterms coming up.

Finally, after I gave her an hour or so to calm down and really get some work done, I braved exiting my room and then began to wonder where she would have gone. In the basement, Jasper and Emmett were playing pool, and Jasper informed me that Bella was studying in Alice's room.

"I got kicked out so she could study man. She looked pissed right off," he told me, leaning on his cue as Emmett took a particularly forceful shot. "Solids, Em, you're playin' fuckin' solids," Jasper said exasperatedly, rolling his eyes at my older brother. "What the fuck is wrong with you, man? But yeah, Edward, Bella's with Alice." He turned back to the game and Emmett. I saw my brother rub his face with his giant hand. The creases I'd been noticing forming between his eyebrows were getting deeper and more pronounced and I made it a priority to ask him what was going on once I was done dealing with Bella.

"Thanks man," I told him. "Take 'er easy Em," I added, taking the stairs two at a time.

I knocked on Alice's door and was blinded by the pink when she opened it just a crack. "She's busy," she snapped, standing in the opening and not letting me into the room.

"I need to talk to her."

"Ooh," Alice crooned in a fake eerie voice. "Gonna shoot me with some staples? Stab me with a clicky pen? Grow up, Edward. We're busy. Unlike you, we care about our academics." She went to close the door but I held fast.

"Do you know what's going on with Emmett?"

Her face clouded over but she shook her head quickly. "Haven't a clue," she said passively. I could tell she was lying through her teeth.

"He's fuckin' out of it," I told her, leaning on the door frame. "And what's going on with Rosalie? You guys think I don't notice shit but the change in dynamic in this place is fuckin' obvious. And Bella, I need to fucking talk to you!" I shouted over Alice's head. Alice's tiny fist collided with my shoulder sharply. "What?" I snapped, looking down at her angry little form.

"Rosalie will tell you if and when she's ready. I don't even know if she's told Em yet. And don't you dare shout at Bella, you immature brat. She's trying to do her work so she can hand it in before we leave for Chicago. Now you need to leave so that she can finish this up and then _I'll_ drive her to school to hand it in since her car is at her place. Then we'll stop by her apartment so she can pack whatever she needs for the trip. Then, _and only then_ will you be able talk to her and hopefully apologize for the bullshit you've been pulling. Do you understand?" Her eyes pierced into me and I almost felt a pain in my forehead. I nodded gravely and backed out of the room.

"Just let her know I'm sorry, "I said quietly.

"I'm right here," was the reply from inside the room, still bitter with frustration. Alice nodded and closed the door on me.

**_Bella's Point of View_**

"Seriously, he's my brother and I love him, but sometimes he is a complete idiot," Alice said as she plopped herself face down on the pink comforter and picked up her highlighter. I turned to her from the desk and smiled.

"Thanks again, Al, you have no idea how much more peaceful it is in here, even among all the pink and stripes."

Alice giggled and nodded. "You better get that done. It's best if we drop it off before office hours are over." I knew Alice was right and focused back on the task at hand, cursing Edward for distracting me so long that I was so far behind. I knew it wasn't going to be a quality paper. I also knew that if I wasn't careful, letting Edward influence me, was going to bring my average down and I could not afford to lose my scholarship.

Sometime in the early afternoon Alice closed her books and left me alone in Candy land. By that point I was finally editing and making any final changes and although I wasn't thrilled with the outcome, I wasn't absolutely appalled either and began to think that maybe, just maybe there was a chance that I could scrape a half decent grade.

I stretched my back and heard the vertebrae pop satisfactorily as I waited for the pages to print, and began to think that maybe the yoga Alice insisted on wasn't such a bad thing. I bent sideways off the chair and realized for the first time in my life that I wasn't going to topple over thanks to such a maneuver. She had tried to get me to join her and Rosalie for Pilates and aerobics but I drew the line there. Yoga was my speed. I could keep up with yoga. No way was I attempting aerobics. Besides which, I was pretty sure there were some heinous pictures of my mother in a fluorescent spandex suit, obviously pregnant doing aerobics in the eighties, and there was no way I was going to be associated with _that._

I smiled to myself as I stacked the papers neatly and fastened them in a folder, ready to be handed in. It was such a relief to have the work done and the whole long weekend to enjoy myself. I hurried down the stairs and found Alice lounging on the couch, head hanging off the side, upside down, and legs hooked over the back. She was watching The Young and the Restless.

"Hey Alice," I announced my arrival, curiosity evident in my voice. "Whatcha doin'?" She raised her head slightly to look at me, grinned, and hung her head back down, focusing her eyes back on the TV.

"This show is stupid. I thought maybe it'd be better from another angle." She scrunched up her nose disapprovingly.

"What's the verdict?" I asked, shifting my bag to a more comfortable position.

"Still crap, but it's funnier." She rolled herself down and smoothed out her clothes. "You wanna go hand that in?" I nodded.

Alice was a much more relaxed driver than Edward. She spun her little car out of the driveway and I could practically hear the tires squealing as she took a corner too tightly. "I really want a Porsche, but my parents said I'd have to make do with the Beamer for now. Apparently Porsche's are ridiculous to insure." She floored the gas as she sped out onto the main road and reapplied her lip gloss in the rearview. I was secretly thanking God that her parents had said no to the sports car. "Are you excited about our trip?" she asked as she drummed along to the radio on her steering wheel, seemingly looking everywhere _but_ at the road."Oh shit! Yellow light!" She slammed on the brakes, sending me lurching forward into the locked seatbelt, and then back into the seat again. I was looking forward to getting out of her car!

"Yeah for sure. Though I'm a little nervous as to what Edward will be like."

Alice laughed her tinkly giggle and ran both hands through her choppy hair, accelerating with no hands on the wheel. "I'm sure he'll be alright," she assured me, reaching across in front of me and opening the glove compartment.

"Do you want me to hand you something?" I asked, a little panicky now as she fiddled her left hand on the steering wheel, glancing up every so often to make sure there was no one about to hit us, and then going back to the glove box again.

"Oh no, I've almost got it….here we go. Come on!" She yanked her hand out to produce a tiny tin of hair wax. _For the love of all that is holy, she was going to fix her hair in rush hour traffic!_

She proceeded to jerk us through bumper to bumper, Seattle traffic while she ran the wax through her already over processed hair and texted someone on her cell phone. _The joys of agreeing to be friends with Alice Cullen._

She spun the car onto campus and only slowed down for the speed bumps. "Once I bottomed out on one of these suckers and there was like a grand worth of damage," she told me as she hit the brakes to slow for yet another yellow lump in the road. She finally pulled up in front of the main building and pulled her own messenger bag from the back seat. "Meet you back here in twenty minutes?" I nodded weakly, pleased to be out of the car and hurried towards the building where most of my professors had their offices. Alice headed in a different direction and I checked my watch to make sure I would be back in time. I was seriously considering begging to drive my truck back to her place to avoid another ride in the bat-mobile wannabe.


	31. Fits, Flights & Flowers

**Thanks to my awesome betas! I couldn't do it without you... Blynn practically flags me until I write and Adrena finds ****ALL**** my many mistakes.**

**This turned out to take a little longer than I thought. The next chapter will be important for sure.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

**_Edward's Point of View_**

One apology and three rounds of hot and sweaty make up sex later, I was feeling pretty damn good. Laid, wasted and good. In fact, I felt pretty fucking great; all sweaty, relaxed and sleepy with my girl all soft, hot and naked pressed against me as I drifted to sleep. That is until I was awoken rather abruptly and all too soon by the ungodly loud, obnoxious shout of Rosalie Hale.

"We have to be at the airport in less than three hours! You realize that right? And with holiday traffic you'd better add an extra fifteen minutes to our driving time!" She was standing right outside my bedroom door, bellowing at the top of her lungs. Bella groaned and pulled the pillow over her ears, trying in vain to block her out. I thought seriously about doing the same. "You can't fuck like bunnies if you can't get up with the god damned sun!" I heard her footsteps stomp down the hall and I groaned into the pillow covering Bella's head.

"I'm all packed," Bella muttered, snuggling deeper into the covers and pulling me closer. I looked over at her little black suitcase against the wall beside my duffel bag and grinned. Unlike the rest of my siblings and their other halves, we were both organized and ready to go. It went without saying that Emmett would be the last one packed, even with Rosalie riding his ass the entire time. It also went without saying that he would forget something crucial, like deodorant, or socks…or his ticket.

Alice, on the other hand, had probably packed herself _and_ Jasper days ago, only she would be re-packing this morning as was customary, convinced that she'd missed something. She and Jasper also probably had matching outfits and matching luggage unless for once Jasper put his foot down. I highly doubted it.

"Fuck 'em," I muttered, pulling her closer and inhaling the sex and shampoo and Bella smell with a sigh. "Let's let Rosalie wreak havoc a little longer without our presence," I whispered, kissing her ear and closing my eyes, hoping to go back to sleep for a little longer.

What seemed like no time later, we were woken once more by the voice of my brother's overly vocal blonde-zilla of a girlfriend and this time she wasn't taking no for an answer.

"If you two aren't in the kitchen, showered, dressed and ready to go in half an hour I am coming in there and plucking Edward's pubic hair with my tweezers! And Bella…well frankly I have no idea about your nether regions, but I _will_ find an equivalent torture for you, so get the fuck up!"

I shuddered at the thought of Rosalie that close to my goods with a sharp object and managed to convince Bella that maybe she was right and we should get up. I insisted Bella take the carpeted bathroom across the hall, and immediately felt myself get excited at the thoughts of our first meeting inside that very door. _Down boy!_ "I'll go downstairs. If I leave you un-showered in the presence of Alice you may get an entire makeover," I told her, kissing her softly once and yanking a pair of boxers on before exiting the room.

"Finally," Rosalie sighed dramatically as I hurried down the stairs to the bathroom on the ground floor.

"Croissant?" Alice asked, sticking a plate of buttery goodness in front of me. I snagged one and continued my way towards the shower and away from the bedlam in the kitchen.

Thirty one minutes later Bella and I emerged from the bedroom, dressed, packed and horny as fuck, at least on my part. One would think that after an entire night of lovin' I'd be satiated, but apparently that is not the case with Edward Cullen. I'd watched as she'd dropped the fluffy white towel away from her glistening, pale skin. I'd gawked openly as she leaned over at the waist and toweled her dripping locks. I ached to reach out and slap her firm little ass or pull on her loosely hanging tits or slide my fingers into her…._Think of __Alice__ and Jasper in togas!_ I reminded myself, looking around for a clean pair of jeans and tugging a dark green hoodie over my head.

"Almost ready?" I croaked, fidgeting with my fingers behind my back and rocking back and forth from my heels to the balls of my feet and back again, willing the nearly painful hard on to disa-fucking-ppear.

"Yep," she said, popping her 'p' and grinning at me as she buttoned the bottom three buttons of her snug, navy cardigan. She slid her feet into a pair of flats and tugged up on the handle of her suitcase. "Come on before Rose threatens your genitals," she said with a wink.

Bella joined in the insanity as soon as she was at the bottom of the stairs. It seemed like the girls were double checking windows and doors and luggage and tickets and god knows what all else. I sat down between Jasper and Emmett at the table and watched the three women flitter around like chickens with their heads cut off while the three of us picked apart more croissants.

Emmett still looked exhausted and stressed. He sat, half a croissant hanging unceremoniously out of his mouth, head resting in his hand as he stared past everyone else and into nothingness. Jasper was watching Emmett, a look of concern on his face, his mouth pulled in a tense line.

"Emmett for Christ sake pull your food into your mouth and stick the luggage in the jeep," Rose snapped at him as she wiped the counter for what seemed like the fiftieth time since I'd come downstairs. Emmett snapped his eyes to her and frowned, pushing himself slowly from the chair and lumbering towards the front door.

"What's up with him?" I asked Jasper quietly as Rose retreated to the living room with Alice and Bella. Jasper shook his head sadly.

"I dunno man. He's totally out of it. Rose is being an insufferable bitch, and she's ragging on him about every little thing. I gather from Alice that she's still on about the baby, but I also sense there's more to it than that. Ali won't tell me anything concrete, only that Rosalie has things to come to terms with and Emmett will have to deal with them too if they're going to make it through this." He shrugged. "If it's making them both this unhappy though, is it worth it?"

And I thought about Jasper's words. Was it worth it? They were Emmett and Rosalie and they were just…_right_ in their own weird little way. But what if they weren't anymore? And would that happen to me and Bella? To Jasper and Alice? Both of our relationships were so new in comparison, what if they went this way too? And what was Rosalie's problem? She'd always been demanding and bossy and overbearing, but Emmett had loved that about her, or loved her despite those qualities, one or the other. But now, this was something new, her attitude had gone beyond bitchy and straight to nasty. I sighed and leaned my elbows on the table.

"They've gotta talk about it," I told him. "They can't go on like this. I've never seen Em so fuckin' dejected."

"I overheard her telling Emmett that she wants to speak to Dad," Alice whispered, sliding onto Jasper's lap and pecking him on the lips." Come on, we'll let those two go in the Jeep. The four of us can take my car." Alice took Jasper's hand and I followed them out of the kitchen. Bella was handing Emmett the last suitcase and talking quietly to him, and Rose was sitting shot-gun in the Jeep looking…._sad._

"We'll see you at the airport I guess," I heard her tell Emmett as she slowly made her way to Alice's car and slid in behind Jasper.

"They okay?" I asked, reaching over and squeezing her knee, and hoping to God that Alice got us to the airport alive and all in one piece. Bella gave me a withering look and shook her head slowly.

"I don't know," she said truthfully. Alice's blue eyes met Bella's brown ones in the rear view mirror and they shared some sort of knowing look.

"Guess I'll follow them," Alice commented, barely above a whisper as she pulled out of the driveway, both hands on the wheel for once in her life.

"Maybe you should just let them work it out themselves," Jasper suggested, tapping his fingers on his jean clad thighs.

"That doesn't mean Alice should lead," I told Jasper with a half smile. "Haven't you driven with El Crazy over here before?" I tapped my sister on the shoulder and she gave a playful growl.

"I'm not _that _bad," she insisted, pulsing her foot on the gas pedal impatiently as she followed the slower moving Jeep. "Mind you, I could make it to Chicago before they make it to the damn airport," she muttered under her breath. Jasper laughed at her antics.

"But seriously dudes, we should just let Em and Rose figure shit out for themselves. Maybe stuff'll be better after she talks to Dr. Cullen." He shrugged and fiddled with Alice's iPod to find a song that we all could tolerate. Alice seemed to be on a Celine Dion kick and it was causing us all to groan unappreciatively. "For real Al? You have Achy Breaky Heart?" Jasper smirked at her and she blushed crimson, right down her neck.

"What? It's classic. I have a thing for one hit wonders." Jasper laughed and selected the song.

"Fuck off Whitlock," I moaned as Bella laughed along with Jasper.

"What man? I'm from Tennessee; I grew up on this shit."

"This is the longest fuckin' song in history," I grumbled, banging my forehead into Alice's headrest.

"Hardly," Jasper retorted, dancing very badly in the front seat.

"People in the other cars are looking," Bella giggled.

"Okay Al," I finally sighed. "Floor this fucker and get us to the plane before I go insane!"

**_Bella's Point of View_**

Edward grumbled all the way through security about Jasper's DJ qualities and Rosalie's bitching and Alice's driving and Emmett's sulking. I could tell he wasn't really looking forward to this trip and it made me a little bit nervous.

We waited on the other side while Emmett repeatedly got beeped at the metal detector before Rosalie finally snapped and bitched him out about how the chain around his neck was probably setting it off and if he would just _think_ for a split second about something other than pool or football that he might have figured that out and saved everyone a lot of time. "And for the love of God Emmett, please tell me you have your stupid ticket this time," she nagged, rifling through her oversized purse for hers and producing it for the airport employee watching her with a sour expression on her face.

"Rough morning?" The woman asked, her voice just a little more condescending than was necessary. The rest of us winced in unison.

"It's none of your god damned business," Rosalie sneered, stepping past the woman and rolling her eyes while Emmett produced a slightly wrinkled ticket of his own. The employee gave him a sympathetic smile and he followed Rosalie out of sight. Alice wrinkled up her nose and rubbed her forehead the way she did when she was stressed and Jasper wrapped his arm around her shoulders trying to soothe her. Edward was still grumbling about 'stupid family functions.' I debated sitting with Emmett and letting Grumpy and Bitchy sit together.

When we finally boarded the plane I saw Rosalie and Emmett settling in, Rose's face buried in the soft fleece of his sweater, his large hand gliding softly over her long, silky hair, lips moving soundlessly to the rest of the people in their presence. So much for my plan.

Edward tugged on my hand and offered me the window seat, which I gladly accepted. I looked across the aisle to see Alice looking worried, her eyes glistening slightly with tears as she spoke quietly to a worried looking Jasper. She kept turning to look at Rose briefly and then back to Jasper. _But she wouldn't be telling Jasper what was troubling Rose, would she?_ We'd been sworn to secrecy. I cringed at what Rose would do if she found out that Alice had spilled her guts to Jasper.

I sighed and leaned my head against the window. What a beautiful start to a long weekend.

I was ready to land the moment we were in the air. I sighed dramatically and leaned into Edward who looked tense and a little bit green. "What's wrong?" I asked quietly, stroking his long fingers absentmindedly.

"I hate flying," he replied tightly.

"You should try to sleep," I told him groggily, sneaking a peek at Alice, who was flipping through the latest issue of Cosmopolitan with an amused look on her face, and Jasper who had Alice's iPod turned up loud enough that he seemed oblivious to the rest of the passengers. I nuzzled into Edward's shoulder, all warm, soft and smelling like Edward, and let myself drift off to sleep, hoping to make the tense trip a little bit shorter, and praying that the heavy fog would lift from around us when we arrived in Chicago.

******************************************************

"Seriously Emmett, you rented a _minivan?_" Rose was back to being her snarky self by the time we landed and retrieved our luggage. Emmett looked a bit like a puzzled puppy who had been scolded. I'd never seen Emmett look so sad, lonely and confused before.

"It just made sense," his tired voice replied, reaching out for the last suitcase and closing the trunk. "There are six of us. It was better than renting two cars, and SUVs are hard to come by on long weekends." He rubbed his hands over his tired looking eyes and lowered his sunglasses.

"I don't feel well," Rosalie continued complaining and Emmett sighed softly, pulling her to him and kissing the side of her head. He whispered something quietly to her and tossed the keys to Jasper.

"Can you drive, man? I'm going to sit in the back with Rose."

They climbed in and Rosalie curled up into Emmett as he soothingly rubbed her back. Alice and I sat in the middle row; tossing Rosalie worried looks over our shoulders. I thought it was a good idea she talk to Dr. Cullen before jumping to any crazy conclusions, but it was obvious that her condition had been weighing on her mind much longer than she was letting on.

Jasper was a very careful driver; much more sane than Alice, and much more relaxed than Edward. He did look remarkably funny sitting so upright and proper in a minivan. "There's just no way to make this thing look the least bit cool," he joked, pulling the van into gear and negotiating the turn onto the highway. "It's a hell of a lot bigger than my car, too."

Edward navigated the way towards the outskirts of Chicago where I assumed Dr. Cullen and Esme lived; Alice and I talked quietly among ourselves. Rosalie was asleep within moments, and Emmett's eyes never left her tense, sleeping form. Worry lines were starting to crease his forehead and around his eyes, and he looked much older than twenty three.

"You okay Em?" Alice reached around and squeezed her older brother's knee gently.

"I don't know what to do," he whispered, his blue eyes pained and confused. "We're so not ready Al, but…what if this is the only chance we have?"

_So Emmett did know. And it was weighing on his mind just as heavily as Rosalie's._

"She's going to talk to Dad," Alice told him. "There have to be solutions. It's not _that_ uncommon." I could hear by her tone that she was trying to convince herself as well, but she was right. It wasn't that uncommon. Rosalie just happened to be young.

"It'll be okay Emmett," I told him. "It has to be." _It had to be. It just had to._

"I just…I don't want to waste time, you know." His voice was sad, and there was an undercurrent of uncertainty playing around the edges. He shook his head slowly." I just don't know," he mumbled, eyes downcast. The rest of the drive was silent except for Edward's constant flipping of the radio stations.

**_Edward's Point of View_**

We arrived at my mother and father's in a nearly silent car. Everyone clambered out and Jasper and I unloaded the bags. I saw Rosalie step out of the car, smooth her hair and square her shoulders. _So now that we were here she was going to try to act like a human being._ I was getting fucking sick of Rosalie's antics. I had no fucking clue what was going on with her but it was killing the mood and I was already testy enough about being in Chicago without her constant moaning and moping to bring everyone down even further.

"Edward!" My mother came running across the driveway gracefully and pulled me into a strong hug. "You're feeling better?" she asked, holding me at an arm's length and looking me over.

"Not bad," I told her, reaching around to shake my father's hand casually.

"And Alice," Esme nearly squealed, and everyone was then sure where Alice inherited her enthusiasm from.

"Mom, you just saw us," she grumbled, returning the hug before letting Esme move onto Jasper, pulling him in for one as well.

"Why doesn't everyone come inside?" Carlisle suggested, taking one of the bags from Emmett and giving him a concerned but pointed look before shifting his gaze to Rosalie. Emmett returned the look and guided Rose along into the house.

"Rosalie, we're so glad you could join us again," Esme told her, holding the door for everyone to enter.

"Thank you Esme," she replied quietly, stepping away from Emmett to hug my mother as well.

"And Bella," Esme turned to her, smiling just a little bit too brightly to be entirely genuine. "So nice of you to come as well. You didn't want to see your family for the holidays?"

Bella swallowed audibly and returned Esme's smile with one of her own. "Thank you, I visited my mother in Florida for New Years, and my father is only a few hours away. I'll visit him in a couple of weeks." She squeezed my hand just a little bit too tightly than for me to think she was entirely comfortable.

"Bella, this is my father," I told her, leading her to where Carlisle was standing. She extended her hand and shook his firmly.

"It's a pleasure to meet you Dr. Cullen," she said sincerely. Thankfully Dad was slightly more graceful than my mother was.

"The pleasure is mine, Bella. I hear you've turned our Edward around." He winked and let go of her hand. I blushed.

"We're going upstairs to put our bags away," I told them, slinging my duffel bag over my shoulder and picking up Bella's suitcase. "Come on," I urged her, dragging her towards the wide staircase.

"It's a beautiful house," she commented, following me up the stairs and away from the prying eyes of my family.

"I guess," I said with a shrug, pushing my bedroom door open and turning on the light. "I'm sorry about Mom."

She shrugged. "I don't think I'm her favourite person, unfortunately."

"My mother _loved_ Charlotte," I told her. "But mostly, my mother loves me." I patted the bed beside me, motioning for her to sit down. "I think she just doesn't want to see me get hurt." I lay back on the pillows and settled her on top of me, her cheek against my heart. "I love you," I told her, gently running my fingers through her hair. I didn't tell her enough. I needed to tell her more.

"I love you too," she replied quietly.

"Mom will come around, and at least Dad likes you." I'd never seen my father react with the enthusiasm he did towards Bella, which had to be a good sign. She only sighed in response and ran her fingers lightly through my hair. "What's going on with Rosalie?" I finally asked, because it had been eating at me all day. Bella sighed again.

"She's just stressing. She needs to get a second opinion. I think talking to your father will be a good thing."

"Does this have anything to do with the whole baby scam she's got going on?" If I heard one more god damn baby reference I was going to toss my cookies.

"It's not a scam, Edward," she said softly, sadly. "Time isn't really on her side."

"What does that mean?" Rosalie was twenty three; the woman had _tons_ of time to have kids, once she was settled and working and married.

Bella took a deep breath. "I'm not supposed to say," she whispered. "I don't really know all that much about it."

I let out a frustrated huff and squeezed my eyes shut. "She's fuckin' pissing me off," I muttered and I felt Bella stiffen above me. "What?"

"Seriously?" Her voice was harsh. "You do realize that a few weeks ago you did the same damn thing, right?"

"Uh…" Was she right? This wasn't the same though. I had been dealing with tragedy and demons and coming to terms with reality, and maybe I hadn't reacted or behaved in the ideal way, but it was a grieving process all the same, and Bella had no right to judge me like that, to make comments like that.

I pushed her off of me and sat up. "It's not the same," I hissed, trying in vain to stay calm and rational.

"You think that because it's not _your_ problem, that it's not important? This affects her for the _rest of her life. _And I get that your issues will affect you too, but she's dealing with them right now, and they affect your brother and everyone else too and just because it's not the same problem, doesn't make it any less important. We all have issues, Edward. You would think that maybe you of all people could sympathize with her at this point in time, instead of bitching about how she's killing the fucking vibe."

The silence surrounding us after Bella's speech was deafening. I didn't have anything more to say, because it was true, and Bella was right, and I was forcing myself to see that. Eventually Bella rose and walked to the window, looking out onto our backyard, and the back of our neighbours' house.

"I'm sorry," I told her. "You're right, of course." I walked up behind her and leaned my hand against the wall. "You really can't tell me?" She leaned back into me and sighed.

"Rose has some…" She paused, trying to find the right word. "Some potential infertility issues," she finally settled on.

"Oh," was my brilliant reply.

"She has endometriosis," Bella whispered, turning away from me and getting ready for bed.

*****************************************************

After breakfast the next morning Alice pulled me aside. "Do you have plans for today?" She asked. I smirked and sent a look over her shoulder towards Bella. I knew what my plans were, and they did not involve my family's pity looks. "Stop," she hissed. "I want to go to the cemetery," she said quietly, watching my reaction closely. I did my best not to wince. "Rosalie wants to speak to Dad, and Jasper and Bella can hang out. They get along quite well, you know. You, me and Emmett should go to the cemetery." The look she gave me told me that I wouldn't win the fight. I sighed and nodded in a resigned way.

I knew I was going to have to face this demon eventually. It was better to do it with Alice and Emmett, than alone. Alice told Bella, who agreed to spend the rest of the morning with Rose and Jasper. She really was taking everything; all of the issues of my family, in stride and making the best of the situation. My father was going to show them the library, assuring them that he was sure that he had books that would interest all of them. Bella looked ecstatic and it reminded me of the little nerd she really was, underneath her picture perfect exterior.

"Come on, man," Emmett called, tossing me a jacket and shrugging into his own. Alice was already zipping up her boots. "I'm driving," Emmett told her, causing her to pout. He ruffled her hair, causing her to screech in outrage and I stuffed my hands in my pockets, eyes downcast. I didn't understand quite how they could be so jovial considering where we were going.

"We should pick up flowers," I muttered as Emmett turned out onto the street. He nodded and drove into the city towards the closest florist. I sighed, and stepped out onto the curb. The day was sunny, bright, and the complete opposite to Seattle. It was too bright, too happy for what we were about to do. I entered the florist to the sound of a cheerful bell and listened to the happy chatter of the florists in the back. It sounded like they were planning for a wedding party.

"Can I help you?" The perky woman came hurrying from the back of the store, wiping her hands on her apron and smiling broadly.

"I'm just looking for something simple," I told her. I looked around and saw an arrangement with mostly calla lilies. "Maybe that one." She nodded and stepped around me to retrieve it from the refrigerator.

I remembered clearly that Charlotte had loved calla lilies. She told me that they were the most graceful and beautiful flower she had ever seen. The woman rang up the bouquet and I handed over my credit card.

"For your girlfriend?" The woman winked and smiled.

"Sort of," I mumbled, signing the receipt and taking the flowers.

"I'm sure she'll love them," she told me. I grunted a response before escaping into the bright sunlight.

"Ready?" Emmett asked, without waiting for a reply before turning out onto the street and heading back out of town toward our destination. Alice reached forward and placed her hand on my shoulder.

"I think it's good you're doing this," she told me softly.


	32. Socks & Sextalks

**Thanks to my awesome betas! I couldn't do it without you... Blynn practically flags me until I write and Adrena finds ****ALL**** my many mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

**_Edward's Point of View_**

Alice grasped my clammy hand in her little, warm one and squeezed tightly, a silent reminder of the support system I had taken for granted for all of those years. I squeezed back, almost crushing her tiny fingers in my anxious state. The flowers were clutched tightly to my chest, the plastic crinkling against my jacket. Emmett walked slowly behind us, I could feel his presence and every once in a while I could hear a twig snap under his foot, but otherwise we were all silent.

I hadn't been back since the funeral. I shuddered as I remembered the rich colour of the oak casket slowly being lowered. I'd stayed behind, not wanting to deal with mourners chewing on crust-less sandwiches and shaking hands, and rubbing their tear filled eyes. I'd stayed until they were going to start filling the hole. I couldn't watch it. It made me sick.

I clutched Alice's hand tighter still and I was sure it had to be painful, but she only squeezed back, giving me the support I needed. We walked to the back of the cemetery. My breathing hitched and I felt Emmett's presence just a bit closer as we neared the destination. "It's okay, Edward," his low voice murmured. He laid his hand on my shoulder and I swallowed audibly before nodding.

"Right here," Alice said quietly, pointing to a black headstone, small among the others, a perched butterfly carved into the upper right hand corner. _Appropriate,_ was my only thought. I'd never seen the headstone. I dropped to my knees in front of the stone, still clutching the flowers to my chest and taking in the etchings, my eyes picking up every tiny detail. I reached my fingers out to trace the letters, my mind absorbing the information in fragments, not as a whole. First a C, then an H. I let my fingers ghost across the surface, my thumb stroking the smooth black under the letters I was tracing.

The grave was well cared for, the stone was edged neatly; new grass was starting to poke up with the renewal of spring. I laid the flowers in front of the headstone, not knowing where else to put them, and immediately regretted my choice. Cut flowers would die quickly, especially in the cold. They would be dead and cold; lifeless. _Like her._ I shuddered at the thought and gripped the top of the stone for support, my head falling to the cold granite. It was then that I felt the tears fall. Silent, unyielding tears. Four years worth of tears. Four years worth of guilt, pain, longing, loneliness and regret fell from my eyes, ran down my cheeks, and dripped off of my chin; disappearing into the earth. My shoulders shook ever so slightly as the silent sobs ripped from my chest. And I was terrified that I wouldn't be able to stop.

I wasn't aware of anyone else's presence until Alice crouched beside me, her tiny hand rested on my upper back, and her forehead on my shoulder. She didn't say a word, just turned her face to the headstone and closed her eyes. I glanced over to witness one, glistening tear escape and glide slowly down her cheek.

And immediately the guilt I was feeling increased tenfold because as my little sister, Alice had lost one of her best friends that night too. I had been so wrapped up in my own grief, guilt and pain that I had completely neglected to see that everyone else around me was hurting too; that they just dealt with it in a different way than I did, but that the pain was still there. I had monopolized so much of everyone's time, energy and worry, that I hadn't even entertained the thought of other people's loss.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered, more to the ground, than to anyone in particular. I felt Emmett crouch down beside me, hands clasped in front of him, eyes wide and sad.

"You're not the only one that grieved, Edward." He settled himself into a sitting position and crossed his legs underneath him. "You lost Charlotte. We _all _lost Charlotte. We loved her too you know." His big hands absentmindedly plucked at the flat, damp grass around us. "But worse for us," he continued, his eyes trained to the ground. "We lost you too. Only we had to watch the person we'd lost, walk around in front of us, an unyielding, impenetrable shield around the shell of the person we loved. You were nothing but a ghost, and you floated in and out of everyday life, and when we blinked, we weren't sure if you'd actually been there or not, because there were no signs. You existed, but only in a physical form. You breathed, you ate, you slept, and you walked, sometimes, if you really needed to, you talked. But you were nothing more than a mirror image of the brother Alice and I knew, the son that Mom and Dad raised. It was torture."

I sighed and pushed myself off of the headstone and rose to my feet. Alice followed as I took a few steps to lean against the large maple tree nearby.

"When you agreed to go to school, we all thought it would be better," Alice admitted quietly. "And in some ways it was. You were…somewhat social." She began pacing back and forth between Emmett and me, wringing her hands in a nervous habit she had developed as a child. "But social as you were acting, it was only that; _acting_. Everything was a giant façade, and I'm still not sure to this day, if it was for your benefit, or ours, but either way it didn't help. The women, the drugs, the dangerous stunts, the run-in's with the law. They were all ways to strike out against the wrong in your world. And I still don't understand." She turned to face me. "One would think that because of what happened, you would crave control above all else, but instead you chose activities out of your control; activities and people who controlled your life. So I thought some more about it and I spoke to Jasper about it." I growled at that comment. I knew by the way she was speaking that she was trying to _analyze _my behaviors.

However, by bringing Jasper into it, I was aware that she was receiving outside help with her "diagnosis." Jasper was majoring in psychology, and loved to analyze everyone's actions. "We discussed it in depth, never giving him any real information, never telling him what happened or anything real about Charlotte. He told me that perhaps because control was what you lost, it scared you that it was so easily relinquished, and after that you gave up. He thinks that maybe because when you gave up control you didn't have to think anymore and you found that easier than trying to regain control of the situation and turn your life right side up."

So that was why Jasper seemed to know more about the situation than anyone outside of my family. I felt a surge of white, hot fury towards Alice and her big mouth, but then I tamed it, thinking about what Emmett had said. I'd asked them to keep a secret, to never speak of what happened, and in doing that I added fuel to the already roaring fire within them.

Alice crossed again towards Emmett and sat down daintily beside him, looking over her shoulder at me expectantly and smiled. I shook my head. I couldn't join them over there. I couldn't do it. I needed to collect myself. I had a thousand emotions creating a vortex in my gut and I nearly clung to the tree trunk for support as I tried to comprehend what I was feeling.

On one hand, I understood how and why Jasper seemed to know slightly more than the average person, and that was a bit of a relief. Part of me was still angry at Alice for spilling my secret, but another part of me was glad that it was off all of our collective chests. Everyone knew now, so it didn't matter that Jasper had any inside information in the beginning. My chest constricted as I thought of Charlotte in her last days, still and silent, the monitors a constant hum and beep around me as I played for her. And then my chest relaxed as I thought of Bella. Bella who put up with, and even embraced all of my crazy attempts at a relationship, Bella who forgave my indiscretions, Bella who came back. Bella who braved my mother (_I really needed to speak to my mother)_ and Bella who befriended my sister, and Bella who calmed me when a storm began to rage. I was the broken jigsaw puzzle, and Bella slowly, carefully put me back together again. Why she chose me, I'll never know, but she did, and I was grateful for it, because for the first time in years I was beginning to feel happy again. When I was with Bella, and we were in our own little world, I was really, truly happy. When the rest of the world intruded on our space I began to close up again.

"Do you remember when Charlotte got her drivers' license?" Alice's voice broke through my thoughts, her question directed at Emmett who chuckled into his fist.

"Do I ever," he replied, leaning back on his hands and sneaking a glance in my direction before turning his attention back to Alice. "That was the night she ran her father's brand new Altima into the mailbox at the end of the street." Alice nodded and giggled. Even I felt my mouth twitch just a tiny bit towards a grin. I remembered that night. She'd been so excited. She'd driven the three streets over to my house; her father's brand new, shiny, black Nissan Altima purring in the driveway as she hurried up the steps to knock on the door. She had been practically hopping on the spot, excited to have gotten her license before me. I was scheduled to go the following week. She bounced down the stairs in front of me and waited for me to climb in and fasten my seatbelt. She'd chattered happily away about school, the driving test, our friends, and she was doing really well. We made it all the way out of the subdivision and into town. She'd shown off everything she'd had to do in the test, and even I admitted she'd been doing really well. We were back in the subdivision and turning onto my street when I heard the _crunch_ of metal against metal. The car jerked to a halt, and her eyes were huge, knuckles white on the steering wheel. She didn't say anything, just looked at me, horror evident on her dark features. I told her that I think she sideswiped a stationary object. She told me to shut up. I stifled my laughter. She slapped my arm and told me that her dad was going to kill her. _Secretly I agreed._

"Do you remember the day that Mom found Charlotte's socks in Edward's hamper?" Emmett had his head thrown back in silent laughter at the memory. "It was World War Three in our laundry room that day," he continued.

I remembered that too. Charlotte and I had been dating for almost six months at the time, and she'd been over the night before. I couldn't honestly remember _why_ she left her socks in my room, but the important point was that she had, and I had gathered them up with my things and stuffed them in my hamper, not thinking twice. They were only socks after all. But apparently, according to my mother, they were a symbol of what 'went on behind closed doors' and she went berserk. Emmett pondered regularly what the results would have been for a pair of pants, or worse, a bra. I honestly didn't want to know.

"I recall flying jeans coming towards my head," Alice giggled.

"I recall a really embarrassing sex talk," I muttered from my place by the tree. Emmett guffawed loudly, slapping his knee.

"Over fuckin' socks," he chortled.

"Worse was when Mom asked Charlotte if _her_ parents had had the talk with her," Alice reminded us. I grimaced at the memory. "She was in full swing to talk to her about the birds and the bees." Alice hid her face in her hands.

"Over socks!" Emmett said again. Even I couldn't help but laugh a little bit.

"Little did Mom know that she was a bit too late," I said, slowly stepping away from the tree and sitting down next to Alice. She grinned and reached over to squeeze my hand. "Do you remember the first time she came to dinner?" My voice was quiet, I was twisting my shoelace around my finger; I wasn't sure how I felt about sharing Charlotte stories but I was doing my best. And I had to admit that laughing about my life before the accident, was a lot better than mourning it.

"She was so nervous that she spilled the gravy all over the table cloth," Alice reminisced.

"_That_ was only because Emmett told her we were eating alligator."

"I didn't think she'd believe me," I glared at my older brother but couldn't help but laugh a little bit at the memory. "She was a great kid," Emmett said quietly, raking his thick fingers through his curly hair.

"She really was," Alice agreed, smoothing the grass in front of her absentmindedly.

I leaned my head forward in my hands and closed my eyes. Remembering.

_Charlotte sitting in front of me in math class, the first day I met her. She turned, flipped her hair out of her face and smiled. "Got a pen?" she'd asked._

_"You use pencil for math," I told her, I remembered my voice shook. She'd shrugged, seemingly un-phased._

_"I don't." I'd handed her the pen with a crooked smile and a blush. She'd introduced herself when she returned the pen after class. It had taken me a full thirty seconds to remember my own name._

_ ***************************************_

_Charlotte__ introducing me to her mother in the parking lot. "This is Edward," she'd said in a nervous voice, apparently worried that her mother wouldn't approve._

_"That's nice dear, but I'm sure Edward doesn't want to accompany you to your dentist appointment," had been Mrs. Vasquez's reply._

_ ****************************************_

_Charlotte and I at the movies, her laugh causing people to stare and mutter, only making her laugh harder._

_Our first kiss. Her back porch, she leaned over the table and stuck her elbow in the butter. We'd both laughed. She tried to lick it off. I told her it was impossible to lick your elbow. She told me to lick it for her, and I did. And only then did I kiss her. And where there had been awkwardness before the butter incident, there was complete relaxation afterwards. _

I tried to remember what she smelled like, tasted like, but I was drawing a blank. I tried again, going over ever detail in my mind, but only the big ones stood out. Her perfume, it was blue, in a clear bottle. Something French. I shook my head. I couldn't remember, and at any rate, she probably didn't smell like the perfume.

_Our Junior prom. Her dress had been pale yellow. _How had she worn her hair? Was her hair was up, or had it been down and curly? I shook my head again and concentrated harder. I couldn't remember. I'd have to look at a picture.

_Our first college acceptance letters. __New York__, __Chicago__, __Boston__, __Baltimore__, __Washington__. The look on her face, the light in her eyes, the path to our future. Together._

_The Christmas before….It. Alice and Charlotte arguing over decorating the tree. Emmett stuffing the Angel on crookedly and the girls making faces, telling him he'd better fix it or he'd get no more cookies. Emmett grudgingly agreeing, through a half chewed cookie. My mother vacuuming cookie crumbs out of the rug._

_New Years Eve at __Charlotte__'s parents. The gigantic party. Watching the ball drop (on television, of course) counting down to our New Years kiss._

I forced myself out of my reverie. I didn't want more memories. _It_ was too close. I shook my head, and I looked at the grave stone, then up at my brother, my sister, their somber faces, and I rose to my feet.

"Come on," I told them, reaching my hand out to pull Alice up. "I think I've been away from Bella for long enough."

Alice smiled a genuine smile, a smile she hadn't smiled for me in years. The one where the corners of her mouth lifted straight up, much like the Cheshire cat, her eyes crinkled on the edges, and the little dimple on her left cheek puckered in her pale face. She leaned in and gave me a tight hug around my middle, and then bounced along beside me, as the three of us made our way to the car. Emmett grinned merrily at me as he settled himself in the seat and turned the key. I turned the radio up.

"Volume down, have some respect, this is a mini-van after all," he joked, batting my hand away from the control and backing onto the quiet road.

"You look alright driving the mini-van, Em," Alice pointed out with an impish grin. My brother's smile vanished, and was replaced by a look of intense contemplation before he reached over, twisted the volume dial as high as he could and pressed his foot to the pedal, speeding off towards home.


	33. Dilemmas & Desires

**Thanks to my awesome betas! I couldn't do it without you... Blynn practically flags me until I write and Adrena finds ALL my many mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

_**Bella's Point of View**_

The morning passed faster than I thought it would. Edward's father had an incredible collection of books in his library. There were so many, in fact, that they were catalogued. I honestly, had no idea where to begin. Jasper seemed to be just as awed as I was which I found a bit surprising. He hadn't struck me as the book worm type. Dr. Cullen, or Carlisle as I'd been told to call him, told us to make ourselves comfortable, and asked Rosalie to join him in his office. Jasper snickered as she left. I smacked his arm.

"Come on, _total_ innuendo," he drawled. I rolled my eyes.

"That's Alice's dad," I reminded him. He shuddered visibly.

"Well played, Miss. Swan," he replied, pulling a book on the civil war off of the shelf and cracking it open.

"History?" I asked, curious.

"Fuckin' fascinating," he replied, flipping through the book intently.

"But you're a psyche major."

He nodded slowly. "Mhm," he confirmed. "Figured there was a nice career ahead of me in psyche. I don't want to teach, and I didn't know what else I could do with a history degree." He shrugged. "Plus, I'm pretty good at reading people. Psychology is probably a good field for me to explore."

I smiled at him and peeked over the book to see what he was reading. "Come sit," he told me, leading me to the couch and settling himself into the corner. I curled my feet up underneath me and he placed the book half on my lap. For the next hour and a half, Jasper elaborated on themes shown throughout the book, and I marveled at his passion for the time period.

When we finally looked up to realize how much time had passed, Rosalie was finally coming back into the library. Her eyes were a bit red around the edges, and her hair a tiny bit frizzy along the hairline, but for the most part she looked composed. It didn't escape either one of us that she had been crying though.

"What's the verdict?" Jasper asked, looking up and closing the book.

"Don't you two look _cozy_," she sneered. I rolled my eyes at her.

"Whatever, Rose," Jasper replied in an offhand manner. She plunked herself down unceremoniously on the sofa opposite us.

"Nothing that I didn't know before, I guess," she whispered. I met her icy, blue eyes and cringed inwardly at the pain radiating from them.

"There's nothing that can be done?" I asked, picking a thread on the hem of my sweater absentmindedly.

"Of _course_ there are things that can be done," she sighed, rolling her eyes at my apparent stupidity. "There's just nothing I'm interested in doing."

************************************************

"Do you know that your father suggested _surrogacy?_" she spat, pacing in front of Alice and me, eyes flashing with anger, golden hair swirling with her movements.

"I'm sure it was just a suggestion," Alice whispered, obviously afraid to set our friend off. The Cullen's had returned home from the cemetery and Rosalie had dragged Alice and me off to have a _discussion_ about her options, but mostly she just seemed to want to rant.

"I just want to be _normal,_" she seethed. "I want to get married, and build a house, and have babies, and decorate their rooms and be _normal._ I want to be pregnant. I _need_ to carry my own child. I _need_ it to be mine." She stood in front of us, hands on her hips, staring us down. No matter what Alice or I said, we would not be coming out on top of this argument.

"There's nothing?" I asked, positive that she was missing something. She rolled her eyes.

"Apparently there are medications and surgeries to treat the symptoms," she muttered. "But it doesn't slow it down. The reality is, someone with as severe a case as I have, should not put off pregnancy if at all possible."

I looked at Alice, who looked troubled and nervous, and back to Rose, who looked angry and scared, and I took a deep breath. "Do you think Emmett's ready to be a father?" I asked.

She shook her head.

"Do you think you're ready to be a mother?" I asked her, waiting for the explosion that was Rosalie's temper. It never came. Instead she buried her face in her hands, her thin shoulders trembled, and she slowly, carefully, moved her head right, and then left. And she sunk to her knees.

"I'm….No…I'm not ready. I don't think I am. But if I had to be I could be." She wiped her eyes on the back of her hand and sighed. "I _can_ step up to the plate, you know." I nodded in agreement and gave her a small smile. "I'm going for a shower," she told us, standing and leaving the room.

Alice looked at me and sighed. "What will we do with her?" she asked, shaking her head. I shrugged my shoulders. This was Rosalie's road, and she would have to endure the potholes and the puddles, and all the twists and turns.

"Edward probably wants to see you," Alice told me, her face lighting up a bit. "This morning seemed to have helped."

I smiled to myself, thanked her, and left her on her own, deep in thought.

*******************************************

Edward's door was closed when I got to the end of the hall, so I knocked lightly. His voice answered from inside, and I twisted the knob slowly; unsure of what I was going to find on the other side. The scene startled me, and I'm sure the shock showed on my face but he grinned at me from his post in the middle of the large bed.

"Come here for a second," he invited, reaching his hand out towards me. I clambered across the bed and he wrapped his arm around my shoulders, kissing me softly.

"Good morning?" he asked, tipping my chin to look directly at him. I smiled back at him and nodded, affirmative.

"You?" I asked. He leaned over and kissed me once more, this one lingering a while longer.

"It was definitely beneficial," he responded as he pulled away.

"What are you looking at?" I was curious as to why there were photo albums spread all over his bed spread.

"Old pictures," he replied, picking up the nearest one and opening it. He took a deep breath and smiled at me once more. "Charlotte took a _ton_ of pictures," he said, and I noticed that his voice wasn't coated in such pain this time when he said her name. "Her parents gave them to me, after she…" he paused and took a deep breath. "After she died," he continued. I leaned my head into his shoulder and he squeezed me a little bit tighter. "I haven't looked at them in ages," he admitted, flipping to a page he thought looked interesting and pointing to the first picture. "Our first 'real' date," he said, making air quotes around real. I looked closely at the picture and giggled.

There was Edward, looking nervous and a bit embarrassed, looking away from the camera, the ghost of his crooked smile playing on his lips. He was wearing black dress pants, and black skater shoes, with a white oxford shirt and a blazer. His normally unruly hair was plastered flat to his head. "Esme dressed me," he muttered. I giggled.

"Your hair," I said, pointing.

"My mother was forever trying to get it to lie flat."

Beside him was a younger version of the same dark haired girl I'd noticed in the picture on Valentine's Day. She was smiling widely, her teeth a criss-cross of wires and brackets, and standing awkwardly, as though not quite used to the skirt she'd chosen to wear.

"Where were you going?" I was curious.

"Benefit dinner at the hospital," he told me. He turned a few more pages. "Family vacation with her family in Florida," he pointed. A teenage version of my Edward was standing knee deep in the ocean, excited grin on his face, arm around the shoulders of Charlotte, clad in a bright yellow bikini, also smiling brightly.

"No braces," I noted, pointing. He shook his head. "She was beautiful," I told him. He nodded.

"You're beautiful too you know," he whispered, tucking a stray strand of hair behind my ear and kissing my cheek. "And you're _really_ cute when you blush." I giggled. This was a different Edward than I had grown accustomed to, or at least different than what I was expecting when I walked through the door. It was a pleasant surprise to say the least, but I was still worried that he would revert back to before, with the mood swings and the resentment, or worse he would ignore me.

Perhaps I should have felt threatened or jealous when he wanted to show me the pictures of Charlotte, maybe in some ways I did. He had previously had so many experiences with her that I could never give him, that he would never relive, and there were so many things that he couldn't give to me. And for a moment I was sad, thinking about all of the things he gave to her, all of the things I'd yet to experience.

All of the things that went along with first love, or true love, or real love.

"Junior prom," he said, pulling me out of my thoughts and bringing my attention back to the book. "And she did wear her hair down. I'd been trying to remember," he muttered, more to himself than to me.

To anyone else, Charlotte would have been the focal point of the picture. She was radiant, dark, tanned skin against a pale yellow sheath dress, diamond necklace glistening between her collar bones, long, dark curls spilling down her back and over her shoulders. And her smile. She looked like the type of girl that would light up a room with her smile, lift up a crowd with her laugh. There was no doubt that to anyone else, Charlotte was the star of the photo. But I wasn't anyone, and I was completely taken aback by Edward.

Even at barely seventeen, Edward was a man. He was tall, and lean, the jacket of his tuxedo stretching gloriously over his broad shoulders, his tie cutting his flawless chest in half, perfectly symmetrical. He stood slightly behind her, his hand on her shoulder, his skin so clear and white against her tan. He had obviously beaten Esme out in the hair department, for although it was shorter than he presently wore it, it was still a beautiful mess. But it was his face that drew me in. He looked relaxed, his eyes shone, even in the photograph, green, and dancing in the light. His smile was effortless, huge, carefree and happy, producing dimples in the corners of his mouth. I reached my finger out absentmindedly to touch it.

"What?" He asked quietly, laying his hand over mine.

"You look…" I paused, meeting his soft, green eyes with my own. "You look so happy," I finally said, a smile breaking over my face.

He laughed, bitterly. "I was," he replied. "Who knew that seven months later my world would come crashing down?" He sighed and traced the edge of the picture with his index finger. "That happy couple right there," he said, running his finger down the center of the picture. "They never saw their _senior_ prom."

I sighed, and kissed his neck softly, willing his bitter memories away. "I'm sorry," I whispered, kissing up behind his ear. He closed the album with a quiet _thud_ and moved to stow them under the bed.

"I love you," he told me, emotion running deep in his voice. His arms wrapped around my body and he pulled me tightly to him, his nose grazing my jaw line as he kissed his way up and nuzzled into my hair. "I love you so much, Bella. It's scary for me how much I love you. It's like…unearthing feelings I didn't even know existed." His breath was hot against my cheek and I pressed myself closer to him. For a moment I wondered if it was a good idea, or if we would regret our actions later, but he pulled me closer when I pulled away, and lay me on my back against the pillows.

"I know what you're thinking," he whispered, hot against my ear, his lips ghosting across my overheating flesh. "Bella," he breathed, sending a shiver up my spine. "I only want you." He placed a searing kiss to my forehead. "I _love_ you," He said a bit louder, placing a kiss over both of my closed eyes, gently, lovingly caressing me. "You," he whispered again, against my lips, his mouth just out of my reach. "I'm yours," he breathed, finally capturing my lips softly in his, sucking gently on my top lip, teeth grazing gently on the underside. He pulled back once more and I groaned quietly in protest. His wide, green eyes met my brown ones in a silent promise.

"I'm yours," I whispered, almost too quiet to be heard. His hands traced the lines of my cheek bones and jaw, and down my neck. His hand rested on my rapidly rising and falling chest, above my heart, and he leaned down and kissed the area tenderly.

"Mine," he concluded.

I reached up, and placed my hand over his heart, feeling it pounding, the rhythmic _buh-bump_ of all that was Edward. I smiled at him softly and closed my eyes on the moment. "Mine."

_**Edward's Point of View**_

The intensity of the moment was almost too much. The electrical current running between our bodies felt like it was both ripping me apart and holding me together, and it was scary. The connection with Bella seemed so much deeper in that moment, than it ever had before, and I wanted to both embrace it, and run far, far away from it. I chose to embrace it, or else the choice was taken away from me and I was a slave to what my body needed, but either way, I stayed. My hand was settled over her heart, and I could feel it pounding heavily. She was feeling the intensity too.

I wanted her. _I needed her_. It was beyond the primal need that I had grown so accustomed to over time, it was an emotional need, a need to express myself to her, and I was terrified. What we had done before perhaps could have been described as making love. It was certainly the closest I'd ever come. _Ever._ But it wasn't enough. She needed more. I needed more. _We_ needed more. I wanted to make her mine, but more, I wanted to show her that I really, truly was hers. And I wasn't sure I knew how.

I had never felt so insignificant in this area. Not even when I was sixteen and looking at my first naked, real life girl before. Not even then. And I felt pretty fucking insignificant then.

I leaned to kiss her, gently, tenderly, her chest rising to meet mine, and falling again with her deep breaths. And she kissed me back, just as gently, equally as tenderly, her tiny, pillow soft lips caressing mine in the most beautiful fashion imaginable. And this wasn't a lust filled kiss, or a desire driven kiss. It was a kiss that poured every ounce of love I had for her into her, and she poured hers back and I didn't want to come up for air, not even for a minute as she slowly twisted herself underneath me to deepen the kiss some more. She pushed me to sit up and I pulled her with me, breaking us apart for less than a second to take a breath, before kissing her more firmly as I pulled her body flush to mine as she settled herself on her knees, wrapping her arms around me and tangling her fingers in my hair, pulling me closer still as I slowly devoured her, craving her, needing her more in every second.

I forced myself to slow my racing heart. I wanted to take my time, to worship the goddess in front of me. I needed to show her how much I loved her, desired her, _needed_ her. Her lips broke away from mine and traveled across my jaw and down the column of my throat, licking, sucking, kissing as her hands rubbed hypnotizing circles across the muscles of my back. I let my mouth take over, choosing its own delicious course as I slowly made my way down towards her heaving chest. My fingers took purchase on her thighs, squeezing, rubbing, stroking in an attempt to show her what I needed.

Her hips began to move with more purpose against my hardening erection and I bit back a pleasure induced moan as my tongue darted out to taste the flushed skin of her breast. My hands drifted closer to her heat and my mouth became more prevalent on her chest as I licked and sucked through her shirt, leaving a warm, damp circle where my lips had been. She was beginning to thrust with more abandon, pressing harder into me as she moved; her kisses more frenzied. I reached to kiss her as I slid my hands beneath her shirt, slowly crawling my fingers up her back to the clasp on her bra. I snapped it open as I sucked her tongue into my mouth; her moan was muffled but loud as she clawed at my t-shirt.

She pulled back as I dragged her bra from under her top. _Strapless, the girl was a genius._ "Please?" She asked, still tugging on my shirt. I helped her pull it over my head and she dove for my chest, her lips playing across my pecs, her fingers digging into my shoulders, her hips still driving us closer and closer to ecstasy. I closed my mouth around her still covered nipple and bit down. Her back arched violently, pressing her chest closer to my face, her head thrown back. Her hips halted momentarily and I took a deep breath through my nose, calming the lower half of my anatomy as I slowly reached under her shirt to squeeze her perfect breast in my hand, mouth still working the other one, playing her like an instrument. Her hands went to the hem of her top and I complied, allowing her to slip out of it and press her warm chest to mine. I gently tucked a stray strand of hair behind her ear and kissed her lovingly, pressing her closer, reveling in the proximity, the heat, the _love._

And then I was really getting frustrated by the stupid fabric between us. I pushed her onto her back, a bit harder than I meant to perhaps, and began peppering her perfect skin with tiny kisses as I fumbled with the button on her jeans. She reached to help me and I shook my head no, instead I took her hand and placed it on her right boob, squeezing her hand in mine. She seemed to get the idea as she began to knead the flesh, and pinch and rub her nipples. And just for a second, I stopped to watch. Because Bella in the midst of pleasure was the most stunning sight my eyes had ever had the pleasure to take in. Her fingers worked expertly, perking and plumping and squeezing. Her eyes were squeezed shut to the sensations. I kissed her belly button, and began slowly tugging her jeans down her legs, letting my nose trail south as I went.

She was wet. I was hard and she was wet, and she was wearing a sexy, purple satin thong and I was salivating. I blew on the damp patch and her hips jerked towards the ceiling. My hands were settled just above her knees and I slowly dipped down, running my tongue along the inside of her thigh. Her hands had stopped moving and were lying at her sides. Her head was tight to the bed, eyes screwed shut.

"Bella, look at me," I whispered into the soft, warm flesh of her thigh. Her dark eyes met mine, wide with excitement. I feel my teeth dig into her inner thigh, and her body jumps at the sensation. My cock jerks in painful arousal and I continue my ascent towards the Promised Land. My hand moves of its own accord to her breast, cupping it, squeezing it, and pulling her nipple. My name falls from her lips, quiet but full of need. I resist the urge to rip my pants off and plunge into her. Instead I move my hands to her prefect, round ass and squeeze as her hips start to move towards my awaiting mouth. I glanced up again through my lashes and see her eyes closed, the look of painful want painted all over her beautiful features. "_Look_ at me," I demanded as I ran my hands towards her heat, swirling my fingers in satin and wetness and Bella.

I pressed my fingers to her aching clit and her hips jumped. The twisting pain of my desire wrenched through my body and I could no longer wait. I dragged the thin piece of material from her and flung it across the room before dragging my tongue heavily through her folds, eliciting an excited moan from her perfect lips. With that I pulled her hips closer to me, surrounding myself with her warmth and sweetness. I look up at her once more, her head was thrown back, and her eyes had drifted shut. I stopped the ministrations of my mouth and climbed up, propping her head on a pillow and kissing her softly. "Look at me. I want you to watch," I whispered, making my way down her body once more. And then I stop, truly stop and look and absorb all that is the perfection of Bella. The long, lean line of her neck, the soft, flat surface of her stomach, the slight curve of her hips. My eyes traveled over her arms, down her hands, memorizing every mark and line on her knuckles, the shape of her finger nails. I drifted to the center of her body. I watched her breasts rise and fall with her breath, her nipples rosy and puckered, the normally ivory orbs flushed with arousal. My eyes lingered on the area I so wanted to be, perhaps a moment longer than the others, and then my eyes took in the long lines of her legs, her tiny feet with the red nail polish. And she started to squirm under my gaze. I lifted my eyes to hers, wide, curious, nervous and excited all at once.

"You're beautiful," I told her, kissing her belly button. "Perfect," I continued, taking her right hand in mine and placing a tiny kiss on the palm of her hand. I placed her hand on my chest and covered it with my own. "Mine," I whispered, leaning down to ghost my lips over hers'. "I love you so much, Bella."

She leaned forward, her left arm around my neck and kissed me full on the lips, her mouth moving too quickly and yet too slowly on mine, pouring every ounce of her love into me as I poured my love back into her. And suddenly I was feeling all too restricted inside my jeans, her hot, needy, beautiful body pressing into me was too much for me to handle, and as though reading my mind her fingers began the descent down my chest and stomach towards the button on my pants. Her fingers were shaking but all I could do was watch as she conquered the fastenings and pushed the remaining articles of clothing down. I forced them off, trying to move enough to untangle myself from the rough fabric, but still keep Bella in my embrace. And then the clothing was on the floor, and there was nothing between us, and I was fucking throbbing with need and I didn't want to wait anymore.

I settled back on my back and lifted her to sit on my stomach, just out of reach of what we both wanted, and I pulled her towards me. "I love you. You. More than anything," I whispered, kissing her softly, savouring the taste of her against my tongue. And then she pulled away, raised herself up, and we connected. And as she drew me in, I gasped, closing my eyes to the sensation that I had been denying myself, and pressing myself deeper, feeling her hot, wet walls clamp around me tightly. T

"Edward," she whispered, almost pleading with me as her legs twisted around mine and pressed us closer together still. And my breath caught.

"Fuck, Bella, fuck," I groaned clasping our hands together. I felt her fingers squeeze mine tightly as she began to move in a faster rhythm. My hips matched hers' and I felt everything tighten I took a deep breath and forced my release back. I needed to feel this a while longer. The connection, the warmth, the love. Her head fell to my chest as she rocked harder.

"Edward, please," she whispered, and I wasn't sure if I was meant to hear it or not, but regardless I pressed up into her harder, squeezing her fingers in mine as we both climbed the mountain of pleasure. Her hips moved more frantically momentarily, and a tiny moan of pleasure escaped her lips as I felt her muscles clench around me, pulsing, as her back arched slightly, and her fingers held mine tighter still. I felt her legs pull me further into her still and I let my orgasm wash over me, my release strong, and hot inside of her. And I felt her fall to my chest, her breathing heavy, our chests heaving together from the exertion. I untangled my hands from hers and wrapped my arms around her, rolling onto our sides and slipping from her, sighing sadly at the loss of intimacy. I traced my fingers up her rib cage, slowly reveling in the feel of her, in how she made me feel. My fingers found her face in the half light and I smiled to myself, tracing every line, learning every detail, committing Bella to memory for all eternity. And she did the same to me. The soft pads of her tiny finger flitted over my jaw, across my high cheek bones. They curved softly around the lines of my eyes, over the straight slope of my nose. Her finger tips softly parted my lips and I laid a kiss to them gently, reverently. Basking in the moment. And then I pulled the covers over us and snuggled deep into the bed, holding her so close I wasn't sure she could breathe.

"That was…" she whispered, "that was, wow…" she kissed my chest and tilted her face to look at me. "I love you," she whispered, softly touching her rosy lips to mine.

"I'm not sure love is a strong enough word,"


	34. Scared & Smiles

_**OK, first of all I'm going to ask you all to take a look at another story that is out there. "Unraveled Knot" is listed under Twisted Coincidence's profile and is collaboration between her and Between the Buildings. READ IT. It's incredible. The characters have depth like I've never seen before, and they keep you right on the edge of your seat waiting for the solution to the mysteries laid out in the plot. It is so not your typical Edward/Bella story but it is SOOOO worth the read (and the reviews! Writers LOVE reviews!)**_

**Thanks to my awesome beta! I couldn't do it without you... Adrena finds ALL my many mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

**Edward's Point of View**

I knew I had to talk to my mother. I didn't have a choice. Bella would not feel comfortable in my house or with my family until I did.

And I hated going head to head with my mother. My mother had stood by me every day. Perhaps a bit too overprotective, but Esme meant well and she had done nothing but try to keep me from getting hurt again. I had left Bella sleeping soundly in my bed and padded down to my father's study. I stopped at the door when I heard voices. My father's voice was hushed but firm. My mother's was shrill. I could imagine how they were positioned; Dad in his chair, hands folded in front of him, looking at my mother over his glasses. Mom standing, leaning over the desk, hands flat on the wooden surface. It was how they always were when they fought. And this was definitely a fight.

"Edward has been to hell and back. He can't risk getting hurt again," my mother's voice was raised just above a shrill whisper.

"Do you not hear yourself? He needs to be allowed to live. You want to keep him in a cushy little bubble? You can't do that, Esme?"

"She hurt him. She's already hurt him once. She left!"

"He drove her away from what I hear. Edward admits it himself. It was a misunderstanding. He's trying and he needs you to support him."

I was strangely grateful to my dad at that moment. Although Carlisle and I had never been particularly close, I appreciated him being on our side for this. I had always had that typical middle child syndrome. I wasn't the oldest, and I wasn't the youngest. Emmett got our parents' attention from the beginning because he was athletic and popular. Not that I hadn't been, but Emmett had always done everything first. Alice on the other hand; she was the baby, and the only girl. And what a Daddy's girl she was. My mother began to spend a lot more time with me after the accident, more out of obligation than anything else. I never felt second rate or unloved, but sometimes I did feel a bit invisible. Now, suddenly I was the center of attention and I wasn't sure I liked it.

"…Won't be perfect," I heard my father hiss. "Hell, our relationship is far from perfect, but it doesn't mean I love you any less. I can see it. He loves her, and she feels the same way. I think Edward has put her through enough that if she didn't, she would have hightailed it out of there long before now."

"Carlisle!" My mother punctuated his name with such force that even I was taken aback. "I can't go through that again. I can't watch that again."

"I Esme. It's all about I, me, I. It's always about you. It always has been where Edward was concerned. I don't know why but it's getting a bit ridiculous. You can't go through it again. What about Edward? What about what makes him happy? Frankly I'm over the moon that he's found her. I don't get the impression she's going to flake out on him."

I couldn't take the tension anymore. I knocked softly on the door to the study and stepped in. The room was dark; blinds drawn, and I was right. My father sat in his chair, staring at my mother down over his glasses. My mother was directly in front of him, face fierce. Her head turned and her face softened, by the fierceness was still evident in her eyes.

"Edward," she said softly, straightening up and patting her hair. "What are you doing wandering around?" She smoothed the front of her slacks and crossed her arms over her chest. "I thought you were in bed."

I shrugged. I had been. The day had drained me emotionally. I had skipped out on supper to sleep some more. Bella had left with Alice and Rosalie to get something to eat but she'd been back for hours, curled into my side, sleeping restlessly. It was remarkably late, but I needed to talk to my mother immediately. "I think we need to talk," I told her, closing the door and crossing the room to sit in one of my father's leather chairs. "Maybe Dad should stay too."

I stretched my legs out in front of me and gave my mother a pointed look. She sat down primly on the edge of her chair and gave me a worried, almost scared look. "What do you need to talk about?"

"How about we start with what you two were talking about before I came in." I tried to keep the anger from my voice but I knew it showed in my body language. My fingers ached from how hard I was clenching my fists.

"Edward," my father warned. But Esme waved her hand to quiet him.

"How much did you hear?" She sounded ashamed. My mother wasn't stupid. She may have had her own ideas about things, but it didn't mean she didn't see the things that were staring her in the face.

"I got the basic idea," I told her coldly. I turned to my dad and gave him a tight smile, trying to show that I understood that he wasn't on my mother's side. "I won't stop seeing her," I told her. My mother's eyes were devoid of emotion, flat, watching me. "I don't know what you think you're protecting me from, but Dad is right. I can't live in the bubble anymore. None of us dealt with things correctly the first time, and it has fucked,"

"Edward!" Esme gasped.

"Everything up," I continued. "We ignored it and it could have ruined what Bella and I have. I'm not willing to take that risk. I took your advice, I told her everything. She is completely supportive of me." I stared her down, flat green eyes meeting flat green eyes. "I think it's time I got some support from my mother as well."

"I just don't think you're thinking this through," Esme stated, looking to my father for support. He shook his head. "I'm afraid you're rushing into something."

"Before you met Bella, you were fine with me having a girlfriend. Once you met her that opinion started to change. What don't you like about her?"

Esme sighed and reached out to pat my hand. I pulled away. "I'm sure Bella is a lovely girl," Esme started and I grimaced at her tone. "But I'm not sure she's entirely stable enough for you. She seems to have a bit of a flare for the dramatic from what I hear. And with everything in your past, I think you should hold out for someone steady."

Was she kidding? Bella? Dramatic? I thought back over the past weeks I'd spent with Bella. So my mother had a point. Bella could be a bit dramatic; the first night I found her at the harbour, the night she stalked away down the street from Tanya and me, before we'd left for Chicago and I annoyed the pants off of her until she left. She could be a bit dramatic, but it was usually warranted, and it didn't bother me after the fact.

"Alright Mother. First of all, the dramatics are nothing I can't handle. Secondly, I don't care what the hell you think, however I do care what she thinks and right now, she's not comfortable because you are being so god damned cold! Easter dinner is tomorrow afternoon, and I need you to be nice to her. Make her feel welcome. Because this is the woman I love, and you will need to deal with that."

The silence was deafening. I could hear the hum of every electronic in the house whirring in the air around us. And then my mother spoke, so quietly I needed to lean forward to hear her.

"Charlotte's family is coming for dinner. I feel that it is you who is being cold and heartless, Edward Cullen."

**Bella's Point of View**

I woke late in the evening, or maybe early in the morning, to realize that Edward was just climbing back into bed. I hadn't registered him leaving and I wondered how long he'd been gone. He placed a soft kiss to my forehead and laid down beside me, flat on his back, hands behind his head in a very un-Edward like position. I propped my head up on my elbow and looked at him.

"What's the matter?" I knew the worried, over stressed look on his face far too well. He didn't open his eyes and he didn't turn towards me, but he did answer.

"Charlotte's parents are coming for dinner."

I felt like the bottom of my stomach fell out. Not for me, but for him. For what this meant for him. Ok… so maybe for me too. I'd never felt so much like a replacement as I did now. I flipped over onto my stomach and turned my head in his direction.

"Are you scared?" I wasn't sure what possessed me to say it, and I feared the repercussions as soon as the words left my mouth, but his response surprised me.

"Yes," he admitted quietly. I'd expected him to deny that he feared anything. I figured with that tiny moment of honesty that maybe I should continue.

"What are you scared of?" I propped myself up on my elbow and traced my fingers over his shoulder softly. He made a face, and his eyes popped open to meet mine, glazed but not hard. He blinked twice to focus in on me and sighed.

"I…" he paused and chewed his lip in concentration and I heard his teeth grind together. "I guess I'm afraid of what I'll see. I'm scared of what kind of memories will come crashing back." He pulled one hand from behind his head and grasped my smaller one, stilling the movements of my finger tips. "I'm afraid that I haven't faced all of my demons. I'm ashamed of what I became, and….I don't know. That all sounds pretty pathetic doesn't it?" He laughed humourlessly.

"No," I shook my head, thinking of the best response. "I think that you're right, and this is only the beginning of a really long road, but I think that if Charlotte was a product of her upbringing, then her parents are going to be glad that you're coming to terms and moving on." I leaned close and kissed his temple softly. "It helped a lot once you talked to Alice and Emmett, right?" I smoothed his hair off of his forehead and waited for a response. He nodded awkwardly. "This might be a good thing," I told him, collapsing on my arm, graceless as usual, and snuggling into his side. He took a shaky breath and pulled me tighter to his side.

"Promise me something, Bella," he whispered into my hair.

"Anything," I told him.

"Promise me you won't leave," he pleaded, his voice shaking to the point where I was afraid it was going to break. It broke my heart to hear the tremble, and it broke my heart that he had to ask, but he needed to hear it, and for the very first time I acknowledged what I'd known somewhere inside me all along. So I sucked in a breath, hugged him just a little bit tighter and whispered,

"I'm not going anywhere."

************************************************************

Eventually we fell back into a peaceful slumber. Edward fell asleep first, because I remember dozing off, my head rising and falling with his soft, rhythmical breaths. It seemed all too soon that his mother was tapping at the door. Edward and I padded into the dining room together to see a group of people, easily as groggy as we were hunched over cereal and coffee. I remembered my mother always making gigantic, strange foods for breakfast on holidays but Alice had told me that her mother put all the effort into the late lunch. I poured myself a bowl of Cheerios and sloshed some coffee into a cup before sitting down across from a rather stressed looking Emmett. He kept sending nervous looks towards Rosalie, who was shoveling Shreddies into her mouth at an alarming rate and gulping orange juice like it was her life's essence. It was very strange. Emmett gave me a worried glance and I tried to smile, but I was sure it came out much like a grimace. Rosalie was too close to the edge for her own good.

Alice was sitting beside Rose, picking at whatever she was eating, her free hand never leaving her coffee cup. She lowered her face close to the steaming liquid, wrapped her lips around the edge of the cup and tipped it up, the bottom never fully leaving the table.

"Alice Cullen! What on earth do you think you are doing? Have you lost all of your manners?" Esme nearly shrieked from the doorway and Alice looked up at her, somewhat guiltily, her messy hair making her look even more tired and crazy than she already did.

"Sorry," she mumbled to her cereal and I watched Jasper stifle a chuckle.

"Late night last night?" Edward asked in a fake cheerful voice as he sat down beside me and took a huge bite of toast. Alice just groaned. "That is code for, Alice met some old friends from Chicago for a night she doesn't quite remember," Edward joked as he stirred his coffee and clinked his spoon loudly.

"I swear to fucking God, Edward," Alice threatened in her strangled mumble. The entire table, including Rosalie burst out laughing. Esme shrieked at her about language from the kitchen. Alice muttered something about pitches only dogs could hear, again to her cereal bowl.

"We know where you get it then," Emmett replied, giving her a grin that may have been genuine.

"We're having guests for dinner," Carlisle announced as he settled himself down at the end of the large table, coffee and the news paper in hand. "Alice, you'll want to freshen up a bit." She shot him a dirty look but nodded carefully and leaned into Jasper's shoulder.

I rose from the table with my bowl and cup, and headed for the kitchen, steeling myself for the cold shoulder from Esme. I rinsed the bowl and went to put it in the dishwasher before she finally spoke.

"Good morning Bella," she said kindly and I looked over my shoulder at her, nearly dropping the bowl.

"Good morning, Esme," I replied with a bit of surprise. And then remembering my manners I continued. "Thank you for having me for the weekend. I really appreciate it." I closed the door to the dishwasher and turned to see her leaning on the counter looking at me. "Is there anything you need help with for dinner?"I asked, trying hard to let her see that I meant no harm, wishing I understood why she seemed to dislike me so much.

"Do you know how to fold napkins?" I gave her an odd look. I'd been living on my own for a couple of years, I was quite sure I could fold a square of linen. "Into swans?" She pressed, and recognition dawned on my face I was sure. I slowly shook my head. I had Renee for a mother. I wasn't even sure if she knew what napkins were. "No matter," she replied to my head shake. "Alice will show you.

Alice!" she called in the loud, slightly pitchy voice that seemed to be reserved for hung-over Alice alone. I heard a distinct moan from the dining room and a round of quiet chuckles. "I want you showered and dressed in the next thirty minutes. You and Bella are folding napkins!"

Esme turned and smiled, slightly more genuinely than she had been, in my direction. "Thanks for bringing in your dishes. Go have another cup of coffee. I'll be out in a moment."

I hurried away, trying not to look too relieved, yet excited that the snippet of conversation had gone better than I had expected. Folding napkins with Alice wouldn't be too bad, and it would be quiet.

****************************************************************

Boy was I wrong! Folding napkins was actually really tough, and apparently post shower, Alice was her normal over-active self, who apparently took the presentation of a table very seriously. I began referring to her as the Napkin Nazi in my head. The swans took two napkins each, and tinfoil. Apparently I wasn't the perfectionist that Alice was and I got lectured about the edge of the tinfoil more than once, as well as the length of the neck.

"Bella, for the fourth time," Alice began, as she folded what seemed like her millionth napkin. "The curve of the neck needs to be soft. Have you ever seen a swan with a pointy neck?"

"I'm not sure I've ever seen a swan, to be honest, Alice," I replied. She rolled her eyes.

"Your last name is Swan, I'm sure people have sent you countless pictures of them. Regardless, they are not pointy!"

She finished off the tail of the one she was working on and began the next one. I tried, (and failed) to curve out the neck of mine. Now, any normal person (a.k.a. not Alice) would have realized that I was an utter failure at making swan napkins and told me to leave, but because Alice was not a normal person, she insisted I stay and continue to attempt the stupid linen birds.

"It looks like a chicken," she said to one of my attempts. I grimaced and turned it around in my hands. It didn't look like much, but it certainly did not look like a chicken. In fact a chicken would have been an improvement.

"I give up," I finally said, after what seemed like the thousandth failed attempt. Finally Alice nodded, and finished off the last one.

"We're done anyway, and I think you managed to make two. When we get back to Seattle, Rose and I are showing you how to make these properly." I mentally groaned and hurried off to shower before the company arrived.

Later that afternoon I was sitting in the front room with Alice; I was nursing my first glass of wine, she was downing her third. Edward was sitting in the armchair across from me, swirling the ice cubes around in the bottom of his glass, and kept looking at it, as if thinking that by some sort of miracle the drink would refill. He looked very uncomfortable.

There were voices coming from the kitchen. Guests were starting to arrive and Emmett was playing host and taking coats and what not. Every time the door opened, Edward visibly tensed. I wanted nothing more than to touch him and relax him, and rescue him. Take him away from this horrible angst he was feeling. But I knew I couldn't. Knew I had to sit idly by and watch as he fought the dragons from his past, with nothing but his sword and courage. There was nothing I could do. And I'd never felt more helpless in my life as I did in that moment.

The door opened once more and Emmett's normally booming voice was far more subdued. I heard him say something in a hushed tone and leaned to see more clearly into the foyer. He was hugging a short, plump woman with one arm, while taking the pie she held in the other. He released her, and held his hand out stiffly to a portly man who appeared to be in his mid forties. He shook his hand, still speaking in his very un-Emmett-like hushed voice. Edward sat up straighter, the movements of his hands ceasing, the ice in his glass tinkling with the involuntary shaking of his hand. So these were Charlotte's parents.

Esme greeted the newest guests happily and took the pie from Emmett, before he ate it most likely. "It's wonderful to see you!" she gushed, hugging first the woman and then the man. "Drinks?" I didn't hear the responses, but instead was drawn back to Alice, who was taking Edward's glass from his trembling hand, and reaching for mine as well.

"Refills," she muttered as she walked away, just a tiny bit unsteady. Edward shot me a weary look and I think he tried to smile; it was hard to tell though.

"Bella," he all but croaked. He cleared his throat and tried again. "Bella," and he shook his head. He rose awkwardly (I'd never seen Edward move anything but gracefully) and crossed the room to sit beside me on the uncomfortable sofa. He reached for my hand and laced his fingers with mine."You're staying, right?"

I laughed a little bit at his question. "Where else would I go?" I asked, running my thumb back and forth over his hand. I wasn't sure what to think of this insecure Edward. I tried to get my head around what had happened, to put myself in his shoes and feel what he was feeling, but I couldn't. He gave me a sharp look and exhaled heavily through his nose. "Of course I'm staying," I reassured him, turning my head to kiss his shoulder. He nodded, and seemed to relax a bit.

Alice returned with our drinks, and took over Edward's place in the stiff backed chair, her leg never ceasing its constant bouncing. I could hear Rosalie chatting someone up in the next room, and Emmett's booming laugh. Jasper joined us quickly after Alice refreshed our drinks and leaned against the back of her chair. They looked like a weird, twenty-first century oil painting. I supposed Edward and I looked quite similar, too stiff, too formal, and too serious for a holiday meal.

Eventually Esme called us all to dinner. Edward held my hand the whole time, looking a whole lot younger than he really was, his eyes wide and sad, his posture stooped with nerves. Esme introduced us to everyone, though I didn't get many names. The stout couple who had come in last were, as I suspected, Charlotte's parents, Mr. and Mrs. Vasquez. Her brother apparently stayed at school for the holiday. Esme introduced me as "Edward's Bella," which I found quite odd, but they greeted me with smiles, albeit laced with sadness.

"Bella helped Alice with the napkins," Esme announced, rather shrilly as usual, to the table.

"Well, hardly," I blushed, looking at my plate and accepting the gravy boat from Jasper on my left. "Alice did most of them."

"Bella made a napkin chicken!" Alice exclaimed a little bit too enthusiastically. I blushed redder, and even Edward laughed. After that the conversation flowed nicely, we discussed our majors, politics, the house Esme is helping to remodel, and of course Carlisle's work at the hospital.

I was helping clear the dessert dishes before anything really happened. Mrs. Vasquez was helping bring in the plates and she cornered me against the dishwasher. "Bella, right?" Her voice was sweet, kind, and quite curious.

"Yes," I said, extending my hand. "It's a pleasure to finally meet you." I wasn't sure what else to say.

"Edward's Bella?" She was holding the plates and her hand shook a bit. She set the shaking plates on the counter. I blushed at her comment and merely nodded. What was I supposed to say?

"How did you meet?" Her dark eyes assessed me, up and down, meeting my eyes, then resting on my fumbling hands, and back again to my face.

I couldn't very well tell her the real story. It wasn't something you told your boyfriend's dead girlfriend's mother, so I took a deep breath and smiled at her. "We met at a party that Alice threw. My roommate asked me to go with her, but I'm not a big partier. I guess Edward and I have that in common." The answer seemed to satisfy Mrs. Vasquez, though she appeared as though she would have been happier to hear that we'd met at knitting club.

"Has Edward told you that he used to date my daughter?" I saw tears form in her dark eyes.

"He did," I replied quietly. "And I'm so very sorry for your loss."

She nodded somberly. "He took the loss of Charlotte hard," she continued, in her soft voice. "So did the rest of us, as you can imagine. My husband and I…well we haven't been the same since, but that's not the matter at hand." She reached out and touched my shoulder. "Edward deserves to be happy, Bella. I hope you can help him."

**Edward's Point of View**

Dinner was tense, but the conversation flowed with all of the extra guests there. I had tried to avoid the gazes of Mr. and Mrs. Vasquez all night, but I knew the confrontation was inevitable. They hadn't seen head nor tail of me since I'd left for Seattle. So of course, after dessert was over, the Vasquez's asked me into the front room, and I couldn't very well refuse.

"It's very good to see you again, Edward dear," Mrs. Vasquez told me, leaning in to give me a hug. I returned it a bit awkwardly and shook Mr. Vasquez's hand. The energy in the room was tense and I would have given anything for Bella to be sitting beside me, but I knew I had to do this alone.

"Bella seems like a lovely girl," Mr. Vasquez said gruffly, smoothing his bushy mustache with his chubby fingers. I nodded in agreement.

"You didn't need to stay away so long, Edward," Mrs. Vasquez said softly. "Charlotte wouldn't have wanted you to alienate yourself from your family on her account. Family was always so important to her."

I realized that a month ago, I would not have been able to hear that sentence without cringing or lashing out, and was for once, impressed with the progress I'd made, with Bella's help of course. I regarded the couple sitting near me closely. At one point they had been a unit, inseparable, loving and adoring. Now they seemed distant, even at such a close proximity to each other. As though the glue which had once held so fast and sticky was drying up and they were drifting apart. And I wondered if they took their own advice, because they seemed quite alien to me.

"It's been hard," I told them, folding my hands in front of me and looking directly at them. "For a long time I truly believed that I couldn't feel like that ever again, and that it was my fault, and if anyone knew what I had done, that they would view me as a monster. I couldn't give love, and so I couldn't be loved. But that's not true, and Bella, and my friends and family eventually showed me that. Especially Bella. When I pushed her away, she came back, albeit, confused, angry and scared. When I told her what happened, she loved me more, not less. She supports me, even when I'm intolerable. She understands me, and when she doesn't, she asks. And my brother and sister, and even Jasper and Rosalie, they're my constant support system. I never realized it until just the other day, but they always have been. Even when my family did something that annoyed me, I realize now, they were just trying to help."I took a deep breath and looked at the couple sitting next to me. "I love Charlotte, I always will. But now it is a different kind of love. It is the kind of love where I am completely and utterly thankful that I had the honour of knowing her and loving her and learning from her. I miss her. Of course I miss her, but I've realized that it's time to take the next step on my journey. My journey didn't stop when I was seventeen, it kept going, but I sort of….missed out on part of it. I don't want to miss out on anymore."

Everyone was quiet for a long while after I finished saying my peace. I wasn't entirely sure where the words came from, but I knew them to be entirely true. It was time to continue down the path that had started to be cleared for me. And I knew that the people I loved, and who loved and supported me, would be there every step of the way to carry me when I got tired, to pick me up when I fell, and to urge me on when I wanted to turn around. Bella would be there to hold my hand, to climb the steep hills, and to roll down the other side. I could, in my mind's eye, imagine her, happily lying in the grass, eyes closed, dark curls haphazardly cast around her, the sun lighting up her face. And I smiled.


	35. Happy & Homebound

**Thanks to my awesome beta! I couldn't do it without you... Adrena finds ALL my many mistakes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Twilight or any of the characters. I do however own White Carpet and Wall Sconces.**

_**Edward's Point of View**_

I felt lighter than I had in years, after I'd made the discovery of my "journey". The next morning when we were getting ready to go back to Seattle, to go _home_, I'm sure that I was almost irritating in my jubilance. Everyone was giving me strange looks, except for Jasper, who seemed to understand what was going on in my head, but even he, after a while was giving me the typical "Dude, calm the fuck down," Jasper speech. "You're rampin' everybody up man."

"He's like Scrooge on Christmas morning," Rosalie noted as Emmett put the last bag in the mini-van and pulled her into a hug.

"I much prefer that Scrooge to the one skulking around on Christmas Eve," Emmett replied. I flipped him the bird and bounded up the steps to hug my mother and father.

If I was being completely honest with myself, I knew I was coming to terms with my past. I _had_made real progress in the last few days, I still had a long way to go. I needed to learn not to doubt myself, not to blame myself for things out of my control, and to live more everyday than I had been. But I wanted to go _home_ to learn those things, and although Chicago had once been my home, my home was now in Seattle, with my friends, my brother and sister, and with Bella.

"Let's go!" Emmett called from the driver's seat. Rosalie sat primly beside him, both of them already having said their goodbyes. Alice came flying out of the house, scarf flying behind her, coat not quite zipped up, and threw herself at my father, hugging him, kissing his cheek and whispering something in his ear that made him smile. She hugged our mother, zipped up her jacket, and hurried to the car, Jasper in tow. Jasper was attempting to say his thanks while being dragged away by an impatient pixie.

"We understand, Jasper!" Carlisle called after him, as Jasper apologized profusely for Alice's behaviour. That boy was a saint, through and through.

Bella had hugged Esme and then Carlisle and was following Jasper and Alice to the car when I got to the top of the stairs. Esme pulled me to her chest and I inhaled her comforting "mom" smell while I hugged her back. "I'm so sorry, honey," she whispered. "If you need anything, you know where we are."

I nodded and hugged her tightly once more before backing away and smiling. "Thank you," I told her quietly and she smiled her sad Esme smile. I moved over to my father and hugged him briefly.

"I'm proud of you, Edward," he told me in his steady, Carlisle voice. "You've been through a lot but you've survived. You're tough. Take care of yourself, and be good to Bella."

I nodded in agreement. "I will. I promise." And with that, I turned my back and strode toward the car.

As much as it pained me to say it, my parents, the people who raised me and loved me unconditionally were no longer my present. They were my past. They would become _part _of my present but would represent another role. They had loved me and nurtured me into the man I had become. They would always be important to me and I would always love them, but it was finally time to cut those apron strings and step into the world alone.

I climbed into the backseat beside Bella and Jasper slid the door shut. Alice waved like a lunatic at our parents watching from the front step of our family's home. We all laughed at her enthusiasm. How could we not? And then we were cruising down the street and around the corner, back into the city and towards the airport.

Emmett had found some god awful hip-hop station and Alice was bopping along to the beat of something I'd never heard of before, and something I never wanted to hear again. Rose was sitting in the passenger's seat, holding Emmett's free hand, head leaned back against the seat with a small smile playing on her lips. I hoped she was figuring things out. Jasper sat in front of me, watching Alice, every so often chuckling to himself at her antics and looking very much in love. I thought back over the past few months that Jasper had been in our lives, and how my opinion of him had done a complete one-eighty. He'd gone from the irritating, stupid frat boy who was trying to corrupt my little sister, to an important part of the intricate web that was my family. Emmett looked comfortable, driving the mini-van and holding Rosalie's hand, his face not quite as pinched looking as it had been over the weekend, his booming laugh making a comeback.

And then I looked to my right. And really looked. Bella was leaning forward, whispering something in Alice's ear as Alice bopped along. The mischievous glint in her eyes told me something was up and I wondered what it was. Alice laughed at whatever it was Bella was saying, and Bella giggled right along with her. There were moments when I desperately wished I could read Bella's mind. I was aware that there was still so much she wasn't telling me, that there was so much more to learn about her, and I looked forward to nothing more than gaining that knowledge.

I hadn't told anyone about my conversation with Charlotte's parents. I wasn't sure I wanted to. It was my epiphany, and it shouldn't really matter to anyone else. The fact was that I was ready to move on, one hundred percent, and that I would move on with Bella at my side.

Emmett pulled into the car rental drop-off and cut the engine. Alice's bopping stopped and everyone clambered out.

_**Bella's Point of View**_

We'd pulled up to car rental place and we all piled out of the mini-van, Alice still giggling to herself about God only knows what. She lost me after the first sentence. I was sure it had something to do with Jasper in a toga but I could have been pretty mistaken.

Rosalie seemed to be in a much better mood, and Emmett seemed much more relaxed than he had in a while. Hopefully Rose was figuring things out. No one but Rose could honestly make the decisions, and they were tough decisions to be making at twenty-three. She wasn't talking much about it, but judging by the knowing looks she and Emmett were sharing, I was sure she had at least discussed it with him.

The Edward I woke up next to _this_ morning seemed like a totally different person compared to the guy I'd woke up next to the morning before and I was a little bit on edge about how long that would last. How he could truly believe he'd aired all of his dirty laundry and dealt with it all was beyond me. It wasn't possible to do a complete one-eighty over night. I feared that this was the calm before the storm, but didn't want to mention it for fear of being deemed unsupportive. I loved him regardless; of this I was completely sure.

Alice yanked me out of my thoughts with a very violent tug on my arm. "Bella! Come on, we have to go. Apparently _I_ made us late and we might miss our plane? I think Edward is being mellow dramatic, but since when is that new?" Her babble continued as she dragged me towards the shuttle that was taking us to the airport and shoved me in. "I don't know what she was doing," Alice said, as though I wasn't there. "Found her day dreaming about God knows what. I had to call her name three times!"

"I'm right _here, _Alice," I reminded her, settling in beside her and buckling my seatbelt.

"It's twenty feet, Bella. I don't think the seatbelt is necessary," Alice said, turning to look at Jasper and tell him something.

"It's much further than twenty feet. If it were twenty feet we'd be walking."

"Probably not," Edward interjected. "Alice made us _really_ late."

Alice turned to stick her tongue out childishly at him and the van lurched forward. Rosalie cursed under her breath and Alice shrieked.

"Should have worn your seatbelt," I muttered under my breath.

Emmett was jumping out before the van stopped moving, grabbing bags from the back while we all hurried out behind him. Alice ran ahead, her carry-on bumping against her side as she ran, looking as harried as she had when she first left the house. Edward laughed outwardly at her antics. Rosalie dug out both hers and Emmett's tickets and handed him his with a stern look. I shook my head at them. Jasper seemed to be keeping a pretty low profile but stayed with the group, away from his crazy girlfriend.

"Is it too early to ask her to marry me?" I heard him ask Edward as we all hurried along. Edward's steps stopped abruptly and he turned to look at Jasper, looking nervous and a little bit excited. Edward's face twisted into a look I didn't recognize and then his features smoothed.

"No way, man. I think it's perfect timing. No one else will put up with her."

Jasper exhaled loudly and nodded.

Edward slipped his hand into mine and kissed my temple. I thought back on how far we had all come in the last couple of months. Jasper was willing to ask Alice to be his wife, to spend the rest of her life with him. Edward was willing to accept Jasper into the family easily, a far cry from when he thought he was a toga wearing, beer drinking frat boy idiot. Rosalie was hopefully coming to terms with everything, and she had Emmett to help her along the way.

And Edward and I were good. Maybe we weren't ready for marriage like Jasper and Alice, or ready to have the kids talk like Emmett and Rosalie, but we were good. We were whole, and we were on our way to settling into something real. We were ready to face everything head on. The good _and _the bad.

We handed over our tickets, went through the gates and everyone was in a very different place than when we'd crossed a similar threshold just days before. We were better, we were bigger, and we were stronger for it. Chicago had taught us all a whole lot.

_**Edward's point of view.**_

I had Bella's hand in mine, my family surrounding me, and a plane to board.

I was walking away from my past, and toward my future. The plane would land in Seattle and I would be home. Chicago, the place of my parents, my childhood, my roots, would be a place only to visit from that moment forward. The centre of the circle was reserved for the tiny brown eyed girl who never really left my side. It was for her that I would live, and would be a better person. I would live for her smiles, rejoice her successes, and cry when she cried. She was the reason I would wake up in the morning. Her very existence breathed life into me. I needed her like the world needed sun and rain and day and night.

I loved her flaws, the parts that made her real. Her dramatic outbursts, how she always squeezed the toothpaste from the middle (and _never_ put the cap back on), and the way she left her shoes strewn in the doorway. These were all little Bella quirks, and even if they irritated me, they were her and I loved her for them. I loved how she always meant well, how she gave me, and my family second chances, the way her body curved into mine when we slept, and the way she constantly pushed her glasses up the bridge of her nose. I loved Bella. Through and through. Because maybe Bella wasn't perfect, but who gets to say what perfection _really_ is? Maybe there is no such thing as perfect. Some people say fighting isn't perfect, but if you didn't fight, you couldn't make up. Some people would say that the way her hair fell in messy tendrils over her face first thing in the morning wasn't perfect, but I thought it was downright adorable. So maybe there was no such thing as perfect, or maybe there was. Maybe Bella didn't fit the mold for perfect. But that wasn't my concern. _Because Bella Swan, was perfect for me._


	36. Epilogue

****

**A/N: First of all I would like to thank everyone who has gone on this crazy Bella/Edward journey with me. It's been a long one, and hopefully it was worth it.**

**I would love to throw out a million and two thanks, hugs and "Awesome jobs!" to Adrena, my fabulous beta, and of course to Blynn who pushed me even when I was on the verge of giving up. Thank you both so much!**

**I can't believe this is it. The end. The part where all of the loose ends are tied up. Are any of you as nervous to read it as I was to write it? Perhaps there will be questions left unanswered, but isn't that how life goes? Nothing is ever really complete. I'll hopefully answer the most important ones, and leave you to make up the rest.**

**And so, without further ado, let me end this note, and with that, end this story. **

**EPILOGUE – Ten Years Later**

Bella stood in the kitchen of the two story town house, absentmindedly piling clean dishes as she took them from the dishwasher. She wasn't sure what to expect, but her mind was flying through the possibilities. She heard a knock on the door and Alice's voice shrill, so much like her mother's, as she scolded the little boy already running towards the kitchen.

"Elliot! Were you born in a barn? Take off your boots!" Bella laughed as the little boy rounded the corner of the counter, muddy foot prints behind him, and hugged her around the thigh.

"Bella, I'm sorry," Alice practically wailed as she pried the little boy off of her sister-in-law's leg.

Bella only shrugged. "It happens, Al," she told her, wiping her hands on the dishtowel and stacking the plates in the cupboard, out of harm's way. "Hi Elliot," she greeted Alice's three year old. "Think you could go with your mom and take those muddy boots off?" She smiled at the little boy and he nodded solemnly.

"Hey Bella," Jasper greeted her. He gave her a one armed hug and put the wine he'd brought down on the counter.

"Hi Jas," she replied, returning the hug and looking around him to find the little girl standing behind him. "Hi Molly, do you want a drink?" The little, dark haired girl shook her head silently and headed off in the direction of the living room.

"They're getting so big," Bella said as she poured Jasper and Alice drinks and took them to sit in the living room with Molly.

"I can't believe Molly starts grade one in the fall," Alice sighed with a shake of her head. It was incredible how much Alice

hadn't changed in the ten years since Bella had known her. Jasper had made the usual changes, a tiny bit of grey mixing in with the blond at his temples, a few more laugh lines around his bright, blue eyes. But apart from growing her hair out a bit, and putting on that tiny bit of post baby weight, Alice looked exactly the same as she had at twenty.

"Where's Eric?" Jasper asked. Bella gave a tired smile before answering.

"Sleeping," she replied. "I wish he'd do that at night."

Alice took another sip of her drink. "He's still not sleeping through the night?"

Bella laughed. "It's just _getting_ him to sleep. Once he's down, he sleeps. I didn't know two year olds could be such night owls."

"What time is Edward picking up Rose and Emmett?"

"They should be back just about any time," Bella replied. "I'm so happy for them!"

"They've waited a long time for this," Alice agreed, obviously having a hard time keeping still. Jasper grinned and put his hand on her leg. "I'm still upset they haven't sent _any_ pictures!"

"I can't think of two better parents," Jasper agreed. "And after everything, and finally making the decision, I'm sure they're both glad the waiting game is over."

Rosalie ended up making a very mature decision. She and Emmett decided to wait, to not get married until after Emmett had finished grad school, and after that, they would begin trying to get pregnant. She was aware that because she waited, the chances were greatly decreased that she would ever conceive. They had tried for a while before they decided to put their name on a list with various adoption agencies, both in the States and overseas. Quite recently they had been selected to adopt a little girl from China.

Alexis had only been in America for a few weeks. Currently Rosalie and Emmett were living near Baltimore, where Emmett had gotten fantastic job opportunity, but Edward was picking the new family up from the airport where they were coming to stay after a visit with Carlisle and Esme.

"That poor child will never want to fly again," Alice commented, setting her drink on the table and pulling Elliot onto her lap. He giggled and squirmed as she placed a kiss on the top of his head.

"I like planes," he told his mother happily.

"I know you do," Alice replied with a chuckle.

"I want to go on a plane soon," he informed her.

"We're going to visit Grandma and Grandpa Whitlock in June," she told him. "We'll go on a plane then."

"Okay!" the little boy said happily, sliding from his mother's lap to join his sister in front of the television once more.

"That would be Eric," Bella sighed at the soft cry coming over the baby monitor.

"You look tired, Bell," Alice commented. Bella only nodded and pushed herself up off the couch.

"He's high maintenance, just like his father," Bella said with a smirk. Alice and Jasper both laughed loudly.

"You pull no punches, Bella Cullen," Alice said with a grin.

Bella emerged a few moments later with a sleepy, auburn haired little boy on her hip. "Daddy will be home soon," she whispered in his little ear, and he snuggled further into her shoulder. "Thanks for refilling the drinks, Al." Alice only smiled in return.

Conversation flowed between the three adults, and eventually the three children were playing loudly on the floor behind them. The tension was thick as they all waited for Edward, Rosalie and Emmett to arrive, so when the sound of tires crunched over the asphalt outside, every eye in the room went to the window.

"They're here!" Alice squealed, jumping up and hurrying for the front door. She yanked it open to the grey, March afternoon in Seattle and stepped out onto the front step. Bella, with Eric, and Jasper, carrying a protesting Elliot were close behind. Edward and Emmett pulled the bags from the back of Edward's SUV and waited while Rosalie unbuckled the baby.

"Emmett!" Alice cried, running out and jumping on her big brother like they were still kids.

"Hey Al!" He greeted her back, dropping the bags to hug her tightly. "It's so much drearier here than in Baltimore. You should all move east," he announced, reaching around to hug Bella and shake Jasper's hand. Rose slammed the car door closed and came around the side of the vehicle. She was as lovely as ever, long blonde hair tied in a loose knot at the base of her neck, stylish glasses adorning her face, and a smile the size of Texas that lit her up like a Christmas tree.

"Everyone, meet Alexis," she said quietly, carrying the groggy, little, dark haired girl towards the group of people. Bella greeted Edward with a quick kiss on the cheek, and Alice looked back at her with a grin before lifting Eric into her own arms.

"You come with Aunt Alice and meet your new cousin," she told him. Rose and Emmett followed Alice and Jasper into the house, Alice chatting animatedly to Rose and her new baby.

"She's fifteen months old," Edward told Bella, wrapping his arm around her waist. "I think Eric was twice her size at that age." Bella giggled and nodded.

"I'm so happy for them," Bella told him, leaning into his side as he closed the door behind them.

"Me too," he told her, turning her face to kiss her softly on the mouth. "I am so lucky to have found you. And we are so lucky to have Eric, and such an amazing family. "

She smiled up at him adoringly. "I love you too, even that bad parts," she said with a smirk.

He laughed. "I love all your parts; Crazy Bella, Mommy Bella, Good Bella….even Bad Bella." He stopped and looked at her for a moment, as if contemplating something very serious. "_Especially_ Bad Bella," he decided.

She smacked his hand and laughed. "Go upstairs. We have guests."


End file.
